April 22, 2005

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Friday, April 22, 2005        Edition: #3018
Eat, Breath Sheet!

TONIGHT country stars Toby Keith, Vince Gill & Joe Diffie headline the “Oklahoma City National Memorial”, commemorating 10th anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing (April 19, 1995) . . . SUNDAY ABC-TV will try to squeeze every last buck out of the “Desperate Housewives” by adding a special episode to the end of the season, “Sorting Out the Dirty Laundry”, which will recap each character’s story to date . . . THIS WEEK Conservative MP Belinda Stronach had dinner with old pal Bill Clinton in Manhattan, sharing a table with actor Jack Nicholson & “CSI”/”Amazing Race” producer Jerry Bruckheimer (not since Trudeau has a Canadian politician had such famous friends) . . . At THIS WEEK’s celebration of “Time” magazine’s ‘100 Most Influential People’ issue, Martha Stewart wore slacks, apparently to conceal her electronic monitoring cuff (couldn’t she just knit a little ankle scarf?) . . . The theme from “Star Wars: Revenge of The Sith” will be released as a single called “Battle of the Heroes” (the original “Star Wars” theme by Meco was a big hit in 1977) . . . Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s nude love scenes have reportedly been cut from their upcoming film “Mr & Mrs Smith”, opening JUNE 10th (yeah, you don’t want those showing up in divorce court) . . . Actress Lindsay Lohan is the latest celeb sporting a ‘trout pout’ thanks to collagen injections to the lips, according to AwfulPlasticSurgery.com . . . “American Idol” judge Paul Abdul tells “People” mag that if she seems to be behaving a little loopy lately, it’s due to a rare neurological disorder that causes severe, debilitating pain (and the need for painkillers, no doubt) . . . And tabloids are claiming that Ben Affleck has bought gal-pal Jennifer Garner a 4.5-carat diamond engagement ring (apparently sloppy seconds are cheaper – he gave J-Lo a 6.1-carat pink diamond!).

• Alan Jackson – TONIGHT his “What I Do” tour kicks off at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Sara Evans is also on the bill. AJ’s busy today, also recording “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” THIS AFTERNOON.
• Coldplay – THIS WEEK at an exclusive London concert, singer Chris Martin climbed up onto a speaker and then dove 15 feet into a balcony just so he could hug Oasis pal Noel Gallagher.
• Gwen Stefani – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Mariah Carey – First-week sales of her new album “The Emancipation of Mimi” are her career best.
• Tracy Lawrence – SUNDAY he’ll kick off his 9th annual golf tournament in Texarkana TX with a pre-tourney show featuring Trick Pony. The event benefits the Alzheimer’s Association.
• Whitney Houston – She’s finished her month-long, court-ordered rehab at Eric Clapton’s exclusive Crossroads Clinic on the Caribbean island of Antigua and been transferred to another clinic near her Atlanta home. NEXT WEEK’s “National Enquirer” will claim her hubby Bobby Brown enjoyed sexual escapades with other women in Antigua while Whitney was in rehab.
• Wynonna – SATURDAY she & Julie Roberts perform at “Divas Nashvegas”, a Nashville charity event saluting local women who’ve created positive change in the community.

• “The Interpreter” (PG-13 Thriller): Nicole Kidman plays a UN interpreter who overhears terrorists discussing plans to assassinate an African president. Sean Penn plays the federal agent assigned to protect her, but he’s not entirely sure she’s telling the truth. This is the first film ever to shot inside the United Nations HQ, including scenes in the General Assembly and the Security Council. Filming was originally scheduled to take place in Toronto but NYC Mayor Bloomberg negotiated use of the real UN Building in exchange for the entire shoot moving to New York.
• “A Lot Like Love” (PG-13 Romantic Comedy): Ashton Kutcher & Amanda Peet play an odd couple who first meet on a cross-country flight. They don’t get along well at first but over the next 7 years they keep running into each other and eventually wonder whether they might be in love. Ashton Kutcher has promised “Access Hollywood” he’ll go back to modelling underwear if this turns out to be the weekend’s top-grossing movie.
• “King’s Ransom” (PG-13 Crime Comedy): Anthony Anderson (“Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle”) plays a millionaire in the middle of a nasty divorce who fakes his own kidnapping in order to avoid a huge settlement. Jay Mohr (”Last Comic Standing”) and Charlie Murphy (“Chappelle’s Show”) co-star. Partly filmed in Montréal.

