Friday, April 15, 2005        Edition: #3013
You’ve Got Yourself in Deep Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY “Canadian Idol” auditions warble in Moncton NB . . .THIS WEEKEND actor Tommy Lee Jones is heading up a team of US riders who will battle players from Europe and Argentina in the 1st “Miami Beach Polo World Cup” tournament, to be held on a special field built right on South Beach . . . SATURDAY 3-time Super Bowl-winning QB Tom Brady of the New England Patriots hosts NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live” with Beck as musical guest . . . “Sahara” star Matthew McConaughey tells “USA Today” he’d like to create a movie franchise based on more of author Clive Cussler’s books about adventurer ‘Dirk Pitt’ . . . “The Simple Life” co-stars Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie are reportedly splitting up, causing FOX-TV to hunt for a new partner for Paris on the show (Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen are said to be the dream match-up) . . . “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith” doesn’t hit movie screens until MAY 19th but Matthew Stover’s novelization based on the story is now in bookstores (so you can send a spoiler to your favorite nerd!) . . . “Maxim” magazine is airlifting 40,000 copies of the current issue featuring Brittany Murphy posing in lacy lingerie to troops in Iraq, accompanied by a personal note from the “Sin City” siren (seems ‘pin-ups’ didn’t end with WW2) . . . 48-year-old former “Sex & The City” star Kim Cattrall has a new endorsement deal to be the face of Bacardi’s new Island Breeze cocktails (proving all you need is one big hit in your career and you can milk it forever!) . . . “Arrested Development” star Portia de Rossi tells “Details” she’s having a ring-finger tattoo bearing the initials of ex-lover Francesca Gregorini (step-daughter of Ringo Starr) removed, a further sign her current relationship with Ellen DeGeneres is looking solid (save yourself pain, girl – just change the ‘F’ to an ‘E’, then squeeze in a ‘D’) . . . And America’s largest concert promoter, Clear Channel Entertainment, is promising to slash ticket prices THIS SUMMER in hope of reversing LAST YEAR’s trend of declining attendance (good idea, now maybe they can sell tickets without wearing masks).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – They’ve amassed so much material that their new as-yet-untitled studio CD may turn into a double album. They’re currently laying down tracks in a UK studio.
• Foo Fighters – Taylor Hawkins has a solo album coming out in SEPTEMBER under the name Coattail Riders. He also plays ELO and Yes cover tunes in weekly outings with a band called Chevy Metal.
• Joss Stone – She’s the latest celeb to pick up on the lap-dog craze. Her little white fluff-ball is named after ’60s pop singer Dusty Springfield.
• Miranda Lambert – TONIGHT the “Bring Me Down” singer does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Paul Brandt – He’s this year’s winner of the Country Music Association’s ‘Global Country Artist Award’. He’ll receive it JUNE 12th during his performance at the “CMA Music Festival” in Nashville TN.
• Reba McEntire – TONIGHT she kicks off her “Two Hats & a Redhead Tour” in Virginia Beach VA. Brad Paisley & Terri Clark will normally co-star, but THIS WEEKEND Joe Diffie is filling in for Clark, who’s winding up an Australian tour.
• Rob Thomas – TONIGHT he begins an 11-date cross-country club tour in San Francisco CA.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“The Amityville Horror” (R-Rated Horror Thriller): A young couple (Ryan Reynolds & Melissa George) and their children move into a house that was once the site of horrific murders. Over the next 28 days, they discover that the house is haunted by a murderous presence. A remake of the 1979 horror flick which starred James Brolin & Margot Kidder. Based on the true story of a family who moved into the DeFeo residence on Long Island, scene of the 1974 mass murder by Ronald DeFeo of his parents and 4 siblings.

BS HORROR MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE:
• When it appears that you have killed the bad guy, never check to see if he’s really dead.
• Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
• If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
• If you’re running from the bad guy, expect to trip or fall down at least twice … more if you are female.
• Beware of strangers bearing all tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, soldering irons, etc.
• If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
• If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
• Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
(Ask listeners for more!)

