Thursday, April 16, 2009        Edition: #3998
Sheet Happens!

22-year-old “Transformers” actress Megan Fox tells “Us Weekly” that although her engagement to former “Beverly Hills 90210” actor Brian Austin Green is back on (they split after 5 years in February), she is NOT going to wed because she’s ‘not the marrying type’ (then you’re not ‘engaged’, right?) . . . Actor Matthew McConaughey’s girlfriend & baby mama Camila Alves has landed a gig hosting the 3rd season of reality TV show “Shear Genius“, in which wannabe hairdressers compete for a $100,000-prize (who gets to be the lucky guinea pigs?) . . . Sci-fi drama “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” (FOX), starring Summer Glau & Lena Headey, will not be back for a 3rd season – it’s been terminated (just as “Terminator Salvation” is about to open in theaters May 22nd, which might have generated new interest) . . . Disgraced former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is talking to producers about a reality TV series that would follow him around starting July 20th, the day of his scheduled release from federal prison on convictions related to running dog fights (insiders say A&E or Spike TV are likeliest to air the show) . . . Not to be outdone the infamous ‘Octomom’, Nadya Suleman, has met with 4 production companies in the past week and is due to meet with execs at an undisclosed network in the next few days (a new incarnation of “Eight is Enough” on the way?) . . . Angelina Jolie has been named ‘Most Beautiful Woman In the World’ in a new “Vanity Fair” magazine poll, easily beating out runner-up Gisele Bundchen 58% to 9% (fix!) . . . And NASA will name a node of the International Space Station ‘Tranquility’, even though an online naming contest was topped by ‘Colbert’ (thanks to TV host Stephen Colbert urging fans to write in), however, the space agency says it will name an onboard exercise treadmill after him – the ‘Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill’ (‘COLBERT’).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Jesse McCartney and Ludacris are guests.
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Smashing Pumpkins appear in a rerun show.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Scots rockers Franz Ferdinand are on.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Rascal Flatts performs music from the new album “Unstoppable”.
• “Nashville Film Festival“ – Opening of the 9-day Tennessee movie bash that includes several world premieres, including “Flying By”, starring Billy Ray Cyrus & Heather Locklear; and William Shatner’s “Gonzo Ballet”, which chronicles the quest to create a ballet based on his album “Has Been”.

• Arcade Fire – After a year-long break, frontman Win Butler says they’re ready to record their 3rd album, the follow-up to 2007’s critically acclaimed “Neon Bible”. The band’s now-available documentary DVD, “Miroir Noir”, tracks their worldwide journey promoting that album.
• Dave Matthews Band – The new single, “Funny the Way It Is”, is being offered as a free download for a week via The tune comes from “Big Whiskey & The GrooGrux King”, due out June 2nd, their first new studio album since 2005.
• Michael Jackson – He’s reached a settlement with Julien’s Auction House over whether 2,000 items from Neverland Ranch were ever intended for sale. The deal means MJ keeps his stuff and Julien’s keeps its Beverly Hills CA exhibition of the items indefinitely, originally designed as a temporary promotion for the now-canceled sale. It’ll cost you $20 to view the collection.
• Toby Keith – The country star has dropped out of the upcoming movie “Provinces of Night” so he can visit US troops posted in Afghanistan. He’ll embark on a 17-show USO/Armed Forces Entertainment tour at the end of the month.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “American Pie: Book of Love“ – After spending the beginning of the year in rehab, Tara Reid was planning a comeback to reprise her ‘Vicki Lathum’ role in the comedy franchise’s 7th instalment but now she’s pulled out (at least temporarily) after negotiations broke down. Original “Pie” star Eugene Levy will be back, however, alongside Vegas crooner Wayne Newton and former TV star Sherman Helmsley (“The Jeffersons”).
• “The Champions” – Guillermo Del Toro (“Hellboy”) will direct this bigscreen version of the 1968 TV series about a team of secret agents who are rescued from a Himalayan plane crash by an advanced civilization and given super powers. The story is being developed by “Valkyrie”/“Usual Suspects” writer Christopher McQuarrie. No casting has been announced as yet.
• “Date Night” – Actors Mark Wahlberg (“The Departed”) & James Franco (“Spider-Man”) have joined the ensemble cast of this upcoming comedy, a movie that already boasts Tina Fey (“30 Rock”), Steve Carell (“The Office”), Leighton Meester (“Gossip Girl”), and Kristen Wiig (“Saturday Night Live”). The film’s scheduled to open in 2010.
• “Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland” – Oscar-nominee Anne Hathaway (“Rachel Getting Married”) will tackle the lead role in this planned bio-film based on biographer Gerald Clarke’s 2001 book. Garland’s show biz daughter Liza Minnelli is urging filmmakers to focus on her late mother’s talent instead of her well-documented personal problems that included drug addiction.

