Friday, April 16, 2010        Edition: #4242
Sheet Happens!


Good luck crashing the upcoming wedding of acting couple Emily Blunt (“The Devil Wears Prada”) & John Krasinski (“The Office”), an insider revealing only that it will be in ‘about a month’ and be held in ‘London or Los Angeles’ (and in case you’re buying a gift, they’re registered with ‘whoever’) . . . 54-year-old actor/director Mel Gibson and the mother of his 5-month-old baby, Russian musician Oksana Grigorieva, have reportedly split after dating for just over a year (so he loses his wife of 30 years and likely half his fortune for – nothing) . . . Tiger Woods and his estranged wife, Elin Nordegren, are putting the finishing touches on their divorce according to new reports (he’ll agree to give her $200-mill if she‘ll agree to quit spitting on him) . . . Speaking of divorce, 76-year-old CNN host Larry King and his 8th wife are reportedly also splitting up (yes, 8th!) . . . “In Touch” magazine is running a not-very-believable-but-still-juicy story about Robert Pattinson (“Twilight Saga”) and Leighton Meester (“Gossip Girl”) hooking up (did Kristen Stewart just throw something – like a fit?) . . . All the hype surrounding this week’s return of “Glee” (FOX) had a big impact, the show attracting 13.6 million viewers . . . This week Kate Gosselin’s brother has claimed in court that her 8 children are ‘psychologically damaged’ from growing up on TV (as if anybody watching didn’t know) . . . And the “Jersey Shore” girls look almost respectable in the new edition of “Harper’s Bazaar” magazine, until Jwoww talks about wishing she could get new implants – every year (you can dress ‘em up, but you can’t infuse brains).

• “Academy of Country Music Awards” (CBS/CityTV) – Sunday Reba McEntire hosts the 45th annual gala from Las Vegas. Lady Antebellum leads nominations with 7, followed by Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, and Zac Brown with 6 apiece. Performers include Blake Shelton, Brooks & Dunn, Carrie Underwood, Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebellum, Tim McGraw, and Trace Adkins. This year’s ‘Entertainer Of the Year’ list includes 8 artists, the winner determined by online voting. Montgomery Gentry gets the ‘Humanitarian Award’.
• “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC) – Sunday country star & former contestant Trace Adkins returns to serve as Donald Trump’s boardroom advisor as both celebrity teams craft image makeovers for country artists Emily West and Luke Bryan.
• “Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival” (Indio CA) – Tonight the annual 3-day bash in the desert gets underway with more than 150 acts scheduled to perform, including Gorillaz, Jay-Z, MGMT, Muse, Phoenix, Public Image Ltd, Them Crooked Vultures, and Vampire Weekend.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today Alan Jackson (“Freight Train”).
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight Nickelback (“Dark Horse”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights (rerun).
• “Juno Awards” (CTV) – Sunday the 39th annual Canadian music awards are handed out in St John’s NL. Michael Bublé (“Crazy Love”) leads nominations with 6, followed by Billy Talent, Drake, and Johnny Reid with 4 apiece. Performers include Bublé, Drake, and Justin Bieber. Bryan Adams receives the ‘Humanitarian Award’; April Wine is inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight The XX (“XX”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Willie Nelson (“Country Music”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Flaming Lips (“Embryonic”).
• “The Price Is Right” (CBS) – Today Blake Shelton serves as a ‘showcase model’ in a country music-themed show. New duo Bomshel also appears.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Actor Ryan Phillippe hosts; musical guest Ke$ha.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Collective Soul (“Collective Soul”).


• Alan Jackson – Today he receives a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in a ceremony at 11:30 am PDT.
• Dierks Bentley – Sunday he performs at a “Live Earth” concert in Minneapolis MN to raise awareness about the worldwide shortage of clean water.
• Keith Urban – Tonight he kicks off a Summer tour in Florence, Arizona.
• KISS – The latest addition to the useless KISS-branded merchandise? ‘KISS Soap’.
• Lady Antebellum – Tonight, as part of “ACM Awards” weekend in Las Vegas, they perform a free show at the Fremont Street Experience; tomorrow Miranda Lambert takes the stage.
• Mindy McCready – The “I’m Still Here” bad-girl country singer is set to publish a book of the same name this Summer and launch her own reality TV show in which her attempt to become a country music mogul will be documented. A name or network has not been announced.


