Tuesday, April 12, 2005        Edition: #3010
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY they’ll be lining up in St John’s NL as “Canadian Idol” auditions hit town . . . FOX-TV has renewed “Cops” for an 18th season, making it one of the longest-running series on TV (they never run out of ‘guest stars’) . . . Pretty actors Orlando Bloom & Kate Bosworth have reportedly decided to put their romance on hold for a year (teen girls cheer!) . . . 73-year-old novelist  Clive Cussler may sue the producers of the movie inspired by his bestseller “Sahara” for as much as $90 million because, he claims, the film departs radically from the script he approved . . . Meantime, “Sahara” star Penelope Cruz says her favorite co-star to smooch on screen is – Charlize Theron (no wonder Matthew McConaughey is nuts about her!) . . . Former wildman-turned-straight-as-an-arrow prude Prince has signs posted at his Los Angeles mansion warning that any and all guests caught using drugs will be ejected – and yes, it has happened! . . . TLC’s original home makeover show, “Trading Spaces”, has a new format without host Paige Davis, likely because the series lost over a third of its audience in the last year (hey, you can’t play a show 10 times a week and expect it to last!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Avril Lavigne – She busted out a new cover of Green Day’s “American Idiot” at a concert in Melbourne, Australia. Reviews say it was hot.
• The Eagles – THIS SUMMER their “California Tour” will hit odd venues such as the Calaveras County Fairgrounds and a soccer field in Rohnert Park, some of which have never hosted a concert before.
• Ian Tyson – TODAY the legendary singer-songwriter releases his first album of new material in 6 years, “Songs From the Gravel Road”. He says 2 recordings paid for his Alberta ranch: Suzy Bogguss’ 1991 version of “Someday Soon” and Neil Young’s 1978 version of “Four Strong Winds”.
• Jennifer Lopez – Some of her dancers recently quit because they reportedly haven’t been paid in a month, perhaps another sign her “Rebirth” album isn’t doing well.
• Lifehouse – TONIGHT they’re on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Mariah Carey – TODAY her ‘comeback’ album “The Emancipation of Mimi”, featuring collaborations with Snoop Dogg, Kanye West & Jermaine Dupri,  is finally released (originally scheduled for MARCH). THIS MORNING she does a live performance of 5 of the tunes in NYC’s Times Square for ABC-TV’s “Good Morning America”, then later on she’ll appear on MTV’s “Total Request Live”.
• The Rolling Stones – They’ll kick off their biggest (and likely last) tour in Boston MA THIS AUGUST, 43 years after their first gig in London. Mick Jagger & Keith Richards are both 61, Charlie Watts is 63 and the kid, Ronnie Wood, is 57 – a combined total age of 242!
• Sarah McLachlan – TONIGHT she kicks off a tour in support of her 2nd concert album, “Afterglow Live”, in Victoria BC. It winds up JUNE 2nd in Sydney NS.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Ocean’s Twelve” (Crime Caper Sequel – DVD): 3 years after “Ocean’s 11″, casino owner ‘Terry Benedict’ (Andy Garcia) wants his $160 million back – with interest – or else, so the crew re-forms to pull off heists in Amsterdam, Paris and Rome. Catherine Zeta-Jones joins original stars George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac & Julia Roberts.
• “Hotel Rwanda” (Drama – DVD): Don Cheadle was Oscar-nominated for his role in the true-life story of Paul Rusesabagina, a hotel manager who housed over a thousand Tutsi refugees during their struggle against Hutu militia during the mid-90s genocide in the central African nation of Rwanda. Sophie Okonedo was also Oscar-nominated for her supporting actress role. Nick Nolte’s character, ‘Colonel Oliver’, is loosely based on Canadian general Roméo Dallaire.
• “Suspect Zero” (Crime Thriller – DVD): FBI Agent Tom Mackelway (Aaron Eckhart) finds himself caught in a cat-and-mouse game with a brutal serial killer, and all clues point to a renegade agent ‘gone native’. Ben Kingsley & Carrie-Ann Moss co-star.

