Thursday, April 2, 2009        Edition: #3988
There’s No BS Like Show BS …


Last night “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling and hair-trigger model Naomi Campbell were among a dozen women from the worlds of art, business, fashion & sport invited to a special banquet catered by celeb chef Jamie Oliver at 10 Downing Street as part of this week’s “G20” summit in London (hopefully, there was an entire security squad ogling Campbell) . . . In case you were wondering what it is exactly that Nicole Richie does for a living, it’s just been announced she’s signed a deal to design her own line of shoes (she’s decided to go conservative and keep the holes on top & the flat parts on the bottom) . . . “Hannah Montana: The Movie” director Peter Chelsom compares Miley Cyrus to screen legend Judy Garland, claiming he was ‘blown away’ the first time he met her (BS translation: Just one more week of hype and then I can pretend I never had anything to do with this crap) . . . MTV has announced it’s launching a program called “AMTV” which will feature music videos between 3 am-and-9 am (music on MTV – what an innovation!) . . . “Borat” star Sacha Baron Cohen is asking musician pals to participate help record a fake charity song called “Dove of Peace” for his upcoming film “Bruno” (out this July) and so far has agreement from Bono, Chris Martin, Sting, and – the Village People (those still alive, at least) . . . ‘Reality’ star Whitney Port (“The City”) tells MTV News she didn’t like the “Twilight” movie because the acting was really bad (and she oughta know about bad acting) . . . And this week electronics giant Thomson has introduced the new ‘mp3HD’ format which – quote – ‘allows mathematically lossless compression of audio material while preserving backward compatibility to the mp3 standard’ (BS translation: Now that everybody has an MP3 player, we’ve come up with a way to make your hardware totally obsolete.)


• “ER” (NBC/CTV) – The 2-hour series finalé “And In the End” airs, winding up 15 seasons. Much of the original cast appears, including George Clooney, Julianna Margulies, and Noah Wyle. Cameos by former “Gilmore Girl” Alexis Bledel & Hollywood veteran Ernest Borgnine.
• “Hannah Montana: The Movie” – The world premiere is tonight in Los Angeles. The film opens wide on April 10.
• KISS – Original guitarist Ace Frehley performs at the grand opening of the Hard Rock Café in NYC’s new Yankee Stadium, backed by guitarist Scott Ian & bassist Frank Bello (Anthrax) and drummer Anton Fig (“Late Show With David Letterman”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – The Fray perform “You Found Me”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Taylor Swift sings “Love Story” in an outdoor performance.

• Brad Paisley – His “Waitin’ On a Woman” has won ‘Video of the Year’ in early “ACM Awards” announcements. The actual ceremony is Sunday in Las Vegas (CBS).
• Britney Spears – A snitch claims she’s found an on-tour playmate during her “Circus” tour, a 21-year-old backup dancer named Gio. (Another backup dancer? You’d think she’d learn!)
• Jimi Hendrix – After 8 years of preservation efforts failed, the Seattle WA childhood home of the legendary rocker has been dismantled. The current owner says parts of the building have been saved and will be kept in storage. (Until they figure out how to make a buck off them.)
• Lady Gaga – The 23-year-old “Poker Face” hitmaker claims that at a backstage ‘meet-and-greet’ in Canada (Vancouver perhaps?), a male fan asked her to autograph his manhood with a permanent market … which she did. (Unfortunately, there was only room for ‘Lad’.)
• Michael Jackson – According to “Daily Star”, he’s set to introduce a surprise guest at his first London show in July … his son Prince Michael I. The 12-year-old will allegedly make his stage debut at the O2 Arena after being hidden from the world for years under blankets and masks.
• Natalie Cole – The 59-year-old singer has received numerous messages from fans offering to donate their kidneys after she revealed on “Larry King Live” (CNN) that she still requires a transplant as her son was rejected as a possible donor. She’s being treated for hepatitis C.
• Taylor Swift – She’s on the April cover of “Allure” magazine and will appear on the May cover of “Seventeen” magazine.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Death & Life of Charlie St Cloud” – Zac Efron is in negotiations to star in this upcoming drama about a cemetery caretaker who has weekly meetings with the ghost of his younger brother, whose accidental death he blames on himself. Filming is scheduled to begin this July.
• “Going the Distance” – Sometime off-screen couple Drew Barrymore & Justin Long are reportedly getting back together onscreen for this romantic comedy, playing lovers in a long-distance relationship. They first got together while co-starring in the Barrymore-produced film “He’s Just Not That Into You”. The new movie’s due in 2011.
• “The Limit” – “Spider-Man” star Tobey Maguire will portray US racer Phil Hill who won the 1961 ‘World Drivers Championship’ after a battle with fellow Ferrari driver Wolfgang von Trips, who was tragically killed in a track accident. Maguire will also produce the biopic, which is based on an upcoming novel of the same name by Michael Cannell.
• “Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief” – Pierce Brosnan & Uma Thurman are set to play a pair of Greek gods in a bigscreen adaptation of the first novel in Rick Riordan’s popular series of children’s books based on Greek mythology. The family flick is slated for release in February 2010.
• Untitled Woody Allen Project – Nicole Kidman is the latest to join the cast of Woody Allen’s next project, joining an all-star ensemble that already includes Antonio Banderas (“Shrek”), Anthony Hopkins (“Beowulf”), Freida Pinto (“Slumdog Millionaire”), Josh Brolin (“Milk”), and Naomi Watts (“The International”). The film will be shot in London with a targeted 2010 opening.


