Thursday, April 1, 2010        Edition: #4231
Touch Your Screen – This BS Is Still Warm!


Jesse James’ rep confirms Sandra Bullock’s estranged perv – er, hubby has checked himself into a treatment center to deal with ‘personal issues’, reportedly the Sierra Tucson facility in Tucson AZ which specializes in drug, alcohol & sex addiction (and hot nurses!) . . . Meantime, a rep for Bullock is refuting a report suggesting the actress is planning to adopt James’ children (ew, no way – they’ve got soiled genes!) . . . Take this with a grain of salt, but “National Enquirer” now puts James’ mistress count at 11 (meaning he’s just 3 strokes back of Tiger – go Jesse!) . . . Reality TV couple Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt deny they’re splitting, even though she dumped him as her manager last month; the new promo for “The Hills” shows her talking about getting a divorce; and “OK!” magazine says he moved out (odds are it’s all another lame publicity attempt) . . . 49-year-old soccer legend Diego Maradona is back home recuperating in Buenos Aires, Argentina following emergency surgery for bites to his face, mouth, and lip from his dog, a Chinese Shar Pei (who also has rolls of sagging skin) . . . NFL player Reggie Bush (New Orleans Saints) has allegedly split with reality TV star Kim Kardashian because he couldn’t get over the fact she once made an explicit home video (uh, wouldn’t that actually be the reason they started dating?) . . . “Avatar” star Sam Worthington has revealed he decided against wearing expensive designer shoes to the Academy Awards and instead opted for a $20-pair from Payless (he’ll likely wear sandals in “Clash Of the Titans”, opening Friday) . . . 47-year-old Steve Carell (“The Office”) says he never plans his next career move – because he still can’t believe he’s a successful actor (his next movie is “Date Night” with Tina Fey, opening April 9th) . . . And the new “Iron Man 2” poster has been revealed (the movie opens May 7th) with Scarlett Johansson pictured far more prominently than Gwyneth Paltrow (there’ll be hell to pay for this!).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Usher (“Raymond vs Raymond”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – OK Go (“Of the Blue Colour Of the Sky”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mishka (“Talk About”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Easton Corbin (“A Little More Country Than That”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Patty Loveless (“Mountain Soul II”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Janet Jackson (“Why Did I Get Married Too?”)
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Usher (“Raymond vs Raymond”).
• “Project Runway” (Lifetime) – 28-year-old actress Jessica Alba serves as a guest judge.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Justin Bieber (“My World 2.0”).


• Carrie Underwood – She says her pet Chihuahua ‘Ace’ will be one of the ring bearers at her wedding to NHL hockey player Mike Fisher (Ottawa Senators). The couple has also apparently decided on cupcakes instead of a traditional wedding cake.
• Jane’s Addiction – Former Guns ‘N Roses/Velvet Revolver bassist Duff McKagan has officially joined the band. Guitarist Dave Navarro has posted a pic of him alongside frontman Perry Farrell & drummer Stephen Perkins on his blog.
• Keith Urban – An Aussie real estate agent claims he & wife Nicole Kidman have put an offer on a $12-million property in the Hunters Hill area of Sydney. They already own homes in Australia’s Southern Highlands and Nashville TN. If the deal goes through, one of the Urban’s new neighbors would be actress Cate Blanchett.
• Lady  Gaga – Word has it she’s been approached to record the theme song for the next ‘James Bond’ film. Directed by Sam Mendes, it’s expected to be released next year. (At this point, she’s far bigger than ‘Bond’.)
• Linkin Park – Their videogame “8-Bit Rebellion!” is slated for release late this month for iPod Touch, iPhone, and iPad. Mike Shinoda says the game includes some of the group’s most popular songs plus a brand new track. It’s among the first wave of games designed for the iPad.
• Usher – He denies the track “Papers” is about divorce from ex-wife Tameka Foster. He also told Ryan Seacrest on “American Idol” this week that the album’s title, “Raymond vs Raymond” refers to 2 facets of himself. (Sure sounds like a divorce case. Avoiding a lawsuit, are we?)