• “Death At a Funeral” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Chris Rock & Martin Lawrence star in this story about the funeral of a family patriarch that degenerates into a debacle of arguments, exposed family secrets, and misplaced bodies. A remake of a 2007 British comedy directed by Frank Oz. Co-stars Danny Glover, James Marsden, Tracy Morgan, Luke Wilson.
• “Kick-Ass” ( R-Rated Action ): 19-year-old Brit actor Aaron Johnson (“Nowhere Boy”) plays a teenage fanboy who reincarnates himself as a crime-fighting superhero, despite the fact that he has zero superpowers. His decision inspires a subculture of copy-cats, put his life in danger, and unites him with a similarly minded father-daughter duo (Nicolas Cage aka ‘Big Daddy’, 13-year-old Chloe Moretz as ‘Hit-Girl’). BS FACTOID: In preparation for the role, Moretz did 1,000 crunches a night for months, learned martial arts and how to take apart a gun. Shot in Toronto and Hamilton ON.


“Kick Ass” tells the story of average citizens becoming superheroes. There’ve actually been real-life cases of this for years. Among them:
• ‘Angle-Grinder Man’ uses an angle grinder to cut police-installed wheel clamps off illegally parked vehicles in London UK.
• ‘Crimson Fist’ patrols Atlanta, Georgia twice a month to help those in need.
• ‘Dark Guardian’ patrols New York City, helping the homeless.
• ‘Entomo, The Insect-Man’, a masked patroller and activist in Naples, Italy.
• ‘Metro Woman’ spreads info about benefits of public transportation in Washington DC.
• ‘Parking Angel’ saves motorists from receiving irritating, expensive parking tickets in Toronto.
• ‘Polarman’ shovels snow off sidewalks in daytime; patrols streets at night in Iqaluit, Nunavut.
• ‘Superbarrio’, a Mexican hero who organizes labor rallies and protests.
• ‘Terrifica’, a NYC-based woman who patrols bars to protect inebriated women in danger of being taken advantage of by men.
• ‘Zetaman’ helps out the needy in Portland, Oregon with gifts of food and clothing.
And last but not least …
• ‘SOS’, a UK superhero who managed to crash the March 22nd premiere of the film “Kick Ass”.
– Condensed from


Students from Yangzhou University and Shanghai Jiaotong University in China have developed a robot that can prepare more than 600 different kinds of Chinese dishes. After the ingredients are put into containers and a menu item is selected from a touch-screen panel, the machine will stir-fry, steam, braise, or use other cooking methods to prepare the food. The finished product comes out of a slot on a tray. This could be a welcome thing for those who hate cooking or simply don’t have the time for it. Imagine coming home to find a complete 3-course meal ready for you!
– “CNET News”


A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … women’s friendships are face-to-face; while men’s friendships are side-by-side. That’s because women talk, cry together, share secrets. Men play golf, go to football games. (By extrapolation then, a male-female relationship is face-to-side?)
– “Wall Street Journal”
• Scientists say … university-educated women drink more. In fact, those with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem. (What do you expect after all those years in the dorm?)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Scientists say … Mom was right, you should listen to your elders. New University of Michigan research indicates we do get wiser as we age, getting better at knowing how to deal with conflicts and accepting life’s uncertainty and change. (Now if I could just remember …)
– “Globe & Mail”
• Scientists say … the grass IS greener on the other side of the fence. A scientific study of online photos indicates that the greeness of grass is almost twice as likely to be more intense on the opposite side of a fence from which photos are taken. (They get government money to study this?)
– “Focus Magazine”


– The small intestine contains so many folds that its total surface area is about 2,700 square feet, enough to cover a tennis court.
– The calories you burn simply digesting food account for 5-to-15% of your energy expenditure. Protein and alcohol require the most energy.
– Your stomach’s primary digestive juice, hydrochloric acid, can dissolve metal, but plastic toys that go down the hatch will come out the other end as good as new. (A choking hazard is still a choking hazard, though.)
– “Discover Magazine”


1927 [83] Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger), Marktl am Inn, Germany, 265th and reigning Pope/head of the Roman Catholic Church/Sovereign of the Vatican City State since 2005/alleged child molestation enabler

