Monday, April 20, 2009
Thanks to You, This is Edition #4000!


WEEKEND BLOG BS:

• Now that Phil Spector’s been convicted of murder, the cash-ins can begin. Right after the conviction, an agent for his adopted son Louis began shopping around a tell-all book proposal with the fabulous title “The Gingerbread House at La Collina Drive: My Life Caged Behind Phil Spector’s Wall Of Sound”. (Scriptwriters are likely already working on the movie.)
NET: http://www.myspace.com/424371915
– PopBitch.com
• A UK tabloid used undercover reporters posing as a wealthy Dubai family to uncover a plan by the poverty-stricken father of “Slumdog Millionaire“ child star Rubina Ali to sell his 9-year-old daughter. In a bid to escape Mumbai’s real-life Bandra slum, Rafiq Qureshi has reportedly put the angel-faced darling of the Academy Awards up for adoption, demanding millions of rupees worth circa $300,000. (Where’s Madonna when you need her?)
– “News Of the World”
• Seal has confirmed rumors that his 35-year-old wife, model and “Project Runway” host Heidi Klum, is pregnant with their 3rd child together. The couple already has 2 sons, plus a daughter from her previous relationship. The 46-year-old singer (“It’s Alright”) broke the news during a concert at NYC’s Radio City Hall. Among those in the crowd cheering the announcement … Heidi Klum. (If she gets back into post-partum shape again, women are so gonna hate on her!)
– ContactMusic.com
• 26-year-old actress Elisha Cuthbert says she’s lucky to be alive after being hit by a car in NYC. The “24“ star credits the training she’s undergone to play ‘Kim Bauer’ in the action show with saving her. She instinctively leaped into the air to minimize the impact when a speeding driver careened into her during a recent night out, landing with her purse intact but a ‘nice bruise’ on the buttocks. (Let the bidding for photo rights begin!)
– Jam! Showbiz
• The resident villains on “The Hills” (MTV), Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt (who may or may not have gotten married Saturday – again), have been cast on NBC-TV’s upcoming revival of “I’m a Celebrity …Get Me Out of Here”. That’s the reality program that puts ‘celebs’ into a pseudo-“Survivor” environment to participate in challenges. They’re the first 2 contestants officially onboard. The show will air live June 1st-to-24th. (Are you sick of ‘Speidi’ yet?)
– “Access Hollywood”
• Actress Jennifer Aniston is reportedly getting over her split from John Mayer by pursuing actor Gerard Butler. Word has it she approached him to star alongside her in the upcoming movie, “The Goree Girls”, perhaps hoping to rekindle their short-lived romance from last year’s “Toronto Film Festival” when they’re said to have had a quick fling that was kept quiet. (At age 40, her biological clock has to be ticking, ticking, ticking …)
– “Mail On Sunday“
• The iconic red swimsuit Pamela Anderson wore while frolicking on the beach as “Baywatch” lifeguard ‘CJ Parker’ is expected to fetch $2,900 when it goes under the hammer later this month. The Lycra one-piece is signed “Love Pamela Lee, XO”. The memorabilia auction will also include a pair of holstered pistols worn by Angelina Jolie in “Tomb Raider” and Harrison Ford’s gun from the 1982 sci-fi film “Blade Runner”, predicted to pull in upwards of $100,000. The 2-day event kicks off April 30th in Calabasas CA. (It’s a garage sale, Hollywood-style.)
– StarPulse.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Rapper Rick Ross (“Magnificent”) is on.
• Lil Wayne – Today his NYC trial for criminal gun possession charges is scheduled to begin.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Killers (“A Dustland Fairytale”) perform.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brad Paisley – The country star is no longer “Waitin’ on a Woman”. His actress wife Kimberly Williams-Paisley (“According to Jim”) gave birth to their 2nd son Friday in a Nashville hospital. The yet-to-be-named tot is a little brother for 2-year-old William Huckleberry Paisley.
• Britney Spears – The 26-year-old woman arrested for peeking in the windows of Spears’ home now claims she was merely shooting a short film about stars & the paparazzi. Camouflage-clad, camera-toting Miranda Tozier-Robbins was arrested after security guards spotted her on the property. She’s been issued citations for trespassing & disorderly conduct.
• Fantasia – The 24-year-old, 3rd-season winner of “American Idol” (2004) will have her life as a single mom & recording artist turned into a VH1 reality show. Cameras will soon begin following her around for a series that’s planned to debut early next year. She previously starred in a TV movie about herself, based on her autobiography “Life Is Not a Fairy Tale”.
• Justin Timberlake – This Fall, he’ll climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, the highest peak in Africa at 19,000 ft. He’ll be joined by rapper Lupe Fiasco & singer Kenna in an effort to raise awareness of the worldwide water crisis.
• Madonna – She was rushed to Southampton Hospital on Long Island NY Saturday after being thrown from a horse. Her rep claims the accident occurred because her mount was startled by paparazzi who jumped out of bushes to take photos. Word is she suffered only minor injuries & bruises and was released from hospital Saturday night.
• U2 – The Edge’s planned mountainside real estate development in Malibu CA now has a passel of celebs in the neighborhood opposing it, including actors Dick Van Dyke & Kelsey Grammar, and producer/director James Cameron. Opponents say that permanently scarring the mountainside will benefit only a very few homeowners.