THIS WEEK’S CELEB FUNERAL BROUGHT TO YOU BY …
TODAY celebrities and dignitaries from around-the-world are expected for the funeral of Prince Rainier, who will be buried in Monaco’s 19th-century cathedral alongside his wife, former Hollywood star Grace Kelly. Palace insiders say Rainier left an estate of close to $4 billion, thanks in no small part to Monte Carlo’s casino. Word is Prince Albert and Princess Caroline will receive most of the chips – more than $1 billion each – while Princess Stephanie, whose romantic scandals caused much furor, will only get a measly $30 million or so. (Aw, poor widdle rich girl.)
– Broadcast News / UPI

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … reading the newspaper upside down can help you stay sharp. Regular, complex stimulation bolsters brain cells and sharpens wits. Other activities that might help – brushing your teeth with the opposite hand, and sleeping on a different side of the bed every night. (Or maybe with a different person?)
• Scientists say … a giant exploding star may have killed 60% of all sea life around 450 million years ago. (Just something else to worry about.)
• Scientists say … tiny particles linked to a number of painful and sometimes deadly diseases may be spreading around the globe by – hitching a ride in clouds. The particles, known as nanobacteria, are 100 times smaller than typical bacteria. (Even more to worry about.)
• Scientists say … losing weight could be as easy as listening to Mozart. Howzat? People who eat meals while listening to classical music tend to take smaller bites and chew their food slower, thereby consuming fewer calories. ([Co-host] refuses to try it cause he hates classical and he’s skinny anyway. You might say his Bach is worse than his bite. Or you might not.)

GEE, WHAT TO GET THE HAPPY COUPLE?
SATURDAY 42-year-old school teacher-turned-registered sex offender Mary Kay Letourneau is scheduled to wed her one-time 6th-grade student Vili Fualaau, who’s now 21. Letourneau was convicted of rape and sent to prison in Washington state for almost 7 years after she had an affair with her then-13-year-old student. They already have 2 daughters, one of them born in prison, and she and Vili both think one more baby would round out the family nicely. (And perhaps provide mommy with a future boyfriend!)
– “National Enquirer”

URBAN MYTHS ABOUT HAIR LOSS:
• Losing a handful of hair daily is a sign of male pattern baldness.
• Genetic baldness comes only from the mother’s side.
• Wearing hats causes hair loss.
• Standing on your head cures hair loss.
• Brushing your hair is better than combing it.
• Cutting your hair will make it grow back thicker.
• Excessive washing or blow-drying causes hair loss.
• Color treatment causes hair loss.
• Diet is related to hair loss.
• Stress causes hair loss.
– AskMen.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to acupuncturists, there is a place on the head that you can press to control the appetite. It’s located in the hollow just in front of the flap of the ear. (Studio experiment time!)

THE BULL SHEET 04.15.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [46] Emma Thompson, London UK, movie actress (“Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban”, Oscar-“Howard’s End”)/screenwriter (Oscar-“Sense & Sensibility”)

1968 [37] Ed O’Brien, Oxford UK, rock musician (Radiohead-“There There”, Creep”)

1990 [15] Emma Watson, Oxford UK, movie actress (‘Hermione Granger’ in the “Harry Potter” films)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (the next pope?) is 78; Original “Lonely” singer Bobby Vinton is 70; Movie actress Ellen Barkin (“Palindromes”) is 51; Movie actor Martin Lawrence (“Bad Boys”) is 40; TV actor Jon Cryer (“Two & a Half Men”) is 40.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Movie actor Sean Bean (“Lord of the Rings”) is 46; Rock singer Liz Phair (“Why Can’t I?”) is 38;
TV/movie actress Jennifer Garner (“Alias”) is 33; Former pop singer Victoria Beckham (Spice Girls) is 31.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Gripers’ Day”, a good day to have listeners call in with life’s little annoyances such as …
• TV ads for ‘feminine protection’ during the dinner hour.
• You get the nerve to go to the nude beach and find out it’s ‘Seniors Day’.
• You pay 30 cents extra for a cheeseburger and the cheese is stuck all over the wrapper.
• You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
• That tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper that never works.

TODAY is also –
• “IRS Income Tax Payday” in the USA (like you needed a reminder). Need an extension or last-minute tips? Go here …
NET: http://www.irs.ustreas.gov
• “Fast Food Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1955 opening of the 1st McDonald’s franchise in Des Plaines IL. At that time, hamburgers sold for a measly 15 cents.
• “Leonardo Da Vinci Day”, marking the 553rd anniversary (1452) of the birth of the Italian painter (“Mona Lisa”) and scientist credited with envisioning numerous inventions like the helicopter, optical lenses and, if you believe author Dan Brown, secret codes.
• “National Law Day”, an annual event recognizing the anniversary of the proclamation of the Canadian Charter of Rights & Freedoms 23 years ago in 1982.
• “Rubber Eraser Day”, honoring English chemist Joseph Priestley’s 1770 discovery that a small cube of latex could be used to correct screw-ups. He coined the word ‘eraser’.

