Wednesday, April 28, 2004 Edition: #2777
Avoid Sheet Fits – Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription!
Monthly Planning Calendar in Friday’s BS!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the Gospel Music Association’s “Dove Music Awards” are being simulcast live at Regal Entertainment cinemas, a first for any awards show . . . Actress Halle Berry has officially filed for divorce from skirt-chasing hubby Eric Benét (they wed in 2001) . . . Kathy Hilton, mother of “Simple Life” star Paris Hilton, has landed her own NBC-TV reality series called “The Good Life”, in which she’ll coach young women on how to fit into the world of the rich & famous . . . Word has it 30-year-old Nicolas Cage is engaged to 19-year-old waitress Alice Kim, whom he picked up in a sushi bar 2 months ago (or maybe he’s just shooting “It Could Happen To You 2″?) . . . There’s trouble on the set of the now-filming movie “Mr & Mrs Smith” – the director has had to ask Brad Pitt to quit making his own shooting sound effects every time he fires a gun . . . The “Movie Mistakes” Website (http://movie-mistakes.com) has already counted 25 bloopers in “Kill Bill: Volume 2″ (for example, when ‘Budd’ is being fired you can see the boom mike reflected in his boss’s sunglasses) . . . The producers of “13 Going on 30″ paid Michael Jackson about $250,000 for the rights to use “Thriller” on the movie soundtrack (how to raise retainer fees for your new lawyer) . . . And actor/screenwriter Sylvester Stallone is threatening to sue MGM Studios, claiming they not only turned down his script for “Rocky VI”, but are also refusing to let him shop it around to other studios (I think I can speak on behalf of all of us by saying, “Thank you MGM!”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Kid Rock – TONIGHT he’s on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• R Kelly – His new double album “Happy People/U Saved Me” featuring 20 new songs will hit stores JULY 13th.
• Prince – TONIGHT a 30-minute concert he recorded before a NYC audience LAST WEEK will air simultaneously on MTV, MTV2, BET, VH1 and VH1 Classic.
• Keith Urban – The “You’ll Think Of Me” singer will participate in the 150-mile “Country Music Celebrity Motorcycle Ride” MAY 24th in Las Vegas, along with Montgomery Gentry and others.
ENGLISH AS A NEW LANGUAGE:
New terms creeping into our lingo …
• ‘Thumboard’ – The keypad on any handheld device that’s designed for thumb-based typing.
• ‘Fat Tax’ – A tax imposed on unhealthy foods, particularly those that contribute to obesity. (“Ontario has backed off a fat tax on doughnuts, burgers and other meals under $4.”)
• ‘Pluot’ (PLOO-awt) – A new hybrid fruit created by cross-pollinating a plum and an apricot. (Ideas for other hybrids? A cherry and an apple? A kumquats and a pear? Blueberries and coconuts?)
• ‘Purple State’ – A US state in which Democrats (red) and Republicans (blue) have roughly equal support. (“Ohio is deep purple state whose 20 electoral votes will determine the White House.”)
ALL WE NEED IS A LEPTIN PILL:
In a new study, researchers say they may have finally solved the mystery as to why people can’t seem to stop eating and become obese. Scientists found high levels of triglycerides in obese mice, a type of fat in the bloodstream that prevents the hormone Leptin from getting to the brain, where it helps the body burn calories. Triglycerides make the brain think the body is starving, so the body continues to feel the need to feed. (How foolish of us – we thought being fat had something to do with sitting on your ass all day eating junk food.)
– MAY issue of medical journal “Diabetes”
Late this year, ARUSH Entertainment will release a Playboy-themed simulation strategy game called “Playboy: The Mansion” that may steam up computers and PlayStation 2s. Gamers will rub elbows with ‘stunning women’ and celebrities in an authentic 3-D re-creation of the Playboy Mansion. You ‘score’ by hosting extravagant, exciting parties and building a new issue of “Playboy” magazine. (But first you have to collect enough points for your daily Viagra.)
