Friday, April 10, 2009        Edition: #3994
Touch Your Screen – This BS Is Still Warm!

Movie star-turned-California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has been confirmed for cameos in the upcoming movies “Terminator Salvation” (May 22nd) and the Sylvester Stallone tough-guy flick “The Expendables”, opening April 2010 (about the same time as the ‘Governator’s second term in office ends) . . . “Star Magazine” claims Britney Spears & ex-husband Kevin Federline, who’ve been traveling together for much of her “Circus” tour, can’t keep their hands off each other & have been hooking up whenever and wherever the mood strikes (could this be the real reason she left the stage in Vancouver for an hour during Wednesday’s show?) . . . “National Enquirer” reports acting couple Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes are spending $1 million on daughter Suri’s education, including French & Spanish lessons and a private tutor (she’s 2 – what does she possibly need to know?) . . . 24-year-old movie actress Scarlett Johansson (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”) says reports she’s on a crash-diet to keep up with slimmer Hollywood stars are totally false, insisting the new look is the result of training for her role as ‘Black Widow’ in the upcoming “Iron Man” sequel (BS translation: I haven’t had anything but water since February) . . . The reason 31-year-old actor Kal Penn has left the cast of FOX-TV’s “House” (via a shot to the head on Monday’s episode) is to take a job in the Obama administration involving liaison with Asian & Pacific communities as well as arts & entertainment groups (a long way from his stoner role in the “Harold & Kumar” comedies) . . . And after a bungled mention of Sydney’s world famous ‘Opera House’ as the ‘Opera Centre’, Australian actor Hugh Jackman (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”) has been forced to admit he doesn’t post his own tweets, an online marketing team does (now that he, 50 Cent, and Britney have all ‘fessed up to faking, perhaps the silly Twitter fad is set to sink?).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – TI (“Whatever You Like”) performs in a rerun show (pre-prison).
• Lady GaGa – Saturday she kicks off her 23-date “Fame Ball Tour” at the San Diego CA House of Blues.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight country star Trace Adkins (“Marry For Money” is onstage.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight U2 performs in a rerun show from March.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning singer/activist Annie Lennox is on.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – “High School Musical” star Zac Efron hosts; with musical guest Yeah Yeah Yeahs.


• Black Eyed Peas – They’ve set the mark for best single-week and best debut download totals by a group as “Boom Boom Pow” becomes their first-ever #1 single on the “Billboard Hot 100”.
• Flo Rida – He’s supposedly released his ‘personal phone number’ to the general public so he can personally thank fans for their support. He claims he’s happy to speak one-on-one to anyone who calls or sends him a text message. The cellphone number is 305.528.2786.
• Jason Aldean – His latest single, “She’s Country”, is currently the top-selling ringtone of any genre on iTunes, already selling more than 400,000 digital downloads.
• Joe Nichols – The “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” singer will play the lead role in an upcoming Broadway version of the 1992 George Strait movie “Pure Country”. The stage show is slated to open in early 2010.
• Keith Urban – “Defying Gravity” has become his first #1 on the “Billboard 200” album chart but Rascal Flatts’ new “Unstoppable” looks like it’ll live up to its name, as it’s on course to top the chart next week.
• Madonna – Her rep confirms she’s giving a ‘substantial amount’ of money to aid earthquake victims in central Italy. Her paternal grandparents came from Pacentro, 100 km (60 mi) south of the epicenter of Monday’s quake, the worst to hit Italy in 30 years.
• Miley Cyrus – She & “Hannah Montana” co-star Emily Osment have recorded a duet cover version of John Lennon’s 1971 classic “Imagine”. Cyrus says she’s a ‘huge John Lennon fan’ … she studied him in school. (Let’s hope someone sane deletes this before it surfaces.)

• “Dragonball Evolution” ( PG Fantasy Thriller ): Justin Chatwin plays young warrior ‘Goku’ who sets out on a quest to collect a set of 7 magical orbs that will grant their wielder unlimited power, racing against time and the vengeful ‘Lord Piccolo’. Co-stars James Marsters & Yun-Fat Chow. Based on the anime/manga comic books and TV series (1986-89). The film was mostly shot in an abandoned jeans factory in Durango, Mexico using greenscreens.
• “Hannah Montana: The Movie” ( G-Rated Musical Comedy ): In this bigscreen version of the Disney TV show, mega-star ‘Miley Stewart’ (Miley Cyrus) finds her ‘Hannah Montana’ persona is taking over her life. On urging from her father, she returns to her hometown of Crowley Corners TN to get some perspective. Co-stars Emily Osment & real-life pop Billy Ray Cyrus (whose new album is coincidentally named “Back to Tennessee”). Country star Taylor Swift has a cameo.
• “Observe & Report” ( R-Rated Action Comedy ): Seth Rogen plays a bi-polar mall security guard who’s tasked with stopping a flasher from tormenting shoppers. When he can’t get the job done, a tough-as-nails police detective (Ray Liotta) is brought in to close the case. Anna Faris (“The House Bunny”) co-stars as a cosmetics-counter girl. A take-no-prisoners comedy that attempts to push the envelope. Don’t go if you’ll be upset by full frontal male nudity.