MUSICAL MALADIES:

British physician Dr Thilo Gambichler warns that musicians can suffer from a variety of syndromes relating specifically to their instruments. Guitarists, for instance, can develop a chest irritation commonly known as ‘guitar nipple’; flutists may suffer from ‘dermatitis of the lips’; and violin players are susceptible to the dreaded skin condition ‘fiddler’s neck’. (And as we learned in high school band, French horn players can suffer ‘icky neck’ from the trombone players behind emptying their spit valves.)
– Ananova News Service

NATURAL CLONING:

It’s been discovered that some ants reproduce without sex. University of Arizona biologists have found an Amazonian ant that’s developed into an all-female species. The creepy crawlers reproduce via cloning, the queen ants copying themselves to produce genetically identical daughters. This odd species, first ever found to reproduce entirely without sex, also cultivates a garden of fungus, which also reproduces asexually. (Males are so last century, aren’t they?)
– BBC News

WHAT WOMEN WANT:

Never mind working on the pecs, guys; it’s your shoes that impress women! ‘Footwear’ outranks ‘body’ and ‘personality’, according to a poll by Mates condoms. 4-out-of-5 women say ‘shoes’ are what they look for, and 2-out-of-3 say ‘style & cleanliness’ are important indicators of what a guy is like … both in and out of bed. (They’re only looking at the shoes for size.)
– PA News

I, HALF-ROBOT:

Japan’s Cyberdyne Corporation has begun production of a robot suit designed to help the elderly & those with disabilities to walk and/or lift heavy objects. The ‘HAL’ (‘Hybrid Assistive Limb’) suit is a motor-driven metal ‘exoskeleton’ that’s strapped to the legs and upper body to power-assist body movements. The suit’s developer says it’s like riding on a robot, rather than wearing one. It’s hoped it will find use in the fields of physical rehab, disaster rescue, and entertainment. MSRP: $4,200. (They’re too late for the new “Terminator” film, opening May 22nd. They could have cleaned up!)
– Condensed from “Curious Times”

FOR THE RECORD:

An Indiana woman who’s been single for the last 12 years after 23 unsuccessful marriages says she hasn’t ruled out wedding again. That’s not hard to believe as 68-year-old Linda Lou Taylor already holds the “Guinness World Record” for “Most Married Woman in History”. She defends her poor record by noting that 2 of her husbands turned out to be gay, 2 ended up homeless, a few cheated on her, 1 choked her, and another padlocked her refrigerator shut. But after all that she’d still wed again, she says, because ‘it gets lonely’. (Anyone interested in sloppy 24ths?)
– “Globe & Mail”

BS AMAZING WINE FACTS:
• White wine has more calories than red wine. Two large glasses of white wine can not only put a woman over the recommended daily limit for alcohol consumption but also provide her with nearly 20% of her daily calorie allowance.
– Mail Online
• Wine is sold in tinted bottles because wine spoils when exposed to light.
– DidYouKnow.org
• About 15% of the world’s wine bottles already have screw caps. And now leading champagne producer Duval-Leroy is planning to phase out the traditional cork in its bottles and replace it with a ‘revolutionary’ metallic cap.
– “Decanter Magazine”
• Although white wine can be produced from both red & white grapes, red wine can only be created from red grapes.
– GreatFacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.20.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [60] Jessica Lange, Cloquet MN, movie actress (“Grey Gardens”, Oscars-“Blue Sky”, “Tootsie”)

