Monday, April 19, 2010        Edition: #4243
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!


WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:

• ABC-TV’s legal team is preparing to offer actress Nicollette Sheridan a ‘peace package’ in an attempt to convince her to drop her $20-million lawsuit against “Desperate Housewives” producer/creator Marc Cherry. Sheridan filed suit alleging Cherry slapped her on the set, then fired her when she complained. ABC reportedly wants to resolve the case before it heads to court by putting ‘various incentives’ on the table. ( …. or you’ll never work in this town again.)
– “Sunday Express”
• Hasn’t she suffered enough? Actress Sandra Bullock is being asked to return her “Golden Raspberry Award” because she accidentally took the original handmade prototype instead of the replica made for her as ‘winner’ of this year’s ‘Worst Actress Razzie’ for her role in “All About Steve”. The original trophy has been present at ceremonies since 1981. (They name her ‘Worst’ and she actually has the nerve to show up at the ceremony …. now they want it back?)
– ContactMusic.com
• Actor Kiefer Sutherland (“24”) was forced into a car by bouncers at a strip club in London in the wee hours Friday after stumbling onto the street drunk and shirtless. Seems he began a boozy night with pals at his hotel before heading to notorious exotic dance venue Stringfellows. Reports say an inebriated Sutherland was dancing maniacally and shouting before getting into a scuffle with staff when they asked him to leave. Sutherland recently admitted that wrapping his TV series after 9 years was ‘much more difficult’ than he anticipated. (Seems someone’s fallen off the wagon … on his head.)
– “The Sun”
• And 38-year-old actress Christina Applegate is set to wed. A rep confirms she and musician Martyn LeNoble quietly became engaged on Valentines Day after dating for 2 years, but there is no date set for the wedding as yet. The breast cancer survivor is currently filming the movie comedy “Hall Pass” alongside Owen Wilson. (Another babe bites the dust.)
– UsMagazine.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “ACM Presents: Brooks & Dunn – The Last Rodeo” (Las Vegas) – Tonight a salute to the retiring duo is being taped, featuring a who’s who of country music: Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, George Strait, Jason Aldean, Keith Urban, Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebellum, Miranda Lambert, Rascal Flatts, Reba McEntire, Sugarland, and Taylor Swift. The special airs May 23rd on CBS-TV.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – The remaining celebrities and their dance partners perform popular songs from movies.
• “Explorer: 25 Years” (NGC) – National Geographic celebrates the show’s 25th anniversary with a 2-hour special highlighting the most remarkable stories that have been featured.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Nicole Scherzinger & Derek Hough (“Dancing With the Stars”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello, System Of a Down drummer John Dolmayan, and Deftones bassist Sergio Vega join Cypress Hill onstage.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – T-Pain (“Revolver”); Weezer (“Raditude”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Jennifer Lopez (“Jazz Cuba Volume 2”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Train (“Save Me, San Francisco”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Phoenix (“Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Elton John – The 63-year-old and his partner David Furnish are still looking to adopt a child even though their attempt to become parents to a Ukrainian boy last year was rejected on the grounds of their sexuality. Elton says having a child would be ‘the icing on the cake’.
• Kenny Chesney – Tonight his fan club members get the chance to preview his new “Summer in 3D” concert film in 6 US cities. The film opens wide this Wednesday.
• Willie Nelson – Friday night he admitted on “Larry King Live” (CNN) that he had smoked cannabis just minutes before appearing on the show. Quote: “You could arrest me.”

GOT MILK?

If you’re suffering through a bout of acne the solution may be … breast milk! University of California at San Diego scientist Dissaya Pornpattananangkul has discovered that an ingredient found in human breast milk, lauric acid, can cure the common acne which afflicts more than 85% of teenagers. What’s even more encouraging is, the lauric-acid-based treatment seems to have no side effects. To make it easy to use, Miss P has also developed a sophisticated ‘smart delivery system’. (Get that image out of your mind right now! It’s a cream you rub on not something you ingest.)
– Telegraph.co.uk

PAY ATTENTION TO THIS!