Due to the unstable economy and rising unemployment, people are spending far less on weddings these days, according to industry researcher “Wedding Report”. The average cost of a full nuptials ceremony & reception is expected to drop to about $19,600 this year, down from $28,700 just 2 years ago. Less money means fewer guests: the average size dropping to 139 guests this year compared to 166 in 2007. (Gifts are also down from a plasma TV to a toaster.)
– “Boston Globe”


A new ranking of the most fearsome flicks starring people that should have stuck with their ‘day jobs’ as music artists …
10. “From Justin to Kelly” – “American Idol” Kelly Clarkson & runner-up Justin Guarini (2003).
9. “John Tucker Must Die” – Ashanti (2006).
8. “How to Deal” – Mandy Moore (2003).
7. “Pop Star” – Aaron Carter (2006).
6. “Model Behavior” – Justin Timberlake (2000).
5. “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” – Christina Milian (2003).
4. “8 Mile” – Eminem (2002).
3. “Employee Of the Month” – Jessica Simpson (2006).
2. “Crossroads” – Britney Spears (2002).
1. “Glitter” – Mariah Carey (2001).
– Condensed from

Japanese construction company Shimizu is using thin liquid-crystal technology to make 5-mm-thick (quarter-inch) wall tiles that display full-color images. Called ‘SmartBricks’, the tiles contain pixels that can be switched on-and-off electronically and made to reflect areas of red, green or blue light thereby building a color image. Once the image is formed, no power is needed to maintain it. Even more advanced tiles are being developed that can show moving images. (You may be buying your next TV at the tile & flooring store.)
– “New Scientist”


A survey of over 650 self-made billionaires has resulted in a compilation of similarities among them. So if you want to be wealthy, consider taking the following steps …
• First, make sure that you are born in the Fall, ideally September (when most billionaires are born) but not in December (when very few billionaires are born).
• Make sure that your parents are engineers, accountants, or small business owners with a high aptitude for mathematics.
• Drop out of college if you want to make your fortune in technology but make sure you get a master’s degree from an Ivy League school if you want to make your fortune in finance.
• While you’re in university it won’t hurt to join the ‘Skull & Bones’ secret society and, after graduation, try to get a job at investment bank Goldman Sachs.
• Lastly, make sure that your first company is a massive failure so that you can learn all the things that you shouldn’t do in order to earn your first billion.
Good luck!
– “Forbes Magazine”

Thanks to the economic downturn, the career paths chosen by students are likely to drastically change over the next few years. Based on graduate school applications this Spring, enrolment in undergraduate courses, preliminary job-placement results, and the accounts of students and professors, a new pattern of occupational choice seems to already be emerging. Public service, government, the sciences, and teaching look to be winners, while fewer are embarking on careers in finance and business consulting. (Which could land you jail time.)
– “NY Times”


• Facebook’s popularity is now growing most quickly among women older than 55.
• Boston’s antiquated Fenway Park is arguably one of the most eco-friendly stadiums in sports because parking is so scarce most fans have to use public transportation to get there.


1927 [82] Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger), Marktl am Inn, Germany, 265th and reigning Pope/head of the Roman Catholic Church/Sovereign of the Vatican City State since 2005

1954 [55] Ellen Barkin, NYC, movie actress (“Ocean’s 13”, “The Big Easy”)

1964 [45] David Pirner, Green Bay WI, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Soul Asylum-“Misery”, “Runaway Train”)

1965 [44] Jon Cryer, NYC, TV actor (‘Alan Harper’ on “Two & a Half Men” since 2003)

1965 [44] Martin Lawrence, Frankfurt-am-Maim, Germany, movie actor (“Bad Boys”, “Big Momma’s House”)

1977 [32] Akon [Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam], St Louis MO, hip-hop singer/songwriter/producer (w/Kardinal Offishall-“Dangerous”, “Don’t Matter”)

• “Canadian Law Day“, an annual event initiated by the Canadian Bar Association to mark the anniversary of the Canadian Charter of Rights & Freedoms in 1982. In celebration, here’s a review of some …
• Nova Scotia’s Baby Chick Protection Act makes it illegal to sell, give or display an artificially colored chick.
• Toronto and Halifax both have laws forbidding anyone to ‘spy’ on people in city parks.
• It’s illegal to kill a Sasquatch in BC.
• In Québec it is illegal for margarine to be the same color as butter.
• In Fort Qu’Appelle SK, all teenagers walking down the main street must have their shoes tied.
• In Alberta, wooden logs may not be painted.
• In Glace Bay NS, all cyclists are required to carry a kerosene lantern.
• If you live in St John’s NL, you cannot keep cows in your house.
• Street musicians are not allowed to give children balloon animals in Victoria BC.

