Thursday, April 17, 2003        Edition: #2521
Just Doing What We Can to Put a Little Something Into Your Whatever …

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
According to “Women’s Wear Daily” magazine, newlyweds Russell Crowe & Danielle Spencer signed a pre-nup that guarantees her a minimum payout of $15 million if she stays with him at least 3 years, and in the event of a split-up – she gets the newly-purchased $8.5-million Sydney penthouse and he keeps the 800-acre Aussie ranch where they wed . . . Supermodel Naomi Campbell gives guys fashion tips in the new issue of “Men’s Health” magazine and her #1 tip is – don’t wear underwear! (fewer skid marks?) . . . The Rolling Stones are reportedly trying to stop a  controversial new film from being made about their early days which focuses on the suspected murder of founding member Brian Jones . . . Classic rocker Melissa Etheridge & partner Tammy Lynn Michaels (“Popular”) are ‘engaged’ (in what?) . . . Halle Berry tells a German magazine, “To be totally honest, most of the time I think I’m ugly” (hey, your pants are on fire!) . . . Thanks to some wacko who purportedly caught the flu from Paul McCartney backstage, you can now buy Sir Paul’s flu germs on the UK eBay Website in the form of – a plastic container full of phlegm.

FUTURE FLICKS:
A CTV movie based on the adventures of Canada’s national ski team in the late 1970s and early 1980s, “Crazy Canucks”, will detail the first exploits of Ken Reid, Dave Irwin & Jim Hunter when they first got their famous nickname . . . John Travolta was in real jeopardy when a stunt went wrong on the set of his upcoming movie about firefighters titled “Ladder 49″ – seems he & co-star Joaquin Phoenix had to be rescued from a burning building when they got lost in the smoke (at least it’ll look authentic!) . . . “Phone Booth” star Colin Farrell is said to be the front-runner to portray Ozzy Osbourne in a proposed new bio-film (he’s perfect to play a rock star – he already drinks, smokes & womanizes) . . . Faith Hill is in talks to make her bigscreen acting debut in the upcoming remake of the classic dark comedy “The Stepford Wives” . . . In the upcoming feature “Love in Vain”, Sean ‘P Diddy’ Combs will star as blues musician Robert Johnson who according to legend sold his soul at the crossroads in exchange for ability to play blues guitar . . . Warning! Warning! A script has been ordered up for a bigscreen version of “Knight Rider”, to be executive produced by David Hasselhoff as an action-comedy (or maybe a farce?).

WAR NEWS ISN’T NEW:
Embedded journalists were used in the Civil War, reports the “Salt Lake Tribune”. Civil War correspondents were known as ‘specials,’ a term still used in papers today – ‘Special to the (newspaper)’. Correspondents’ bylines also became commonplace, in part because editors wanted criticism aimed at the writers instead of the newspapers.

WHO’S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED?
A study by the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences estimates that 84% of homes have detectable levels of house dust mites in their beds. The house dust mite is a microscopic member of the arachnid family that triggers allergies. In fact, it’s second only to pollen in causing allergic reactions. There is not a house without them, but older homes and those with high humidity and musty odors are most likely to have high concentrations. So how to get rid of the little critters? Use impermeable mattress covers, wash bedding every week in hot water and remove all non-washable items from beds, such as stuffed animals. (OK, I just got itchy all over. How ‘bout you?)

NEW PRODUCT NEWS:
• Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has come up with a new form of its drug Viagra which is sniffed from an inhaler. (Wow, love really IS in the air!)
• In some areas, 7-Eleven will soon begin selling its own brand of wine. (What better way to impress that special girl on a date?)
• Coca-Cola is locked in a naming-rights dispute with a Swedish family whose surname is the same as its new caffeine-loaded citrus beverage called ‘Urge’ (‘Surge’ in North America). Coke has registered the name as a trademark in Sweden, but the Urge family is trying to have it repealed, concerned their name would from now on be associated with a soft drink. (Hey, how do you think old Doc Pepper feels?)

TIME FOR A TAG DAY FOR ORVILLE REDDENBACKER?
Purdue University food scientist Cole Ehmke says popcorn consumption is increasing in South America, Europe & Asia, but in North America its popularity peaked a decade ago. In fact, we’re now consuming about 150 million pounds less per year. Why’s that? Ehmke speculates it may be due to our increasing preference for – potato chips. (Well that, and the fact that a tub of the stuff at a movie theater costs you more than your admission.)

TWO HORSEPOWER:
All hell’s broken loose in the farm country around Decatur, Indiana – a 26-year-old has been arrested for driving while intoxicated and a  31-year-old woman has suffered a severe injury when she was thrown from a vehicle during an illegal drag race. What makes this story interesting is – this is Amish country and the drag race was between a pair of horse-drawn buggies! The driver at the reins of a 3rd buggy apparently wasn’t racing at the time but was charged with DUI. (In court he was heard to yell at the judge, “Thou sucketh!”)

LET’S GET BUSY:
Researchers at Italy’s Policinico of Modena say APRIL is the best month for couples who are trying to conceive a baby girl. Their study of more than 14,000 births published in “The Week” magazine finds that north of the equator, THIS MONTH offers the best odds of conceiving girls and OCTOBER is statistically better for the conception of boys. The exact opposite is true south of the equator. Why? The seasonal influence may be nature’s way of compensating for boys’ weaker constitutions. (Yes, you heard right.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
Your child’s adult height will be approximately twice their height at the age of 22 months.

