Tuesday, April 20, 2004        Edition: #2771
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The WB is developing a TV movie based on Charles Cross’ book ”Heavier than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain” which may air with a PSA about the dangers of clinical depression (“Do not try this at home …”) . . . Tom Cruise is said to be so concerned about his safety when shooting on “Mission: Impossible 3″ begins in Germany, he’s renting a former ambassador’s house in Berlin that features high security fences, video surveillance & motion sensors (hey, just put some Scientology pamphlets out front – people will run!) . . . Actress Cameron Diaz has asked “Charlie’s Angels” co-star & movie producer Drew Barrymore to find a suitable movie script for her and wannabe-actor boyfriend Justin Timberlake . . . John Lennon’s last-ever autograph, signed just 15 minutes before he was shot in 1980, is for sale on a memorabilia Website – for $325,000! (NET: http://www.momentsintime.com) . . . “Apprentice” runner-up Kwame Jackson is mulling over a job offer from flamboyant Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban . . . Meantime, “Apprentice” winner Bill Rancic is quickly learning how to deal with celebrity, checking into hotels using the pseudonym ‘Chandler Bing’ (well, up until right now, that is) . . . Word is “American Idol” guest judge Quentin Tarantino had to reshoot his critique of contestant Latoya London LAST WEEK because his first response was not the ‘2 words’ that viewers heard but 3 – “f***ing power house” . . . After previously dating the likes of Penelope Cruz, Minnie Driver & Winona Ryder, actor Matt Damon is now seeking romance outside the biz – his new steady is interior decorator Luciana Barroso (oh Matt, she is so ‘below the line’) . . . Ah! Now we get an explanation for the million-dollar birthday ring on the weekend – word is embattled Brit soccer star David Beckham confessed that tabloid reports about an extra-marital affair with his former PA were true in a begging-for-forgiveness phone call to wife Victoria Beckham way back on APRIL 8th . . . Fans of Ty Pennington’s emotionally-charged renovation show “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” will be thrilled ABC-TV has already picked it up for a full season (it should be called ‘Weely Weepy Wenos’).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Lenny Kravitz – He’s written and recorded a love song about his romance with actress Nicole Kidman. Unfortunately, he says, their relationship didn’t end as happily the song.
• Prince – TODAY his new CD “Musicology” is released and he’s launched the ‘NPG Music Club’ as the exclusive download Website (‘Official Home of Prince & The New Power Generation’).
NET: http://www.npgmusicclub.com
• The Darkness – TONIGHT they’ll appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC-TV.
• Michael Jackson – His latest money-raising scheme involves selling ‘new unpublished and unseen’ photos of him and his 3 children ‘not obscured by any veils or masks’.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World” (Period Adventure / DVD): Based on Patrick O’Brian’s series of novels, Russell Crowe stars as ‘Lucky Jack Aubrey’, the British navy captain of ‘HMS Surprise’ during the Napoleonic Wars. Paul Bettany plays ship’s doctor and quirky scientist ‘Stephen Maturin’. The swashbuckling plot involves chasing a formidable  French frigate across two oceans. The only land-based portions of the film take place on the Galapagos Islands – the first movie ever shot there.
• “Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!” (Comedy – DVD): Kate Bosworth plays a  rural West Virginia grocery clerk who wins a contest to meet her movie idol. Predictably, he turns out to be a shallow waste of time. Her supermarket co-worker (Topher Grace from “That ’70s Show”) is the one who really cares about her.
• “The Haunted Mansion” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): This second attempt to spin a Disney theme park attraction into a hit movie certainly didn’t succeed like “Pirates of the Caribbean”. Eddie Murphy stars as a real estate agent looking to cash in on the biggest deal of his career – selling a remote mansion that turns out to be home to a variety of mysterious creatures. Several references from the theme park ride are woven in, including singing busts, a breathing door, and ghostly ballroom dancers. However, the line-ups for the movie were much shorter.
• “Reefer Madness” (Comedy? – DVD): A kitschy 1938 propaganda film that warns of the dire evils of marijuana as told by ‘high school principal Dr Carroll’ to parents at a PTA meeting. One kid becomes so addicted to killer weed, a judge orders him committed to a mental hospital – for life! DVD includes the original B&W version and a newly-restored, colorized version. Ranks #98 on Internet Movie DataBase’s ‘Bottom 100 Movies of All-Time’.