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Dirty Girl” – This indie comedy stars actress Juno Temple as a high school student who runs away with a male friend trying to avoid military school. It’s attracted an impressive supporting cast that includes Milla Jovovich, William H Macy, Mary Steenburgen, as well as country singers Tim McGraw and Dwight Yoakam. The film is already being shot in Los Angeles.
• “The Hangover 2” – The much-predicted sequel is set to begin filming in October for a 2011 release. Stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis will get around $5 million each for the 2nd instalment. Justin Bartha, who played the missing groom in the original, will also be back. The 2009 surprise hit is the highest-grossing R-rated comedy of all time ($467 million).
• “Independence Day 2-3” – The original 1996 film took in over $800 million, likely the main reason not 1 but 2 sequels are in development. Will Smith is set to reprise his role as ‘Captain Steve Hiller’, the man who saved the Earth after an alien attack. The storyline for the first sequel is already complete. The follow-up films could be shot back-to-back as early as 2011.
• “My Fair Lady” – Actress/screenwriter Emma Thompson has penned a remake of the 1964 musical that starred Audrey Hepburn. Thompson says Oscar-nominated British actress Carey Mulligan (“An Education”) has agreed to play the lead. Producers are still looking for the male lead, ‘Henry Higgins’. The remake is scheduled for release in 2012.
• “Private Benjamin” – 33-year-old actress Anna Faris (“The House Bunny”) is signed for a remake of the 1980 comedy that starred Goldie Hawn as a spoiled woman who impulsively joins the US Army after the death of her husband on their wedding night. The original film picked up 3 Oscar nominations and was one of the biggest-grossing movies of the year.


A few clever “April Fools Day” pranks of the past …
– In 1976, British astronomer Patrick Moore told BBC Radio 2 listeners that the alignment of Pluto and Jupiter would cause a temporary decrease in Earth’s gravity at 9:47 am. If people jumped in the air at that time, he claimed, they would float for a short while. Many listeners subsequently called the studios, confirming that it had worked.
– In 1994, “PC Computing” magazine wrote that US Congress was considering a bill making it illegal to surf the Internet … while drunk. The ensuing outcry was great enough that Senator Edward Kennedy was forced to deny being a sponsor of the legislation.
– In 1996, an email supposedly from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology told recipients that the Internet would be shut down April 1st for a day … for ‘Spring Cleaning’.
– In 1998, Burger King took out a full-page ad in “USA Today” announcing a fast-food breakthrough: ‘The Left-Handed Whopper’. It featured the same ingredients as the regular burger, except the condiments were rotated 180 degrees. According to the company, thousands of customers requested the product and some asked for a right-handed version.
– “Chicago Tribune”


NY Jets head coach Rex Ryan has undergone ‘lap-band surgery’, the same procedure that helped hefty golfer John Daly lose a hundred lbs in a year. The NFL head coach, who weighed 340 lbs during the 2009 season, has already dropped 40 lbs … in just 3 weeks! A laparoscopic adjustable gastric band, commonly referred to as a ‘lap-band’, is an inflatable silicone  device that’s placed around the top portion of the stomach. The breaking point for Ryan may have been the announcement that the Jets will be the next team featured on HBO’s “Hard Knocks” series, which will follow Ryan and his team everywhere throughout this summer’s training camp. (Between now and then, Ryan’s shopping for a whole new wardrobe.)

The International Labor Organization says that 8% of the working population devotes more than 12 hours a day to their profession in order to … escape from personal problems. According to the experts, spending more than 50 hours per week working could be an indication of ‘work addiction’.
– “Psych Central News”


1961 [49] Susan Boyle, Blackburn, Scotland, pop singer (“I Dreamed A Dream”)/TV talent show contestant (“Britain’s Got Talent”)  BS FACTOID: This week she picked up $6 million, the first payout from worldwide sales of some 8.5 million copies of her debut album. She’s celebrated by purchasing a $450,000 riverside home in Scotland.

1971 [39] Method Man (Clifford Smith), NYC, rapper (w/Mary J Blige-“I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need”, Wu-Tang Clan-“Protect Ya Neck”)/movie actor (“Meet the Spartans”, “Garden State”)/TV actor (“The Wire” 2006-08)/TV personality (“Method & Red” 2004-05)

1973 [37] Joe Francis, Laguna Beach CA, adult video producer (“Girls Gone Wild”)/ex-con/tax cheat (in 2009 the IRS seized over $100 million from his various bank accounts)

1984 [26] Hillary Scott, Nashville TN, country singer (Lady Antebellum-“Need You Now”, “I Run to You”)