1972 [37] Carmen Electra (Tara Leigh Patrick), Sharonville OH, sometime movie actress (“Meet the Spartans”, “Scary Movie”)/ex-Mrs Dave Navarro (2003-07)/ex-Mrs Dennis Rodman (1998-99)

1976 [33] Chris Mason, Red Deer AB, NHL goaltender (St Louis Blues)

1978 [31] Clay Cook, Snellville GA, country musician (Zac Brown Band-“Whatever It Is”, Chicken Fried”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Boston Marathon”, the 113th running of the world’s oldest & most prestigious marathon, an annual event on the “Patriots’ Day” holiday in Massachusetts.
NET: http://www.bostonmarathon.org

• “420” or “National Pot Smokers Day”, the unofficial holiday of potheads. A few facts …
– ‘Four-twenty’ became an emblematic number for dopers in the 1970s. It comes from the time 4:20 pm, the secret ‘burn time’ originated by a group of pot-smoking students at California’s San Rafael High School back in 1971. (“High Times”)
– Nowadays many tokers celebrate on April 20, preferably at 4:20 pm. (Wired.com)
– Marijuana is the most lucrative domestic crop in the US, worth almost $36 billion in 2006 … more than corn and wheat combined. (DrugScience.org)

• “Lima Bean Respect Day”, a day of appreciation for the legume many people hate. Maybe we could start by pronouncing it correctly … LEEM-uh bean?

• “Take a Break to Reset Your Mind Day”. Yep, there’s nothing like electro-shock therapy, right [co-host]?

• “Volunteer Recognition Day”, honoring the legions of volunteers who dedicate themselves to causes and helping people, animals, and nature.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

1992 [17] Madonna becomes ‘Highest-Paid Female Recording Star’ with Time-Warner deal to form her own entertainment company (Maverick)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .

1879 [130] 1st ‘Mobile Home’ unveiled, in London UK (next day, ‘trailer trash’ invented)

2008 [01] Danica Patrick wins “Indy Japan 300”, becoming the 1st female driver in history to win an Indy car race

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

1992 [17] World record ‘House of Cards’ measures 75-feet-high

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Kindergarten Day
[Tues] Teach Your Children To Save Day
[Wed] Earth Day
[Wed] “Earth” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] Jelly Bean Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Thurs] World Book & Copyright Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .

Administrative Professionals Week / Coin Week / Cowboy Poetry Week / Crime Victims’ Rights Week / Customer Awareness Week / Inspirational News Week / International Whistlers’ Week / Karaoke Week / Paperboard Packaging Week / Playground Safety Week / Sky Awareness Week / Volunteer Week / Week Of the Young Child / Wildlife Week / Window Safety Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
WHAT SHE SAYS & [WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS]:
• “I’m not upset.” [Of course I'm upset, you moron!]
• “This kitchen is so inconvenient.” [I want a new house.]
• “I need new shoes.” [The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade.]
• “I heard a noise.” [I noticed you were almost asleep.]
• “Go right ahead.” [In the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.]
• “I’ll be ready in a minute.” [Kick off your shoes and find a good movie on TV.]
• “Is my butt fat?” [Tell me I'm beautiful.]
• “You have to learn to communicate.” [Just agree with me.]

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• How did the ‘Keep Off the Grass’ sign get in the yard?
• What do they plant to grow ‘seedless grapes’?
• Should I weed the lawn or just say it’s a garden?
• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘Up Over’?
• If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

ODD AILMENTS YOU CAN CALL IN SICK WITH ON A MONDAY:
Forget ‘headache’. No one would dare question you if you say you’re suffering from …
• Esophagal Constricticitis.
• Temporal Saturation of Creen’s Gland.
• Torso Failure.
• Phlandibicules, as a Result of Blaser’s Syndrome.
• Ocular Swelling & General Carbuncular Pupil Reflex.
• Toxic Spermatoceliosis.
• Goslee Tooth.
• Ventricular Hiatus, Chestaxia, Epidermal Foam.
• Cementy Ear.
– Thanks to Steve Tomsik

BS PHONE STARTER:

If you had unlimited funds, what would be your very first purchase?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’m bald … well, balding. I like to say ‘balding’ because it sounds more productive.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: 72% of men are most likely to do THIS on the weekend, while 59% of women do it on a Monday.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wash their vehicle.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

He who tells you how great he is usually isn’t.


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