Friday, April 5, 2002        Edition: #2269
BS Savings Time – We Do the Prep FOR You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SUNDAY Michael J Fox is featured in the Canadian documentary “The Parkinson’s Enigma”, a CTV special about the syndrome that afflicts 60,000 new people in North America every year . . . SUNDAY Celine Dion’s TV special “A New Day Has Come”, in support of her new album, airs on CBC/CBS-TV . . . Beware! Celine’s #1 selling new CD can’t be played on a computer due to special ‘copy protection’ and if you ignore the warnings and try it — your PC will crash! . . . The mother of Keanu Reeves’ late girlfriend Jennifer Syme has filed a wrongful death lawsuit against Marilyn Manson, claiming it was he who provided her daughter with cocaine that led to her death in a car accident . . . The first slot machines for the blind, which use sound cues and Braille buttons, are coming later THIS MONTH and are being named for 71-year-old blues legend Ray Charles (what a sell-out) . . . While fighting red tape to get a US visa for him, Angelina Jolie has her new adopted son Maddox with her on a movie set in Africa, and she and Billy Bob Thornton are already making plans to adopt a 2nd Cambodian baby, this time a girl . . . Single parenting now being the fad in Hollywood, sources say Gwyneth Paltrow is also considering adopting a baby (maybe that’s why her nipples were showing at the Oscars?) . . . Thai officials say the producers of “Survivor” want to use an island in southern Thailand for the next series . . . ‘N Sync’s Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Chris Kirkpatrick and Lance Bass reportedly showed up at the MGM Grand in Vegas with 2 briefcases full of hundred-dollar bills, then proceeded to blow the works on lobster, caviar, champagne, and lotsa gambling (nice to see that, as well as making truly relevant music, they’re using their obscene piles of money for the betterment of humanity) . . . And word up that Charlie Sheen & Heather Locklear will finally consummate their lust in a “Spin City” season finale spanning 3 episodes (wow, that Viagra really is something!).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Vancouver’s Ryan Reynolds & “American Pie” babe Tara Reid star in the campus comedy “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder” which, just like real college, promises ‘strong sexual content, gross humor, profane language and some drug content’ . . . The lives of several complete strangers in Miami come together with humorous and dangerous results in the Tim Allen comedy “Big Trouble” . . . And “Kiss the Girls” co-stars Ashley Judd & Morgan Freeman team up again in another crime thriller, this one called “High Crimes”.

MEADOW MUFFIN MONEY:
TODAY at noon, a cow will decide who wins $10,000 at Connellsville Area High School in Pennsylvania. A total of 3,025 squares marked off on the front lawn of the high school have been sold at 10 bucks per square. When the cow does her business in today’s ‘Cow Patty Bingo’, the square with the most pie wins the cash. The school’s prom committee raised some $20,000 on the game — and that’s no BS!

SMART GLASS:
Japanese electronics company Mitsubishi has developed a new hi-tech beer glass that tells bar staff when it needs refilling. The ‘iGlassware’ system is able to measure exactly how much liquid has been sipped (or guzzled), then emits a signal from a radio-frequency coil in its base  when its empty. The signal is picked up either by a receiver at the bar or a waiter equipped with a special hand-held computer. (Wow, for just a few thousand dollars you can save customers the exhausting chore of yelling, ‘Tarbender, gimme another!’)

PANDAS ARE LIKE MEN:
A new report in the journal “Behavioral Ecology & Sociobiology” says that pandas have peeing contests to decide who’s the top bear. San Diego zoologist Angela White claims some males are so intent on establishing their dominance that they do a handstand and urinate upwards. In case you didn’t know, only the strongest pandas can stand on their hands while peeing. (Why am I reminded of the last staff party?)

NEW OUTDOOR ADVERTISING?
In the journal “Trends in Ecology & Evolution”, a professor from SUNY at Buffalo predicts that eventually butterflies may be genetically-altered to allow alternative designs on their wings, including — ad logos. (Great, soon ad agencies will be calculating your ‘cost-per-pupa’.)