– “IGN Insider”
THE FRIENDLIEST FLOORING:
University of Edinburgh researchers have discovered that elderly people living in residential homes are at significantly lower risk of hip fracture if they fall on carpeted wood floors than any other type of flooring. In fact, the risk of breaking a hip in a fall could drop by as much as 80% if this type of flooring was used throughout seniors’ residences. (That’s odd, my bald uncle Wilmer slipped when he left his rug on the floor.)
– The journal “Age & Aging”
KEEP YOUR GERMS TO YOURSELF:
A recent Cornell University study suggests that employees should stop trying to be heroes and just stay home when they’re sick. So-called ‘mucus troopers’ – sick employees who insist on coming in to work – cost their employers an average of $255 per year each because they have difficulty concentrating, work more slowly and have to repeat tasks, bogging down productivity. That doesn’t even factor in the cost of getting co-workers sick. (Ewwww, what’s in that windsock you’re talking into this morning?)
– “Globe & Mail”
WOMEN NOTICE MORE:
A new Ohio State University study shows that women are better than men at remembering the appearance of others. Women have an advantage when it comes to remembering things like physical features, clothing and the posture of other people. Researchers say the advantage may be due to women being slightly more people-oriented than men. The gender difference in appearance memory is not great, but it shows another area where women are superior to men in interpersonal sensitivity. (“Hey, isn’t that a new beer stain on your sleeve? Where have you been, mister?”)
FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 90% of adults have difficulty opening child-proof packaging.
• 87% of us have left work early at least twice in the last month.
• 80% of women say they’d never hang out with a guy who’s sprouting nose hair.
• 73% of us would tell someone if there was toilet paper stuck to a shoe to help that person avoid embarrassment.
• 60% of Canadians are dissatisfied with PM Paul Martin’s handling of the Sponsorship Scandal.
• 54% of women remove their shoes before watching a movie in a theater.
• 52% of sales in stores are now debit- or credit-card transactions.
• 48% of Japanese women think they’re fat.
• 37% of couples say they would want their pet at their wedding.
• 21% of kids surveyed say that if they were President, they would eat ice cream every day.
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A lawyer has told a court in the Philippines that the 67 kilos of cocaine found hidden in a chicken cage belonged to the chickens, not his client.
• Brazilian legislator Antonio Jose de Moraes Souza has been removed from office for allowing a physician-supporter to hand out free Viagra at his campaign rallies.
• Berlin, Germany has installed new talking trash bins that say ‘thank you’ to people who pitch in in 3 languages: English, French and Japanese – but not German.
• Three Japanese citizens who were held hostage in Iraq were each welcomed home with – a $7,400 bill to cover airfare and expenses. They were also criticized for behaving recklessly by going to a country that Japan has repeatedly warned civilians to avoid.
• Friends of champion Irish clay pigeon shooter Tony Mullan have fulfilled his dying wish by packing his ashes into shotgun cartridges and blasting his remains over firing ranges around-the-world.
AND WE QUOTE:
• “Get a boxing ring, hot lights and a friend to beat the s*** out of you.” – Actor Russell Crowe on what you need to lose weight. He plays a boxer in “Cinderella Man”, now shooting in Toronto.
• “I need to rub them against my body to feel if they are soft enough.” – Actress Angelina Jolie on why she needs a changing room when shopping for bath towels.
BS SHOCKING FACTS:
• There were no reported gunshot deaths or injuries for the week of March 29th to April 6th in The Bronx NY, the first time that’s happened in 10 years if not more.
• There are more rodents currently infected with the plague in North America than there were in Europe at the time of the Black Death.
