Thursday, April 8, 2010        Edition: #4236
There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!


New TV ratings show that, for the first time ever, “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) has beaten “American Idol” (FOX) in total audience (is the format getting tired?) . . . Former reality TV star Jon Gosselin is threatening to sue for full custody of his 8 kids because his ex-, Kate Gosselin, has made herself an ‘absentee parent’ by appearing on “Dancing With the Stars” (don’t worry, by the looks of things she‘ll be home in no time) . . . The new book “Record Store Days” by music industry veterans Gary Calamar & Phil Gallo takes a nostalgic look at the retail refuges that enthralled at least 3 generations of music lovers (April 17th is “Record Store Day”, the annual celebration of the few stores that remain) . . . Not one but two sequels to current movie box office champ “Clash Of the Titans” are already being planned (it’s a hit – now let’s beat it into the ground!) . . . Actress Sandra Bullock is reportedly putting off filing for divorce from Jesse James because she’s afraid he’ll spill secrets (however, her rep vehemently denies an explicit home video exists as has been rumored) . . . Actor Jake Gyllenhaal has reportedly moved on from his relationship with actress Reese Witherspoon, as he’s been spotted dating Australian actress Isabel Lucas (“Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen”) while in Montréal shooting the new movie “Source Code” . . . According to their respective Twitter feeds, Hollywood couple Jim Carrey & Jenny McCarthy have ended their 5-year relationship (the first-ever break-up via Twitter?) . . . Reality star Audrina Patridge & her sorta singer boyfriend Ryan Cabrera have also split up but since the new season of “The Hills” (MTV) is already in the can, there’ll be months of them making googly eyes at each other onscreen (it’s likely all part of the ‘unscripted’ storyline) . . . And former reality star-turned-cosmetic surgery mannequin Heidi Montag has revealed that one of the many procedures she’s had done is a ‘back scoop’, but she also admits she doesn’t actually know what that is (maybe she’s also had a ‘brain scoop’?).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Actor Cory Monteith (“Glee”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights (“Pardon Me”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Trace Adkins (“Ala-Freakin-Bama”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Ludacris  (“Battle Of the Sexes”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Slash (“Slash”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Train (“Save Me, San Francisco”).

• Alan Jackson – Tonight his 15-city “Freight Train Tour” kicks off in Estero, Florida. Josh Turner and Chris Young open the shows.
• Blink 182 – US federal safety investigators say under-inflated tires led to the Learjet crash 18 months ago that killed 4 people and seriously injured drummer Travis Barker. They warn the problem may be widespread on business jets.
• Kanye West – Word has it he will release his next album in June, featuring guest appearances from Q-Tip, RZA, and Drake. The project’s working title … “Good Ass Job”.
• Lady Gaga – She tells “Cosmopolitan” magazine she was bullied as a kid at an all-girl private school because she ‘had a very big nose, very curly brown hair, and was overweight’. Awww!
• Miley Cyrus – She tells MTV News there’ll be a ‘dance vibe’ to her next album, due out this Summer.
• Soundgarden – They’ve confirmed they’ll mark their reunion by headlining this Summer’s “Lollapalooza” festival in Chicago … 12 years after they disbanded.
• Whitney Houston – Her reps say she’s now in a Paris hospital suffering from nose and throat problems. Several more of her European tour dates have now been postponed.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Blackthorn” – This follow-up to the 1969 classic “Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid” will depict Paul Newman’s character as an old man (played by Sam Shephard) attempting to pull off one last robbery. Newman played the real-life outlaw opposite Robert Redford in the Oscar-winning original.
• “Die Hard 4.0” – When producers suggested scaling down one scene in this now-shooting action film sequel to cut back on expenses, star Bruce Willis dug in his heels, asking, “Who’s your second choice to play ‘John McClane’?” The scene was shot as written … and the crew now has a new catchphrase.
• “Drive Angry” – Star Nicolas Cage has lightened his hair to blond because producers refused to let him shave his head and tattoo his scalp, which was his first choice. He plays a vengeance-seeking dad looking for his daughter’s killer. The 3-D action film is due in theaters next February.
• “Fantasy Basketball Camp” – NBA superstar LeBron James (Cleveland Cavaliers) is among those starring in this upcoming sports comedy, scheduled to be released in 2011. (Because putting professional athletes with no acting experience in movies is always such a good idea, no?)
• “Harold & Kumar 3” – Actor-turned-White House aide Kal Penn is set to reprise his stoner character ‘Kumar Patel’ in the 3rd instalment of this comedy series. He’ll leave his government post as Associate Director in the White House Office of Public Engagement when shooting begins this Summer.