SOCIAL STUDIES:
• A study by Australia’s Melbourne University shows red wine may help prevent the common cold. (It’s hard to hiccup and sneeze at the same time.)
• New research at Britain‘s Cambridge University suggests that arguing may actually be good for parental relationships with moody offspring. That’s because arguments are often used by teens as a communication tool. Teen daughters often use arguments to update mothers about their lives and what’s important to them. (For more info, check the comics for “Zits”.)
• A McGill University study shows that the most highly creative people seem to come from homes where parents are constantly fighting. Howzat? Researchers suggest that kids brought up by warring parents may give up looking for praise from authority figures and decide to go their own way. (As you can tell this morning, [co-host] came from a very loving family.)
• A new study published in “Obesity Research” shows that obese adults placed on a special diet high in dairy products lose more body fat, especially around the abdomen, than non-dairy eaters. (Yeah right, that’s why bouncing babies are such skinny little things.)
• Never mind working on the pecs, guys – it’s your shoes that impress women! Footwear outranks body and personality, according to a new poll by the ‘Mates’ condom company. 4 out of 5 women say shoes are what they look for, and 2 out of 3 say style and cleanliness are important indicators of what a man is like – both in and out of bed. (They’re only looking at the shoes for size.)

MEDICAL INSTRUMENTS:
London physician Dr Thilo Gambichler warns that musicians can suffer from a variety of syndromes relating specifically to their instruments. Guitarists, for instance, can develop a chest irritation commonly known as ‘guitar nipple’; flutists may suffer from ‘dermatitis of the lips’; and violin players are susceptible to the dreaded skin condition ‘fiddler’s neck’. (And as we learned in high school band, French horn players can suffer ‘icky neck’ from the trombone players behind emptying their spit valves.)
– “Ananova”

THE LAPEL PAGER:
The new ‘Vocera’ communications system uses a little lapel badge to send voice calls via a wi-fi network. To contact someone, you simply press the talk button on the badge and say the name. A name recognition system then channels the call to the correct person and you can speak to each other hands-free through the badges. The gadget is proving popular in hospitals, where it makes it easier for medical staff to find each other and get advice. (“We’re sorry, Dr Pill is on the golf course at this time. If you wish to leave a badge message …”)
– “Forbes”

REPLACEMENT PIPES:
Dr Robert Thayer Sataloff of Philadelphia’s Graduate Hospital is offering another makeover procedure to bring back youth – the ‘voice-lift’. The otolaryngology (good luck!) specialist says that vocal chords, like most other body parts, eventually show their age. A lifetime of talking, yelling and singing can make the chords – and the voice – wobbly and coarse. The good doc recommends vocal exercises for some patients and, in some cases, cosmetic voice surgery. There are 2 basic operations – inserting implants through an incision in the neck to bring the vocal cords closer together, or injecting fat or collagen to plump up the cords and restore their youthful limberness. (For further info, see ‘How to Maintain a Radio Career After Age 30′.)
– “Daily News”

ALL-TIME BOTTOM FEEDERS:
TODAY’s issue of “Blender’” magazine ranks ‘The 50 Worst Songs Ever’. Here’s their opinion of what should be in the worst 10 …
1. “We Built This City” – Starship (1985)
2. “Achy Breaky Heart” – Billy Ray Cyrus (1992)
3. “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” – Wang Chung (1986)
4. “Rollin” – Limp Bizkit (2000)
5. “Ice Ice Baby” – Vanilla Ice (1990)
6. “The Heart of Rock & Roll” – Huey Lewis & The News (1984)
7. “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” – Bobby McFerrin (1988)
8. “Party All the Time” – Eddie Murphy (1985)
9. “American Life” – Madonna (2003)
10. “Ebony & Ivory” – Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder (1982)
(The truth of it is – the absolute worst songs of all-time were so bad they never got played. We have a rare recording titled “The Donkey Farewell [You Can Kiss Your Ass Goodbye”].)

