Tuesday, April 13, 2004        Edition: #2766
We Give a Sheet!

More than 12,000 Martha Stewart fans have signed a petition to George W Bush, asking the prez to pardon the convicted domestic diva (in related news, Stewart is said to be suffering a severe case of writer’s cramp …) . . . Director Peter Bogdanovich will make an ESPN original movie called “Hustle”, the story of baseball star Pete Rose’s gambling-related downfall . . . Tom Cruise is slimming down for his starring role in the upcoming sequel “Mission Impossible 3″, adhering to a strict diet while in Berlin scouting locations . . . Sony Pictures has snagged the film rights to “Against All Enemies”, the best-selling book by former US counter-terrorism adviser Richard Clarke that accuses the Bush administration of ignoring the Al Qaeda threat (the main catalyst behind the ongoing 9/11 hearings) . . . A NJ superior court judge has finally thrown out the $100-million breach-of-contract lawsuit filed by Whitney Houston’s late father against her back in 2002 (wow, something happened to her that didn’t involve anyone going to go to jail!).

• David Bowie – His Website has launched a contest for fans to remix any of his past tracks and one from his most recent album, “Reality”. The winner gets an Audi TT!
NET: http://www.davidbowie.com/neverFollow
•  Madonna – She’ll no longer perform on Friday nights, in observance of the Jewish Sabbath which begins at sundown. Though raised Catholic, she now follows the mystical Judaism offshoot Kabbalah.

“Kill Bill: Volume 1″ (Martial Arts Thriller / DVD): Timed to arrive just days before “Volume 2″ hits movie theaters FRIDAY, director Quentin Tarantino’s 4th film is an epic tale of one woman’s quest for justice. Uma Thurman stars as ‘The Bride’, a professional assassin who wants to quit her job, who’s murdered by her old partners on her wedding day – or so they think. Waking up from a coma years later, she embarks on a mission of revenge. Co-stars Lucy Liu, Vivica A Fox, Daryl Hannah, and David Carradine as the heard but rarely-seen title character ‘Bill’.

Teeth whitening may be all the rage in North America, but in Japan it’s estimated that up to 60% of women now use whitening products – on their skin. Appearing ‘Western’ has long been a key to success in Japanese social circles, but now the proliferation of skin lightening products is causing controversy. Critics say that the process of skin whitening encourages women to strive for a ‘homogenized and stereotypical Western ideal of beauty’. (Maybe Michael Jackson would get some respect in Tokyo.)
– “London Observer”

What may have been one of the earliest pet cats has been found in Cyprus. French archaeologists say the 8-month-old kitten appears to have been deliberately buried alongside a human in a Stone Age grave about 9,500 years ago. Researchers at the National Museum of Natural History in Paris say it may represent the earliest example of a domesticated cat. Previously, it was thought cats were first domesticated in ancient Egypt 3,000 to 4,000 years ago.
– The journal “Science”.

Music industry honchos are looking to jack up the cost of downloads. The 5 major recording labels apparently all agree that 99 cents per song is too cheap for music downloads, and are discussing a price hike that would increase the fee to range from $1.25 to $2.99 per song. (An iPod can hold 7,500 songs – do they really think the average kid is going to spend 10 grand filling it? They should be dropping prices not raising them!)
– “Wall Street Journal”

• An Argentinian father of 37 is campaigning for free vasectomies. Cleto Ruiz Diaz, who lives with 3 partners and all 37 children in a 2-bedroom apartment, says he doesn’t want any more kids.
• An odd destination has become popular for school trips in greater Detroit MI – the county morgue. Both the Oakland and Wayne County morgues offer 3-hour tours and they’re booked solid through the end of the year. Originally meant to impress students with the dangers of drug & alcohol abuse, dangerous driving and gang violence, the morgue tours have now become trendy-cool field trip destinations thanks to TV shows like “CSI”. Combined, the 2 morgues perform 5,000 autopsies a year.
• An 86-year-old Swiss man seen driving the wrong way down a freeway stopped when he saw police – to complain that everyone else was going the wrong way! He’d even been flashing his headlights at all the other drivers.
• Some crooks in Johnson County, Indiana are likely a tad disappointed after discovering the pickup truck they highjacked contained only a shipment of – 25,000 sets of ‘Billy Bob Teeth’, novelty chompers that make you appear to have crooked, decayed, tobacco-stained teeth.

What may be recognized as a world record real estate deal has closed in London, England. Formula One racing boss Bernie Ecclestone has sold his 12-bedroom central London home to billionaire Indian steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal for £70million, about CDN $171 million/$129 million. The house is 55 times bigger than Britain’s average and has garage space for 20 cars.

• According to the upcoming TV special “Land of Lost Monsters”, the first humans to step on North American soil encountered  armadillos the size of a car, 1-ton man-eating bears, and gigantic beavers.
– Animal Planet
• We lose no less than 12 calories during every passionate kiss.
– “Pravda”


1939 [65] Paul Sorvino, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“The Cooler”, “GoodFellas”)/actress Mira Sorvino’s pop

1946 [58] Al Green, Forrest City AR, oldies singer/songwriter (“Let’s Stay Together”, “Tired of Being Alone”) who’ll be inducted into the “Songwriters Hall of Fame” JUNE 10th in NYC

1950 [54] Ron Perlman, NYC, movie actor (“Hellboy”, “Beauty & the Beast”)

1951 [53] Max Weinberg, South Orange NJ, TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien” since 1993)/rock drummer (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)

1963 [41] Garry Kasparov, Baku AZERBAIJAN, youngest-ever World Chess Champion (at age 22 in 1985)/beat IBM’s ‘Big Blue’ computer

1975 [29] Lou Bega, Monaco di Baviera GER, one-hit-wonder singer (“Mambo #5″)

TODAY is “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the birthday of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Depression. The game was just a fad with his friends until a Macy’s executive saw it being played at a resort  in 1952, and soon the world’s largest store began carrying it.
• There are 100 letter tiles and 225 squares on a standard game board.
• The National Scrabble Association sanctions over 175 tournaments in the US and Canada every year.
• The highest score for a single word is believed to be 392 points by Karl Khoshnaw of Manchester UK for the word ‘caziques’ (West Indian chiefs) in 1982.

