Friday, April 30, 2004        Edition: #2779
Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘N Fresh!
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Michael Jackson is scheduled to be arraigned in Santa Barbara County court on child molestation allegations, to which he’s already stated he’ll plead innocent . . . TODAY “People” magazine’s 15th annual ‘Most Beautiful People’ issue hits newsstands, with Jennifer Aniston on the cover and a list inside that includes her hubby Brad Pitt, Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey, Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, Beyoncé, Hugh Jackman, NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr and – oh please! – the Olsen twins . . . TONIGHT Bobby Brown tells NBC-TV’s “Dateline” that he once spent weeks getting high on coke, marijuana and alcohol – partly to avoid arguing with wife Whitney Houston . . . TONIGHT ABC-TV’s “Nightline” will devote its entire broadcast to showing photos and reading aloud the names of the more than 500 US military personnel killed in Iraq . . . TOMORROW two Québec films have a total of 20 nominations as Canada’s movie laurels, the 24th annual “Genie Awards”, are handed out live on CHUM Television (CityTV, Bravo!, Star!, MusiMax, ASN) . . . Aussie actors Naomi Watts (“21 Grams”) & Heath Ledger (“Monster’s Ball”) have split up, she apparently tired of his hard-partying ways (appropriately he’ll next star in the movie “Casanova”) . . . THIS FALL Time Inc will relaunch the once mighty “Life” magazine as a weekly supplement to daily newspapers . . . The Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas is designing a ‘mini-suite’ for pint-size VIPs that will feature a tiny bed, desk, Jacuzzi & photos of little stars like “Austin Powers” actor Verne ‘Mini-Me’ Troyer . . . Movie directors Sofia Coppola (“Lost in Translation”) and Quentin Tarantino (“Kill Bill”) have sparked reports they’re dating, following a series of intimate meetings in NYC . . . Meantime, “Lost In Translation” star Scarlett Johansson is the latest to join the cast of “Mission: Impossible 3″, which starts shooting THIS SUMMER with Tom Cruise, Carrie-Anne Moss, Ving Rhames & Kenneth Branagh.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – Word has it she was furious many critics said Alicia Keys ‘stole the show’ during their “Ladies First Tour”. Now the two are not on good terms, barely exchanging a word.
• LeAnn Rimes – TOMORROW she’ll perform  live from Nashville on the finale of the country music TV talent show “Nashville Star”.
• Seal – He’s being sued by a BC construction company that claims he’s failed to make $2.7 million-worth of payments for renovation work on his new home in the ski resort of Whistler.
• Usher – TOMORROW he’s on “Saturday Night Live”.
•  Prince – He recorded his recently released album “Musicology” in a studio in his part-time home in Toronto.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Envy” (PG-13 Comedy): Ben Stiller & Jack Black co-star as best friends, neighbors and co-workers whose relationship sours when one of Black’s harebrained get-rich-quick schemes actually succeeds: ‘Vapoorizer’, a spray that makes dog poop evaporate into thin air!
• “Godsend” (PG-13 Thriller): Greg Kinnear & Rebecca Romijn-Stamos play the parents of a son killed in an accident who consult a stem cell researcher (Robertt De Niro) about bringing him back to life. As part of the promotion for the film, the studio has set up a fictional ‘Godsend Institute’ fertility clinic, complete with Website (http://www.godsendinstitute.org) and phone number (888-699-2672).
• “Laws Of Attraction” (PG-13 Romantic Comedy): Pierce Brosnan & Julianne Moore play New York divorce attorneys who often compete against each other, but end up in a relationship nonetheless. Then they get married and face the same issues as their clients.
• “Mean Girls” (PG-13 Comedy): Lindsay Lohan plays a teen who’s popular with the ‘A-list’ at her new high school – until she makes the mistake of falling for the ex-boyfriend of the clique leader.
• “”Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius” (PG Biographical Drama): Jim Caviezel stars as 1920s golf legend Bobby Jones, who overcame a fierce temper and perfectionist tendencies to eventually win the Grand Slam, then retired at the tender age of 28. Capitalizing on Caveziel’s previous role as Jesus, one of the movie’s ad slogans is – “His Passion Made Him a Legend”.