BS AMAZING FACT:
A new Dutch medical poll finds that over 4% of male physicians in the Netherlands admit to having sexual contact with up to 3 patients each. (“Say ooohhhhh … I mean ahhhh.”)

AND WE QUOTE:
• “I never went anywhere.” – Prince correcting an “Entertainment Weekly” reporter who had the audacity to ask about his ‘comeback’.
• “Paula’s actually got a very naughty face. I think she is quite sexy. But then I got to know her.” – Simon Cowell telling “Elle” magazine about fellow “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul.

THE BULL SHEET 04.20.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [55] Jessica Lange, Cloquet MN, movie actress (“Big Fish”, Oscars-“Blue Sky”, “Tootsie”)

1951 [53] Luther Vandross, NYC, R&B singer (“Buy Me a Rose”, “Dance With My Father”)/stroke victim

1972 [32] Carmen Electra (Tara Leigh Patrick), Sharonville OH, movie actress (“Starsky & Hutch”, “Scary Movie”)/Mrs Dave Navarro since 2003/ex-Mrs Dennis Rodman

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Take a Break to Reset Your Mind Day”. (Yep, there’s nothing like electro-shock therapy, right [co-host]?)

THIS WEEKEND is the 16th annual “National Dream Hotline”, sponsored by the School of Metaphysics in Windyville MO. All weekend-long you can have your dreams interpreted for free, as long as you pay the long distance charges. The most common dream symbols are teeth falling out, and being at school or work unprepared.
PHONER: 417.345.8411 (Pam Blosser)
Get 9 steps to understanding your own dreams here …
NET: http://www.dreamschool.org

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1993 [11] Shania Twain’s self-titled 1st album is released (not a hit but it causes Nashville to note her vocal abilities, leading to her breakthrough album “The Woman In Me”)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1879 [125] 1st ‘mobile home’ is unveiled in London UK (eventually leads to “The Jerry Springer Show”)

1973 [31] Canada’s “Anik A2″ becomes world’s 1st ‘commercial satellite’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [12] World record ‘house of cards’ measures 75-feet-high

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day (formerly ‘Secretaries Day’)
[Wed] Kindergarten Day
[Thurs] Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day
[Thurs] Earth Day
[Fri] World Lab Animal Day
[Sun] Hug an Australian Day
This Week Is . . . Karaoke Week / Bike Safety Week
This Month Is . . . Pets Are Wonderful Month / Philatelic Societies Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• Are there bathrooms in hell … or do you just have to hold it?
• Which came first, the Chicken McNugget or the Egg McMuffin?
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they ‘go back to’?
• Are hookers considered ‘laymen’?
• How do you know when you’ve run out of ‘invisible ink’?
• Do hearses get to use the ‘car pool lane’?
• Can you buy an entire chess set in a ‘pawn shop’?
• Shouldn’t the term ‘homemaker’ refer to, say, carpenters?
• How can there be self-help ‘groups’?
• Is the only difference between ‘neurotic’ and ‘eccentric’ how much money you have?

PRETEND YOU’RE A POLITICIAN:
Have phone participants compete for prizes based on their ability to AVOID answering direct questions. Winners must exhibit a knack for ‘fuzzifying’ their answers just like elected officials.

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What seafood menu item has around 3 dozen eyes in its original form?
A: Scallops. (Mmmm, bon appetit!)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In North America, there are more fake ones than real ones. What?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Flamingos.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The average person thinks he isn’t.

 


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