Apple Inc has sent invitations out to media types for a ‘sneak peek’ at the next generation of iPhone OS software. The Apple iPhone OS 4 will be revealed today at 10 am PDT. (What else could you possibly want your phone to do? Free get-out-of-jail app? Cupholder? Start your predictions now!)


• Baggage limits on airliners have been around a long time; then, not so long ago, some air carriers began charging fees bags checked aboard airliners. Now Miami-based Spirit Airlines is set to charge up to $45 for each way for carry-on bags starting August 1st. If paid in advance, the fee is reduced to $30. Personal items such as purses and laptops that fit under the seat will still be free. (Can you fit a toothbrush and change of underwear in a laptop case?)
• This all makes the new product the ‘Travel Vest’, with lots of oversized pockets capable of carrying multiple items, seem like a hot idea. That way you can carry on all your stuff … for free. (If you make it through security in under 4 hours.)


What seems to be the world’s first Master’s Degree in vampire literature is being offered this September at Britain’s University of Hertfordshire. Dr Sam George says she’s had interest from people all over the world in studying vampires, zombies, and the undead at a higher level. She hopes the course will become an annual staple that outlasts the current movie-TV craze for all things vamp. (What should the course reading list include? Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”? Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” novels? “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”?)


A few scientifically-proven benefits of yukking it up …
• Burns Calories – Laughing for 10-to-15 minutes raises energy expenditure, increases heart rate, and can burn up to 40 calories.
• Improves Learning – Research shows that humor facilitates student discussions and increases course enjoyment.
• Increases Job Satisfaction – Humor improves communication, creativity, and overall performance in the workplace.
• Makes You Feel Good – Laughing has been shown to increase positive endorphins and reduce stress.
• Strengthens Immune System – Stress hormones are reduced during laughter, allowing the immune cells to function better.
– Condensed from BestHealth


A museum to be named ‘Silent Evolution’ is under construction off the coast of Cancun, Mexico. By the end of the year, divers should be able to visit some 400 sculptures in the maritime park.
Some 180 tonnes of life-size casts are being submerged in hope that the low-acidity cement figures will be transformed over time into artificial reefs. Some will be sunk in shallow waters for snorkelers to enjoy. (Unfortunately, the reason for artificial reefs is that the real reefs have all been killed off by … snorkelers trampling all over them.)


The makers of the board game “Scrabble” have recently announced a change in rules to allow place names, people’s names, and brand names. A spokeswoman for Mattel says the use of proper nouns will ‘add a new dimension’ and ‘introduce an element of popular culture into the game’. (Who needs the manufacturer to change the rules? Doesn’t everyone play their own ‘house rules’? A few we’ve heard of: A blank tile on the board can be replaced by the letter it represents and then reused; modern slang can be used if all players agree on it; and our fave – first to win 5 games wins a bottle of wine!)
– BBC News


Each successive monarch faces in a different direction on British coins.


1918 [92] Betty Ford, Chicago IL, former US First Lady (1974-77)/oldest surviving former occupant of the White House/co-founder of rehab clinic that bears her name  BS FACTOID: In celebration, the Gerald R Ford Presidential Museum in Grand Rapids MI features free admission and birthday cake for the first 750 visitors today.