SOCIAL STUDIES:
• Just 41% of parents give their kids a regular allowance. At the same time, 85% of parents agree that the best way to teach kids about money is to – give them some.
– “Canadian Family”
• Christian teens are stealing Christian music through Internet downloads at nearly the same rate that non-Christians are pirating secular music, according to a new study done for the Gospel Music Association.
– “Dallas Morning News”
• Health experts have discovered that mosquitoes just can’t stand ‘marmite’, a vegetarian spread made from brewer’s yeast that’s popular in the UK and Australia. Apparently consuming the goo causes your skin to give off an odor that’s undetectable to humans, but repulsive to mosquitoes.
– “Daily Mirror”

HEN MOURNING:
THIS WEEK Japan’s Poultry Association held a funeral for – chickens. The solemn ceremony at a Tokyo hotel was to honor the hundreds of thousands of cluckers slaughtered since the deadly bird flu hit Japan in JANUARY. The dearly departed were represented on a brightly lit altar by dozens of eggs in clear plastic cartons.
– “Daily News”

BS AMAZING FACT:
People born in MAY are most likely to think of themselves as lucky, according to a University of Hertfordshire Internet survey. Conversely, people born in OCTOBER are least likely to think of themselves as fortunate.

AND WE QUOTE:
“The only person who gets me in my bedroom is my mom.”
– Britney Spears telling the BBC her mother goes everywhere with her.

THE BULL SHEET 04.30.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [71] Willie Nelson, Abbott TX, legendary country singer (“On the Road Again”)/songwriter (“Crazy”)/Country Music Hall of Fame (1993)

1971 [33] Chris Henderson, Escatawpa MS, rock guitarist (3 Doors Down-“Away From The Sun”, “Here Without You”)

1971 [33] Carolyn Dawn Johnson, Grande Prairie AB, country singer (“Simple Life”, “Georgia”)/2003 American Music Award for ‘Favorite New Country Artist’

1982 [22] Kirsten Dunst, Point Pleasant NJ, movie actress (“Mona Lisa Smile”, “Spider-Man”)  COMING UP: The sequel “Spider-Man 2″, opening JUNE 30th.

1984 [20] Tyler Wilkinson, Belleville ON, country singer (The Wilkinsons-“Jimmy’s Got A Girlfriend”, “26 Cents”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1950 [54] Dann Florek, Flat Rock MI, TV actor (‘Capt Donnie Cragen’ on “Law & Order Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1962 [42] Maia Morgenstern, Bucharest, Romania, movie actress (‘Mary’ in “The Passion of the Christ”)

1967 [37] Tim McGraw, Delhi LA, country singer (“Watch The Wind Blow By”, “One Of These Days”)/Mr Faith Hill since 1996

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY, the last Friday in April, is “National Disc Jockey Day”, initiated long ago by some unknown radio personality somewhere.
BS WAYS EVERYONE CAN CELEBRATE “DJ DAY”:
• Whenever you’re talking to someone, hold a hand over one ear.
• Throw a party where everyone mingles about telling the time & temp.
• Get laughs by using cheap sound effects instead of telling actual jokes. (SFX)
• Do play-by-play of the traffic on the way to work..
• Everyone talk deep!

TODAY is “ National SpankOut Day”, initiated in 1998 to give widespread attention to the need to end corporal punishment of children and to promote non-violent ways of teaching children appropriate behavior. This year 11 countries are observing the event. After all, why should adults hit kids when they can’t hit each other?
PHONER: 614.221.8829 (Center for Effective Discipline, Columbus OH)
NET: http://www.StopHitting.org

TONIGHT at midnight is the deadline for filing your 2003 income tax return with the Canadian Customs & Revenue Agency either online or via snail mail.
WEIRD BUT TRUE TAX WRITEOFF ATTEMPTS:
• A salesman tried to claim a $250 write-off for the cost of shortening his trousers, saying it was to avoid being zapped by static electric charges from the carpeting in his office.
• A supermarket bag packer tried to knock $5,000 off his taxes for “job-related self-education.”
• An admin assistant tried to write off the cost of hair dye because her boss liked her better as a blonde.
• One anxious taxpayer tried to claim the cost of a stress management class, reasoning that he was disturbed by having to drive past a tax office each day.

