Friday, April 2, 2004        Edition: #2759
There’s No BS Like Show BS …

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TOMORROW Donald Trump hosts “Saturday Night Live” (tickets are reportedly being scalped for hundreds of dollars) . . . TOMORROW Mike Myers & Cameron Diaz co-host Nickelodeon’s 17th annual “Kids’ Choice Awards”, and as we all know by now, Jennifer Lopez will get slimed . . . SUNDAY Nathan Lane & Matthew Broderick finish up their record-breaking run in the hit Broadway musical “The Producers” (it sucked up $1.6 million in a single week, the highest weekly take in Broadway history) . . . Mega-rich new NY Yankee Alex  Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’) is looking for a home in NYC and is willing to roll out circa $20 million, an amount that has real estate agents salivating as well as potential landlords, including Donald Trump, who’s reportedly wooing him to shack up in Trump Tower . . . Rumor has it talk show maven Ellen DeGeneres is planning to marry her 3-year companion Alexandra Hedison in a ceremony THIS SUMMER (who gets to wear the wedding gown?) . . . The 6 actors who supply the voices for “The Simpsons” have refused to show up for the last 2 recording sessions, holding out for a pay raise close to 300% (or about $300,000 – per day!) . . . Here’s a reversal of the norm – an American reality show is being exported to Britain – wannabe tycoons will travel the world with billionaire UK businessman Richard Branson (Virgin Corp) in “Branson’s Big Adventure”, modeled on Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice” . . . And word has it ABC-TV is looking to bring “Charlie’s Angels” back as a weekly series, featuring 3 brand new ‘Angels’ (casting ideas, anyone?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Nickelback – THIS AFTERNOON they’ll coach an NHL alumni team (including Lanny McDonald, Russ Courtnall, Patrick Flatley, Jamie Macoun) in the “Juno Cup for Music Education” in Edmonton vs a team of recording stars (Sam Roberts, Aaron Lines, Jeremy Taggart of Our Lady Peace, Blue Rodeo’s Jim Cuddy & Tyler Stewart of Barenaked Ladies) coached by Kathleen Edwards. The event kicks off “Juno Awards” weekend.
• Tim McGraw – He performs a tune called “Wherever The Trail May Lead” on the soundtrack of the new Disney animated comedy “Home On The Range”.
• Jon Bon Jovi – He & wife Dorothea welcomed their 4th child THIS WEEK, then cursed him with the name ‘Romeo Jon’.
• Madonna – Her upcoming “re-Invention Tour” will feature music and dozens of outfits from every stage of her 21-year career.
• Britney Spears – TOMORROW her “Live From Miami “ special airs on Showtime. The “Onyx Hotel Tour 2004″ concert was actually recorded LAST SUNDAY.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Walking Tall” (Crime Drama): Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson stars as a  Special Forces soldier who returns to his hometown and finds it infested with drugs and crime. Picking up a 2-by-4, he starts kicking butt in an effort to clean the place up as its new sheriff. Eat your popcorn quickly … it only runs 75 minutes! A remake of the 1973 sleeper hit that starred Joe Don Baker.
• “Hellboy” (Action Adventure): Ron Perlman has the title role in this bigscreen version of the comic book superhero, a demon summoned to Earth in a pagan ritual performed by mad Russian monk ‘Rasputin’ for the Nazis in 1944. He grows up to become a defender against the forces of darkness along with a posse of other ‘gifted people’.
• “Home on the Range” (Family Comedy): To save the ‘Patch of Heaven’ dairy farm, the farm animals (Judi Dench, Roseanne Barr, Jennifer Tilly, Cuba Gooding Jr) go bounty hunting for a notorious outlaw (Randy Quaid). The ‘PG’ rating is due to ‘Maggie’ the cow’s line about her udders (“Yeah, they’re real. Quit staring.”). This is the final traditionally animated Disney feature, ending a 44-film legacy that began with “Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs” in 1937. All future Disney animated films will be done using CGI computer animation.
• “The Prince & Me” (Romantic Comedy): Julia Stiles & Luke Mably star in this fairytale love story about a pre-med student who falls in love with a Danish prince who has rebelled against  the traditions of his parents and moved to America to attend university. (It’s “The Princess Diaries” … backwards.)

