Wednesday, April 25, 2001                                                  Edition: #2041

TODAY is the 6th annual “International Noise Awareness Day” to create awareness of noise pollution and the dangers of hearing loss. TODAY many Canadian hearing clinics are giving free hearing screenings. The League for the Hard of Hearing gives the following warning signs that you’ve been listening to music too loud –
• ‘Tinnitus’ — a ringing or buzzing in your ears.
• A slight muffling of sounds, making it tough to understand people.
• Difficulty understanding speech — you hear all the words, but can’t understand all of them.
• People only 1 metre away have to shout to be heard while you’re listening to music. (Well duh!)
OTHER SIGNS YOUR MUSIC’S TOO LOUD:
• Your neighbor knocks on your door at 2am — with an axe.
• You’re response is “It’s 7:15″ whenever someone asks “How’s it goin’ eh?”
• That annoying ooze constantly seeping down your neck from your ruptured eardrum.
• 12 hours after listening to music, you are still able to use your nose ring as a tuning fork.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
YESTERDAY “Survivor II” reject Jerri Manthey taped an episode of the daytime soap “The Young & the Restless” for airing in late MAY in which she plays — herself (she’s listed in the credits under ‘Bitch’) . . . Now that NBC’s dropped the ball, XFL chief Vince McMahon says pay-per-view telecasts may an option for NEXT SEASON (I dunno if I’d be interested, how much are they paying?) . . . Ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is so proud of her new and improved buff bod’, she says she’ll agree to pose nude — for $15 million (what’s that old joke – we’ve established what you are, now we’re just negotiating the price) . . . Disney has announced major cutbacks in its feature animation department, slashing 300 jobs and any salaries that remain up to 50% (word is Dumbo’s now working for peanuts).

NO CLONING AROUND:
Britain has announced that it intends to outlaw human cloning, becoming the first nation to bar the practice outright before it can even get started. (When asked for the reasoning behind the decision, the Prime Minister simply held up a photo of Prince Charles.)

TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH:
The contestant from France will likely be tossed from the “Miss Universe” pageant scheduled for NEXT MONTH in Puerto Rico. When she arrived THIS WEEK, officials became suspicious that SHE is in fact a HE. If 19-year-old Elodie Gossuin turns out to be transsexual or a transvestite, she or he or it is outta there! (The official test will involve checking the rest room to see if the seat’s up.)

DEATH ROW SHOW’S A NO-GO:
A US federal judge has rejected an application for rights to Oklahoma bomber Timothy McVeigh’s MAY 16 execution for a pay-per-view Internet Webcast. (However, the idea has FOX-TV considering a new reality series.)

LIQUID GOLD:
In many areas, gasoline prices are at their highest since last JULY — and climbing. (The increases are due to YET ANOTHER ‘worldwide shortage of crude’, says oil company spokesman IM Pinocchio.)

THE BULL SHEET 04.25.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1940    [61] Al Pacino, NYC, film actor with 8 Oscar nominations but only 1 win (“Scent of a Woman”) NEXT FILM: “Simone”, opening in OCTOBER, about a digitally-created actress who becomes a big star
1964    [37] Hank Azaria, Queens NY, cartoon voicist (“The Simpsons”)/movie actor (“Godzilla”)/ex-Mr Helen Hunt
1969    [32] Renée Zellweger, Katy TX, film actress (“Bridget Jones’s Diary”, “Nurse Betty”, “Jerry Maguire”) who was engaged to Jim Carrey for a year before splitting
1970    [31] Jason Lee, Huntington Beach CA, movie actor (“Heartbreakers”, “Almost Famous”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Professional Secretaries Day”, oops – we mean “Administrative Professionals Day” — renamed last year to reflect ‘the changing job titles and expanding responsibilities of today’s administrative workforce’. The term ‘secretary’ now covers only a small percentage of office support occupations. Ask office workers for other fancy schmancy titles used to describe their jobs.

TODAY is “Martin Waldseemuller Remembrance Day”, commemorating the man who gave the Americas their name 494 years ago today (1507). The German mapmaker named the New World after minor explorer Amerigo Vespucci, whom he mistakenly thought had discovered it. There were many  others more deserving that he could have selected including Columbus, Cabot, Cartier, Champlain, Hudson, or even Leif Eriksson. Imagine how placenames would have changed if he had!

TODAY is “Good Telephone Day”, promoting telephone etiquette, including answering by the 3rd ring, keeping holds to a minimum, thanking callers and not slamming down the receiver. Ask listeners for businesses that give ‘good phone’ — or, for that matter, that actually have a human answering the phone.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1959    [42] St Lawrence Seaway 1st opens to shipping traffic

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1972     [29] A cat named ‘Paula’ falls 26 stories in Toronto — and lives!
1989    [12] Pittsburgh’s Mario Lemieux ties Tim Kerr’s NHL playoff record by scoring 4 goals in 1st period of Penguin’s 10-7 win over Philadelphia Flyers
1997    [04] Ken Griffey Jr sets MLB record of 13 homers in April by hitting 3 vs Jays in Toronto

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] National Hairball Awareness Day (by stepping on one?)
[Mon] Canadian Income Tax deadline
[May 16] BC Election (can anyone outside of BC pronounce the premier’s name – Ujjal Dosanjh?)
TV-Turnoff Week
National Humor Month
National Poetry Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ON-AIR SCIENCE EXPERIMENT:

No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half. Try it!

BS TAG LINE: Have you ever noticed — anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac?

 


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