THE BULL SHEET 04.17.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [66] Daffy Duck, Hollywood CA, crazed lisp-afflicted waterfowl (debuts in Warner Bros cartoon “Porky’s Duck Hunt”)

1959 [44] Sean Bean, Sheffield ENG, movie actor (Boromir-“Lord of the Rings” movies, “Goldeneye”, “Patriot Games”)

    1964 [39] Ken Daneyko, Windsor ON, NHL defenceman (NJ Devils)

1972 [31] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, TV actress (Sydney Bristow-“Alias”)/movie actress (Elektra-“Daredevil”, “Catch Me If You Can”)  RUMOR: “Globe” tabloid says Ben Affleck is to blame for her recent split with husband Scott Foley, claiming this Jen got ‘very cozy’ with Ben on the set of their blockbuster movie “Daredevil”, while J-Lo was 3,000 miles away.

1974 [29] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Goff’s Oak ENG, former pop singer (ex-‘Posh Spice’ of Spice Girls-“Wannabe”)/married to English soccer star David Beckham (Manchester United) since 1999 (in Britain they’re known as ‘Posh & Becks’)   FACTOID: David Beckham has just hired fashion maestro Giorgio Armani to design the England national team’s outfits.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the 21st anniversary of the Canadian Constitution, signed in 1982 by the Queen in Ottawa. TODAY is “Equality Day” in Canada, marking the date when the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into force.

TODAY is “National Blah Blah Blah Day”, celebrating anyone who does a lot of talking for a living. (Hmm, who could that be?)

TODAY is “National Cheeseball Day”, so who would you like to nominate?

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [05] Linda McCartney dies of breast cancer at 56 (Santa Barbara CA)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1869 [134] 1st ‘pro’ baseball game (Cincinnati Reds 24, Cincinnati Amateurs 15)

1964 [39] Ford ‘Mustang’ makes its debut (base price – $2,368)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1979 [24] ‘Smallest crowd’ in MLB history – 653 fans show up an Oakland A’s baseball game (that’s not a crowd, it’s a gathering!)

1997 [06] New Jersey Devil Martin Brodeur becomes 2nd goalie in NHL history to score a playoff goal (joining Philadelphia’s Ron Hextall)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Fri] International Jugglers Day
[Sat] Garlic Day
[Sun] Easter
[Mon] Boston Marathon
[Mon] National TV-Turnoff Week (through 27th)
[Tues] Earth Day
This Week Is . . . Bubblegum Week (see an exhibition under a bus seat near you) / National Coin Week
This Month Is . . . Occupational Therapy Month / Sexual Assault Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SIGNS YOUR PARENTS NEVER LIKED YOU:
Your bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Your mother had morning sickness AFTER you were born.
Your father carried around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

BS ‘HERE OR HEREAFTER’?
Are the following hockey greats stiff or till kickin’?
• Maurice Richard [Died 2000]
• Frank Mahovolich [Alive at 65 ... well sorta – he’s in the Canadian Senate]
• Gordie Howe [Alive at 75]
• Bobby Orr [Alive and 55]
• Jacques Plante [Died 1986]
• Red Kelly [Alive and 75]
• Terry Sawchuk [Died 1970]
• Jean Beliveau [Alive and 71]
• Bobby Hull [Alive at 64]
• Doug Gilmour [Hobbled but alive and playing with the Leafs again]
Source: “Legends of Hockey”

BS PHONE STARTER:
“What’s the worst song to play at a wedding?” (How about “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins, “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak, Brian McKnight’s “Back At One”, or maybe “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion?)

BS FACT OR CRAP?
Two of the following are true facts about band-aids, the other pure BS. But which?
1. Band-aids were invented by a man whose wife was accident-prone.
2. To help band-aids catch on as a product, they were given away free with the purchase of a razor. (BS, but Boy Scout troops were given unlimited free band-aids.)
3. More than 120 billion band-aids have been sold worldwide.

WHO SAID IT?
“Almost every day at home, my brothers and sisters would dress me up in a slip, high-heel shoes, flowers in my hair and a little bit of makeup. They would give me a little microphone and put me on the kitchen table and I was entertaining them.”
a. “American Idol” contestant Kimberly Caldwell
b. Celine Dion [CORRECT]
c. Avril Lavigne
d. SpongeBob SquarePants

BS ‘DOUBLE-J GAME’:
Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begins with the letter ‘J’.
• She’s the youngest of the singing Jackson family. [Janet Jackson]
• He’s the Irish author whose most famous novel, “Ulysses”, was published in 1922. [James Joyce]
• It’s a franchise in the National Football League. [Jacksonville Jaguars]
• She runs the courtroom on a syndicated TV series. [Judge Judy]
• These are gooey, chewy gelatin candies that come in various colors. [Ju-Jubes]
• It’s an exercise where you stand straight, then quickly spread your feet and arms at the same time. [Jumping Jacks]
• She’s the legendary rock & blues singer of the 1960s who died of a heroin overdose. [Janis Joplin]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• What’s the hardest thing about playing golf with your wife? Having to say “Great shot, honey” … 147 times.
• This week has flown by! Seems like it was just yesterday I was complaining it was only Wednesday.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Oh boy, a science question today! THIS travels at 350 feet per second.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pain.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Even if you leave everything to your kids, you can’t be sure they’ll keep up the payments.

 


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