– “Rats: Observations on the History & Habitat of the City’s Most Unwanted Inhabitants” by Robert Sullivan
THE BULL SHEET 04.28.2K4
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937  Saddam Hussein (al-Tikriti), al-Awja, Iraq, POW/ex-President of Iraq (1979-2003)
1949  Paul Guilfoyle, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Captain Jim Brass’ on “CSI” since 2000)
1950  Jay Leno, New Rochelle NY, late night TV host (“The Tonight Show” since 1992) FACTOID: He recently signed another 5-year contract worth a reported $100 million.
1966  ‘Long’ John Daly, Carmichael CA, long-driving pro golfer/admitted alcoholic
1970  Nicklas Lidstrom, Vasteras SWE, NHL defenceman (Detroit Red Wings)
1973  Elisabeth Rohm, Dusseldorf, Germany, TV actress (‘ADA Serena Southerlyn’ on “Law & Order” since 2001)
1974  Penelope Cruz (Sanchez), Madrid SPA, movie actress (“Gothika”, “Vanilla Sky”)/Tom Cruise’s ex-escort UP NEXT: Now shooting the epic “Sahara” with Matthew McConaughey.
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Great Poetry Reading Day”, a day to read great poetry as a means of better understanding the world. Take the lyrics to any hit song and look for the most outrageous attempts at rhyming.
TODAY is “Day of Remembrance for Persons Killed or Injured in the Workplace”, first declared by the Canadian Labour Congress in 1984. On average, 1 Canadian worker out of 13 is injured at work. (Just yesterday, I got a hernia raising the bar for comedy on this show.)
TODAY is “Kiss Your Mate Day”, a day to share the pleasure of a kiss – when he or she least expects it. If you want it to lead to anything, do NOT eat garlic first. A few kiss facts …
• The average length of a passionate smooch is 1 minute.
• Nearly 40% of couples say they ‘make out’ when they ‘make up’.
• About 90% of couples kiss in the car.
• Your kissing partner’s saliva may remain in your mouth for 3 days.
• About 25% of us always like our partners’ kissing technique, another 25% rarely like it, and half of us say it’s ‘OK’.
• Prevention of tooth decay has been linked to kissing. According to the Academy of General Dentistry, puckering up stimulates saliva which, in turn, bathes your pearly whites with the calcium and phosphorus they need to build strong enamel.
• Kissing uses 16 pairs of muscles.
• 97% of women and 30% of men close their eyes when they lock lips.
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1914  1st ‘air conditioner’ is patented (WH Carrier)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985  World’s ‘largest sand castle’ is completed, standing 4 stories tall (St Petersburg FL)
COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Zipper Day
[Thurs] National Puppetry Day
[Fri] National Disc Jockey Day
[Fri] “Envy” & “Godsend” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Canadian Income Tax deadline
[Fri] Hairstylist Appreciation Day
[Fri] International Walk Day
This Week Is . . . Intergenerational Week (aka [co-host] has a new girlfriend week)
This Month Is . . . Informed Women Month / Customer Loyalty Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WEB GOODIES:
• Take a 15-question online test here to find out “What Breed of Dog Are You?”.
• For the 4th year, Duck Brand Duct Tape is holding the “Stuck at the Prom Contest” which will award one high school couple $5,000 for dressing up for their prom – in duct tape.
In her new book “Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens The Veil”, sex researcher Dr Jenny Wade claims that about 10% of us have experienced sex in an altered state that takes us out of reality and causes our lover’s face change before our eyes. She says these ‘transcendental sex experiences’ can also be a tremendous spiritual experience, but many mistake them for true love and remain in bad relationships hoping to repeat them.
PHONER: 650.493.4430 (Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, Palo Alto CA)
BS PHONE STARTER:
• Should ‘Ross’ and ‘Rachel’ end up together in the “Friends” finalé next week?
• A new UK poll asks what makes Britons British? The top 3 answers – fish & chips, drinking tea, and the Queen. So, what 3 things make Canadians Canadian?
BS BLATANT JOKE:
If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren’t well enough to travel.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Nearly a third of workers say they check THIS every day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their co-workers’ wastebaskets.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The best way to win an argument is to start by being right.