Do men have shorter attention spans than women? Not necessarily; women are just biologically wired to pay attention to different things than men, says Kathleen Nadeau, director of the Chesapeake ADHD Center of Maryland. Researchers have found that male brains tend to be attracted to things that are analytical (sports scores) and visual (Heidi Klum), while female brains focus more on non-verbal and verbal communication, such as a stimulating conversation. (To get a guy to do something, speak his language as in: “Take out the garbage – 7; continue to lie on the coach watching TV – 0.”)
– “Real Simple Magazine”

MOM & DAD … AND DAD:

Newcastle University researchers in Britain have produced human embryos containing DNA from … 3 people. It’s a biotechnological first with profound medical and ethical implications. The technique is a subtle form of genetic engineering, which many people consider taboo, and raises other ethical dilemmas. However, it could also allow parents whose offspring would otherwise suffer from deadly diseases to have healthy children. (Soon kids will be asking each other, “Which recipe were you made from?”)
– Wired.com

GREATEST FICTIONAL SPORTS:

A new ranking of the best games invented in the media that don’t actually exist …
5. “Rollerball”, from a 1975 movie of the same name, features 2 teams of 10 players roller-skating in laps, trying to throw a magnetic ball through a metal hoop set in the wall.
4. “Death Race”, from the 1975 movie “Death Race 2000” (remade in 2008), is a transcontinental car race on public roads in which running over pedestrians scores you points.
3. “The Running Man”, from the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. A TV game in which prisoners turned loose with $4,800 to spend try to evade government assassins for 30 days.
2. “Quidditch”, from the ‘Harry Potter’ books and films. An airborne combination of soccer, basketball and hockey played by broomstick-riding kids with magical powers.
1. “Calvinball”, from the “Calvin & Hobbes” comic strip that ran 1985-95. You make up whatever rules you have to in order to continue having fun.  When you are exhausted, the game is over.
– Adapted from Cracked.com

BITTER GETS BETTER:

Why do our tastes in food change as we get older? Experts say children are much more vulnerable to poisons than adults, largely because of their lower body weight. So evolution has made them strongly averse to bitter tastes because bitter alkaloid compounds are often used by plants as poisons to discourage eating. As we get older, our tolerance to bitter tastes increases and this, combined with cultural pressure, makes things like olives, beer, and coffee taste more appealing. (What did you hate as a kid that you now love?)
– “BBC Focus Magazine”

THE NEW ‘TRACK’ SUITS:

Fashion designer Jennifer Darmour’s new clothing line is called ‘Ping’. It contains sensors that discern what you’re doing based on your body movements and automatically updates your Facebook profile accordingly. Lift up a hood, tie a bow, zip, button, or simply move, bend, and swing to ping your friends automatically. No phone, no laptop, no hardware. Simply go about your day, look good, and stay connected. (And say so long to the minimal privacy you had left.)
NET: http://www.electricfoxy.com/ping/
– ElectricFoxy.com

TEMPLE OF PAIN:

Tired of unruly kids in schools, the Temple, Texas education system has brought back a discipline method banned by most school districts long ago … the paddle. The city of 60,000 has revived the practice of posterior punishment via wooden paddle due to ‘demand from parents’. The school board president says there were no consequences for kids after the practice was banned several years ago. But since it’s been brought back by a unanimous board vote in May, behavior has changed dramatically, even though only one student has been paddled since. (Truancy is also down since they plugged ‘Old Sparky’ the electric chair back in.)
– “Washington Post”

FOR THE RECORD:

3-year-old Ruby Dickinson of Penmaenmawr, Wales is hoping to become the ‘World’s Youngest Tattoo Artist’. Her 36-year-old father Blane Dickinson, who runs a tattoo parlor, is importing an ink gun from the US that’s specially designed to be used by small hands. Ruby will be getting the miniature tattoo kit for her 4th birthday this October. If she quickly learns her inking lessons, she’ll beat the record of Canadian kid Emilie Darrigade of Montréal, who tattooed part of a butterfly on her father’s arm when she was 5. (Isn’t this more the age for ‘fridge art’?)
– DailyMail.co.uk

