Thursday, April 29, 2004        Edition: #2778
The Bovine Fecal Material Is About to Hit the Air Circulating Device!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The former anchor of CTV’s “Canada AM”, Valerie Pringle, will host CBC-TV’s new “Canadian Antiques Roadshow”, a home-grown version of the treasure-hunting series that’s run in the UK & US (first taping is MAY 5th in Saint John NB) . . . “Lost In Translation” actress Scarlett Johansson has just been signed as the new face of designer label Louis Vuitton, replacing model Naomi Campbell & freebie-mad Jennifer Lopez (both of whom are considered difficult to work with) . . . “America’s Next Top Model” judge Janice Dickenson says model Gisele Bundchen ‘walks like a Clydesdale’ (meow!) . . . Actor Russell Crowe, currently shooting “Cinderella Man” in Toronto, was so upset by news of a firebombing at Montréal’s United Talmud Torahs Elementary School earlier THIS MONTH, he’s offered to help rebuild its library . . . Former Beatle Ringo Starr is recovering from surgery to his shoulder for painful bone spurs, but says he’ll be back beating his drums as soon as he completes physiotherapy . . . Word has it a steamy love scene between Denzel Washington & Aussie actress Radha Mitchell was cut from the weekend’s #1 movie “Man on Fire”, causing Hollywood insiders to wonder if Denzel requested it because he’s concerned about negative audience reaction to an interracial romance (we’re guessing he’s more concerned about his 22-year marriage to wife Pauletta).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Christina Aguilera – She’s been paid circa 900-grand to fake an orgasm, much like Meg Ryan did in “When Harry Met Sally”, during a 4-hour shoot for a Virgin Mobile ad filmed in LA.
•  Britney Spears – Her latest boy-toy is 26-year-old Kevin Federline whom she met when he was a dancer in the opening act of her 2000 tour.
• Janet Jackson – TONIGHT she’s on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• White Stripes – Jack White produced Loretta Lynn’s critically-acclaimed new 13-song album, “Van Lear Rose”, in only 12 days.
• J-Kwon – TUESDAY gunshots struck a police van near where he was shooting a music video in his hometown, St Louis MO. Fortunately, no injuries were reported.
• Jon Bon Jovi – Says he has a secret crush on 47-year-old NBC News anchor Katie Couric, both for her enthusiasm … and her body.
• John Mayer – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Michael Jackson – Even though he’s reportedly kicking the Nation of Islam out of his circle, he’s commissioned leader Louis Farrakhan’s personal designer to create a custom outfit for each day of his upcoming trial.

MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Oscar-winners Nicole Kidman & Sean Penn are currently filming “The Interpreter” on location at the UN in NYC and what has many ambassadors upset is – all the diplomats in the movie are actors (everybody wants the limelight) . . . Hilary Duff & Heather Locklear will co-star in “The Perfect Man”, about a girl trying to find the absolute best mate for her single mom (does Heather look old enough to be Hilary’s mom?) . . . Ben Affleck has pledged to never make a “Daredevil” sequel but Jennifer Garner will star in the “Daredevil” spin-off “Elektra”, which will likely co-star Goran Visnjic from TV’s “ER” . . . Harrison Ford will play a global bank security chief whose family is kidnapped in the thriller “The Wrong Element” (sound familiar? – see “Patriot Games”, “Air Force One”, “Frantic”, etc) . . . Director Steven Spielberg plans to begin production in JUNE on an as-yet-unnamed movie about the 1972 Olympics in Munich, where 11 Israeli athletes were kidnapped & killed by Palestinian militants (Ben Kingsley may star) . . . Actress Renee Zellweger has completed shooting on the sequel “Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason”, and now says she’ll consider a 3rd ‘Bridget Jones’ film if the script is good (translation from Hollywoodese: Show me bigtime money!).

