Wednesday, April 17, 2002        Edition: #2277
Sheet For Brains!

TONIGHT’S the world premiere of “The Scorpion King” at LA’s Universal Amphitheater, the action film starring The Rock that opens nationwide FRIDAY . . . Sandra Bullock will pick up $15 million to star in a sequel to her hit comedy “Miss Congeniality” in which FBI agent ‘Gracie Hart’ is sent on a new mission as a model . . . Gold-digger Anna Nicole Smith is now asking for $30 million interest on top of the $88 million she was finally awarded from her late oil tycoon husband’s estate . . . Now that “The Osbournes” is a hit, MTV is looking at creating other reality shows featuring P Diddy and Brandy, who would have cameras follow her around throughout her pregnancy . . . Destiny’s Child singer Beyonce Knowles, who’s playing ‘Austin Powers’ love interest in “Goldmember”, tells “W” magazine she is definitely on the look-out for a new man but says she’s tired of Mike Myers’ wife trying to set her up with dates . . . Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones will provide the voices for a new  Dreamworks animated film about ‘Sinbad’.

A new study by the Writers’ Trust of Canada finds few Canadian books are being taught in our nation’s high schools. While Margaret Atwood is the most recognizable Canadian author to high school students, it doesn’t mean they’re studying her work. In fact, the average graduating high school student has read just 5 Canadian books. (Can you even NAME 5 Canadian books?)

• A new study shows that tanning lamps can double the risk of skin cancer, especially among young people. (Nice lookin’ corpse though!)
• Blocked nasal passages are more than annoying, they can also be deadly. Researchers say people who suffer from chronic stuffy noses are more likely to suffer heart attacks, high blood pressure and strokes, but they have no idea why. (Could it be that white powder blocking the nose?)
• A pair of new studies confirm that eating fish a few times a week significantly cuts the risk of death from a heart attack or other heart problems, adding to a growing body of evidence that oils in fish are good for you. (Except for your breath.)
• According to a just-released York University study in the “Canadian Medical Association Journal”, 13.3% or 3.3 million Canadians are now obese (over 30% body fat). The rate is highest in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba and Ontario.  The ‘thinnest’ provinces are British Columbia and Québec.

A new poll by hotel insurer Hill House Hammond asks who would be the ideal partner to take on a ‘dirty weekend’. Interestingly, only a third of women and a quarter of men surveyed picked their current partner. Most opted for celebrities — Russell Crowe, George Clooney and Brad Pitt among the male favorites, and Julia Roberts, Halle Berry and Britney Spears among the top females. The survey also reveals that 32% of couples have checked into a hotel under bogus names.
A species of Argentine ant introduced into Europe about 80 years ago has developed the largest ‘supercolony’ ever recorded. The uber anthill stretches some 6,000 km (3,600 miles) from  northern Italy, through the south of France to the Atlantic coast of Spain. While ants from rival nests normally fight each other to the death, the billions of ants in the millions of nests of this supercolony seem to have the ability to recognize each other and co-operate. (You can bet somebody in Hollywood is already working on a script about this.)

What if you could take a pill and stretch your day — by skipping sleep? That sounds like the stuff of science fiction, but a drug called Provigil could make it possible. Studies have shown that this new medication allows people to remain awake and attentive when their bodies normally crave shut-eye, without suffering the unpleasant side effects and risk of addiction associated with caffeine, amphetamines and other stimulants. Researchers caution that the long-term health consequences of avoiding slumber by taking Provigil, or any drug, aren’t well understood.

• ‘Dead Peasant Policies’ (aka ‘Dead Janitor Policies’) . . . Insurance slang for corporate-owned life insurance policies or ‘COLIs’, a practice that has been kept very, very quiet in which large companies take out secret life insurance policies on low-level employees and collect thousands when they die. The families never know the policies are in place and receive none of the money. The practice recently came to light in the case of a deceased Wal-Mart worker.
• ‘Gear’ . . . Slang word meaning good, great, phat, nice, cool. (“Those new shoes are so gear.”)
• ‘Dab Hand’ . . . A person highly skilled at a given task. (“He’s a dab hand at programming and Web design.”)


1937 [65] Daffy Duck, Hollywood CA, crazed lisp-afflicted waterfowl (debuts in Warner Bros cartoon “Porky’s Duck Hunt”)

1959 [43] Sean Bean, Sheffield ENG, movie actor (Boromir-“The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring”, “Goldeneye”, “Patriot Games”)

    1964 [38] Ken Daneyko, Windsor ON, NHL defenceman (NJ Devils)

1972 [30] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, TV actress (2002 Golden Globe Award as CIA Agent Sydney Bristow-“Alias”)

1974 [28] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Goff’s Oak ENG, pop singer (ex-‘Posh Spice’ of Spice Girls-“Too Much”) who’s married to English soccer star David Beckham  NOTE: P.O.S.H. is an old luxury liner term, standing for ‘Port Out, Starboard Home’ — the best rooms on board a ship.

