Friday, April 17, 2009        Edition: #3999
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

No wonder Brangelina didn’t adopt again – “Star Magazine” claims serial mom Angelina Jolie is 10-weeks pregnant with baby #7 (yeah okay, it’s “Star” but better get out the random name generator just in case!) . . . This weekend tennis ace Andy Roddick is set to wed “Sports Illustrated” swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker in Austin TX (he’s previously been involved with singer/actress Mandy Moore & Russian tennis star Maria Sharapova) . . . Just days after his 28-year wife Robyn filed for divorce, actor/director Mel Gibson has slunk away to his $26-million home in Costa Rica where he’s been joined by an unidentified blonde who arrived via helicopter (24-year-old Russian pop star Oksana Pochepa recently claimed she was the mystery bikini babe in candid beach shots taken in Costa Rica last month) . . . According to final tallies, the twin “Sound Relief” concerts in Melbourne & Sydney last month raised more than $8 million Australian for communities devastated by bushfires & flooding . . . Actor Hugh Jackman appears as ‘Wolverine’ in the latest “Got Milk?” ads (simultaneously making moolah and promoting ”X-Men Origins: Wolverine” opening May 1st – how efficient!) . . . Latest money-maker for the “Twilight Saga” films is a new candy, little hearts covered in glitter and emblazoned with film quotes like ‘Bite Me’, ‘Lamb’, and ‘I Trust You’ (how about ‘Pattinson Still Stinks’?) . . . And former wrestler Hulk Hogan says he was taken out of context when quoted in a “Rolling Stone” interview as saying “I totally understand OJ”, explaining to what he meant was “I didn’t do the OJ Simpson thing, I took the high road” (just … stop … talking … ‘kay?).


• BC Entertainment Hall of Fame – Sunday singer Michael Buble is the best known of 10 acts to be honored for 2009. Inductees are given plaques along Granville Street in Vancouver.
• Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival (Indio CA) – Today-Sunday the 10th annual features Paul McCartney, The Killers, Amy Winehouse, Morrissey, Public Enemy, Franz Ferdinand, and The Cure. (Stagecoach: California’s Country Music Festival follows next weekend at Indio.)
• Detroit Music Awards – Tonight legendary rocker Ted Nugent reunites with his 1960s Amboy Dukes bandmates for the first time in 30 years as they’re presented with a ‘Distinguished Achievement Award’ at the 18th annual Motor City gala.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – This afternoon Pussycat Dolls perform.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC): Tonight Scottish alt-rock band Franz Ferdinand is onstage.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight country star Martina McBride plugs her new album “Shine”.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Plain White T’s guest.
• “Miss USA Pageant” (NBC) – Sunday the annual Donald Trump-owned beauty bash is hosted by Billy Bush live from the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.
• Music City Walk of Fame – Sunday country singers Josh Turner & Marty Stuart are among the new inductees at Hall of Fame Park in downtown Nashville TN.
• “Unwigged & Unplugged: An Evening With Christopher Guest, Michael McKean & Harry Shearer” – Tonight the alter-egos of spoof band Spinal Tap kick off a 30-date North American theater tour in Vancouver … sans costumes & wigs.

• Britney Spears – 40-year-old land developer John Sundahl claims he’s been dating her off-and-on since they met in rehab in 2007. Furthermore, he claims they plan on getting married at his aunt’s farm in Germany in 6 weeks. Her rep denies all, adding “… and she has not been abducted by aliens.”
• Kanye West – The NBA is using his latest single “Amazing” as a musical theme for the 2009 playoffs. A new video produced by NBA Entertainment features memorable moments from past playoffs sequenced to the beat of the track. The 2009 playoffs tip off Saturday.
• Mariah Carey – Her rep says an “Us Weekly” magazine report claiming Carey’s undergoing fertility treatments to help her become pregnant is simply ‘untrue’.
• Paul McCartney – Sunday he plays The New Joint in the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas. The 4,000 seats sold out in a record 7 seconds back in February.
• Rascal Flatts – “Unstoppable” is their 4th #1 album on the ‘Billboard 200′, most of any group this decade.
• Staind – Saturday they kick off a North American tour in New Town ND that will feature support from Hoobastank on many of the dates.