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Israeli lottery winners often wear masks to conceal their identity while accepting the prize.
• Banknotes were first widely circulated during the Song Dynasty in 10th-century China.
• In Cuba, barber shops and beauty salons are run by the state. (Which takes ‘a little bit off the top’.)
– “Magazine Monitor”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.19.10


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1968 [42] Ashley Judd, Granada Hills CA, movie actress (“Divine Secrets Of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”, “Kiss the Girls”)/daughter of country singer Naomi Judd/sister of Wynonna

1969 [41] Jesse James, Lynwood CA, TV personality (“Jesse James Is a Dead Man” 2009, “Monster Garage” 2002-06)/motorcycle builder (West Coast Choppers)/wed to actress Sandra Bullock in 2005/serial cheater

1978 [32] James Franco, Palo Alto CA, movie actor (“Milk”, “Pineapple Express”)

1979 [31] Kate Hudson, LA CA, movie actress (“Nine”, “Almost Famous”)/actress Goldie Hawn’s daughter/ex-girlfriend of Alex Rodriguez/former wife of Chris Robinson (Black Crowes) 2000-07

1981 [29] Hayden Christensen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Jumper”, “Star Wars: Episode II-III”)

1987 [23] Maria Sharapova, Nyagan, Russia, former top-ranked women’s tennis player (now #14)/highest-paid female athlete thanks to endorsement deals with Nike, NEC, Prince, etc.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Boston Marathon”, the 114th running of the world’s oldest and most prestigious marathon, an annual event on the “Patriots’ Day” holiday in Massachusetts.
NET: http://www.bostonmarathon.org

• “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded. It’s said that if you rub a clove on garlic on your partner’s feet at night, you’ll taste it on his or her breath the next morning.

• “Hanging Out Day”, promoting energy conservation by using a clothesline instead of an electric dryer.
NET: http://www.laundrylist.org

• “TV Turnoff Week” begins, one of 2 scheduled annually to encourage reduced screen-time, which includes computers and videogames as well as television.
NET: http://screentime.org
“Adbusters” magazine refers to it as “Digital Detox Week” …
NET: https://www.adbusters.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1987 [23] “The Simpsons” debuts as a cartoon short between skits on the 2nd episode of “The Tracey Ullman Show” (FOX)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

1988 [22] Chinese radio begins playing Western pop music for the first time

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .

1960 [50] Major League Baseball uniforms 1st display players’ names on back (likely the first one read: ‘SAMPLE’)

2005 [05] Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is elected Pope Benedict XVI

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Tues] Pot Smokers Day
[Wed] “Idol Gives Back” (FOX)
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Thurs] Earth Day
[Thurs] “Avatar” released on DVD
[Thurs] “Oceans” opens in movie theaters

THIS WEEK IS . . .

Administrative Professionals Week / Astronomy Week / Cleaning For a Reason Week / Coin Week / Consumer Awareness Week / Crime Victims Rights Week / Fish Fry Week / Inspirational News Week / National Parks Week / Paperboard Packaging Week / Sky Awareness Week / Volunteer Week / Window Safety Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
LAMEST BS PICK-UP LINES:
• “Hey, aren’t you that kid my big brother used to throw dog crap at?”
• “You look like the kind of girl that doesn’t make men pay for it.”
• “Let me tell you, after 6 beers I’ll do it with anyone.”
• “It’s weird, but you totally remind me of this hermaphrodite who lived in my dorm.”
• “My mom says I’m the best kisser in the neighborhood.”
• “Hey beautiful, what say you cook me dinner for 40 years while I watch sports on the sofa?”
• “If you ask really nicely, I’ll write my initials on your neck … in hickies.”
• “Hey, you live right across the street from me. I know this because of my telescope.”
• “You look familiar … haven’t I stalked you before?”
• “Maybe it’s all the beer talkin’, but I would love to vomit on your bedside table tonight.”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What are the most important characteristics in a partner?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:

Which was the world’s first city to reach a population of 1 million?
a. Rome [CORRECT, in 133 BC.]
b. Cairo
c. Istanbul
– HaLife.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: Over half of all guys admit they don’t know how to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Tie a necktie.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

The secret of selling yourself is to have a product you truly believe in.


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