BS AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• A study by Denmark’s Technical University finds that odors given off by old carpeting can make office workers nauseous and cause headaches. (A similar study will be performed on [your co-host].)
• The new ‘Love Sick Pub & Restaurant’ in Bangkok, Thailand has a sound-proof room where jilted lovers can let off steam by screaming. They can also throw bottles at images of their former partners, or talk about their troubles while having a good cry in a mirror-lined ‘consolation room’. (How unique, a bar where single people go to feel sorry for themselves.)
• Wal-Mart has passed Exxon to become the world’s top corporation in the new “Fortune 500″ list to be released MONDAY. (In order to re-take the lead, Exxon is now looking into gas station ‘greeters’.)
• Australia’s Mount Buller ski resort has developed a method to turn waste water into artificial snow, and says the final product is so clean you could drink it. (Odds are you already did once.)
• Spanish scientists at the University of Valencia are studying a 2-headed snake that has 2 tongues and 4 eyes. The researchers say both heads are working well, eating and moving
independently. They’re hoping to learn if it has separate digestive tracts and whether one head dominates the other. (In related news, our sales manager is trying to sign it up.)
• A 12-year-old girl confronted by a flasher in a Virginia Beach VA hotel elevator THIS WEEK came to her own defense – by grabbing his zipper and yanking it up. (Owwwwwwwwwww!)

WE NEED MORE Zs:
THIS MONTH is “Sleep Awareness Month”. Some highlights from the just-released 5th annual National Sleep Foundation survey –
• The average person sleeps slightly less than 7 hours weekdays and about 7.5 weekends.
• 37% of us admit to feeling so sleepy it often interferes with regular activities.
• 82% of us think people in critical occupations such as doctors, pilots and truck drivers should not be forced to work overtime if they are tired.
• 59% think it’s appropriate to take sick days to overcome excessive lack of sleep.
• 65% admit they are more likely to make mistakes when not well rested. A similar percentage say it causes them to be grumpy.

THE BULL SHEET 04.05.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1916 [86] Gregory (yup, he’s still kickin’) Peck, La Jolla CA, movie actor (Oscar-“To Kill a Mockingbird”)

1937 [65] General Colin Powell, NYC, US Secretary of State/ex-National Security Adviser/ex-Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff [1989-1993, including Gulf War]

1967 [35] Troy Gentry, Lexington KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-“Didn’t I”, “All Night Long”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAY . . .
1937 [65] Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, country legend with 38 #1 hits (“Okie from Muskogee”)

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [48] Jackie Chan, Hong Kong CHI, movie actor/producer/director/stunt man (“Rush Hour 1 & 2″ [and 3 coming in 2004])  NEXT FILM: The Toronto-shot action comedy “The Tuxedo”, co-starring Jennifer Love Hewitt, opening JUNE 7

1964 [38] Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor with 3 Academy Award nominations in-a-row (“A Beautiful Mind”, “Gladiator” [won ‘Best Actor’], “The Insider”)  NEXT FILM: Plays a ship captain during the Napoleonic Wars in “Master & Commander”, due in 2003

1971 [31] Victor Kraatz, Berlin GER, 9-time Canadian ice dance champ with partner Shae-Lynn Bourne (Silver Medal-2002 World Championships)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Fun At Work Day”, begun in 1996 to increase awareness of the importance of bringing a playful attitude to work.

TODAY is “Go For Broke Day”, a day to throw caution to the wind and go all out (give it all you’ve got, don’t hold back, all or nothing, start giving 110%, let her rip, balls to the wall!)

TOMORROW is Britain’s first ever “Grand National SHEEPlechase” when woolies will be raced over hurdles at a special track in Bideford that features 6 fences, including the tricky ‘Beecher’s Crook’ and ‘Ewe-turn’. ‘Red Ram’ is the favorite and holder of the world record for fastest sheep after running 230 yards in 17 seconds.