• A German woman has divorced her husband because she was fed up with him … cleaning all the time. She says she put up with her husband’s penchant for doing household chores, tidying up and rearranging furniture for 15 years but finally ran out of patience when he knocked down a wall and rebuilt it because it got dirty. (There are wives who would kill to have this guy!)
– Reuters
•  A Swiss woman who suffered a stroke has developed a phantom third limb that her brain responds to as if it were really there. Phantom limbs are common among amputees, but in this case the absent appendage is actually useful … it’s so responsive that the woman can scratch an itch with her imaginary arm. (Dallas Cowboys are looking to sign her as a receiver.)
• A Russian man has survived after downing 3 bottles of vodka and leaping from a 5th-floor balcony … twice. His wife watched in horror as her drunken husband opened their kitchen window and hurled himself out. Astonishingly, the 22-year-old survived and managed to stagger back upstairs after the 50-ft fall. Then he did it all over again. Why? He says he jumped a second time because he couldn’t stand his wife’s nagging about the first. (Understandable.)
– Ananova News Service


A stove made of cardboard and powered by solar energy has won the $75,000 top prize in the ‘Climate Change Challenge‘ for global warming solutions organized by UK newspaper “Financial Times”. Norwegian inventor & businessman Jon Bohmer hopes his ‘Kyoto Box’ stove will eliminate the use of firewood for cooking by some 3 billion people. The gizmo entails a cardboard box with an acrylic cover that absorbs and traps sunlight and also serves as the stove-top. Black paint inside the box and foil outside help generate enough heat to boil water and cook food. Bohmer’s company will use the prize money to make more ‘Kyoto Boxes’ and distribute them free. It’s already produced 2.5 million of the solar-powered stoves, which only cost $5 apiece to make. (Finally, instead more fear-mongering, a green man with a plan!)


Organic farming doesn’t contaminate soil and groundwater with pesticides and chemicals like regular farming, but it does have a surprising drawback. Since it’s only half as productive as conventional farming, it requires far more land to produce the same amount of food. It’s estimated that modern high-yield farming has saved some 15 million sq mi of wildlife habitat. Switching the entire world over to organic farming would require the removal of about 10 million sq mi of forest. (No worries, someday we’ll be growing everything in a petri dish anyway.)
– “Marie Claire Magazine”


• Dogs & cats cause 86,000 trips to the emergency room for pet owners each year, mostly due to them falling over their dogs while walking them.
– “Morbidity & Mortality Weekly Report”
• There are an estimated 10-million-billion ants on Earth, weighing roughly the same as the entire human population.
– “The Lives of Ants, by Laurent Keller & Elisabeth Gordon


1936 [73] John Madden, Austin MN, TV football analyst (“NBC Sunday Night NFL Football” since 2006, “ABC Monday Night Football” 2002-05, ex-FOX, ex-CBS)/ex-NFL coach (Oakland Raiders 1969-79)

1970 [39] Mike Mushok, Manhasset NY, rock guitarist (Staind-“Believe”, “Right Here”)

1980 [29] Sean Avery, North York ON, NHL winger (NY Rangers)/former boyfriend of model Rachel Hunter & actress Elisha Cuthbert

1980 [29] Bryce Soderberg, Victoria BC, rock bassist (Lifehouse-“Broken”, “Hanging By a Moment”)

1982 [27] Chyler Leigh, Charlotte NC, TV actress (‘Lexie Grey’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2007)

1984 [25] Mandy Moore, Nashua NH, movie actress (“License to Wed”, “Because I Said So”)/pop singer (“Candy”)/wed to singer-songwriter Ryan Adams in March 2009

1985 [24] Dion Phaneuf, Edmonton AB, NHL defenceman (Calgary Flames)

Country singer Steve Azar (“I Don’t Have To Be Me [‘Til Monday]”) is 45; Rock drummer Chris Gaylor (All-American Rejects) is 30; NHL winger Alexandre Burrows (Vancouver Canucks) is 28; Soul singer Joss Stone  (“You Had Me”) is 22.

TV personality David Letterman (“Late Show”) is 62; Movie actor Andy Garcia (“Ocean’s Eleven”) is 53; Country singer Vince Gill (“I Still Believe in You”) is 52; NHL defenceman Roman Hamrlik (Montréal Canadiens) is 35; Rock bassist Guy Berryman (Coldplay) is 31; Movie actress Claire Danes (“Stardust”) is 30; TV actress Jennifer Morrison (“House”) is 30; Rock singer Brendon Urie (Panic At the Disco) is 22.