2004 JUNO AWARDS:
• SUNDAY Alanis Morissette hosts live on CTV from Edmonton’s Rexall Place.
• Performances include Barenaked Ladies, Nelly Furtado, Avril Lavigne, Sarah McLachlan, Michael Buble & Nickelback.
• Nickelback, Sarah McLachlan & Nelly Furtado lead nominations with 5 apiece.
• ‘Goodie bags’ for performers & presenters reportedly include products worth ‘tens of thousands of dollars’ such as – a box of Saxon chocolates, a 6-pack of Steam Whistle beer, a Puma T-shirt, and a pair of PF Flyers sneakers. (We look so silly when we try to mimic tacky American commercialism.)
NET: http://www.juno-awards.ca

SHE COULD HAVE POSED FOR STAMPS IN PERSON!
During WWII, the Canadian government gave asylum to Princess Julianna, heir to the Dutch throne, and her family. Her thank-you gift of tulips are about to blossom again in Ottawa. Now we hear another royal could have temporarily made Canada home. TODAY newly declassified Cold War-era intelligence files go on exhibit at Britain’s National Archives in London. Among them, a paper outlining a contingency plan in the event the Soviet Union launched a nuclear attack on Britain. It suggests Queen Elizabeth would be spirited out of the UK and flown to Canada. (Wow, Rideau Hall could have housed a real queen instead of someone who likes to act the role.)
– “Telegraph”

SORRY RALPH, MY DANCE CARD’S FULL:
The new edition of “Stuff” magazine features a 2-page article on ‘gancing’, a supposedly hot new club trend in which straight guys dance with other straight guys. Guy-guy dancing features interesting moves such as ‘The Lumberjack’ and ‘The Diana Ross’ … or it might if it were real. The entire thing was made up as the magazine’s contribution to April Fool’s Day.
– ABC News

FEMME-MOBILE:
At a Swiss auto show, Volvo has introduced the first car designed and developed exclusively by women. The ‘YCC’ (‘Your Concept Car’) is a sporty coupe that includes custom features such as computerized assistance for parallel parking, changeable seat covers, handbag compartments, even head rests with little indentations – for ponytails. It’s unclear if the experimental car will ever hit the market. (Sounds kinda dumb, right? What would women REALLY want in a car?)
– “Globe & Mail”

DUELING STICKS:
Any parent who’s read AA Milne’s “Winnie-the-Pooh” books to kids knows what the game of ‘Pooh-sticks’ is – a race that involves dropping sticks in a river from a bridge and seeing which gets to the finish line first. But did you know there’s an annual championship? At the 21st annual “World Pooh-Sticks Race” in Days Lock, England, the Czech Republic has won the team gold medal, while the individual gold went to a 55-year-old British woman. And here’s the lovely thing about the game – a14-month-old girl came in second. (‘Eeyore’ was heard to mutter afterward, “Oh well, it’s just a stupid game anyway.”)
– BBC News Online

BS AMAZING FACT:
The NCAA Final Four Tournament is the 2nd-biggest betting event of the year after the Super Bowl.

THE BULL SHEET 04.02.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [57] Emmylou Harris, Birmingham AL, country singer with 7 Grammy Awards (“Blue Kentucky Girl”)

1961 [43] Christopher Meloni, Washington DC, TV actor (‘Detective Elliot Stabler’ on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1961 [43] Buddy Jewell, Osceola AR, country singer who won 1st season of USA Network’s “Nashville Star” talent hunt (“Sweet Southern Comfort”, “Help Pour Out the Rain”)

1962 [42] Billy Dean, Quincy FL, country singer (“Thank God I’m A Country Boy”, “It’s What I Do”)

1967 [37] Greg Camp, West Covina CA, pop guitarist (Smash Mouth-“I’m A Believer”, “All Star”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [80] Marlon Brando, Omaha NE, legendary movie actor (8 Academy Award nominations, 2 Oscars-“The Godfather”, “On the Waterfront”)

1942 [62] Wayne Newton, Roanoke VA, aging pop singer who’s become a Las Vegas institution (“Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast”, “Danke Schoen”)

1958 [46] Alec Baldwin, Massapequa NY, movie actor (2004 Oscar nomination-“The Cooler”, “Pearl Harbor”, “Ghosts of Mississippi”)/ex-Mr Kim Basinger

1959 [45] David Hyde Pierce, Saratoga Springs NY, TV actor (3 Emmy Awards as ‘Niles Crane’ on “Frasier” 1993-2004)/sometime movie actor (voice of ‘Abe Sapien’ in “Hellboy”)  FACTOID: “Frasier’s” 1-hour series finalé airs MAY 13th.

1961 [43] Eddie Murphy, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Daddy Day Care”, Dr Doolittle 1 & 2″, “Nutty Professor 1 & 2″, “Shrek”)  UP NEXT: The comedy sequel “Daddy Day Camp”, coming in 2005.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Children’s Book Day”, celebrated on the birthday of one of the most famous children’s authors, Hans Christian Andersen, who was born in Denmark on this day in 1805. He penned 168 fairy tales in all, including “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, “The Princess and the Pea”, “The Ugly Duckling”, “Thumbelina”, and “The Little Mermaid”.
BS LEAST RECOMMENDED CHILDREN’S BOOKS:
• “Places Where Daddy Hides Neat Things”
• “The Mouse, the Motorcycle & the Organ Donor Card”
• “How to Write Your Name in the Snow”
• “The Little Sissy Who Snitched”
• “Whining, Kicking & Crying to Get Your Way”
• “What’s That Bag For, Grandpa?”
• “Harry Potter & the Decline of Literacy”

TODAY is “Reconciliation Day”, a day to write a letter or make a phone call in order to mend broken relationships. (“Sorry about that April Fool’s Day whoopee cushion!”)

