Tuesday, April 29, 2003                     Edition: #2529
The bovine fecal material has hit the air circulating device!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Isaac Hayes, Mavis Staples and Booker T & the MG’s will be at the grand opening of the “Stax Museum of American Soul Music” in Memphis, Tennessee (aka ‘Soulsville USA’) . . . TONIGHT “Jerry Springer: The Opera” opens at Britain’s National Theater, an outrageous musical based on Jerry Springer’s trashy talk show that includes a diaper fetishist confessing to his true love and a dance routine by the Ku Klux Klan . . . THIS WEEK Christina Aguilera is moving into her new $5-million, 6,500 sq-ft Hollywood Hills home, complete with 25-ft waterfall . . . Country star Brad Paisley’s new video “Celebrity” features cameos by Jason Alexander, William Shatner & “Bachelorette” star Trista Rehn (song should be called ‘Has-Been’) . . . Designer Jean Paul Gaultier, famous for those needle-sharp bra cups during Madonna’s mid-’80s phase, will create the costumes for Marilyn Manson’s upcoming “Golden Age of Grotesque” tour (including needle-sharp bra cups) . . . Vera Moder, ex-wife of Julia Roberts’s hubby Danny, has sent Julia T-shirts with cruel remarks on the front including ‘Who’s Crying Now?’ and another with a big ‘#2′ (as in wife) . . . NBC-TV will air a new reality show called “Celebrity Temps” in which celebrities trade places with ‘regular people’ for a day (would make a good radio bit with you & your listeners) . . . And it had to happen – an all-reality cable channel, Reality Central, is being developed to debut in early 2004 (it was formerly known as ‘FOX’).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Sandra Bullock & Hugh Grant in the romantic comedy “Two Weeks Notice”, about a lawyer who’s used like a nanny by her boss, so she walks out on him . . . The Disney animated adventure “Treasure Planet”, a futuristic spin on Robert Louis Stevenson’s adventure classic, “Treasure Island” (a restored version of the 1950 Disney live-action feature “Treasure Island” also makes its DVD debut TODAY) . . . Kenneth Branagh stars in the highly-acclaimed Down Under film, “Rabbit-Proof Fence”, the tale of a trio of Aboriginal girls fleeing from racist whites in Australia.

AND YOU THOUGHT CELL PHONES ARE ANNOYING NOW:
Mobile phones are being developed that will enable audio messages to be sent. For example, if you send “Happy Birthday” via this new system, the person holding the phone and everyone around them will hear the song.

WAND BEATS SCEPTER:
According to a new survey of British wealth, “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling is now richer than Queen Elizabeth II. Rowling’s worth is estimated at $444 million, compared to just $397 million for her nibs.

SAWING LOGS HURTS:
Researchers at the National Institute on Aging in Maryland have found that people who with frequent headaches are twice as likely to be chronic snorers than those who only suffer occasional headaches. The cause may be tiredness resulting from being woken up by their own noise. (Serve me … er, I mean the bastards right!)

HAVE A CUPPA HEALTH:
A new Harvard Medical School report in the “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences” suggests that an ordinary cup of tea may be a powerful infection fighter. Researchers found a chemical in tea called L-theanine that boosts the body’s defenses against disease by 5 times. They think it may be possible to turn it into a disease-fighting drug someday. (If the tea-mad UK is any indication, it also has a downside – hideously yellow teeth!)

FREQUENT FLIER:
Wildlife experts have identified a bird that is an astounding 52-years-old and has flown over 5
million miles in its lifetime. The Manx Shearwater, found on Bardsey Island off Wales, was first tagged in MAY, 1957 when it was about 6-years-old. Its trips have included annual winter vacations in South America and regular 600-mile feeding flights. (This baby lasted longer than the supersonic Concorde.)

DARK ART:
A large collection of graphics by painter Edvard Munch (famous for “The Scream”) is on exhibit in Oslo, Norway in a gallery that’s – totally dark. Patrons have to use flashlights to see anything at all. The Stenersen Museum decided this was the only way to exhibit the collection because the thrifty Munch used such cheap quality paper. Exposed to normal lighting, the works would discolor and fade. (Makes for a great blind date.)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Playing-cards were known in Persia and India as far back as the 12th century. A pack then
consisted of 48 instead of 52 cards. (Or 55 … as in modern-day Iraq.)
• Employment experts say that during a job interview, you should never spend more than 60 seconds answering a question. (“Why did you leave your last position?” “Stunk.”)

THE BULL SHEET 04.29.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [49] Jerry Seinfeld, Brooklyn NY, retired TV actor (“Seinfeld” 1990-98)/stand-up comedian  FACTOID: He reportedly made $225 million from the sale of syndication rights to his sit-com.

1957 [46] Daniel Day-Lewis, London ENG, movie actor (“Gangs of New York”, Oscar-“My Left Foot”, “In the Name of the Father”)

1958 [45] Michelle Pfeiffer, Santa Ana CA, movie actress (“White Oleander”, “I Am Sam”, “Up Close & Personal”)/Mrs David E Kelley since 1993

1970 [33] Andre Agassi, Las Vegas NV, pro tennis player/Mr Steffi Graf/ex-Mr Brooke Shields

1970 [33] Uma Thurman, Boston MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Gattaca”, “Pulp Fiction”)/Mrs Ethan Hawke  UP NEXT: Plays a female assassin named ‘Black Mamba’ who seeks revenge after she’s attacked on her wedding day by her husband in the Quentin Tarantino crime comedy “Kill Bill”, opening OCTOBER 10.

1973 [30] Mike Hogan, Dublin IRE, rock bassist (Cranberries-“Promises”, “Linger”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[International] Puppetry Day
[Jewish] Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day)

TODAY is “Moment of Laughter Day”, a day set aside to experience the ‘power of laughter’. (Unfortunately, not on this show.)