• “Canadian Wildlife Week”, first declared in 1947 by an act of Parliament to honor the birth date of Jack Miner (April 10), one of the founders of Canada’s conservation movement and the namesake of the world famous waterfowl sanctuary in Kingsville ON which he established in 1904. He’s credited as a key player in saving Canada Geese from extinction.
• “Ex-Spouse’s Day”, a day of recognition of your ex- as someone who, at least at one point in your life, was a very important person. (Booty call time?)
• “Golfers Day”, honoring everyone who walks a mile chasing the little white ball, on the 92nd anniversary of the first PGA championship in 1916. Why is it that golfers blame fate for most accidents but feel personally responsible when they make a hole-in-one?
• “Good Friday”, observed since about 100 AD. There are few explanations as to why it’s known as ‘Good’ Friday since it commemorates a sorrowful time in Christianity. It’s a national holiday in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the UK but not in the USA where it varies state-by-state.
• “Salvation Army Founders Day”. (Without them, [co-host] wouldn’t have a wardrobe.)
• “Siblings Day”, honoring brothers and sisters who are living, those who aren’t … and perhaps those who shouldn’t be.

• “Barbershop Quartet Day”, honoring the 1938 founding of SPEBSQSA (‘Society for the Preservation & Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America’) in Tulsa OK. (Altogether now … hummmm.)
• “World Parkinson’s Disease Day”, observed annually on the birth date of Sir James Parkinson (1755-1824), the English physician who first studied the disorder. The red tulip, official flower of “World PD Day”, is worn to create awareness and encourage new research and treatments.

• “Easter, the moveable Christian feast, meaning it’s not fixed to a calendar date. It falls at some point between late March & late April each year, following the cycle of the Moon. Since its origins, it has been a time of celebration and feasting. Worldwide many traditional Easter activities involve eggs, such as Egg Rolling, Egg Tapping, Pace Egging, and Egg Decorating.
• “Licorice Day”. The best kind? We say ‘zout’ (salt) from The Netherlands. A recent UK study says licorice is good for dental health. (If you like black teeth, presumably.)
• “Look Up At The Sky Day”, because cloudscapes are the greatest free show on Earth!

2007 [02] A judge in the Bahamas rules that the birth father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby girl Dannielynn is  Larry Birkhead (not Howard K Stern … or anyone else taking credit)


1970 [39] Paul McCartney announces he’s leaving The Beatles


1841 [168] City of Halifax NS is incorporated

1849 [160] 1st ‘Safety Pin’ is patented (NYC’s Walter Hunt later sells patent for a paltry $400, perhaps because he didn’t invent the idea … it had been around for hundreds of years!)

1937 [72] Founding of Trans-Canada Airlines (now Air Canada)

1984 [25] 1st ‘Frozen-Embryo Child’ is born (a girl named ‘Zoe’ in Melbourne, Australia)

[Mon] Dyngus Day
[Mon] White House Easter Egg Roll
[Tues] Be Kind to Lawyers Day
[Tues] Pan American Day
[Wed] US Income Tax Pay Day
[Wed] Take a Wild Guess Day
[Wed] That Sucks Day
This Week Is … Guitar Week
This Month Is … Multicultural Communication Month


• Ham & broken glass omelette.
• Tacos con tobacco.
• Hatpin pie.
• Deep-fried cinderblock.
• Beer-battered strips of rusty, jagged metal.
• Hot lead sandwich with gravy.
• Ebola-cola.
• Old oily rags alfredo.
• Crackburgers.
• Tequila.
– Thanks to Melissa Bell

The anti-Chris Brown tune, “My Flow is So Tight”, by a group of Chicago DJs going by the name Jump Smokers has been getting a lot of attention. The main theme of the song: “Brown should get his ass kicked.”

In what unusual way do you totally spoil your pet? (BBC News notes there’s now ‘Pet-refresh’ bottled water specially formulated for dogs, cats, rabbits, gerbils, iguanas, pot-bellied pigs … and even fish. ‘Dog Yoga’ classes are available in many cities. There’s the ‘Feline Evolution Catseat’, which sits atop of a normal toilet seat for kitties too cool for litter. And there are ‘Doggles’, sunglasses for dogs designed to keep out UV light and foreign objects. Beginning Saturday, London’s “Telegraph” newspaper begins running ‘Pet Obituaries’.)


Have I lived in this town all my life? No, not yet.

Today’s Question: More than half the time people can guess THIS about someone just by looking at them.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: What kind of dog they own. (Fox News)


When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

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