April 13, 2009

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Monday, April 13, 2009        Edition: #3995
Have Another Sheetload!

• Simon Cowell is hinting he may quit “American Idol” when his contract is up in order to cut back his relentless workload. He makes up to 4 transatlantic flights a week just to keep up with his hectic shooting schedule. In the UK, he fronts both “Britain’s Got Talent “and the singing competition “The X Factor”. He also heads a record label and a TV production company. His “Idol” contract expires in 2010. (No Cowell, no “Idol” … right?)
– “Daily Mirror”
• Acting couple Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson’s on & off relationship is off again. After dating in 2006 while starring in “You, Me & Dupree” together, splitting up in 2007, then getting back together, the couple’s now kaput … apparently for good. Why? Word has it he wanted to wed, she wasn’t ready. (Maybe it’s payback for “Wedding Crashers”?)
– “In Touch Weekly”
• 31-year-old actress Sarah Michelle Gellar is expecting her first child with husband Freddie Prinze Jr. The former “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” star is due this Fall. The couple has been married since 2002. (This is their first production of any kind since 2004.)
– People.com
• Actor Paul Walker has confirmed reports he’ll be back for another “Fast & Furious” movie. After already playing ‘Brian O’Conner’ in 3 of the 4 films in the franchise, he thought the latest would be the last. But it’s huge opening-week success has prompted him and producers to change gears and think again. Vin Diesel will also be back for the 5th film, to be shot in Brazil. (“Rapido e Furioso”?)
– ContactMusic.com
• Lo Bosworth may not want to see her best friend Lauren Conrad leave “The Hills” (MTV), but she does think the series can survive without her. In fact, Lo thinks Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt could probably replace Conrad as the reality show’s headlining act because they get a lot of press on their own. She also thinks that season 5 may not be the end of all Conrad appearances on “The Hills”. (Should they let it die or poke it with a stick?)
– Eonline.com

• “Corner Gas” (CTV) – The series finalé airs (9:30 pm) as Brent Butt and company call it a day after 6 seasons and 107 episodes. The last show is preceded by “Live at eTalk: The Cast of Corner Gas” (7 pm); and “It’s Been a Gas – Corner Gas Special” (7:30 pm).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Rascal Flatts promote the new album “Unstoppable”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Lily Allen performs “The Fear” in a rerun show.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Billy Ray Cyrus (“Back to Tennessee”) is a guest.


• Kanye West – Jan Adams, the doctor who operated on Kanye’s mother Donda a day before she died has given up his medical license rather than fight a series of complaints against him. (You gotta be really, really bad to willingly give up a license to print money.)
• Miranda Lambert – She’s signed on to appear in Cotton Incorporated’s ‘The Fabric Of My Life’ ad campaign, singing an updated country version of the familiar jingle which was retired in 2001.
• Pink – Her estranged husband, motocross racer Carey Hart , has confirmed she’s giving their relationship another chance. (She’s gone from “Leave Me Alone” to “Please Don’t Leave Me”.)
• Smashing Pumpkins – Billy Corgan has been overwhelmed by drummers hoping to replace recently exited Jimmy Chamberlin. Over 1,000 wannabes have registered for the first round of auditions beginning tomorrow.
• TLC – Chilli Thomas will appear in radio, print & digital ads for Coca-Cola’s new Dasani campaign which targets African-American mothers, the leading users of bottled water according to market stats. Chilli was selected because she’s a 38-year-old single mom. (Having a hit called “Waterfalls” can’t hurt either.)