THIS WEEKEND the week-long “World Cow Chip Throwing Championships” wind up in Beaver OK. Since 1970, hopeful chippers have been lining up to see how far they can hurl the bovine frisbees. The distance record has stood since 1979 when the mighty Leland Searcy slung his stool an awesome 182-ft, 3-ins, more than 20 ft further than more recent winners. ‘King Cow Chip’, a leering cartoon of a dried bovine fecal wad wearing a tilted crown, is the town’s registered trademark.
PHONER: 580.625.4726 (Beaver County Chamber of Commerce)

1808 [196] 1st ‘tap dance’, by William Henry Lane (not to be confused with 1st ‘lap dance’)

1989 [15] Tribunal of Canadian Human Rights Commission 1st rules gay couples can constitute a family (children begin getting a talk on the ‘birds and the birds’)

1998 [06] World’s 1st cloned sheep ‘Dolly’ gives birth to a baby lamb – the old fashioned way

1984 [20] 1st National League baseball player to amass 4,000 hits (Pete Rose, while playing for Montréal Expos)

1997 [07] At age 21, Tiger Woods becomes youngest to ever to win The Masters and also sets a record by finishing at 18 under par

[Thurs] National High Five Day
[Thurs] IRS Tax Day
[Thurs] “The Apprentice” season finalé
[Fri] Stress Awareness Day
[Sat] Canadian Equality Day
[Sat] National Blah Blah Blah Day
[Sun] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Sun] Teach Children to Save Day
[Mon] 10th TV-Turnoff Week begins
This Week Is . . . Home Safety Week / Medical Laboratory Week
This Month Is . . . Multicultural Communication Month / Anxiety Month

This is “Worldwide Innovation Month”, so let’s play the …
Which of the following came first?
• ‘Instant coffee’ or ‘powdered coffee whitener’? [The Nestle Co 1st introduced Nescafé instant coffee in 1938. It also introduced the 1st non-dairy powdered creamer, Coffee-Mate, but not until 1961.]
• The ‘skyscraper’ or the ‘elevator’? [The first skyscraper, the ‘Home Insurance Building’ in Chicago, was completed in 1885 and towered 10 stories, 138 feet. The first elevator, called the ‘Flying Chair’, was installed in King Louis XV’s private apartments in the Palace of Versailles much earlier, in 1743. It gave him secret access to his mistress on the floor above.]
• The air conditioner or Queen Elizabeth II? [ Willis Carrier designed and installed the first air-conditioner in 1919. Frosty Queen Elizabeth II didn’t come along until 1926.]
• Dolly Parton or the first ‘bra’? [Dolly was born in 1946, but Marie Tucek patented the first ‘breast supporter’ way back in 1893.]
• Color TV or Crayola crayons? [Scottish engineer John Baird built the first working color TV in 1928, Binney & Smith introduced the first Crayola crayons in 1903.]
• The ‘rubber band’ or the ‘jazz band’? [Perry & Co first patented the rubber band in 1845. The Original Dixieland Jazz Band didn’t make the first jazz recording until 1917.]
• ‘Chewing gum’ or ‘dental floss’? [In 1848, John B Curtis made and sold the 1st commercial chewing gum called the ‘State of Maine Pure Spruce Gum’. Johnson & Johnson Co was 1st to patent dental floss in 1898.]
• The ‘Hula-Hoop’ or the ‘Yo-Yo’? [The Hula-Hoop craze hit in 1958 when Wham-O began selling them for $1.98. The Yo-Yo is considered the 2nd-oldest toy in history, the oldest being the doll.]
• ‘Computers’ or ‘aspirin’? [John Atanasoff & Clifford Berry built the first modern computer in 1942. Bayer started marketing ‘Aspirin’ way back in 1899.]

• Environment Canada is launching a $50,000 study on – cow farts. A University of Manitoba professor will lead an investigation to measure the amount of methane gas produced by cattle.
Worldwide studies on the subject have used a variety of techniques – some measuring the air content in barns, others installing a measuring device on animals’ snouts.
PHONER: 204.474.9139 (Professor Karin Wittenberg, Winnipeg MB)
• Michelle Hemphill of Ohio is suing a greeting card company for $25,000 in damages. It seems a card showing her drinking liquor and smoking cigarettes with her bridesmaids on her wedding day 22 years ago has become popular. Inside the card reads, “Isn’t Love Intoxicating? Congratulations on Your Special Day.” She claims the card is an invasion of privacy.
PHONER: 937.324.2961 (Bruce & Michelle Hemphill, Springfield OH)

Q: If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
A: You have the 2 that you took.

Q: If you have only 1 match and you enter a room where there are a kerosene lamp, oil burner and a wood-burning stove, which would you light first?
A: The match.

Q: The maker doesn’t want it, the buyer doesn’t use it, and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.

Today’s Question: What do 1 in 9 men rarely use, no matter how much you fuss at them?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Turn signals.

The trouble with words is that you never know whose mouth they’ve been in.


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