TODAY is “National Honesty Day”, to celebrate those who are honorable in their dealings with others. Keep that in mind when you’re scrambling to get your income tax in!
, on the anniversary of George Washington being inaugurated as the first US president in 1789

TODAY is “Hairstylist Appreciation Day”, honoring the great contribution snippers and coiffeurs make to our self-esteem. Back in 1994, salon owner Anne Camilleri of San Carlos CA came up with the idea to recognize her employees. So don’t forget to say ‘thanks for the good hair day!’

TODAY is the beginning of “International Walk Days”, time to strap on those trainers and hit the road as we’re encouraged to walk to school or work if possible. (Gimme a break! Cripes, it’s all the way downstairs in the study!)

TONIGHT is observed as “Walpurgis Night” in many parts of Northern Europe when according to legend witches ride on broomsticks to revel with the devil. The tradition is celebrated by university students in particular (at any local bar). In Sweden, it’s known as the “Feast of Valborg”. In Switzerland, it’s called simply “May Day Eve”. (At [local U], it’s called ‘Kegger’!!!!)

TOMORROW is “May Day”, a traditional holiday celebration since ancient times. Since 1889, “May Day” has been officially observed in some 66 countries as a labor holiday. The British still enjoy a “May Day” holiday, which was traditionally a Celtic festival called “Beltane”, when the beginning of summer was greeted with giant bonfires in honor of the sun. An old legend says freckles will disappear if washed with morning dew on this day. Another piece of folklore says that if you look into a well today, an image of your future mate will appear. In Hawaii, today is “Lei Day”, observed since 1928, when people give one another the gift of a kiss and a lei. (A fine tradition – but it’s a helluva long way to go for a lei.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1997 [07] In a 1st for network TV, Ellen DeGeneres ‘comes out’ on her sitcom “Ellen” (Laura Dern plays her love interest, Oprah Winfrey her therapist, and Melissa Etheridge, kd lang, Dwight Yoakam, Demi Moore & Billy Bob Thornton make appearances)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1939 [65] 1st public demonstration of ‘television’ (New York World’s Fair)

1952 [52] ‘Mr Potato Head’ becomes 1st toy advertised on TV (in the beginning it was just a set of eyes, ears and a few noses & mouths – you had to supply your own potato!)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1986 [18] Ashrita Furman covers 12 miles in 10 hours, 40 minutes – while doing somersaults! (Massachusetts)

1988 [16] ‘Largest banana split’ measures 4.55 miles long (Pennsylvania)

1999 [05] Frenchman Fabrice Gropaiz skates up to the Arc de Triomphe 28 months and 17,000 miles after leaving Paris to become 1st to circle the globe – on in-line skates!