In these tough economic times it’s always nice to see how many millions famous folks are making. A few highlights from the just-released annual list of ‘Celebrity Salaries’ …
• Movie/TV producer/director/writer/actor Tyler Perry – $125 million.
• Golfer Tiger Woods – $110 million.
• Beyoncé – $80 million.
• NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez – $34 million.
• Actor Will Ferrell (“Step Brothers”) – $31 million.
• Jennifer Aniston (“Marley & Me”) – $27 million.
• TV co-host Kelly Ripa (“Live With Regis & Kelly”) – $8 million.
• Country superstar Taylor Swift – $5.5 million (double what Britney Spears made).
– “Parade Magazine“

• Sweden’s revenue agency has announced they’re launching a months-long crackdown on online web-cam strippers to identify which aren’t paying income tax on the fees they charge. Officials estimate the government is losing $5 million-a-year in unpaid taxes from exotic dancers. (So far, 11,263 civil servants have volunteered to monitor the activity.)
• Poor ‘Ninio’ the elephant – he’s just too fabulous for Poland! The prissy pachyderm has left politicos in Poznan outraged after exhibiting ‘gay’ behavior. One local member of parliament fumes that $11 million has been spent building the largest elephant house in Europe and now it’s inhabited by a single gay elephant. (How do you tell if an elephant’s gay? There’s a Louis Vuitton logo on his trunk.)
• It seems that breaking wind is a bookable offence in British soccer. A referee ordered a penalty kick to be retaken in a Sunday league football game when an opposition player broke wind as the ball was kicked. The Chorlton Villa player got a yellow card warning as the noise was classified as ‘unsporting behavior’. (Apparently silent-but-deadlies are still legal.)

VH1’s new ranking of the top ‘80s tunes by artists who hit the charts only once …
10. Frankie Goes to Hollywood – “Relax”.
9. Kajagoogoo – “Too Shy”.
8. Bow Wow Wow – “I Want Candy”.
7. Modern English – “I Melt With You”.
6. Toni Basil – “Mickey”.
5. Soft Cell – “Tainted Love”.
4. Tommy Tutone – “867-5309 / Jenny”.
3. A-Ha – “Take On Me”.
2. Flock of Seagulls – “I Ran (So Far Away)”.
1. Dexy’s Midnight Runners – “Come on Eileen”.
– AntiMusic.com

In wealthy nations all over the world, momentum is building for big hikes in the cost of alcohol. The rationale is to stop us all boozing to the point where we make other peoples’ lives hell by vandalizing property, urinating & vomiting in the street, attacking people (including members of our own family), and causing death & injury by driving under the influence. In other words, the goal is to stamp out what Britain’s Chief Medical Officer Liam Donaldson has dubbed ‘passive drinking’ … the damage done to innocent bystanders and society in general when people drink too much. (Why not just impose a ‘jerk tax’?)
– “New Scientist”

Almost everyone has hooked up with a co-worker at some point. Experts say these specific dos and don’ts should help things go more smoothly …
• Avoid dating a subordinate.
• Keep your love life to yourself.
• Avoid public displays of affection.
• Avoid electronic love letters.
• Keep your love quarrels at home.
• Don’t let your relationship affect your performance.
• Be ready to move to a new job if things don’t work out.
– CareerBuilder.com


• Female monkeys in Thailand have been observed showing their young how to floss their teeth … using human hair.
• The rate of car ownership in India is about 9 vehicles per 1,000 people.
• Jellied hoof meat from horses is a delicacy in Siberia.
• More than 97% of all email traffic is now spam.
– BBC News


1950 [59] Ron Perlman, NYC, movie actor (“Hellboy”, “Beauty & the Beast”)

1951 [58] Max Weinberg, South Orange NJ, TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien” 1993-2009)/rock drummer (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)  FACTOID: He’ll join O’Brien as the bandleader on the new “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” June 1st.

1972 [37] Aaron Lewis, Rutland VT, rock singer (Staind-“Believe”, “Right Here”)

1975 [34] Lou Bega, Monaco di Baviera, Germany, one-hit-wonder pop singer (“Mambo #5”)

• “Dyngus Day”, a traditional Polish holiday designed as a day of fun on “Easter Monday” when guys chase after girls with squirt guns, buckets, and other containers of water. The more bold and gallant boys may choose to use cologne. Tradition has it the females get revenge on Tuesday when they throw dishes or crockery back at the boys. But it’s become increasingly popular for girls to get their revenge right away, tossing water back at the boys. For obvious reasons, this wacky event is also known as “Wet Easter Monday”.

