Thursday, April 15, 2010        Edition: #4241
You’ve Got Yourself in Deep Sheet!


“American Idol” bandleader/music director Rickey Minor is leaving the show after this season to become the music director on “The Tonight Show”, replacing Kevin Eubanks who’s announced he’s stepping down (now if Jay would just get rid of ‘Headlines’!) . . . Former Poison frontman-turned-“Celebrity Apprentice” contestant Bret Michaels has had his appendix removed in a San Antonio TX hospital after complaining of severe stomach pains (he’s subsequently cancelled all solo tour dates for the rest of April) . . . If Courtney Love gets her way, 30-year-old Scottish actor James McAvoy (“Atonement”) will be playing her late husband Kurt Cobain in the upcoming biopic “Heavier Than Heaven”, for which she’s an executive producer (she also hints at least part of the movie may be shot in Vancouver) . . . 29-year-old actor Jake Gyllenhaal (“Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”, opening May 28th) tells the new edition of “GQ” magazine that he’s ‘OK’ with being single – for now (don’t worry, if you change your mind they’ll be lining up at your door) . . . Steven Seagal’s lawyer says a million-dollar lawsuit by 23-year-old former model Kayden Nguyen, alleging the 58-year-old has-been action movie star tried to add her to his ‘harem of sex toys’, is quote: ‘absurd’ (BS translation: The really freaky stuff hasn’t surfaced yet) . . . Jesse James’ latest transgression, according to Radar Online is allegedly – sending gay-bashing emails (he just gets more & more attractive by the hour, doesn’t he?) . . . 60-year-old “Avatar” actress Sigourney Weaver tells a Brazilian news site she thinks the reason James Cameron lost out on this year’s ‘Best Director’ Academy Award was because – he wasn’t a woman (women have such a history of sweeping the Oscars, don’t they?) . . . And in an interview with MTV, 49-year-old actor David Duchovny says he thinks there’s still room for one more “X-Files” movie (in the 99-cent bin at the video store).


• “The Hour” (CBC) – Rosanne Cash (“The List”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Spoon (“Transference”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – She & Him (“Volume 2”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Sade (“Soldier of Love”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – The Unseen (“Internal Salvation”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Joan Jett & the Blackhearts (rerun show).
• “Saturday Night Live In the 2000s: Time & Again” (NBC/Global) – A retrospective of the show in the first decade of the 21st century.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Kenny Chesney (“Summer in 3-D”).


• Alice in Chains – Tonight they kick off a Spring tour in Portland, Maine. Jerry Cantrell says there could be another album on the way following the success of their comeback effort, “Black Gives Way to Blue”.
• Britney Spears – She’s the new face of designer Candies, which will release both touched and untouched versions of the ad campaign in order to draw attention to ‘pressures put on women about their appearance’.
• 50 Cent – Openly-gay singer/songwriter Rufus Wainwright tells “Details” magazine that he loves the rapper’s work but suggests he set the record straight about his sexuality and come out of the closet.
• George Strait – With his latest hit, “I Gotta Get to You”, hitting the top 10 on the “Billboard” ‘Hot Country Songs’ chart, he’s become the first artist to have a top 10 hit every year for 30 years.
• Justin Bieber – The 16-year-old pop star tells MTV he’s convinced he’s been embraced by the hip-hop community because he isn’t a ‘corny’ Disney star like Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Bros.
• Mariah Carey – Tonight at a National Action Network (NAN) fundraiser in NYC, she & Wyclef Jean are being co-honored with the ‘Keepers Of the Dream’ award for their civil rights work.
• Phoenix – Today they tape an episode of “MTV Unplugged” in NYC. The air date is yet to be set.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Butter” – 33-year-old Alicia Silverstone is in negotiations to star in this comedy about an adopted youngster in Iowa who discovers a talent for ‘butter carving’ and finds herself pitted against an ambitious woman in a local competition. Jennifer Garner, Ty Burrell, and Ashley Greene are also said to be involved in the project. The film’s due for release in 2012.
• “Cowboys & Aliens” – Director Jon Favreau has confirmed that 67-year-old Harrison Ford will appear in his upcoming sci-fi Western, joining Daniel Craig (‘James Bond’) in the tale of a band of Native Americans and Western settlers who fight for survival following the crash landing of an alien spaceship in Arizona. The movie hits screens next June.
• “The Darkest Hour” – 25-year-old Emile Hirsch (“Milk”) has the lead in this alien invasion movie which tells the tale of a group of American teens fighting a gang of other-world enemies in Russia. It’s said the movie will be similar in style to “28 Days Later”. Filming begins in Moscow in June.
• “Mulholland Drive 2” – Quirky director David Lynch is reportedly working on a sequel to his 2001 film which earned him a “Cannes Film Festival” award and an Oscar nomination for ‘Best Director’. The original movie propelled Aussie actress Naomi Watts to fame.
• “Resident Evil: Afterlife” – Star Milla Jovovich says filming the 4th film in the sci-fi thriller series has been difficult because it’s being shot in 3-D. She’s been forced to stop gesticulating so much while talking, because the 3-D process magnifies every movement. The film opens this September.


