Thursday, April 19, 2001                                                            Edition: #2037

TOMORROW the “Summit of the Americas” gets underway in Quebec City, a meeting of the leaders of 34 countries to discuss a trade deal. To help you understand what the hell it’s all about, here’s some . . .
BS SUMMIT DEFINITIONS:
• ‘Globalization’ — The process of Izzy Asper buying up huge chunks of Canadian media and merging it all into CanWest-Global.
• ‘Free Trade’ – What the Ottawa Senators are likely to get when they finally dump pain-in-the-ass Alexei Yashin . . . maybe later today.
• ‘Canadian Armed Forces’ – Canada’s elite fighting machine, which will provide chauffeurs and chefs for the weekend.
• ‘People’s Summit’ – The ‘alternative’ summit and the largest gathering of badly dressed people since Courtney Love’s wedding.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Shopaholic Elton John will liquidate some assets at a JUNE 5 Christie’s auction in London, including 19 cars — Bentleys, Aston Martins and Ferraris estimated to be worth about $1.5 million . . . She won rave reviews on Broadway for “Annie Get Your Gun” and now Reba McEntire has signed up to star in a CBS TV-movie version . . . Ricky Martin will hip-swivel onto London’s West End stage in an upcoming musical version of “Zorro” (as Zorro’s sword once said, “Swish swish swish!”) . . . Word is acerbic “Weakest Link” host Anne Robinson is under armed guard 24/7 while shooting shows in the US due to worries her ruthless putdowns of contestants might lead to attacks . . . And Mariah Carey’s new boytoy, mega-rich Spanish singer Luis Miguel, has forked out close to $1.5 million on one of the most expensive bracelets in the world as a gift for ‘Little Miss Spoiled’ (the same diamond bracelet loaned to Julia Roberts to wear at the Oscars).

MOVIES IN THE MAKIN’:
“Bridget Jones’s Diary” opened at #3 in North America and is smashing box-office records in the UK with the best-ever debut for a British-made film — the reason its producers are already considering a sequel . . . Joe Pesci, who won an Oscar for his mobster role in “GoodFellas”, is in talks to star in a movie about Mafia hitman Sammy “The Bull” Gravano, the guy who ratted out John Gotti . . . Antonio Banderas will play the lead in an upcoming movie adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “The Phantom of the Opera” (sounds strange until you remember he also sang his little tush off with Madonna in “Evita”) . . . Lawyer-turned-top-selling-author John Grisham, best known for “The Firm” and “The Pelican Brief”, has written the screenplay for “Mickey”, a family film about Little League baseball.

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• Hong Kong doctors have been banned from talking on mobile phones — during surgery. (Now if they could just get them to quit playing video games on the heart monitor.)
• French performance artist Orlan will soon conclude her 10-year work-in-progress titled “The Reincarnation of St Orlan” by reciting her work under local anesthetic while plastic surgeons construct the largest nose her face is capable of supporting. For this she receives grants from France’s Ministry of Culture.
• Romania plans to open a “Dracula Land” theme park next summer. (It will never work – they’ll have to close every morning at dawn.)THE BULL SHEET 04.19.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935    [66] Dudley Moore, Essex ENG, 5′-3″ film actor (“10″, “Arthur”)/pianist suffering from rare disease progressive supranuclear palsy whose career was saluted MONDAY night at Carnegie Hall in NYC
1962     [39] Al Unser Jr (“Little Al”), Albuquerque NM, auto racer (2-time CART champion)
    1968     [33] Ashley Judd, Ashland KY, movie actress (“Someone Like You”, “Kiss the Girls”)/daughter to Naomi Judd and sister to Wynonna
1974    [27] Jose Cruz Jr, Arroyo PR, MLB outfielder (Toronto Blue Jays)
1979    [22] Kate Hudson, LA CA, movie actress (“Almost Famous”, “Dr T & the Women”)/Goldie Hawn’s daughter/Mrs Chris Robinson (Black Crowes)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield is scheduled to lift off on a Space Shuttle mission to deliver the ‘Space Station Remote Manipulator System’ (SSRMS), the first piece of Canada’s contribution to the International Space Station. When he attaches the new generation of the ‘Canadarm’ to the Space Station, he’ll become the first Canadian to walk in space.

TODAY is “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded.

ON THIS DAY . . .
1995    [06] “Oklahoma City Bombing” when truck bomb explodes at Alfred P Murrah federal building NOTE: THIS WEEK an Internet company applied to a US federal court for permission to Webcast the MAY 16 execution of bomber Timothy McVeigh

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1951     [50] 1st ‘Miss World Contest’ (1st beauty pageant to feature contestants in bikinis)
1960     [41] Major League Baseball uniforms 1st display players’ names on back

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Earth Day
[Apr 30] Canadian Income Tax deadline (‘Send Your Shirt to Ottawa Day’)
International Work Life Enrichment Month (isn’t that an oxymoron?)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:

“Which TV personality do you HATE the most?” (“Weakest Link’s” Anne Robinson perhaps?)

TRUTH OR BS?
• Coconuts are used to make Mercedes-Benz cars. (True. “Autoweek” says a Brazilian factory creates seats, headrests and sun visors out of coconut fiber for Mercedes.)
• The geographic center of Canada is closest to Winnipeg. (BS. It’s way up there in Arviat NWT.)
• The Cameroon Republic is the most expensive country in the world to buy toothpaste. (True – $6.05 a tube.)
• Canada’s first newspaper was the “Toronto Globe”. (BS. The “Halifax Gazette”, 1st published in 1752.)
• Canada’s first astronaut was Roberta Bondar. (BS. Marc Garneau in 1984.)
• The most thunderstorms in Canada occur in London ON. (True. An average of 36 annually.)

BS TAG LINE:
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

 


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