Wednesday, April 11, 2001                                                        Edition: #2031

TONIGHT the long road to the Stanley Cup begins as the NHL playoffs get underway, so here’s a look at . . .
BS SIGNS YOUR PICK IN THE PLAYOFF POOL MAY HAVE BEEN A MISTAKE:
• His guide dog isn’t much of a skater.
• Says he wants to drink from ‘Stanky’s Cup’.
• He’s from Cuba.
• Won’t throw a check for fear of breaking his beer bottle.
• Whenever opponents challenge him to “drop ‘em”, he takes down his pants.
• He has all his teeth.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
CBS is suing FOX over its reality series “Boot Camp”, claiming it’s a blatant rip-off of “Survivor” (it’s not the same at all — “Survivor” is entertaining) . . . U2 is shooting a special video for their tune “Elevation” featuring scenes from the upcoming movie “Tomb Raider” in which star Angelina Jolie will rescue The Edge from kidnappers . . . HBO is running an online  “Sopranos” look-alike contest through FRIDAY (http://www.hbo.com/sopranos/) in a search for dead ringers for ‘Tony’ and other characters on the show (the good news is you win prizes, the bad news is — they need you to take a bullet in an upcoming episode) . . . Here’s strike one — the pending Hollywood actors’ and writers’ strikes have forced production of “The Matrix” sequels to be postponed . . . Here’s a truly weird pairing – Jennifer Lopez and Robert De Niro are planning a remake of the 1955 Doris Day movie musical “Love Me or Leave Me” (De Niro singing — is this a fright flick?).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Rachael Leigh Cook stars in the comedy “Josie and the Pussycats”, a satire poking fun at the pop music industry that’s loosely based on the early ‘70s TV cartoon series . . . A group of old friends gets together when a despised family member kicks the bucket in the comedy “Kingdom Come”, featuring an ensemble cast that includes LL Cool J, Toni Braxton & Whoopi Goldberg . . . David Spade heads up the trailer trash comedy “Joe Dirt”, featuring Dennis Miller as a radio DJ and Kid Rock in his movie debut.

ONE CD THAT REALLY SUCKS:
Anyone who’s had a newborn in the house knows that screaming babies can be lulled by late night car rides or turning on the vacuum. Now Scottish producer Graham Shand has released a CD of vacuum cleaner SFX specifically designed to put babies to sleep. The disc features 10 minutes of clips from different vacuums faded in and out to simulate the sound of them being used. (Now I can stop playing the video of “The English Patient”.)

CHOCO-LICK:
NEXT MONTH Switzerland will issue the first postage stamp with a scent. The commemorative stamp celebrates the centenary of Chocosuisse, Switzerland’s chocolate industry federation. It will look like a square of chocolate on an open foil wrapper and smell like chocolate. (They already did this with a horse stamp in Ireland – it smells like glue.)

LESS PAINFUL THAN A VASECTOMY:
A new study in France suggests that driving a car for too long can make a man infertile. Researchers claim heat produced by the car seat kills sperm. (So as well as unleaded gas, you can now get unleaded drivers.)

THE BULL SHEET 04.11.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1957    [44] John Castellanos, La Mesa CA, TV soap actor (John Silva-“The Young & the Restless”, since 1989)
1976    [25] Kelvim Escobar, La Guaria VEN, MLB pitcher (Toronto Blue Jays)
1970    [31] Trevor Linden, Medicine Hat AB, NHL center (Washington Capitals)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “8-Track Tape Day”, a time for nostalgic memories of the old cartridge tape format. Get listeners to flip through their dusty tapes and call in some of the weirder titles.

TODAY is “Barbershop Quartet Day”, honoring the 1938 founding of SPEBSQSA (“Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America”, in Tulsa. So altogether now — hmmmm.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1989     [12] 1st NHL playoff goal by a goalie (Ron Hextall-Philadelphia Flyers)
1997    [04] Actor Tony Randall becomes a father for the 1st time at age 77 (baby looked just like him – all wrinkly)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996    [05] Greg Norman shoots 63 at Masters Golf Championship to tie lowest-ever round in a major tournament

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Good Friday/Friday the 13th/Blame Somebody Else Day
[Apr 20-22] Summit of the Americas (Quebec City)
[Apr 25] Secretaries Day (in lieu of a decent salary)
Families Laughing Through Stories Week (ask dad to tell you about the good old days)
National Pet First Aid Awareness Month (practise CPR on Rover)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTERS:

• “What’s the worst uniform you’ve ever had to wear?”
• “Fill in the blank — I can’t believe I thought (????) was cool!”
• “What you would do if you were the opposite sex for a day?”

BS EASTER QUIZ:
• In which country did the ‘Easter Bunny’ originate – England, Germany, or France? [The bunny as an Easter symbol seems to have its origins in Germany, where it was first mentioned in German writings in the 1500s. The first edible Easter Bunnies were made in Germany during the early 1800s.]
• What species of lily is the ‘Easter Lily’ — the White Trumpet Lily of Japan, the Canada Lily of the East, or the Humboldt’s Lily of the West? (The White Trumpet Lily of Japan.)
• How is the date for Easter Sunday calculated — the 1st Sunday after the 1st full moon after the vernal equinox, the 2nd Sunday following the harvest moon, or the 3rd Sunday in April? [Easter is the 1st Sunday after the 1st Saturday after the 1st full moon after the equinox. The equinox is quite often March 21, but can also occur on March 20 or 22. Man, who figured this all out?]
• A traditional Easter dinner often includes ham. What does the ham represent — peace, prosperity, or power? [Schwean haben, a popular German expression for ‘prosperity’, literally means to ‘have a pig’.]

BS TAG LINE: You never FIND time, but you can always MAKE it.

 


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