• “Eggs Benedict Day”, a day to enjoy heart-attack-on-a-plate: poached eggs topped with back bacon served on toasted English muffins and slathered in Hollandaise sauce … made of even more egg-yolks and butter.

• “High Five Day”, an annual observance on the 3rd Thursday of April when we’re encouraged to freely exchange high fives without inhibition between all genders, races, social classes, and heights.

• “Librarian Day”, honoring Dewey Decimal devotees everywhere … but not too loudly. Shhh!

• “Stress Awareness Day”, focusing on one of the world’s leading health problems. A highlight of “Stress Awareness Month”.

• “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day”, an annual event begun as a promotion for a pajama-maker that’s evolved into another fun excuse for office hijinks.

2007 [02] Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” wins ‘Video Of the Year’, ‘Best Female Video’ and ‘Best Video Director’ at the fan-voted “CMT Music Awards”

1863 [146] ‘Lacrosse’ 1st named Canada’s national sport (now shares designation with hockey)

1929 [80] 1st MLB team with uniform numbers (NY Yankees)

1943 [66] Chemist Albert Hoffman takes 1st ‘LSD Trip’ as a tiny amount of Lysergic Acid Diethylamide accidentally seeps through the skin of his finger

1956 [53] 1st ‘Solar Powered Radio’ (only works about 3 times a year in Seattle)

1989 [20] Kelly Gruber becomes 1st Toronto Blue Jay to ‘Hit for the Cycle’ (Jeff Frye also accomplishes the feat in 2001)

2004 [05] The super liner “Queen Mary 2“ embarks on her first Trans-Atlantic crossing


1996 [13] Chicago Bulls win NBA-record 70th regular season game

2002 [07] Jon Rauch pitches for the Chicago White Sox to become ‘Tallest Player in Major League Baseball History’ at 6-ft, 11-in (beats Cleveland Indians 10-5)

2007 [02] ‘Virginia Tech Massacre’, deadliest mass shooting in modern American history as a single gunman shoots 32 dead and injures 23 others before committing suicide


[Fri] Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival opens (Indio CA)
[Fri] “17 Again”, “Crank: High Voltage”, “State of Play” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Record Store Day
[Sat] Teach Your Daughter to Volunteer Day
[Sat] Husband Appreciation Day
[Sat] World Amateur Radio Day
[Sat] Auctioneers Day
[Mon] Boston Marathon
This Week Is … Bike Safety Week
This Month Is … IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) Month


What do kids who are home-schooled do for Spring Prom? Here’s a few highlights of …
• Limo arrives, drives around the block, returns students home.
• Dandelion corsage picked from front lawn.
• Daughter forced to dance with older brother.
• Dad caught necking with Mom by the kitchen.
• Little brother head-bangs during “Stairway to Heaven”.
• Dog ejected for rowdiness.
• After-party involves camping out in the backyard.


A sampling of recent tweets from TV stars on …
• Brooke Hogan (“Brooke Knows Best”) – “Just sick of all the comments about me looking like a man.”
• Rainn Wilson (“The Office”) – “It’s impossible for mermaids to have vaginas.”
• Brea Grant (“Heroes”) – “Iced green tea is the reason I wake up in the morning.”
• Mischa Barton (ex-“The OC”) – “I dropped my bag and all my make-up is shattered :-(.”
• Rick Sanchez (CNN anchor) – “Going on the air at CNN Espanol, doing A-Rod. Shouldn’t he just say baseball all but told me to do it?”
• Hugh Lawrie (“House MD”) – “There simply must be legislation against this kind of overtime.”
• David Silverman (Producer/director “The Simpsons”) – “Now that I’ve lost so much on the stock market, it pains me that I didn’t spend money frivolously instead.”
• Graham Norton (UK TV host) – “Sleep now, feet hurt, too much time in high heels!”


Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Today’s Question: Girls and boys do THIS equally … until the age of 12.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cry. But by the age of 18, girls are crying 4 times more. (“Marie Claire Magazine”)


If you itch for it, scratch for it.

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