This week KFC’s already-infamous ‘Double Down’ meal hit the market, a bacon & cheese sandwich where the ‘bun’ is actually comprised of 2 chunks of fried chicken. This clever offering is bound to join other not-so-good-for-you ideas in the fast-food hall of fame, such as Jimmy Dean’s Pancake & Sausage On a Stick. But here’s one that has to take the cake (or maybe the cholesterol?) … last year Japanese Burger King celebrated the latest Microsoft OS release with “The Windows 7 Whopper”, a 7-patty burger with an astonishing 790 grams of beef.


South Korea is putting restrictions on online gaming in a bid to curb videogame addiction in the world’s most wired country. The sensational case in March of parents whose infant daughter starved to death while they were playing online games resulted in public demand that the government take action. Under the plan announced this week, game companies are being asked to voluntarily cut off online videogames at midnight for school-age children by the end of this year, and also to cut back on the total hours adults can play games.

• Losing a handful of hair daily is a sign of male pattern baldness.
• Genetic baldness comes only from the mother’s side.
• Wearing hats causes hair loss.
• Standing on your head cures hair loss.
• Brushing your hair is better than combing it.
• Cutting your hair will make it grow back thicker.
• Excessive washing or blow-drying causes hair loss.
• Color treatment causes hair loss.
• Diet is related to hair loss.
• Stress causes hair loss.


• A poll of guys asking what they notice on a girl first – eyes or lips – finds that fully 81% say ‘eyes’.
• Researchers have found that the combination of the scents of pumpkin pie and lavender drives guys crazier than any other.
• Studies show that an ‘edible’ scent such as vanilla tends to get a guy’s blood flowing.
• The smell that totally turns off 54% of guys? Nail polish.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”


58-year-old Mick Wilary of Stanley, England is in the hospital recovering from being run over by a piece of heavy equipment. It’s just the latest in a long line of mishaps that’s earned him his reputation as the UK’s ‘Most Accident-Prone Man’. It follows breaks to both ankles (falling over a potato), cracking his head open (tripping over a cat), and a broken collar bone (falling of a horse spooked by a plastic bag). In total he’s racked up more than 30 injuries, including 15 broken bones. And you thought you were klutzy!


• Marriage over the telephone is valid under Islamic law.
• Salmonella can build up on birdfeeders and then spread among birds.
• Capuchin monkeys were named because of their resemblance to the Catholic friars.
• Wombats produce cube-shaped dung. (Now that’s gotta hurt!)
– BBC News


1959 [51] Emma Thompson, London UK, movie actress (“Harry Potter & The Order Of the Phoenix”, 1992 Oscar-“Howard’s End”)/screenwriter (1995 Oscar-“Sense & Sensibility”)

1968 [42] Ed O’Brien, Oxford UK, rock guitarist (Radiohead-“House of Cards”, Creep”)

1974 [36] Danny Pino, Miami FL, TV actor (‘Scotty Valens’ on “Cold Case” since 2003)

1982 [28] Seth Rogen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Pineapple Express”, “Knocked Up”)/screenwriter (“Drillbit Taylor”, “Superbad”)/TV comedy writer (“Da Ali G Show” 2003-04)

1984 [26] De’Mar Hamilton, Chicago IL, rock drummer (Plain White T’s-“1,2,3,4”, “Hey There Delilah”)