TODAY is “National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day”, celebrating what may be the world’s most popular sandwich. But what else have you sandwiched with peanut butter? We like PB and tuna. Nummers!

TODAY is “Don’t Go to Work Unless It’s Fun Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to enjoy work,  not just endure it – even though a recent poll finds 66% of us are unhappy with our jobs.

TOMORROW is “Armenian Appreciation Day”. Armenia is a small country bordering the Black Sea which most recently re-gained its independence in 1991. It’s history of invasion and genocide has led to Armenians fleeing and settling around-the-world. Famous folks with Armenian heritage include Canadian film director Atom Egoyan, Canadian children’s entertainer Raffi (Cavoukian), singer Gwen Sefani, tennis player Andre Agassi, chess champ Gary Kasparov and retired singer Cher (Sarkissian). It’s easy to spot an Armenian – most names end in ‘i-a-n’. Check out the ‘Armenian Hall of Fame’ here …
NET: http://www.cilicia.com/armo22.html

THIS WEEKEND is “Alcohol Free Weekend”, thanks to the National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependence. (Who apparently won’t be going to any Final Four parties.)

SATURDAY is the 26th annual “Spamarama” in Austin TX, the annual ‘pandemonious party of potted meat’ featuring the ‘Spamalympics’, ‘Spam Cookoff’, ‘Wild Spam Call’, and ‘Spam Relay’.
PHONER: 512.441.2012 (Spamarama Hotline)
NET: http://www.spamarama.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1902 [102] 1st ‘motion picture theater’ opens (LA’s ‘Electric Theater’ charges 10-cent admission for an hour, including films “The Capture of the Biddle Brothers” and “New York in a Blizzard”)

1956 [48] 1st episode of daytime TV drama “As the World Turns” (Susan Lucci doesn’t win an Emmy)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1978 [26] ‘Velcro’ 1st introduced (inspired by the little hooks on burrs that attach to clothing)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1975 [29] ‘World’s tallest free-standing structure’, Toronto’s CN Tower, is completed at 555 meters or 1,821 feet (only Torontonians can actually say ‘world’s tallest free-standing structure’ without stumbling)

1980 [24] Toshiaki Shirai & Yukiki Nagata of Tokyo set world record for ‘underwater kissing’ (2 minutes, 18 seconds)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat-Mon] NCAA Final Four Basketball Tournament (San Antonio TX)
[Sun] Palm Sunday
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time begins (‘Spring forward’ @ 2 am)
[Sun] Check Your Batteries Day
[Mon] Passover begins at sundown
This Week Is . . . Medication Safety Week (did you forget to take your medication today?)
This Month Is . . . Amateur Radio Month / Child Abuse Prevention Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:

• Whyzit when parents catch their kids pulling a roll of toilet paper around the house they get upset yet when the puppy does it … it’s ‘cute’?
• Whyzit they are saving ‘Daylight Time’ and where do they keep it?
• Whyzit anti-globalization protests take place … all over the world?
• Whyzit credit card companies keep ‘preselecting’ me for rejection?
• Whyzit we tolerate silent letters? If they’ve got nothing to say, why don’t we throw them out of the word?
• Whyzit the chicken can’t just appreciate the side of the road she’s on?
• Whyzit reading in the bathroom isn’t considered ‘multi-tasking’?
• Whyzit we want to look like people who don’t eat?

BS INTERVIEW:
St Marys ON is already home to the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame. Could the little town possibly become more famous? It will if Bill McCarthy has his way. He hopes to use a recently-closed church as the headquarters for his ‘Bells of St Marys’, a service that would make the town the same-sex wedding capital of Canada.
PHONER: 519.274.2172/519.284.0880
NET: http://www.bellsofstmarys.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
A new law in the Australian state of New South Wales will place strict limits on electronic surveillance in the workplace. For one thing, employers will be banned from snooping through employees’ private e-mail. Do you think your employer spies on you? Should it be allowed?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• People think I have an interesting and unusual walk. Hey, I’m just trying to hold my gut in.
• I never knew what real happiness was until I got married … and by then it was too late.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is a simple trick … but only 30% of us know how to do it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Flare our nostrils.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk a lot less.


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