Thursday, April 7, 2005        Edition: #3007
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Thanks to “Desperate Housewives” as a lead-in on SUNDAY, the “Juno Awards” attracted a half-million more viewers this year . . . FOX-TV has about 1,000 hours of reality shows lined up for its all-reality channel that will debut the end of MAY, including some 30 rerun series like “Joe Millionaire”, “The Swan” & “Temptation Island” (here’s your chance to hate them all over again!) . . . ABC-TV has renewed “Alias”, “Boston Legal” & “Lost” for at least one more season (what the hell are they gonna do on that godforsaken island for another year?) . . . Thanks to appearing together in the action film “Sahara” in which Jeep Wranglers were used, co-stars Matthew McConaughey & Penelope Cruz have been tapped to appear in Jeep ads (movie opens FRIDAY) . . . Anita Thompson, widow of late gonzo journalist Hunter S Thompson, has announced she’ll fulfill his wish for an explosive farewell by having his ashes blasted from a cannon sometime in AUGUST . . . Marlon Brando’s former business manager is suing his estate for sexual harassment & wrongful termination (he’s been a stiff for months, but apparently she just remembered) . . . “American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino has signed to write her ‘memoirs’, “Life Is Not a Fairy Tale”, harkening back on her extensive experiences from the vantage point of the ripe old age of 20 . . . Martha Stewart is asking that her court-ordered ankle bracelet be removed so she can tape “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart” without it showing (why not try a new twist – ‘Ankle Cam’?) . . . And “Mediaweek” reports A&E’s focus on reality TV shows to attract a younger audience has worked – 18-34 ratings are up 76% (to a total of 27 viewers!).

• Phil Vassar – His “Live for Today” has been chosen from hundreds of demos as the new theme song for NBC-TV’s “Today Show”. He and wife Julie wrote it with a friend.
• Sum 41 – TONIGHT they open their 2-month “Go Chuck Yourself” tour in Toronto.
• Velvet Revolver – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• The Who – TODAY a display of memorabilia from their rock opera “Tommy” opens at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. The exhibit features posters, programs, costumes and handwritten lyrics.

It looks like Sony Pictures wants Pierce Brosnan back as ‘James Bond’ in the next ‘007′ flick “Casino Royale” after all, and perhaps one more after that; insiders saying all the hoopla about him leaving amounted to nothing more than – ‘negotiations’ . . . Bruce Willis was so impressed with Justin Timberlake’s work in the upcoming flick “Alpha Dog”, he’s pushing to have JT play his son in “Die Hard 4.0″, scheduled for 2006 . . . Paris Hilton & Jason Mewes will co-star in the  low-budget dramedy “Bottoms Up”, about bartender who falls for a hot babe while working his way into Hollywood . . . Former “Xena” star Lucy Lawless is apparently slumming, starring in the upcoming CBS-TV movie “Locusts” as a USDA insect expert trying to fight off an attack from – ‘super locusts’! (airs APRIL 24th) . . . And Uma Thurman insists she’ll do her own singing in the bigscreen version of the Broadway hit “The Producers”, despite rumors she may be dubbed (translation from Hollywoodese – she can’t carry a tune in a bucket and will be dubbed).

A new University of Washington study on childhood bullying finds that TV cartoon shows have a negative impact on 4-year-olds in particular. Researchers claim a 4-year-old child’s chance of becoming a bully increases by 9% with each hour of TV viewing (so try to keep them under 11 hours for the year). Fortunately there’s an antidote; researchers say quality time with parents, including reading, playing music and generally having parental attention can offset the affects. (Or an hour of namby-pamby “Mr Rogers” reruns.)
– Broadcast News

Planning ahead for a summer vacation? Here’s the road trips experts say rank tops in Canada (guaranteed to be an argument starter!).
5. ‘The Flavour Trail’ (Routes des Saveurs) of restaurants & farms in the Charlevoix region of Québec.
4. The Drumheller Valley (The Badlands) in Alberta, ‘Dinosaur Capitol of the World’.
3. The Dempster Highway, from Dawson City YT to Inuvik NWT
2. The Cabot Trail, circumnavigating Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia.
1. The Covered Bridges of Kings County, New Brunswick.
(Hey what about Jasper to Banff through the Rockies, or the Niagara Wine Route?)
– Life Network

An annual poll of close to 3,000 high school students asks, what ‘dream college’ would you most like to attend were prospects of acceptance or cost not issues? This year’s results …
5. Princeton University
4. Yale University
3. Stanford University
2. Harvard University
1. New York University
– “ Princeton Review”

Researchers at the University of Glasgow in Scotland have developed what they call ‘audio clouds’ for controlling electronics. The practical use may be that someday you’ll be able to run gizmos and gadgets in your home and vehicle using only movements or sounds. For instance, you might be able to change tracks on digital music players of the future with a mere nod of the head, or perhaps by making a specific sound. (Wow – they’ve invented ‘The Clapper’!)
– BBC World News

Caltech scientists have managed to measure the mass of a cluster of xenon atoms at just a few billionths of a trillionth of a gram – or a few ‘zeptograms’. The record measurement was made using ultra-sensitive, hi-tech scales. To get accurate measurements of sophisticated molecules like proteins, researchers say, the scales will have to become even more precise – 1,000 times more so in fact, capable of weighing ‘yoctograms’. (What Mary-Kate Olsen uses to measure lunch.)
– World Entertainment News

What drives you nuts about your co-workers?
• Taking the last coffee without making more.
• Clogging up e-mail servers with stupid jokes.
• Spending more time gabbing than working.
• Not cleaning up the microwave after using it.
• Letting the copier run out of paper.
• Co-workers who don’t return messages.
–  MJN Consulting poll of office workers.