TALES OF THE TOUGH:
• Is this the world’s toughest guy? After a weekend game, Australian rugby player Shane Millard complained of a slight headache. That’s when team medics found – an opponent’s tooth embedded in the top of his head!
• Or is this the world’s toughest guy? A 15-year-old who was camping on an Alaskan wilderness expedition woke up to find a 400-lb brown bear sitting at his feet. After trying unsuccessfully to back out of his tent, the boy punched the bear repeatedly, then blasted an air-horn in its face. The bear was eventually caught and killed. The boy is okay, but recovering from bites to the forearm, ribs, and a half-dozen puncture wounds on his back!

THE SECRET OF TIMING:
The new book “The Rhythms of Life” by University of Virginia biology professor Russell Foster suggests there are specific times of the day most suited for specific functions, due to ‘human rhythms’. For instance …
4-6 am – The most likely time for ‘natural childbirth’.
6-8 am – The worst time to go to work because it’s the time of maximum ‘sleepiness’.
8-10 am – The best time for a ‘bowel movement’.
12-2 pm – The best time to make crucial decisions because ‘concentration’ peaks.
6-8 pm – The best time to meet someone and shake hands, because your grip strength is peaking.
10-11 pm – The best hour for making love, because your ‘skin sensitivity’ level is peaking.
– “Naked Scientists”

NOT YOUR SON’S OLDSMOBILE:
TODAY the very last ‘Oldsmobile’ (an Alero) will roll off the assembly line in Lansing MI, ending a 107-year legacy for the vehicle. General Motors announced it would phase out the brand back in December, 2000. The final vehicle will go on display at Lansing’s “R.E. Olds Transportation Museum”. (Then join Plymouth in that giant parking lot in the sky.)

FOR THE RECORD:
• THIS MORNING at 8 am EST in NYC, distance runners Christopher Bergland & Dean Karnazes will begin running side-by-side on treadmills in what’s being called the “Run for Life Treadathalon”. The idea is to run at least 154 miles in 24 hours, breaking the previous record of 153.6 miles set in Budapest, Hungary. They’ll have to average 1 mile every 9.4 minutes and will burn an estimated 24,000 calories during their treadmill run. As well as setting a record, they’re hoping to raise a whack of cash for the YouthAIDS charity.
PHONER: 212.677.3171 (Kiehl’s Flagship Store, Manhattan NY)
• The ‘world’s biggest sandwich’ has been constructed in Mexico City. The cheese, ham, mayo and lettuce sandwich measures 11.5 feet-square, a new “Guinness World Record”.

WORLDWIDE BS:
• Officials in Vienna, Austria have ordered all the city’s horse-drawn carriages to start using equine diapers – called ‘poo bags’. (Yeah, now there’s the world’s worst job … changing diapers – on a horse.)
• Moscow will soon erect a new bronze monument to a hero that helped Russia through hard times during the Soviet era — processed cheese!. Shiny, white, foil-wrapped ‘Druzhba’ or ‘friendship cheese’ was a staple of the Russian diet during the lean times. (“Wow, nice statue – what is that, a silver wall?”)
•  A drunken joyride by a 28-year-old in Berlin, Germany came to an end when cops smashed the windshield and sprayed Mace in his face. The soused driver was pursued after he ran a red light … going 2.5 mph … on a bulldozer!

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• People generally read 25% slower from a computer screen compared to paper.
• Pickups & SUVs  traveling at 35 mph generate about 75 decibels of noise, double that of a car.

THE BULL SHEET 04.29.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [50] Jerry Seinfeld, Brooklyn NY, retired TV actor (“Seinfeld” 1990-98)/stand-up comedian  FACTOID: He reportedly made $225 million from the sale of syndication rights to his sit-com.

1957 [47] Daniel Day-Lewis, London UK, movie actor (“Gangs of New York”, Oscar-“My Left Foot”)

1958 [46] Michelle Pfeiffer, Santa Ana CA, movie actress (“Up Close & Personal”, “Dangerous Liaisons”)/Mrs David E Kelley since 1993

1970 [34] Andre Agassi, Las Vegas NV, pro tennis player/Mr Steffi Graf since 2001/ex-Mr Brooke Shields

1970 [34] Uma Thurman, Boston MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Kill Bill”, “Pulp Fiction”)/estranged Mrs Ethan Hawke  UP NEXT: Now filming the “Get Shorty” sequel, “Be Cool”, co-starring John Travolta.