SATURDAY is –
• “CPAs Goof-Off Day”, a day for accountants to chill out after the pressures of making the “Tax Day” deadline.
• “Eggs Benedict Day”, a day to enjoy heart-attack-on-a-plate: poached eggs topped with back bacon, served on toasted English muffins and slathered in Hollandaise sauce.
• “Stress Awareness Day”, focusing on one of the world’s leading health problems and a highlight of “Stress Awareness Month”.

SUNDAY is the “Super Cities Walk for Multiple Sclerosis”, a 1-day, non-competitive, 5-, 10-, and 15-km walk that takes place in over 150 communities across Canada to help the 50,000 Canadians who have multiple sclerosis. Wannabe participants can register online.
PHONER: 888.822.8467
NET: http://www.supercitieswalk.com

SUNDAY is also –
• “National Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to stop smoking, take out the trash, lose weight, empty the kitty litter, get a job, quit a job … whatever.
• “International Ford Mustang Day”, celebrating the trendsetting vehicle introduced in April ,1964.

THIS WEEKEND is the annual “World Grits Festival” in St George SC, celebrating that mushy gray stuff some people actually put in their mouths. Events include the obligatory ‘Grits Eating Contest’ and the ‘Rolling in the Grits Contest’.
NET: http://www.worldgritsfestival.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1983 [22] “Flashdance” starring Jennifer Beals opens in movie theaters

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1920 [85] 1st Canadian ‘Small Cent’ coin  FACTOID: Royal Canadian Mint estimates the typical Canadian household has a hoard of $24-worth of pennies tucked away in drawers & jars, which forces production of 700 million new pennies each year, each costing 1.4 cents to produce.

1975 [30] Canada’s 1st government-operated lottery ($1-million ‘Olympic Lottery’)

1977 [28] 1st MLB game at Montréal’s Olympic Stadium (‘The Big Owe’)

1738 [267] 1st ‘Bottle Opener’ (before that … teeth?)

1924 [81] 1st ‘American Road Atlas’ (Rand McNally goes on to become world’s largest mapmaker)

1934 [71] Shankweiler’s Drive-In opens in Orefield PA, the oldest, continuously running drive-in movie theater (now open for it’s 72nd consecutive season)
PHONER: 610.481.0800
NET: http://www.shankweilers.com

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Mon] 109th Boston Marathon
[Mon] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Mon] Teach Children To Save Day
[Mon] International Jugglers Day
[Tues] Garlic Day
[Tues] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Montréal)
This Week Is . . . Library Week / Building Safety Week
This Month Is . . . Sexually Transmitted Diseases Awareness Month (did you just get itchy?)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit the time of day with the slowest traffic is called ‘rush hour’?
• Whyzit the word ‘dictionary’ is in the dictionary?
• Whyzit your index finger is the same size as your nostrils?
• Whyzit there isn’t a special name for the tops of your feet?
• Whyzit Noah didn’t just swat those 2 mosquitoes?
• Whyzit ‘hemorrhoids’ aren’t called ‘asteroids’?

BS BRAIN STRAIN:
Q: How many customers ate in the 1st McDonald’s franchise in Des Plains IL when Ray Kroc opened it 50 years ago TODAY?
A: None, it was take-out only!

BS WEB GOODIE:
Here’s a free download of the parody song “Camilla Queen” by DogHorse, based on the classic Queen tune “Killer Queen”. It’s quite hilarious although you may need to do some editing – the lyrics get a tad explicit at times.
NET: http://stablesound.co.uk/mp3/camillaqueen.mp3

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Akon – “Lonely”
2. Ciara – “Oh”
3. Mario – “Let Me Love You”
4. Will Smith – “Switch”
5. The Killers – “Mr Brightside”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
• What thought or sentiment would you like to put into a million fortune cookies?
• If you could have anything of your choice delivered to your doorstep every morning, what particular item would you want it to be?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Let’s talk about things people do to annoy doctors. #1 is forgetting to shut off their cellphone. So what’s #6?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Talking to them while they’re wearing a stethoscope.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Don’t worry about what other people are thinking of you. They’re too busy worrying about what you are thinking of them.

 


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