1990 [20] Emma Watson, Paris, France, movie actress (‘Hermione Granger’ in the “Harry Potter” films, “The Tale of Despereaux”)


• “Gripers’ Day”, a good day to have listeners call in with life’s little annoyances such as …
–, Capitol One credit card, and pop-up ads.
– Ads on ATM machines that make you wait to get your money.
– Super-fine print in car ads that hide all the bad news about extra charges.
– Setting your alarm for 7 pm instead of 7 am.
– That tiny red string on the band-aid wrapper that never works.
– That dog in the neighborhood that barks at everything.
And what’s bugging you today?

• “Leonardo Da Vinci Day”, marking the 558th anniversary (1452) of the birth of the Italian painter (“Mona Lisa”), scientist, engineer, and inventor.
– Moveable Barricades.
– Hydraulic Pump.
– Finned Mortar Shell.
– Steam Cannon.
– Single Span Bridge.
– Aerial Screw Helicopter.
– Hang Glider.

• “Rubber Eraser Day”, honoring English chemist Joseph Priestley’s 1770 discovery that a small cube of latex could be used to correct screw-ups. He coined the word ‘eraser’.

• “Take a Wild Guess Day”, honoring hunches, guesses, speculation, and other forms of intuitive intelligence.

• “That Sucks Day”, the 6th annual day celebrating failure, incompetence, dissatisfaction, mediocrity, apathy, chaos, tomfoolery, buffoonery, and jackassery … all things that suck. Here are some cosmic constants that suck …
– Aging. Rigorous scientific studies have shown that 10-out-of-10 people die.
– Dysfunctional families.
– Jobs, bosses, and co-workers.
– Taxes.
– Movies. Books. Service. Cars. Computers.


1982 [28] Jay Leno makes his first guest appearance on “Late Night With David Letterman” (little realizing he’d someday be the competition)


2001 [09] Punk rock pioneer Joey Ramone (The Ramones) dies at age 49


1955 [55] 1st McDonalds franchise opens in Des Plaines IL (hamburgers sell for a measly 15 cents, fries for 10 cents)
– China: ‘Rice Fantastic’ (a beef or chicken sandwich with rice patties in place of buns).
– Egypt: ‘McFalafel’ (sandwich made with ground chickpeas and/or fava beans).
– India: ‘McCurry’ (a bowl made from flaky dough filled with chicken in a tomato-curry sauce).
– Japan: ‘Ebi Fillet-O’ (fried shrimp sandwich).
– Mexico: ‘McMolletes’ (English muffins with refried beans, cheese, and pico de gallo salsa).
– Middle East: ‘McArabia Sandwich’ (flat bread with chicken or beef patties).
– New Zealand: ‘Kiwiburger’ (beef, poached egg, veggies, cheese, and beetroot).
– Québec, Canada: ‘Poutine’ (french fries and cheese curds covered in gravy).

1975 [35] Canada’s 1st government-operated lottery ($1-million ‘Olympic Lottery’)


[Fri] High Five Day
[Fri] Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Sat] Husband Appreciation Day
[Sat] Record Store Day
[Sun] Juno Awards (St John’s)
[Sun] 45th Academy of Country Music Awards (Las Vegas)
[Sun] World Amateur Radio Day
This Week Is … Building Safety Week
This Month Is … STD Awareness Month


• Whyzit your index finger is the same size as your nostrils?
• Whyzit called ‘after dark’ when it’s actually ‘after light’?
• Whyzit you never hear of a ‘born-again atheist’?
• Whyzit they don’t tax stuff we don’t like?
• Whyzit Noah didn’t just swat those 2 mosquitoes?
• Whyzit ‘hemorrhoids’ aren’t called ‘asteroids’?


Everyone needs to believe in something; I believe I’ll have another beer.


What sport or gym activity did you absolutely hate in school?


What is a ‘bangtail’?
a. A rabbit run over on the highway.
b. A billing envelope with advertising on the back. [CORRECT]
c. Local slang for a ‘working girl’ in Bangkok.


Today’s Question: The average man will do THIS 5 times a year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cut himself shaving.


Thrift is a wonderful virtue, especially in our ancestors.

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