1972 [32] James Bonamy, Winter Park FL, country singer (“The Swing”, “All I Do is Love Her”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Zipper Day” celebrating the 1913 date when Canadian Gideon Sundback patented  ‘Separable Fastener’, the 1st all-purpose zipper (Hoboken NJ)

TODAY is “Moment of Laughter Day”, a day set aside to experience the ‘power of laughter’. (Unfortunately … it seems not on this show.)

TODAY is “Adult Public Skipping Day”, a day for adults to skip in public to feel like a child again. (Playing hopscotch can be fun, too!)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1992 [12] Singer & future “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul weds actor Emilio Estevez in Santa Monica CA (marriage only lasts 2 years)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1852 [152] 1st edition of “Roget’s Thesaurus” (what’s another word for ‘thesaurus’?)

1880 [124] ‘Bell Telephone Co of Canada’ formed (‘Ma Bell’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1995 [09] World’s ‘longest sausage’ measures 28.77 miles (Kitchener ON)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] National Disc Jockey Day
[Fri] Canadian Income Tax deadline
[Fri] Hairstylist Appreciation Day
[Fri] National Honesty Day
[Fri] International Walk Day
[Sat] Genie Awards
This Week Is . . . Jewish Heritage Week / Give-A-Sample Week
This Month Is . . . Couple Appreciation Month / Work Life Enrichment Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘FAME GAME’:
You run down the list while your contestant decides whether each is a real place that you can visit or a total made-up BS fake …
GAME #1 –
Exotic World Strippers Hall of Fame [Helendale CA]
Belly Lint Hall of Fame [BS]
British Columbia Cowboy Hall of Fame [Williams Lake BC]
International Clown Hall of Fame [Milwaukee WI]
Party Hardy Hall of Fame [BS]
Maple Syrup Hall of Fame [Croghan NY]
Canadian Lacrosse Hall of Fame [New Westminster BC]
Karaoke Hall of Fame [BS]
Nose Hair Hall of Fame [BS]
Canadian Football Hall of Fame [Hamilton ON]

GAME #2 –
Canada’s Walk of Fame [Toronto ON]
International Bowling Hall of Fame [St Louis MO]
Body Odor Hall of Fame [BS]
Christian Hall of Fame [Canton OH]
Buddhist Hall of Fame [BS]
Canadian Medical Hall of Fame [London ON]
Lottery Loser Hall of Fame [BS]
Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame [St Mary’s ON]
Ukulele Hall of Fame [Duxbury MA]
Makeover Hall of Fame [BS]

OTHERS IN USA:
Robot Hall of Fame [Pittsburgh PA]
Toy Hall of Fame [Rochester NY]
Dog Mushing Hall of Fame [Knit AK]
Marble Shooting Hall of Fame [Wildwood NJ]
Accounting Hall of Fame [Columbus OH]

BS PHONE STARTER:
Is Elton John correct in calling “American Idol” voting racist or does it just reflect the fact that teen girls are more liable to dial a number 4,000 times to get their vote in? Otherwise, how does a no-talent guy like John Stevens last so long?

BS TRIVIA:
Q: The 130th running of the “Kentucky Derby” is coming up SATURDAY, the oldest continually held sports event in the USA (1875). What’s the 2nd-oldest?
A: The “Westminister Kennel Club Dog Show” (1876).
– ESPN

BS BLATANT JOKE:
What’s the proper way to greet the Dalai Lama? “I say hellooo, dolly, well hellooo dolly …”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Hawaii has just edged out Jamaica as the world’s #1 place for THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Honeymoons.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is more human.

BS BOUNTY HUNTERS!
We give you ONE MONTH FREE service for each and every new subscriber you refer.

 


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