• Members of the Layton Burroughs Residents’ Association, a municipality in Nottinghamshire, England, have come up with a unique way of curbing ‘anti-social behavior’ by area young people such as underage drinking, drug-dealing, and general intimidation. They’ve installed pink lights in public areas, which are said to have a calming influence as well as … highlight teenagers’ blemishes. The dissenting National Youth Agency says driving the kids out by pointing out their pimples won’t solve the problem … it’ll just move it elsewhere.
– BBC News
• After a 2-year search for a serial killer whose DNA was found at 39 different crime scenes, police in Germany have finally succeeded. In one of the most puzzling cases in German history, hundreds of investigators and a reward of $300,000 euros proved insufficient to find the phantom killer whose DNA showed up in otherwise unrelated murders all over Germany as well as Austria and France. Now we know why … they’d been tracking the DNA of a factory worker who packaged all the cotton swabs used by cops to collect evidence for the past 8 years. Good job, guys!
– “Bild Magazine”

A British study of reading habits shows that almost half of women are ‘page turners’ who finish a book soon after starting it, compared with only 26% of men. The poll of 2,000 adults also finds that people who take a long time to read books and only manage to read 1 or 2 a year are twice as likely to be male as female. Men are also more likely to have shelves full of books that have never been opened. (Take your own poll: What’s the last thing your read, guys?)
– “Daily Telegraph”


Favorite screen good-guys, as voted by “Entertainment Weekly” readers …
5. ‘Harry Potter’
4. ‘Indiana Jones’
3. ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’
2. ‘Batman’
1. ‘Superman’


Good news guys! Someday you’ll be able to go an entire week without changing your underwear, thanks to innovation from Japan’s space agency. Right now as you’re hearing this, there is a Japanese astronaut up in space testing out a pair of ‘space underwear’ made from antibacterial polymers that are designed to absorb fluids such as perspiration as well as reduce the stench of days-old clothing. The goal is to allow astronauts the ability to work for an entire week without having to change their ginch! ([Co-host] was a pioneer in this effort.)
– “Curious Times”


Sound travels through water 3 times faster than through air.