• “Crank: High Voltage” ( R-Rated Action ): In this sequel to the 2006 action thriller, Jason Statham returns as assassin ‘Chev Chelios’, this time on a mission to find the mobster who replaced his nearly indestructible heart with a battery-powered ticker that requires regular electrical jolts to keep it going. Co-stars Amy Smart & sometime country singer Dwight Yoakam; Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington & Tool’s Maynard James Keenan have cameo roles.
• “17 Again” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Matthew Perry somehow morphs into Zac Efron as he magically reverts back to his 17-year-old self in order to try to do a better job of navigating through high school. Co-stars Leslie Mann (“Knocked Up”) & Michelle Trachtenberg (“Gossip Girl”). This is the latest in a long line of body-switch comedies that include Tom Hanks’ “Big” (1988), Lindsay Lohan’s “Freaky Friday” (2003), Jennifer Garner’s “13 Going on 30” (2004), and the similarly named “18 Again” (1988). Not exactly a fresh premise, is it?
• “State of Play” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Ben Affleck stars as an up-and-coming US congressman whose research assistant (also his mistress) is murdered. Russell Crowe plays a star reporter trying to uncover the truth about what happened. Co-stars Rachel McAdams & Helen Mirren. Based on a 2003 BBC-TV mini-series. (Which was at least partly inspired by the 2001 case of US Congressman Gary Condit & missing, presumed dead, White House intern Chandra Levy. Condit was eventually vindicated; this month an already imprisoned Salvadoran immigrant has been charged with the crime.)

Thanks to the pace of technology, newfangled gizmos are becoming yesterday’s fad in the blink of an eye. Among dying gadgets that have gone extinct in recent years, or are about to: message beepers, dial-up Internet access, film cameras, floppy discs, land-line phones, the Walkman, wristwatches, and the VCR. And sales of DVDs are down as much as 40% from a year ago. Why? Likely because, with broadband Internet, you don’t need a disc to watch a movie any more. (What will be next? Twitter? Xbox? Hybrids?)
– Fox News


There’s a weird yet popular hoax going on in Saudi Arabia that’s causing people to rush out and buy old-fashioned sewing machines for up to $50,000. The antique Singer machines are said to contain traces of ‘red mercury’, a substance that may or may not exist. But it is widely thought that it can be used to find treasure, ward off evil spirits, or even make nuclear bombs. It’s rumored that tiny amounts can sell for millions. Thanks to the buzz, trade in the sewing machines is said to be brisk right across the country. (What’s collecting dust in your attic that you could start a rumor about?)
– “Saudi Gazette“


For people with allergies, it’s the sneezin’ wheezin’ season. A few tips on how to survive …
• Overhaul Your Home – Research shows that indoor air pollution can be up to 10 times greater than outdoor pollution. Inventory your house to determine where allergens are congregating (bedding, carpet, damp areas, and air filters are likely spots) and clean them up.
• Eat the Right Foods – Medical studies have repeatedly concluded that powerful chemicals called antioxidants that are found in fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, green tea, and other foods help battle inflammation inside your body, a critical factor in controlling allergies.
• Lose Your Extra Pounds – Carrying extra weight makes it more difficult to breathe, a problem you don’t want when you’re suffering from allergies.
• Reduce Stress – Stress hormones can affect your immune system. And a weakened immune system increases your chances of allergic reactions.
• Complement Your Regular Allergy Medication – Alternative remedies paired with your regular antihistamine may further relieve symptoms. Among them: daily multivitamins, mineral supplements, peppermint or chamomile tea, and herbal supplements such as Echinacea.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

The words ‘abstemious’ and ‘facetious’ both have all 5 vowels in them in order.


1959 [50] Sean Bean, Sheffield UK, movie actor (“National Treasure”, “Lord Of the Rings”)

1961 [48] Boomer (Norman) Esiason, West Islip NY, sports commentator (“The NFL Today on CBS” since 2002, “ABC Monday Night Football 1998-99)/former NFL QB (Cincinnati Bengals-Super Bowl XXIII)

1964 [45] Maynard James Keenan, Ravenna OH, rock singer (Tool-“The Pot”, “Vicarious”)

1967 [42] Liz Phair, New Haven CT, pop singer (“Why Can’t I?”, “Extraordinary”)

1972 [37] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, movie actress (“Juno”, “Elektra”)/former TV actress (“Alias” 2001-06)/Mrs Ben Affleck since 2005

1974 [35] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Harlow UK, former pop singer (Spice Girls-“Wannabe”)/wed to English soccer star David Beckham (1999)/fashion maven (VB)

1979 [30] Eric Brewer, Vernon BC, NHL defenceman (St Louis Blues captain)

1982 [27] Brad Boyes, Mississauga ON, NHL center (St Louis Blues)

Movie/TV actor James  Woods (“Shark”) is 62; TV comic Rick Moranis (“The Animated Adventures of Bob & Doug McKenzie”) is 56; Movie actor Eric Roberts (“The Dark Knight”) is 53; TV host Conan O’Brien (“Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien”) is 46; NHL defenceman Robyn Regehr (Calgary Flames) is 29; TV actress America Ferrera (“Ugly Betty”) is 25.