TOMORROW is the Scottish independence holiday known as “Tartan Day”, traditionally the beginning of  Scotland’s tourist season.

SUNDAY at 2am we officially change to “Daylight Saving Time”. Remember, ‘Spring forward, fall back’, so you set your clocks ahead one hour. It’s also “Check Your Batteries Day”, when fire departments encourage us to check smoke detector batteries.

SUNDAY is “No Housework Day”. No dishes, no cleaning, no taking out trash — and no guilt!

SUNDAY is “World Health Day”, the World Health Organization’s annual day to highlight public health issues of worldwide concern.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1970 [32] 1st ‘Nerf Ball’ (next day, a lamp gets knocked over during 1st game of touch football in the living room)

1971 [31] 1st woman to reach North Pole (Fran Phipps, wife of Canadian pilot Weldy Phipps)

1987 [15] FOX TV network debuts with two Sunday night shows, “Married . . . With Children” and “The Tracey Ullman Show”

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2000 [02] ‘Loudest burp’ on record, according to “Guinness Book of Records” (Paul Hunn lets one fly that registers 118.1 decibels, the equivalent of sitting in the front row at a pop concert)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Wed] Golfers Day
[Thurs] Masters Golf tournament begins (Augusta GA)
[Apr 14] Juno Awards (St John’s NF)
[Apr 14] NHL regular season ends
[Apr 17] Stanley Cup playoffs begin
[Apr 17] NBA season ends
[Apr 20] NBA playoffs begin
Laugh at Work Week
Testicular Cancer Awareness Week
Public Health Week
National Child Abuse Prevention Month
Woodworking Month
Keep America Beautiful Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRADE TALK:

Vancouver’s Tim Moshansky has just published the 3rd edition of “The A to Z Guide to Film Terms”. Let’s see if you can guess the meaning of these –
• ‘Mickey Rooney’ [A very short and slow moving camera shot. Comes from ‘a little creep’.]
• ‘Groucho’ [A crouched walk to make an actor look shorter. “You’ll need to do a groucho in this scene next to Tom Cruise, Sigourney.”]
• ‘Day Mo’ [Derogatory term for a temporary member of a film crew. “Don’t save any donuts for Al, he’s just a day mo.”]
• ‘Greek’ [To electronically change background signs in a camera shot. “Don’t worry about that KFC, we’ll greek the signs later.”]
• ‘Poor Man’s Process’ [Flashing lights and shadows over a stationary car and shaking it to give the impression the actors inside are driving. “It’s okay Halle, we can’t afford the insurance to have you really drive. Just get in the Bimmer and we’ll give it the poor man’s process.”]
• ‘Mae West Shot’ [A camera shot that takes in an actor from top of head to just below the chest -- where most of Mae’s talent lay.]

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What nicknames or special jargon do you use on-the-job that most people wouldn’t understand?” (Betcha they have some really gross ones in hospitals.)
• “What cool perks do you get on-the-job that other people don’t?” (Personally, I get all the CDs I can steal.)

BS ‘FINISH LINES’:
Have a phone contestant attempt to finish these famous proverbs –
• “The family that prays together . . . [stays together.”]
• “Speech is silver, but . . . [silence is golden.”]
• “No man can serve . . . [two masters.”]
• “There’s no place like . . . [home.”]
• “You never miss the water till . . . [the well runs dry.”]
• “He that would eat the fruit . . . [must climb the tree.”]
• “Keep a thing for seven years and . . . [you'll always find a use for it.”]
• “The eyes are the window of . . . [the soul.”]
• “The darkest hour is just before . . . [the dawn.”]
• “A man is known by his . . . [friends.”]

BS TAG LINE:
I stick my foot in my mouth so often, I’m beginning to develop a taste for Odor Eaters.


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