TIME TO RENT “CHOCOLAT” AGAIN!
Sony has patented a device that lets TV viewers experience smells, tastes and even a sense of touch while watching a movie. According to patent documents, pulses of ultrasound would be fired at an audience’s heads to alter the normal neural circuitry in key parts of the brain. A spokesperson for the company says nothing of that description is even in the planning stage yet – they’re just snapping up the rights in case future technology heads in that direction.
– “Social Studies”

AUTOMATIC GLOVE:
The annual “International Exhibition of Inventions” in Geneva, Switzerland has attracted more than 60,000 visitors to view some 1,000 inventions from 735 inventors in 42 different countries. Among them – the ‘Automatic Condom Fitter’. Designed by entrepreneur Mor Maty Seck, it has been such a success in his native Senegal that he is now selling it internationally. The gizmo allows condoms to be put on in a fraction of the time it usually takes, thereby causing only a few seconds pause in ‘the action’. (As opposed to the 90-minute delay caused by the manual method.)
– Ananova

SAVE TOBY OR ELSE:
This is the sorry state of marketing in 2005: a British man is asking for donations from the public in order to stop him from – slaughtering his pet rabbit! According to his Website, “Toby is the cutest little bunny on the planet. Unfortunately he will die on June 30, 2005 if you don’t help.” The threat is that only $50,000 in donations will stop Toby from becoming part of a tasty stew. You can also help the bunny’s cause by buying Toby gear – T-shirts, posters, sweatshirts, stickers, and “The Save Toby Cookbook”. The sorriest thing about this sad scheme is the Website claims it has already collected close to $25 grand! (This amounts to hi-tech blackmail.)
NET: http://www.savetoby.com

TRASHY ART:
A pile of garbage is the latest creation to go on display at a London gallery. The exhibit entitled “My Play-Station” by 38-year-old Japanese artist Tomoko Takahashi includes 7,600 pieces of junk, including old washing machines, broken toys, and a rusty manure-spreader. Visitors to the Serpentine Gallery are allowed to take a piece of the display home as a souvenir. (We have the traveling exhibit along highway [local road]. Feel free to take as much home as you want!)
– “The Sun”

THE SCIENCE OF CONSUMERISM:
Design Continuum Inc is a consulting firm in Massachusetts that studies human behavior in hopes of designing better consumer products. Some of its findings ….
• When it comes to buying audio systems, men buy speakers and women try to hide them.
• The users of conventional floor mops spend about as much time cleaning the mop as they spend cleaning the floor.
• People under showers spend most of their time with their eyes closed. Given the choice, people prefer the sensation of larger water droplets enveloping them, but they believe such a nozzle would waste water.
• In Germany, BMW drivers were wired with blood-pressure monitors and then put through tests that included driving on autobahns where there is no speed limit. The most stressful situation? Parallel parking.
– “Boston Globe”

WORLDWIDE BULL ROAR:
• Despite her 6-month suspended prison sentence for feeding her pals marijuana-laced cookies, Patricia Tabram of East Lea UK says she’ll keep cooking with the stuff. “I had it this morning in my scrambled eggs and I’ll have it again for lunch,” she says. Oh, by the way, Tabram is a 66-year-old, white-haired granny!
• A man from Medellin, Colombia has changed his name to ‘Deportivo Independiente Medellin’, after his favorite football team. Giraldo Zuluaga fought for 7 years in court to have the right to legally change to that name.
• An overzealous attempt to get rid of cockroaches in a Thai restaurant in Perth, Australia sparked an explosion that blew the entire joint sky-high. Three workers were hospitalized with burns after the roach killer they were using exploded when it came into contact with an oven pilot light. Oh yeah … they were using 36 aerosol cans of the stuff!
• A 37-year-old woman in New Delhi, India committed suicide LAST WEEK in order to donate her eyes to her 2 blind sons. Unfortunately, doctors say a cornea transplant will not help either son regain their vision.
•  A Russian man born with genitals so small he was unable to have sex has been given the chance to lead a normal love life after a new penis was ‘grown’ on his arm during pioneering surgery. In an 11-hour operation, plastic surgeons in Moscow removed the 28-year-old’s undersized appendage and stitched it on to his left forearm, where they grafted on additional flesh and tissue taken from his inner arm. The newly enlarged organ, which has grown from less than 2 inches to nearly 7 inches, was then reattached to his groin.

BS AMAZING FACT:
The province of Québec makes over 75% of the world’s supply of maple syrup.
– “Christian Science Monitor”
A pound of potato chips costs almost 200 times more than a pound of potatoes.

THE BULL SHEET 04.12.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [61] John Kay (Joachim Krauledat), Tilsit, Germany (raised Toronto ON), classic rock singer (Steppenwolf-“Born to be Wild”, “Magic Carpet Ride”)/”Canada’s Walk of Fame” (2004)

1947 [58] David Letterman, Indianapolis IN, TV host (“Late Show with David Letterman” since
1993, “Late Night with David Letterman” 1982-93)/TV producer (Worldwide Pants)

1947 [58] Tom Clancy, Baltimore MD, top-selling author (“Sum of All Fears”, “Clear & Present Danger”) who’s reportedly worth circa $200 million/co-owner of Baltimore Orioles MLB team

1956 [49] Andy Garcia (Andrés Arturo García Menéndez), Havana, Cuba, movie actor (“Ocean’s Eleven [Twelve]”, “The Untouchables”)

1957 [48] Vince Gill, Norman OK, country singer (Grammy Awards–“When Love Finds You”, “I Still Believe in You”, “When I Call Your Name”)/Mr Amy Grant since 2000

1978 [27] Guy Berryman, Kirkcaldy, Scotland, rock bassist (Coldplay-“Speed of Sound”, “Clocks”)  UP NEXT: Their new album “X & Y” is out JUNE 6th; their 2005 world tour kicks off JUNE 27th in London UK.