The average male blinks his eyes 6,205,000 times per year. Women blink almost twice as much.


1928 [77] James Garner, Norman OK, TV actor (‘Jim Egan’ on “8 Simple Rules” since 2003)/movie actor (“Space Cowboys”, “Maverick”)

1939 [66] Francis Ford Coppola, Detroit MI, movie director (Oscars-“The Godfather I & II”, “Apocalypse Now”)/now better known as Sofia Coppola’s father (“Lost in Translation”)

1949 [56] John Oates, NYC, oldies singer (Hall & Oates-“I Can’t Go for That”, “Kiss On My List”)

1954 [51] Jackie (Yuan Lung) Chan, Hong Kong, movie actor/producer/director/stunt man (“Shanghai Nights”, “Rush Hour  1 & 2″)  COMING UP: “Rush Hour 3″.

1964 [41] Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (“A Beautiful Mind”, Oscar-“Gladiator”)  UP NEXT: “The Cinderella Man” co-starring Renée Zellweger, opening JUNE 3rd..

1971 [34] Victor Kraatz, Berlin GER, retired figure skater (10-time Canadian ice dance champ with partner Shae-Lynn Bourne, 2003 World Champions)

[Augusta GA] Masters Golf Championship begins

TODAY is –
• “Hug Your Newsman Day”, in the figurative sense, of course. It’s a day of appreciation.
• “No Housework Day”. No dishes, no cleaning, no taking out trash – and no guilt!
• “World Health Day”, the World Health Organization’s annual day to highlight public health issues of worldwide concern.

• “Bathroom Reading Week”, in appreciation of the ‘porcelain library’ in every home, office and airport.
• “Canadian Wildlife Week”, first declared in 1947 by an act of Parliament to honor the birth date of Jack Miner (APRIL 10), one of the founders of Canada’s conservation movement and the namesake of the world famous waterfowl sanctuary in Kingsville ON which he established in 1904. He’s credited as a key player in saving Canada Geese from extinction.

1998 [07] Singer George Michael is arrested for committing ‘a lewd act’ in a restroom at LA’s Will Rogers Park (like Rogers, he never met a man he didn’t like)

1795 [210] ‘Metric System’ 1st adopted, in France where it was developed (only 3 countries in the world are NOT using it now – Liberia, Burma, and the USA)

1827 [178] 1st ‘Friction Match’, invented by English chemist John Walker (leading to the old joke that starts, “Got a match?”)

1959 [46] 1st ‘Atomic-Generated Electricity’ (Los Alamos NM)

1977 [28] Toronto Blue Jays’ 1st MLB regular season game (beat Chicago White Sox 9-5)

1993 [12] Ottawa Senators set NHL futility record of 38 straight road losses

[Fri] Pope John Paul II’s funeral
[Fri] “Sahara” and “Fever Pitch” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Prince Charles weds Camilla Parker Bowles (Windsor UK)
[Sat] “Canadian Idol” auditions (Sydney NS)
[Sat] Name Yourself Day
[Sun] Siblings Day
[Sun] Golfers Day
[Mon] “2005 CMT Music Awards”
[Apr 15] Prince Rainier of Monaco’s funeral
This Week Is . . . Pet First Aid Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . International Guitar Month / Food Month


Britain’s Tesco Mobile Phone Co claims the ringtone you choose for your cellphone is a window on your personality. For instance, if you use …
• Classic rock tunes –  You’re aging but refuse to admit it.
• Sound effects or rude noises – You’re immature.
• Your own voice or your kid’s voice – You’re self-obsessed.
• Classical music – You’re pretentious.
• Regular plain old vanilla ringtone – You’re uncool, lack daring, and have a fear of technology.
• And if you keep changing ringtones to whatever is topping music charts you may think of yourself as trendy, but you’re actually unreliable.
(Ask listeners to call in and play their unusual ringtones, then provide each with an instant ‘ringtone analysis’.)

You and your co-host each give an answer to an imponderable question. Your contestant must decide which of you is telling the truth and which is full-of-it …
GAME #1 –
• Why are we advised to run ceiling fans clockwise in winter but counter-clockwise in summer?
a. Fan blades are at an angle, so changing the direction of the spin changes which way the air flows. In winter, you want to blow the hot air down from the ceiling. In summer, you want the air to circulate all over to get sort of a wind-chill effect. [CORRECT]
b. It’s a simple matter of maintenance. Having a ceiling fan spin in the same direction all the time causes wear-and-tear on the electric motor. Alternating the direction can extend the motor’s life by as much as 50%. While it would be just as effective to change the direction on a daily basis, most people find it easier to remember to change the direction switch twice a year, similar to checking smoke detector batteries. [TOTAL CRAP]

GAME #2 –
Why is there no channel ‘1′ on TV?
a. Early television broadcasters agreed that awarding any station the designation of ‘Channel 1′ would give it an unfair marketing advantage when it came to attracting advertisers. Even if it had few viewers the station could still proclaim, “We’re number 1!” [STEAMING BS.]
b. There was originally going to be a channel 1, but because of protest the frequency was reassigned to its original users – mobile radios. [CORRECT]
– “Imponderables”

Q: What was the first ‘national anthem’ ever?
A: Britain’s “God Save the King” (now “God Save the Queen” for obvious reasons), first performed in public 260 years ago in 1745.

Who would you most like to run into at the gym?

Wow, now you can pay your taxes online using your VISA. How handy is that – maxing out your card without even leaving home!

Today’s Question: 85% of managers who manage 5 or more people have THIS in common.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They have bad breath.

All work and no play, will make you a manager.


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