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[May 1] Genie Awards / May Day / National Law Day / Mother Goose Day / School Principal’s Day / National Teen Day / New Homeowner’s Day / Save the Rhino Day / Space Day / Couple Appreciation Day / Kentucky Derby 130
[May 2] Sibling Appreciation Day / International UNmothers Day
[May 3] Lumpy Rug Day / Hug Your Cat Day / Melanoma Monday
[May 4] Relationship Renewal Day / Scrapbook Day / Weather Observer’s Day
[May 5] Cinco de Mayo / National Cartoonist Day / No Diet Day
[May 6] “Friends” series finalé / National Nurses Week begins
[May 7] “New York Minute” & “Van Helsing” open in movie theaters / International Tuba Day
[May 8] No Socks Day / World Red Cross Day
[May 9] Mother’s Day / Lost Sock Memorial Day / National Small Business Day
[May 10] Clean Up Your Room Day / Child Care Provider Appreciation Day / Trust Your Intuition Day
[May 11] Eat What You Want Day / National Teacher Day
[May 12] Limerick Day / National Kite Day / International Nurse’s Day (Florence Nightingale’s birthday) / Cannes Film Festival opens (through 23rd) / Third Shift Workers Day
[May 13] “Frasier” series finalé
[May 14] “Breakin’ All the Rules” & “Troy” open in movie theaters / National Receptionists Day / Dance Like A Chicken Day
[May 15] Bike to Work Day
[May 16] National Biographers Day / Employee Health & Fitness Day / Wear Purple For Peace Day
[May 17] Pack Rat Day / 2004 Preakness Stakes
[May 18] Visit Your Relatives Day / International Museum Day
[May 19] International Peace Day / Playday for Health
[May 20] Senior Citizens Day / Eliza Doolittle Day
[May 21] “Shrek 2″ opens in movie theaters / 31st Daytime Emmy Awards / Wait Staff Day / Memo Day
[May 22] Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
[May 23] World Turtle Day
[May 24] Victoria Day / Madonna’s Reinvention Tour begins (LA CA) / International Jazz Day / Brothers Day / Morning Radio Wise Guy Day / Escargot Day
[May 25] National Tap Dance Day / “Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” out on DVD
[May 26] “Raising Helen” opens in movie theaters / 39th Academy of Country Music (ACM) Awards / Senior Health & Fitness Day
[May 27] Ancestor Honor Day
[May 28] “Soul Plane” & “The Day After Tomorrow” open in movie theaters / Hamburger Day / Rock in Rio-Lisbon Festival opens (Lisbon, Portugal)
[May 30] Indianapolis 500
[May 31] National Macaroon Day / Save Your Hearing Day / World No-Tobacco Day
[June 5] 2004 MTV Movie Awards (airs June 10th) / 2004 Belmont Stakes
[June 6] Tony Awards
[June 10] CMA Music Festival begins (through 13th)

BULL’S BITS . . .
ALL-TIME BEST MOVIE KISSES:
Here’s a list that should start arguments. According to a new survey for Hershey Kisses (apparently conducted in a retirement home), here are the best screen smooches ever …
5. Rock Hudson & Doris Day – “Pillow Talk”
4. Humphrey Bogart & Audrey Hepburn – “Sabrina”
3. Humphrey Bogart & Ingrid Bergman – “Casablanca”
2. Omar Sharif & Julie Christie – “Doctor Zhivago”
1. Clark Gable & Vivien Leigh – “Gone With The Wind”

ALL-TIME BEST ALL-AROUND ATHLETES:
And here’s another argument starter …
10. Lou Gehrig
9. Gordie Howe
8. Michael Jordan
7. Jackie Robinson
6. Rafer Johnson
5. Wilt Chamberlain
4. Bo Jackson
3. Dave Winfield
2. Jim Thorpe
1. Jim Brown
– ESPN

BS PHONE STARTER:
What will you be doing with your tax refund? (In a Yankelovich Partners poll, 43% say ‘pay bills’, 30% will ‘save it’ and 24% say ‘blow it’!)

TRUTH OR BS?
Are the following statements true or just a load of hooey?
• Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lighting than women. (T)
• Paw-prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints. (BS. Nose-prints.)
• Millions of trees are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them. (T)
• Astronauts are banned by NASA from having sex in space. (BS. NASA relies on the ‘professionalism & good judgement of astronauts’. There is no specific rule.)
• Chess pieces are the objects most often choked on. (BS. Toothpicks.)
• A hard-working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. (T)
• On average, there are slightly less than 20 earthquakes throughout the world every year. (BS. More than 50,000.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to relationship expert Dr John Addler, this is the #1 thing a woman does to drive her man crazy.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Talk about … having to talk.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

 


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