1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Beyoncé
3. Angelina Jolie
– “Oxygen” magazine.

If the newly-elected pope wants his own Website, he’ll have to talk to Jacksonville FL technical writer Rogers Cadenhead. He purchased the rights to BenedictXVI.com on APRIL 1st – more than 2.5 weeks before Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger announced he would assume the papacy under the name Benedict XVI. Cadenhead says it was an educated guess because newly-elected popes often take the names of previous popes in honor of them. To cover the bases he also bought the rights to ClementXV.com, InnocentXIV.com, LeoXIV.com, PaulVII.com and PiusXIII.com. It’s paying off – he’s been getting 100 hits a minute on the site. (But he’s doomed to eternal hell.)
– “Wired News”

• TODAY actress Salma Hayek (“Frida”) joins an Inuit protest against global warming in Iqaluit
where about 1,000 people will form an ‘art project’ in the shape of a gigantic Inuit drum dancer, which will photographed from the air and distributed around-the-world. (Ironically, the heat generated by the large gathering and hovering aircraft will melt the polar icecap.)
• For a new ‘art exhibit’, a group of artists in Santiago, Chile has kidnapped a cow on its way to a slaughter house, then lifted it by crane to the rooftop of a 10-story building that’s been outfitted as a farm, complete with fences and pasture. The ‘art installation’ will last a week after which the cow will be released on a nature preserve. (Yeah, let’s set the world’s cattle population free … all 1.3 billion of them!)
• As part of a ‘live art exhibition’ at the DNA Gallery in Berlin, Germany, a 27-year-old woman has given birth in front of dozens of spectators. Her husband says the ‘existential work of art’ is a gift to humanity. The ‘artwork’, a healthy baby girl, has been named Audra. (Did they get a government arts grant for this?)

• An Argentine woman came home after a 3-month trip abroad to find a couple living in her house. The squatters not only moved in but redecorated the entire apartment, knocking down walls and putting in windows. The usurpers have been arrested but are now suing the rightful owner for close to $4,000 – to cover the cost of renovations! (Will this be on an upcoming episode of “While You Were Out”?)
• An entomologist with Britain’s Natural History Museum has discovered a new species, which traditionally grants him the rights to name it. Quentin Wheeler has proposed naming the variations of the new species after George Bush, Dick Cheney & Donald Rumsfeld (Agathidium bushi, A cheneyi & A rumsfeldi), an idea which has upset some because – it’s a slime-mold beetle. (Hey, it could’ve been pond scum!)

You share your birthday with about 18 million people.

“It took me something like 17 takes to get  it right, because it just looked wrong every time I did it.”  – “Sin City” actress Brittany Murphy telling “Maxim” magazine how gruelling acting can be, citing a scene in which she had to ‘flip the bird’ in the 2002 movie “8 Mile”.


1937 [68] Jack Nicholson, Neptune NJ, movie actor (3 Oscars–“As Good As It Gets”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, “Terms of Endearment”)  UP NEXT: Co-stars with Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon in Martin Scorsese’s “The Departed”, due in 2006.

1950 [55] Peter Frampton, Beckenham UK, classic rock singer/guitarist (“Show Me the Way”, “Baby, I Love Your Way”)

1971 [34] Kellie Coffey, Moore OK, country singer (“When You Lie Next To Me”, “Texas Plates”)

1979 [26] Daniel Johns, Merewether, Australia, rock singer/guitarist (Silverchair-“Diorama”)/married pop singer Natalie Imbruglia (“Torn”) in 2003
1967 [38] Heath Wright, Vian OK, country singer (Ricochet-“Blink Of An Eye”, “Daddy’s Money”)

Director Michael Moore (“Fahrenheit 9/11″) is 51; Comedian George Lopez is 44; Canadian MLB pitcher Rheal Cormier (Philadelphia Phillies) is 38.