Movie actress Ashley Judd (“Kiss the Girls”) is 41; Movie actor James Franco (“Milk”) is 31; Movie actress Kate Hudson (“Bride Wars”) is 30; Movie actor Hayden Christensen (“Star Wars”) is 28; Tennis player Maria Sharapova is 22.

• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, or working on home projects.
• “International Ford Mustang Day”, a salute to the collectible car that debuted 45 years ago on this date. The base price of a 1964 ‘Stang … $2,368.
• “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day”, a day to salute with a laugh the prying nature of those who continually insist on peeking-a-boo to find out what’s cooking in the neighborhood.
• “World Hemophilia Day”, a day of awareness of the genetic disorder that impairs the body’s ability to control bleeding through clotting or coagulation. (“I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding …”)

• “Auctioneers Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of April to honor the traditional profession of auctioneering. Charity auctions celebrate the day by raising funds for various causes.
• “Husband Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of April as a day to appreciate your mate for all that he is and all the things he does for you. “Wife Appreciation Day” is coming up in September.
• “International Jugglers Day”. You & a partner can do some radio juggling, or at least create the SFX, simply by quickly patting your chest or knees … whichever’s flattest.
• “Look-Alike Day”, a day for people who are constantly mistaken for rich and famous celebrities to have some recognition of their own. So who do people say YOU look like?
• “Record Store Day”, the 2nd annual observed by more than 1,000 independently-owned music stores worldwide with the purpose of celebrating ‘the culture they offer and unique place they occupy in their communities’. Freebie hand-outs & live in-store performances are planned, along with a series of exclusive releases including singles from Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen; a 7-inch EP from the Decemberists; a DVD of  Wilco’s upcoming album “Ashes Of American Flags”; and “Def Jam 25”, a limited-edition 4-LP compilation celebrating Def Jam Music Group’s 25th anniversary.

• “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded.


1998 [11] Paul McCartney’s wife Linda dies of breast cancer at age 56 in Santa Barbara CA

2008 [01] Danny Federici, long-time organist/accordionist with Bruce Springsteen’s E-Street Band, dies of melanoma at age 58 (Springsteen’s “Working on a Dream” album is dedicated to him)

1869 [140] 1st ‘Professional Baseball Game’ (Cincinnati Reds 24, Cincinnati Amateurs 15)

2002 [07] 1st Canadian deaths in a combat zone since the Korean War as 4 are killed in Afghanistan by friendly fire from US Air Force F-16s (the total tally is now 117)


1979 [30] ‘Smallest Crowd’ in MLB history as just 653 fans show up for an Oakland A’s baseball game (that’s not a crowd, it’s a gathering!)

1997 [12] New Jersey Devil Martin Brodeur becomes 2nd goalie in NHL history to score a playoff goal (joining Philadelphia’s Ron Hextall)


[Mon] Boston Marathon
[Tues] Kindergarten Day
[Tues] Teach Your Children To Save Day
[Wed] Earth Day
[Wed] “Earth” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] Jelly Bean Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
This Week Is … Library Forgiveness Week
This Month Is … Welding Month


Yes, there is actually a ‘US Lawn Mower Racing Association’; and yes, these are actual nicknames of some of the competitors …
• ‘Ace of Blades’
• ‘Blade Runner’
• ‘Geronimow’
• ‘Lawn Ranger’
• ‘Mowron’
• ‘Prograsstinator’
• ‘Sodzilla’
• ‘Turfinator’
• ‘Weedy Gonzales’
– Thanks to Colin DevenishBS ‘PICK THE PRODUCT’
You read the slogan or instructions from the label, your contestant attempts to guess the product …
• “Promptly refrigerate any unused portion in separate container.” [Campbell’s Pork & Beans]
• “Spread the fun!” [Skippy Peanut Butter]
• “Trusted for over 80 years.” [Trojan Condoms]
• “Once opened, use within 7 days.” [Oscar Mayer Bologna]
• “Entering the ear canal could cause injury.” [Q-Tips]
• “If unit fails to operate, rinse push button in warm water.” [Right Guard Spray Deodorant]
• “Sterility guaranteed unless individual wrapper is opened or damaged.” [Band-Aid Bandages]

New Hefty Condoms … for when you pick up real trash!

Today’s Question: The average temperature of THIS is 105 F degrees (41 C).
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your morning shower. (“Redbook Magazine”)


Few women admit their age … fewer men act it.

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