• “Easter Egg Roll”, an annual celebration held on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington DC for children & their parents each “Easter Monday”. The ‘Egg Roll’ itself is a race, where children push an egg through the grass with a long-handled club. Dolly Madison, the wife of President James Madison, began the event in 1814 when hundreds of children brought their decorated eggs to join in games.
NET: http://www.whitehouse.gov/EasterEggRoll/

• “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the birthday of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Great Depression of the 1930s. A few facts …
– Among the proposed names for early versions of ‘Scrabble’ were ‘Lexiko’ and ‘Criss Cross Words’.
–  After ‘Scrabble’ was trademarked in 1948, the game was manufactured by friends and family, who painstakingly stamped letters on wooden tiles one at a time. The rate of production: 12 games an hour.
– The game was just a fad with Butts’ friends until a Macy’s executive saw it being played at a resort  in 1952 and the world’s largest department store at the time soon began carrying it.


1808 [201] William Henry Lane invents the ‘Tap Dance’ (his great-great-granddaughter Candy Lane later invents the ‘Lap Dance’)

2000 [09] Metallica becomes the first major recording act to file a copyright infringement suit against online music-sharing service Napster, initiating a music industry backlash against free downloads (doesn’t change a thing as it’s estimated 95% of music downloads are still illegal, over 1 billion tracks per month)


1989 [20] Canadian Human Rights Commission rules that gay couples can constitute a ‘family’ (kids begin getting a talk about the ‘birds and the birds’)

1997 [12] At age 21, Tiger Woods becomes the youngest player to ever to win The Masters golf tournament and also sets a record by finishing at 18-under-par


[Tues] Be Kind To Lawyers Day
[Tues] Pan American Day
[Wed] US Income Tax Pay Day
[Wed] Take a Wild Guess Day
[Wed] That Sucks Day
[Thurs] High Five Day
[Thurs] Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day


Crime Victims Rights Week / Egg Salad Week / Environmental Week / Library Week / Occupational Health Nursing Week / Pan American Week / Personal Training Week


A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Sitting on the stove-top to make ‘hot cross buns’.
• Chocolate maggots (larvae/worms).
• Pin the tail on the Easter Bunny.
• Bobbing for Easter chicks.
• The annual bunny pellet hunt.


For $90, the ice-obsessed can learn how to drive the great Zamboni at the Herbert Wells Ice Rink in College Park, Maryland. People are just fascinated by them, the head ice-machine driver says. (This might make a nifty charity fundraiser for your station to tie into at a local arena.)
PHONER: 301.277.3717

April is “Worldwide Innovation Month”, so let’s play the …
Which of the following innovations came first?
• ‘Instant Coffee’ or ‘Powdered Coffee Whitener’? [The Nestle Co 1st introduced Nescafé instant coffee in 1938. It also introduced the 1st non-dairy powdered creamer, Coffee-Mate, but not until 1961.]
• The ‘Air Conditioner’ or Queen Elizabeth II? [ Willis Carrier designed and installed the first air-conditioner in 1919. Frosty Queen Elizabeth II didn’t come along until 1926.]
• Dolly Parton or the first ‘Bra’? [Dolly was born in 1946, but Marie Tucek patented the first ‘breast supporter’ way back in 1893.]
• ‘Chewing Gum’ or ‘Dental Floss’? [In 1848, John B Curtis made and sold the 1st commercial chewing gum called the ‘State of Maine Pure Spruce Gum’. Johnson & Johnson Co was 1st to patent dental floss 50 years later in 1898.]
• ‘Computers’ or ‘Aspirin’? [John Atanasoff & Clifford Berry built the first modern computer in 1942. Bayer started marketing ‘Aspirin’ way back in 1899.]


You’ve seen him in “Knocked Up”, “Pineapple Express”, “Zack & Mini” and, over the weekend, in “Observe & Report”. So is actor Seth Rogen truly funny … or just really, really gross?

What did the cannibal do after dumping his wife? He went on a diet.


Today’s Question: 4-out-of-5 men will be more interested in a woman if she does THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Makes the first move.


Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents. Maturity is when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.

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