TODAY is “Adult Public Skipping Day”, a day for adults to skip in public to feel like a child again. (Playing hopscotch can be fun, too!)

TOMORROW is the 8th annual “International Noise Awareness Day”, to educate the public about the harmful effects of noise on hearing, health and the quality of life, originally started by the ‘League for the Hard of Hearing’ in 1996 and now observed in over 30 countries. In celebration, we are encouraged to observe the ‘Quiet Diet’ – 1 minute of quiet, regardless of where we are from 2:15 to 2:16pm. Today’s a good day to play ‘Name That Noise’, where contestants must identify mystery SFX. What’s the absolute worst noise to endure?
PHONER: 519-826-5833 (Noise Watch HQ Guelph ON)/416-590-1827 (Noise Watch Toronto)
PHONER: 888-NOISE-88 (Noise Center of the League for the Hard of Hearing)
NET: http://www3.sympatico.ca/noise
NET: http://www.lhh.org/noise

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1976 [27] Bruce Springsteen climbs the fence at Graceland in Memphis but security guards quickly grab him & toss him out

1992 [11] Singer & future “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul weds actor Emilio Estevez in Santa Monica CA (doesn’t last long)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1852 [151] 1st edition of “Roget’s Thesaurus” (what’s another word for ‘thesaurus’?)

1880 [123] ‘Bell Telephone Co of Canada’ formed (‘Ma Bell’)

1913 [90] ‘Hooker #1′ patented by Gideon Sundback of Hoboken NJ, the 1st all-purpose zipper
1961 [42] 1st broadcast of “ABC’s Wide World of Sports” (‘Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport, the constant variety of human competition, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. This is ABC’s Wide World of Sports!’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1995 [08] World’s ‘longest sausage’ measures 28.77 miles (Kitchener ON)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Canadian Income Tax deadline
[Wed] National Walk Days
[Wed] National Honesty Day
[Wed] Hairstylist Appreciation Day
[Wed] National SpankOut Day
This Week Is . . . National Volunteer Week
This Month Is . . . Community Spirit Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS AUTO HOROSCOPES:
To find out your vehicle’s astrological sign look for a sticker on the inside of the driver’s side door or in the bottom corner of the windshield that lists the exact month & year it was manufactured. Auto horoscopes are based month-to-month because vehicles are assembled over a period of weeks, not just a single day.
• ARIES (April) – These cars are among the most reliable you can buy, but they do have aggravating characteristics. They commonly have squealing brakes and may be slow to start in  the winter. Paint durability is not the best.
• TAURUS (May) – Taurean cars are strong, but cooling and electrical systems are troublesome. Engines are more durable than most and withstand considerable abuse. Heaters and air-conditioners are tip-top.
• GEMINI (June) – Cars manufactured under the sign of the twins tend to lead a dual life, running flawlessly one day and sputtering the next. They are extremely durable however and with a little elbow grease and mechanical know-how, you can keep them on the road forever.
• CANCER (July) – Cancer cars tend to be well-crafted and rarely develop squeaks, leaks or rattles. On a low note, performance is middle of the pack and power options are fickle.
• LEO (August) – These cars tend to be unreliable and have engine, brake and suspension woes. But they can be a good buy if the price is right and you do very little driving.
• VIRGO (September) – Cars built under the sign of Virgo are excellent highway cruisers but perform poorly in stop-and-go traffic. Clutch problems are a real nuisance. Best purchased with an automatic transmission.
• LIBRA (October) – Libran cars are born to run and are top choices for hard-driving teens and hot-rodders. Excellent paint, but leaks and rattles are a given for autos made under the sign of the scales.
• SCORPIO (November) – These cars combine reliability, performance and durability to rate among the best of all autos. They tend to guzzle more gas than other cars. But they are still considered the ‘best-bet’ for any driver.
• SAGITTARIUS (December) – Sagittarian cars are timid performers regardless of engine size and are slightly less reliable than average. The good news is these autos love long trips, so they are best-suited for people who like to travel. But beware, they tend to be sluggish in city driving.
• CAPRICORN (January) – Look out! Shoddy interiors and premature tire wear mar these otherwise strong performers. Reliable and responsive, Capricorn cars are a good choice if you can afford to keep them in rubber.
• AQUARIUS (February) – Aquarian cars are slick performers and are extremely reliable in the short run. Rust can be a problem and dashboard readouts tend to be inaccurate. These cars are a great buy for people who plan to trade in for a new one every couple of years.
• PISCES (March) – Piscean cars are the cream of the cop but require more maintenance than most. Engines and transmissions are always strong performers and brakes are flawless. These cars are an excellent choice for motorists who like to tinker, visit auto parts stores and change their own oil.

BS TRIVIA:
California inventor Charles Douglass has just died at age 93. What did he invent?
a. The ‘low rider’ car that can be raised and lowered hydraulically.
b. The ‘laugh track’ used to enhance television comedies.
c. The ‘tie-dyed T-shirt’.
[He was the Emmy Award-winning developer of the laugh track. Since the 1950s, his ‘Laff Box’
has been used to ‘sweeten’ the soundtrack of sitcoms with recordings of various types of laughter. His son Bob Douglass is still in the biz, using hi-tech computerized sounds.]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What would you like attached to your body to make things easier?” (Tiny mobile phones are being developed to attach to your skin, as well as keyboards, and Internet screens.)
• “Have you got a secret? At what price would you sell out?”

BS BLATANT JOKE:
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In order to pay less for something, 10% of us have done THIS.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Switched tags on store items.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s “Bull Sheet”!

 


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