1979 [26] Claire Danes, NYC, movie actress (“The Hours”, “Romeo + Juliet”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Look Up At The Sky Day”, because cloudscapes are the greatest free show on Earth!
• “National Licorice Day”. The best kind?  We say ‘zout’ (salt) from The Netherlands.
• “Teens Against Zits Day”. Is there someone, somewhere that is FOR them?
• “Thank You, School Librarian Day”, a day for students to express gratitude to the person they’ve grown to know and love through a thousand detentions.
• “Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day”, a day of commitment to never vote for a lawyer.

THIS WEEK is “National Folding Road Maps Week”, a week dedicated to perfecting skills at folding all the maps we read. Motto for the week – ‘Happiness is knowing how to fold a road map.’ (Wow, it’s that simple?)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1992 [13] ‘Euro Disney’ opens in Marne-la-Vallee, France (now called ‘Disneyland Paris’)

1994 [11] Exotic dancer Chesty Love legally claims surgical breast implants as a ‘Business Expense’

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1967 [38] “O Canada” officially becomes national anthem (bet you don’t know all the words)

1999 [06] Shania Twain becomes only female artist to sell 10 million units of back-to-back album releases

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1980 [25] Terry Fox begins “Marathon of Hope” in St John’s NL (forced to stop at Thunder Bay ON)

1877 [128] The 1st ‘Catcher’s Mask’ is used in a baseball game (James Alexander Tyng-Lynn MA)

1985 [20] US Senator Jake Garn becomes 1st ‘Politician in Space’ (couldn’t we send them all?)

1988 [17] 1st ‘Animal Life Form’ to be patented (Harvard U registers a genetically-engineered mouse)

1994 [11] 1st ‘E-mail Spam’ as Arizona law firm Canter & Siegel flood Internet addresses with their ad

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [09] ‘Petronas Towers’ in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia declared ‘World’s Tallest Building’ at 452 m [1,483 ft]  FACTOID: As of 2003, the 508-meter [1,667-ft] ‘Taipei 101′ in Taiwan took over the title, but by 2007 Shanghai China’s ‘World Financial Center’ will become tallest.

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Scrabble Day
[Wed] “2005 Dove Awards”
[Fri] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Moncton NB)
[Fri] Prince Rainier of Monaco’s funeral
[Fri] Tax Day USA
[Sun] Canadian Equality Day
[Sun] National Blah Blah Blah Day
[Sun] International Ford Mustang Day
This Week is … Garden Week (most often celebrated by the neighbor’s cat)
This Month Is … Sexually Transmitted Diseases Education & Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS IDIOTIC CONTEST:

The town of Story, Indiana runs an annual contest to find the local ‘Village Idiot’. Those wishing to win the title have to provide proof of their eligibility. Among this year’s idiotic candidates …
• A cook who used $50-a-bottle truffle oil to quiet a squeaky toilet seat.
• A bartender who opened an $80-bottle of Chardonnay to make a $6.50 wine spritzer.
• This year’s winner, 27-year-old Mark Carmichael, who not only accidentally sawed through a live wire, but wrecked his new truck just hours after buying it.
This is a radio promotion just waiting to happen in your market! Have people nominate local idiots on your Website and/or recording line. Then pick the finalists and hold a vote.

BS ‘WHO AM I’?:
The prize is reduced for each clue your contestant requires to come up with the correct answer …
• I am 28-years-old.
• I ranked #33 on a list of ‘Sexiest Celebs’.
• I wrote my first song at age 8.
• I signed a recording contract with Sony Music at age 13.
• I pursued a career in modelling as a teen.
• I acted for awhile on a TV soap opera called “El Oasis”.
• I released albums in 1991 and 1993, but both were poorly received.
• I have won 1 “Grammy Award”, 2 “World Music Awards”, 2 “Much Music Video Awards”, 1 “Latin Grammy Award”, and 5 MTV “Latin Video Music Awards”.
• I had two top 5 hits from my only English CD.
• I will be releasing my 2nd English-language album later THIS YEAR.
• I was born in Columbia.
Answer: Shakira (Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll).

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The people who do THIS really enjoy it, but they do it least on Tuesdays.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Golf.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is generally something that happens elsewhere.

 


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