1947 [62] Emmylou Harris, Birmingham AL, country/folk singer with 12 Grammy Awards (“Blue Kentucky Girl”, “To Know Him Is To Love Him”)

1961 [48] Christopher Meloni, Washington DC, TV actor (‘Detective Elliot Stabler’ on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1975 [34] Adam Rodriguez, Yonkers NY, TV actor (‘Eric Delko’ on “CSI: Miami” since 2002)

1979 [30] Jesse Carmichael, Boulder CO, pop keyboardist (Maroon 5-“Makes Me Wonder”, “This Love”)

1981 [28] Bethany Joy Galeotti, Hollywood FL, TV actress (‘Haley James Scott’ on “One Tree Hill” since 2003)

1983 [26] Yung Joc (Jasiel Robinson), College Park GA, rapper (w/T-Pain-“Buy U a Drank [Shawty Snappin’]”, f/Nitti-“It’s Goin’ Down”)


• “International Children’s Book Day”, celebrated on the birthday of one of the most famous children’s authors, Hans Christian Andersen, who was born in Denmark on this day in 1805. He penned 168 fairytales in all, including “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, “The Princess & the Pea”, “The Ugly Duckling”, “Thumbelina”, and “The Little Mermaid”.

• “Peanut Butter & Jelly Day”, celebrating what may be the world’s most popular sandwich. But what else have you sandwiched with peanut butter? We like PB & tuna. Nummers!

• “Reconciliation Day”, a day to write a letter or make a phone call in order to mend a broken relationship. (“Dear boss: Sorry about that April Fool’s Day whoopee cushion!”)


1956 [53] CBS-TV daytime drama “As the World Turns” debuts (4 million divorces & 6 million gooey deaths ago)

2006 [03] Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy” makes history by becoming the first-ever single to top singles charts based solely on download sales

1902 [107] The 1st cinema, LA’s ‘Electric Theater’ opens, charging 10 cents for a 1-hour program that includes the films “The Capture Of the Biddle Brothers” & “New York In a Blizzard”

1968 [41] Montréal mayor Jean Drapeau creates Canada’s 1st lottery, to help pay down the $250-million deficit from “Expo ’67”

1978 [31] ‘Velcro’ 1st introduced (inspired by the little hooks on burrs that attach to clothing)

1991 [18] 1st female Premier of a Canadian province takes office, Rita Johnston in BC

1975 [34] ‘World’s Tallest Free-Standing Structure’, Toronto’s CN Tower, is completed at 555 meters or 1,821 feet (only Torontonians can actually say ‘world’s tallest free-standing structure’)

1980 [29] Toshiaki Shirai & Yukiki Nagata of Tokyo, Japan set the world record for ‘Underwater Kissing’ (2 minutes, 18 seconds)

[Fri] Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
[Fri] “Adventureland”, “Fast & Furious” open in theaters
[Sat] 29th Genie Awards (Toronto)
[Sat] 2009 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Indiction (Cleveland)
[Sun] WrestleMania XXV (Houston)
[Sun] MLB Opening Night
This Week Is . . . Laugh at Work Week
This Month Is . . . Amateur Radio Month


Actual user names chosen by real bidders & sellers on the auction website ..
• Beer Can Man
• Ashtray Guy
• Tori Spelling
• Cradle of Filth
• Mr Ass
• Who Farted?
• God Help Us
– “The Believer”


• Which do the majority of women polled say is most important when making love?
a. Variety.
b. Tenderness.
c. Passion. [CORRECT]
• What percentage of married women say they’ve remained faithful to their husbands?
a. 35%
b. 65%
c. 85% [CORRECT]
• Laura Ashley, manufacturer of women’s & children’s clothing, is also know for what?
a. Baby furniture.
b. Floral & print fabrics for the home. [CORRECT]
c. Orthopedic shoes.

• What is the actual width of a 2-by-4 piece of lumber?
a. 2 inches.
b. 4 inches.
c. 3 3/4 inches. [CORRECT]
• Approximately what percentage of men get down on one knee to propose?
a. 10% [CORRECT]
b. 50%
c. 75%
• Which dashboard instrument is used to measure a car’s RPMs?
a. Odometer.
b. Tachometer. [CORRECT]
c. Thermometer.
– “The Gender Gap”

What final outcome would make for the dullest game? How about …
• Baseball … 3-1
• Basketball (College) … 58-41
• Basketball (NBA) … 77-63
• Football … 12-3
• Hockey … 2-0
• Soccer … 0-0
• Tennis … 6-1, 6-2
– Thanks to Michael Mannella


The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.


Today’s Question: On average, men do THIS twice a month.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cry.


When talking nonsense try not to be serious.

Printer Friendly Version