1963 [47] Julian Lennon, Liverpool UK, celebrity offspring (Cynthia & John Lennon’s son)/sometime pop singer (“Valotte”, “Too Late for Goodbyes”)

1966 [44] Robin Wright, Dallas TX, movie actress (“State of Play”, “Forrest Gump”)/ex-Mrs Sean Penn (1996-2007)

1968 [42] Patricia Arquette, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Allison Dubois’ on “Medium” since 2005)/movie actress (“Holes”, “Ed Wood”)/ex-Mrs Nicolas Cage (1995-2001)/sister of actors Roseanna Arquette & David Arquette

1981 [29] Taylor Kitsch, Kelowna BC, TV actor (‘Tim Riggins’ on “Friday Night Lights” since 2006)/movie actor (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”)

1984 [26] Ezra Koenig, NYC, indie rock singer/guitarist (Vampire Weekend-“Cousins”, “A-Punk”)


• “Bathroom Reading Week”. As we celebrate, let us be grateful that there’s a ‘porcelain library’ in every home, office, and airport.

• “Birthday Of the Buddha” (563 BC), celebrated in Japan, Taiwan, Hawaii, Korea and elsewhere. Considered the most important Buddhist holiday.

• “International Day Of the Roma”, begun in 1990 to celebrate Romani culture and raise awareness of the issues facing Romani people, commonly called ‘gypsies’.

• “International Feng Shui Awareness Day” (‘fung schway’), celebrating the oriental ‘art of placement’ in which architecture and interiors are situated to blend with their surroundings in order to create greater harmony. It may sound exotic, but virtually every skyscraper being built these days has received input from a ‘feng shui master’.


1990 [20] David Lynch’s cult series “Twin Peaks” premieres as a 2-hour TV movie (ABC)


1994 [16] Body of Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain is found, the victim of a self-inflicted shotgun blast (it’s later determined the event occurred several days earlier, likely April 5)

1969 [41] 1st ‘international’ Major League Baseball game as Montréal Expos (now Washington Nationals) play 1st regular season game, beating NY Mets 11-10 at NYC’s Shea Stadium


1974 [36] Hank Aaron breaks Babe Ruth’s career home run record, hitting his 715th MLB homer while playing for the Atlanta Braves … without steroids (finishes career with 755)


[Fri] “Date Night” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Cherish an Antique Day
[Fri] Prisoner of War Recognition Day
[Sat] Sibling Day
[Sun] Barbershop Quartet Day
[Sun] World Parkinson’s Disease Day
This Week Is . . . Drafting Week
This Month Is . . . Holy Humor Month


• When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
• Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
• If ‘fortification’ means a very large fort, why doesn’t ‘ratification’ mean a very large rat?
• If someone tells you you’re photogenic, does that mean you’re better looking in pictures than
in real life?
• If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

Which is the proper way to install a roll of bathroom tissue or paper towels … rolling off from over the top, or coming out from underneath? (In a recent poll, 20% of us say we’re annoyed when our partners don’t do it the ‘right way’.)


You have a sore throat. Which do experts suggest you suck on?
a. A frozen prune.
b. A clove. [CORRECT. A whole clove may provide some relief.]
c. A doorknob.
– “Prevention Magazine”


Have listeners finish this sentence: The world can be divided into two types of people … A few primers to get you going:
• Those who squeeze the toothpaste in the middle and those who roll it up from the bottom.
• Those who pour the cereal in first and those that pour the milk in first.
• People who read the instructions and those who do not.
• Those who like Journey, and those who lie.
• ‘Touch-typists’ and ‘hunt-and-peckers’.
• Those that understand “Lost” and those that appreciate all this free time on their hands.
• Those who think there are two types of people … and those who do not.


If you die on an elevator, be sure to press the ‘UP’ button.


Today’s Question: 1-in-4 of us will do THIS before noon today.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Toast something.


Indecision is the key to flexibility.

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