Friday, April 13, 2001                                                                Edition: #2033

TODAY is “Friday the 13th”, a bad day for those who suffer ‘triskaidekaphobia’ – fear of number 13, or ‘paraskevidekatriaphobia’ — fear of Friday the 13th. Every year has at least 1, but never more than 3. This one falls on “Good Friday”, believed to be one of the reasons “Friday the 13th” was originally considered unlucky.
OTHER BS UNLUCKY THINGS:
• Good luck: You keep a rabbit’s foot in your pocket. Bad luck: It’s chocolate.
• Good luck: You went out on the town with a designated driver. Bad luck: It was Dale Earnhardt.
• Good luck: You hire a ‘secret agent’ to dig up dirt on the PM. Bad luck: He can’t keep a secret.
• Good luck: Your wife meets you at the door naked. Bad luck: She’s coming home.
• Good luck: You’re hitchhiking and a trucker pulls over. Bad luck: You were using the wrong finger.
• Good luck: Your boyfriend’s getting in shape. Bad luck: So he’ll fit in your clothes.
• Good luck: The mirror didn’t shatter when it fell on your head. Bad luck: It was Space Station Mir.
• Good luck: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad luck: He weighs 460 lbs.
• Good luck: You get a 3-day weekend! Bad luck: You get the flu on Friday.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Alec Baldwin’s younger brothers William and Stephen reportedly made a personal plea to his estranged wife Kim Basinger to drop divorce proceedings and give the marriage another chance, but she said no (so then they asked what she’s doing this weekend) . . . Julia Roberts has kept her promise of sharing her Academy Award with everyone involved with “Erin Brockovich”, having dozens of mini-Oscars individually engraved then delivering them with a thank you note (awwww!) . . . Word is Jennifer Lopez’s new boyfriend Cris Judd is begging her to tone down her sexy image because he thinks she’s ‘too talented to look like a bimbo’ (actually just talented enough) . . . “Almost Famous” actress Kate Hudson & hubby Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes have been turned down as contestants for “Survivor III”, apparently because CBS-TV decided there’d be “too many legal hassles” (besides, after 6 weeks on rice scrawny Chris would be down to about 20 lbs).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“Bridget Jones’s Diary”, based on Helen Fielding’s hit novel about the quirky love life of a chain-smoking, weight-obsessed British ‘singleton’ who works in the publishing industry, stars Renee Zellweger (who had to master an English accent) and Hugh Grant (the two words that scream out ‘CHICK FLICK!’).

QUICKIES:
• A new Italian survey finds people who eat carrots enjoy wild sex lives. The poll also shows coffee drinkers tend to be flirty, bread-eaters faithful and pork-eaters selfish. (As Monica Lewinsky once said, you are what you eat.)
• University of Toronto researchers say the continued use of the club drug Ecstasy can lead to certain kinds of memory loss. (The specific kinds are, um . . .)
• An ad agency has developed billboard posters for bus stops that have the product’s scent on them. (Unfortunately, at your stop the ad is for Depends.)

THE BULL SHEET 04.13.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1942    [59] Bill Conti, Providence RI, Academy Awards orchestra conductor whom Julia Roberts told to “Put down that stick because I’m gonna take awhile”/composer (“Theme from Rocky”)
    1951    [50] Max Weinberg, South Orange NJ, TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien”, since ‘93)/rock drummer (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)
    1963     [38] Garry Kasparov, Baku AZERBAIJAN, youngest-ever World Chess Champion (at age 22 in 1985)/beat IBM’s ‘Big Blue’ computer
1970    [31] Rick Schroder, Staten Island NY, TV actor (Det Danny Sorenson-“NYPD Blue”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935     [66] Loretta Lynn (Webb), Butcher’s Hollow KY, country legend (“Coal Miner’s Daughter”)
    1941     [60] Pete Rose, Cincinnati OH, MLB legend who was banned for life in 1989 for gambling (Reds, Phillies, Expos)/MLB record 4,256 career hits/NL record 44-game hitting streak
1967    [34] Jeff Finley, Edmonton AB, NHL defenceman (St Louis Blues)
    1977     [24] Sarah Michelle Gellar, NYC, TV actress (Buffy Summers-“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”)/film actress (“Cruel Intentions”, “Scream 2″) NEXT FILMS: The crime thriller “Harvard Man” in JUNE, then co-stars with boyfriend Freddie Prinze Jr in “Scooby-Doo”

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the birthday of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Depression. The highest score for a single word is believed to be 392 points, by Karl Khoshnaw of Manchester ENG, for the word ‘caziques’ (West Indian chiefs) in 1982. By the way, there are 100 letter tiles and 225 squares on a standard game board.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1989    [12] Tribunal of Canadian Human Rights Commission 1st rules gay couples can constitute a family (children begin getting a talk on the ‘birds and the birds’)
1998    [03] World’s 1st cloned sheep ‘Dolly’ gives birth to a baby lamb — the old fashioned way

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1997    [04] At age 21, Tiger Woods becomes the youngest player ever to win the Masters and also sets a record by finishing at 18 under par

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] National Pecan Day (that’s pee-CAHN, not PEE-can)
[Sun] Easter
[Mon] National Eggs Benedict Day
[Mon] 105th Boston Marathon
[Wed] International Jugglers Day
Canadian National Wildlife Week (best observed at [local watering hole])
Holy Humor Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS BRAIN BUSTER:

When a woman buys a parrot, the pet shop clerk GUARANTEES it will repeat whatever it hears. A week later she returns the bird complaining it hasn’t uttered a single word. But the clerk won’t give her a refund, swearing he told the truth. How can that be? [The parrot is deaf.]

BS TAG LINE: If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

 


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