• “April Fool’s Day”. The custom of playing practical jokes on friends was part of the celebrations in ancient Rome on March 25th, known as “Hilaria”. The timing seems related to the coming of Spring, when nature fools us with sudden changes. A few foolish facts …
– Many say the observance originated with the reform of the calendar when “New Year’s Day” was moved from April 1 to January 1. Those who clung to the old “New Year’s Day” were scoffed at as ‘fools’ and sent fake party invitations and prank gifts. That tradition began in France around 1564, where an ‘April Fool’ is called a ‘poisson d’avril’ (April fish). The French fool friends by taping a paper fish to their backs. When you see one you yell, ‘Poisson d’avril!’.
– Widespread observance began in 18th-century England, where tricks were allowed to be played only in the morning and if one was played on you, you were known as a ‘noodle’.
– In Scotland, April Fools Day is 48-hours-long and you are called an ‘April Gowk’, another name for a cuckoo bird. The 2nd day is known as ‘Taily Day’ because it’s dedicated to pranks involving the buttocks. It’s lasting gift to posterior posterity is the ‘Kick Me’ sign.
– In India, the final day of the “Feast of Huli” is also traditionally celebrated by acts of mischief.

• “Humor Month” and “National Laugh Week” begin, both focusing on the therapeutic value and vital need for laughter and humor in healthcare.

• “International Edible Book Festival” (today and/or any day through the 5th), the 10th annual event when edible books are exhibited, then tea or coffee is served … and the books are consumed. Books are made from all manner of foodstuffs – chocolate, beets, lettuce, bologna, toast, liver, etc. Events are scheduled in numerous countries including Canada, China, France, India, Russia, and the USA. A few places where you can eat some tasty tomes …

• “National Sleep Day”, to encourage the sleep-deprived to get ‘8 Zs, please’.

• “One Cent Day”, celebrating the world’s most useless currency … the penny. It’s now said to cost twice as much to make one as it does to buy one.

• “Repot Your Plant Day” … or is it “Replant Your Pot Day”? We can never get it straight.

• “St Stupid’s Day”, an annual celebration on April 1st in San Francisco CA since 1980, when a wacky parade is held. The occasion’s dim-witted activities include the ‘high four’ handshake (hand up, palm towards partner, fold thumb across palm, slap high four, say “Ouch!”).


1993 [17] “The Bull Sheet” radio show prep is launched, first as a fax service, later as an email service, and eventually as a daily online update

2005 [05] The movie version of “Sin City” opens, based on Frank Miller’s graphic book series (cast includes Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, Jessica Alba, and Mickey Rourke)


1970 [40] John Lennon & Yoko Ono release an “April Fools Day” statement claiming they’re about to undergo side-by-side sex-change operations

1991 [19] In an “April Fool’s Day” prank, Elton John surprises Rod Stewart onstage in London …  dressed in drag


1997 [13] ‘Harmonized Sales Tax’ combining GST & PST goes into effect in Atlantic provinces (coming soon to Ontario!)

1999 [11] Canada’s new territory ‘Nunavut’ officially splits from the Northwest Territories

2001 [09] The Netherlands becomes the 1st country to legalize same-sex marriages (a year later to the day, it becomes the first country to legalize euthanasia)

2004 [06] Google introduces its ‘gmail’ product to the public (many think it’s an April Fool’s joke)


1930 [80] Chicago Cub Leo Hartnett breaks ‘Altitude Record for a Catch’ by catching a baseball dropped from a Goodyear blimp hovering 800 ft over Los Angeles (unfortunately the force of the catch shatters his jawbone!)

[Fri] Good Friday (Christian)
[Fri] Hospital Admitting Clerks Day
[Fri] International Children’s Book Day
[Fri] World Autism Day
[Sun] Easter Sunday
This Week Is … Anonymous Giving Week
This Month Is … Home Improvement Month


Today is “International Fun at Work Day”, an annual attempt to put some laughs back into labor. A few suggestions …
• Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
• Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
• Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”
• Send email to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
• Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.
• Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
• Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
• Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
• Put your trash can on your desk. Label it ‘IN’.
• Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
– Adapted from


My brother used to work for the government … but now he has seniority.

Are some films too iconic for a do-over? If so, which should never get re-made? (“Casablanca”? “Gone With the Wind”? “Animal House”?)

Today’s Question: Odds are greater you have THIS if you are a red-headed female who works in retail.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A clean house.


Do it today, tomorrow it will be bad for your health or illegal.

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