[Israel] 54th “Independence Day”
[NBA] Regular Season ends
[NHL] Stanley Cup Playoffs begin
[Louisville KY] 30th annual “Running of the Rodents”

TODAY is the 20th anniversary of the Canadian Constitution, signed in 1982 by the Queen in Ottawa. TODAY is “Equality Day” in Canada, marking the date when the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into force. The Canadian Bar Association celebrates the day as “Law Day”.

TODAY is “National Blah Blah Blah Day”, celebrating anyone who does a lot of talking for a living. (Hmm, who could that be?)

TODAY is “National Cheeseball Day”, so who would you like to nominate?

THURSDAY-Sunday the annual ”International Whistlers’ Convention” warbles in Louisburg NC. Professional and amateur whistlers, and whistle collectors are invited. Ask how one makes a living as a ‘professional’ whistler.
PHONER: 919-496-4771/919-478-7777

THIS MONTH is “Stress Awareness Month”. What day of the week is most stressful? Surprisingly, a “Working Mother” magazine poll finds most women pick Friday. Seems that after a tough work-week they still worry about coordinating weekend activities at home.

1998 [04] Linda McCartney dies of breast cancer at 56 (Santa Barbara CA)

1869 [133] 1st ‘pro’ baseball game (Cincinnati Reds 24, Cincinnati Amateurs 15)

1964 [38] Ford ‘Mustang’ makes its debut (base price – $2368)

1997 [05] New Jersey Devil Martin Brodeur becomes 2nd goalie in NHL history to score a playoff goal (joining Philadelphia’s Ron Hextall)

[Thurs] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Thurs] Teach Children To Save Day
[Thurs] International Jugglers Day
[Fri] Garlic Day
[Sat] Astronomy Day
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
National Coin Week
Thai Heritage Month


• Your sister forgets your birthday — your twin sister.
• You wake up to discover your waterbed broke — then realize you don’t HAVE a waterbed.
• The bird singing merrily outside your window turns out to be a vulture.
• Your car horn goes off accidentally, then remains stuck for 10 miles  — as you follow a gang of Hell’s Angels.
• Your boss tells you to not bother taking off your coat.
• You call your voice mail for messages and they’re from your divorce lawyer, your auto mechanic and Revenue Canada.
• Your doctor tells you are in fine health — for someone twice your age.
• It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
• You notice your fly is open – 3 hours after you get to work.
• Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begins with the letter ‘F’.
• He’s the cartoon character that makes his car move with his feet. (‘Fred Flintstone’)
• It’s a place where they grow peaches, cherries and apples. (Fruit Farm)
• It’s what comic book superheroes ‘Mr Fantastic’, ‘The Thing’, ‘The Invisible Girl’ and ‘The Human Torch’ are known as. (Fantastic Four)
• They’re people who collect a lot of Air Miles. (Frequent Flyers)
• Her “Boston Cooking-School Cook Book” is one of the best selling recipe books of all-time. (Fanny Farmer)
• It’s what kills a soldier who’s shot accidently. (Friendly Fire)
• It’s soul singing legend James Brown’s back-up group. (Fabulous Flames)
• It’s what you get if you convert 80% into a fraction. (Four-Fifths)
• It’s a town in northern Manitoba. (Flin Flon)

• “In conversations with their own gender, who uses more foul language – men or women?” (“Sweetest Thing” actress Christina Applegate says talking dirty in the movie was easy because she and her girlfriends talk like that all the time and most women ‘are way more
disgusting than men’ in their conversations.)
• “What is the appropriate punishment for someone who brings more than 10 items into the ‘express’ checkout lane?” (A Milwaukee WI shopper cut off half the nose of an offender!)

Eaton’s: “Satisfaction guaranteed . . . until we go belly up.”
Microsoft: “How much are you going to pay today?”
Eggs: “The incredible edible ovum.”
Nike: “Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!”
Daisy Air Rifles: “Keeping kids off your lawn for over 40 years!”
Apple: “C’mon, we thought of it first!”
Radio Shack: “You’ve got questions, we’ve got geeky losers!”
Neiman Marcus: “You could shop here if you’re poor, but that would be stupid!”

Are the following statements true or false according to Canadian law?
• It is discrimination if you refuse to hire someone because they smoke. (False)
• In all provinces, a single adult may apply to adopt a child. (True)
• It is legal for an employer to insist that employees take a drug test. (True)
• By law, all Canadian workers are entitled to sick pay. (False)
• In Canada, if you are assaulted by your spouse you can sue for compensation. (True)
Source: “Everyone’s Guide to the Law”

Today’s Question: In the past 10 years, the number of men doing this has dropped 28%.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Watching soap operas.

How do you know it’s springtime in Vancouver? The rain is warmer.

We’ve put you on commission! We’ll bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new BS subscriber you refer!


Printer Friendly Version