Movie actress Shirley MacLaine (“Terms of Endearment”) is 71; Mystery author Sue Grafton (“R is for Ricochet”) is 65; Singer/actress Barbra Streisand (“Funny Girl”) is 63; Comedian/actor Cedric the Entertainer (“Johnson Family Vacation”) is 41; Pop singer Kelly Clarkson (“Since U Been Gone”) is 23.

TODAY is –
• The 35th annual “Earth Day”, begun in 1970 and now the largest environmental event worldwide with some 500 million people in over 160 countries participating in events that address environmental issues.
NET: http://www.earthday.ca
NET: http://www.earthday.net
• “National Jelly Bean Day”. Originally they only came in a few colors but nowadays you can get them in lip-smacking flavors like Toasted Marshmallow, Café Latte, Margarita, A&W Root Beer, Bubble Gum, Strawberry Cheesecake, Buttered Popcorn and Pina Colada.
NET: http://jellybelly.com

• “Passover”, the 8-day Jewish celebration beginning at sundown.
• “William Shakespeare’s Birth & Death Anniversary” (1564-1616).
• “Spring Cat Cleaning Day”, a day to give your cat a bath. Be careful!
• “Plumbers Day”. OK, let’s all do the plumber’s salute – drop your pants 2 inches!

SUNDAY is “World Lab Animal Day”, founded by the National Anti-Vivisection Society and recognized by the UN on behalf of the – quote – ‘billions of animals who are burnt, sliced, crushed, electrocuted, gassed, poisoned with toxic chemicals, psychologically tormented, and killed each year in laboratories around the world.’ (As opposed to those we just eat.)
NET: http://www.navs.org.uk

1976 [29] Barbara Walters becomes the first female network news anchor (ABC-TV pays her a then-fortune of $1 million/year)

1958 [47] Chickenfoot-shaped ‘Peace Symbol’ is introduced by British philosopher Bertrand Russell at an anti-nuclear demonstration in the UK (aka ‘Peace Sign’ or ‘24:7‘)

1969 [36] 1st ‘Human Eye Transplant’ (hey, keep an eye out for me, will ya?)

1994 [11] World’s ‘Largest Lollipop’ weighs in at 3,011 lbs (Olstrup, Denmark)

[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
[Sat-Sun] NFL draft
[Sun] Full Moon (Mating Moon, Hare Moon)
[Mon] St George’s Day Holiday (NL)
[Mon-Sat Apr 30] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Toronto ON)
[Mon-May 1] 11th TV-Turnoff Week
[Mon] Anzac Day (Australia/NZ)
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[May 5] British General Election
[May 17] BC Election
[June 27] Canadian Federal Election?
This Week Is . . . Crime Victims Week / Lefty Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month / Sea Cadet Month


• Whyzit that off-key singing fat guy who looks like a giant, scary baby hasn’t been voted off “American Idol” yet?
• Whyzit  toasters have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would ever eat?
• Whyzit we don’t call mustaches ‘mouthbrows’?
• Whyzit we have ‘hot water heaters’ when hot water doesn’t need to be heated?
• Whyzit  a dishtowel gets wet when it dries?
• Whyzit take 15 minutes to cook ‘Minute Rice’?

The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Akon – “Lonely”
2. Ciara – “Oh”
3. Usher – “Caught Up”
4. Mario – “Let Me Love You”
5. The Killers – “Mr Brightside”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

• If you could permanently eliminate one insect from Earth, which would you get rid of?
• How do you release frustration?
• What modern convenience should never have been invented?

Today’s Question: 48% of teens are regularly doing THIS by their graduating year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Working.         

Therapy is expensive; poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap.


Like this article?

Share on facebook
Share on Facebook
Share on twitter
Share on Twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on Linkdin
Share on pinterest
Share on Pinterest

Leave a comment