Thursday, April 12, 2001 Edition: #2032
BS SIGNS THE EASTER BUNNY IS NUTS:
• “Bite me!” shaved into the fur on his back.
• Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny discovered in his crawl space.
• Neighbors describe him as ‘a quiet loner’.
• Just can’t stop washing his paws.
• Apartment walls covered with photos of Gwyneth Paltrow.
• He’s hippity-hopped up on Easter grass.
• Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.
• Hides all the eggs in his pants.
BS CELEBRITY BUZZ:
YESTERDAY Elton John lost his multi-million dollar court case against his former accountants and an ex-manager and now faces a huge legal bill (yikes, time to line up another duet!) . . . Sheryl Crow and new bf Kid Rock have reportedly been “practically inseparable” in recent weeks (get out the hose!) . . . Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boytoy, LFO singer Rich Cronin, is apparently fed up with seeing her pictured with other guys and has dumped out of the relationship (guess she really is a “Heartbreaker”) . . . Former tennis star Boris Becker claims a 1999 backroom boink in a London restaurant took all of 5 secs, but since tests show it resulted in him fathering the daughter of Russian model Angela Ermakova, he’s agreed to a payout close to $3 million (by the way, 5 secs included cuddling afterward).
THAT’S THE NUDES, WEATHER’S NEXT:
TODAY Canadian Website nakednews.com, which features naked female newsreaders, unveils its first nude newsMAN, former financial adviser Lucas Tyle. He won the job over 200 other applicants who responded to an ad for the position and says he applied because he wanted to explore his “creative side”. (Producers decided he was the guy when he didn’t require a pointer for the weather map.)
IN THE PINK:
The Pantone Color Institute, which tracks the popularity of colors, says pink is THE color of the new season for men, women and children. It seems all shades are in, whether it’s a mere blush of rose or a steamy hot fuchsia. A spokesperson claims “These days, it’s OK for guys to cry and wear pink.” (Perhaps one causing the other.)
SON OF FURBY:
TODAY Tiger Electronics begins marketing the successor to its interactive fur ball ‘Furby’, the top holiday season toy of ‘98. The new ‘Shelby’ boasts 50% more memory, speaks English, ‘Furbish’ and ‘Shelbish’, and even tells hilarious knock-knock jokes. (Leaving parents in a quandary – is it worth it to ‘accidentally’ drop a brick on a toy that cost $25?)
WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• An Australian doctor is planning to set up the world’s first floating euthanasia clinic. Dr Philip Nitschke says he intends to take advantage of the Netherlands’ impending legalization of mercy killing by buying a Dutch-registered ship that will operate in international waters. (Oh great, on top of dying you spend your last hours seasick.)
• The former speaker of Swaziland’s parliament has had his salary cut after being caught stealing ‘sacred cow dung’ from the king’s residence. (Wow, imagine what it’s like watching the Swaziland version of “Cops”.)
THE BULL SHEET 04.12.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947  David Letterman, Indianapolis IN, TV host (“Late Show with David Letterman” since 1993, “Late Night with David Letterman” 1982-1993)
1947  Tom Clancy, Baltimore MD, top-selling author (“Clear & Present Danger”, “Patriot Games”) NOTE: Movie of his “Sum of All Fears”, starring Ben Affleck, is being shot in Montreal
1956  Andy Garcia, Havana CUB, film actor (“The Untouchables”, “Godfather III”) NEXT FILM: Heist flick “Ocean’s Eleven”, starring George Clooney & Julia Roberts, opening DECEMBER
1957  Vince Gill, Norman OK, country star (“Let’s Make Sure We Kiss Goodbye”)/Mr Amy Grant
1971  Shannen Doherty, Memphis TN, TV actress (Prue Halliwell-“Charmed”) recently charged with DUI
1971  Kent Manderville, Edmonton AB, NHL center (Philadelphia Flyers)
1979  Claire Danes, NYC, movie actress (“The Mod Squad”, “The Rainmaker”, “Romeo & Juliet”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Look Up At The Sky Day”. Why? Because ‘clouds and cloudscapes are the greatest free show on Earth’. (Except for when Jennifer Lopez bends over in a dress.)
TODAY is “Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day”, a day of commitment to never vote for a lawyer in any kind of election. (Let’s see now – Jean Chrétien is a lawyer . . .)
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000 Rockers Metallica file suit against Napster for copyright infringement (the beginning of the end)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1877  ‘Catcher’s mask’ 1st used in a baseball game (James Alexander Tyng-Lynn MA)
1967  “O Canada” officially becomes national anthem (bet you don’t know all the words)
1980  Terry Fox begins “Marathon of Hope” in St John’s NF (forced to stop at Thunder Bay ON)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996  Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia declared the world’s tallest buildings
1999  Shania Twain becomes only female artist to sell 10 million units of back-to-back releases
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Apr 22] Earth Day
[Apr 30] Canadian Income Tax deadline
Private Property Week
International Amateur Radio Month ([your co-host] is the poster boy)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER: “What do your parents do that REALLY embarrasses you?” (In their new book, “How Not to Embarrass Your Kids”, authors Travis Goldman & Zack Elias offer the following advice — don’t reminisce about your hippy days, don’t wear a bikini or a thong, don’t tell your life story to the restaurant waiter, and don’t pretend to like things the kids like.)
In what 2 popular playground games do you use a ‘taw’? [It’s the marble used as a ‘shooter’ in the game of marbles, and also the disc or stone tossed on squares in hopscotch.]
BS TAG LINE: The hardest thing to give is IN.