1964 [46] David Pirner, Green Bay WI, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Soul Asylum-“Misery”, “Runaway Train”)

1965 [45] Jon Cryer, NYC, TV actor (‘Alan Harper’ on “Two & a Half Men” since 2003)

1965 [45] Martin Lawrence, Frankfurt-am-Maim, Germany, movie actor (“Death At a Funeral”, “Bad Boys”)

Sports commentator Boomer Esiason (“The NFL Today on CBS”) is 49; Rock singer Maynard James Keenan (Tool) is 46; Pop singer Liz Phair (“Why Can’t I?”) is 43; Movie actress Jennifer Garner (“Juno”) is 38; Famous person Victoria Beckham (ex-Spice Girls) is 36.

Movie actor Eric Roberts (“The Dark Knight”) is 54; TBS talk show host Conan O’Brien (ex-“Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien”) is 47; TV actress America Ferrera (“Ugly Betty”) is 26.

• “Eggs Benedict Day”, a day to enjoy heart-attack-on-a-plate: poached eggs topped with back bacon served on toasted English muffins and slathered in Hollandaise sauce … made of even more egg-yolks and butter.
• “Librarian Day”, honoring Dewey Decimal devotees everywhere … but not too loudly. Shhh!
• “Stress Awareness Day”, focusing on one of the world’s leading health problems. A highlight of “Stress Awareness Month”.
• “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day”, an annual event begun as a promotion for a pajama-maker that’s evolved into another fun excuse for office hijinks.

• “Auctioneers Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of April (do we hear 4?) to honor the traditional profession of auctioneering. Charity auctions celebrate the day by raising funds for various causes.
• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, or DIY projects. (Is Ke$ha the poster girl?)
• “Husband Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of April as a day to appreciate your mate for all that he is and all the things he does for you. “Wife Appreciation Day” is coming up in September.
• “Record Store Day”, the 3rd annual observed by more than 1,000 independently-owned music stores worldwide with the purpose of celebrating ‘the culture they offer and unique place they occupy in their communities’. To honor the occasion, The Beatles are releasing a limited-edition vinyl single (1,000 copies) of “Paperback Writer” backed with “Rain”. The Rolling Stones are also releasing a limited edition single, “Plundered My Soul”, a previously unreleased track from the upcoming “Exile On Main Street” album reissue. There are other special releases from Beastie Boys, Drive-By Truckers, Modest Mouse, Phoenix, REM, Soundgarden, Them Crooked Vultures and others.
• “World Hemophilia Day”, a day of awareness of the genetic disorder that impairs the body’s ability to control bleeding through clotting or coagulation. The 2010 theme is ‘The Many Faces of Bleeding Disorders’.

• “International Jugglers Day”. You and a partner can do some radio juggling, or at least create the SFX, simply by quickly patting your chest or knees … whichever’s flattest.
• “World Amateur Radio Day”, an annual observance by the International Amateur Radio Union. (So you’re not working on this day, are you … seriously?)

2007 [03] Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” wins ‘Video Of the Year’, ‘Best Female Video’ and ‘Best Video Director’ at the fan-voted “CMT Music Awards”

1863 [147] ‘Lacrosse’ 1st named Canada’s national sport (now shares designation with hockey)


1996 [14] Chicago Bulls win NBA-record 70th regular season game


[Mon] Hanging Out Day
[Mon] Boston Marathon
[Tues] Pot Smokers Day
[Wed] “Kenny Chesney: Summer in 3-D” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] “Idol Gives Back” (FOX)
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Thurs] Earth Day
This Week Is … Bike Safety Week
This Month Is … Irritable Bowel Syndrome Month


These folks are unlikely to have movies based on them …
• ‘Beppo the Super-Monkey’
• ‘Skateman’
• ‘Chunks of Rotting Flesh Man’
• ‘Beaver Boy’
• ‘Canadian Ninja’
• ‘Fat Fury’
• ‘Chesty Sanchez’
• ‘Young Nastyman’
• ‘Matter-Eater Lad’
• ‘The Amazing Wahzoo’
– Thanks to Frank Smith

Few women admit their age. Few men act it.


Today’s Question: You’ll spend half-a-year of your life doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Waiting for red traffic lights to change.


The hardest thing to give is IN.

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