Here’s More Bull Roar!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Depending who you believe, 47-year-old rocker/“Celebrity Apprentice” contestant Bret Michaels is either ‘awake and in good spirits’ or still in ‘critical condition’ after suffering a brain hemorrhage Friday. The latest malady came on as he was recovering at home in Texas from an appendectomy. Some sources say the positive reports are a bit too optimistic.
• Following the success of the “Glee” tribute to Madonna (13.5 million viewers) on FOX-TV, show creator Ryan Murphy says he’s looking to delve into other back catalogues in upcoming shows. Among the artists that might be featured: Billy Joel, Britney Spears, Courtney Love,
Billy Joel, Lady Gaga, and Led Zeppelin.
• After months of legal drama, rehab, bad disguises, buzz cuts and tabloid headlines, actor Charlie Sheen (“Two-and-a-Half Men”) and wife Brooke Mueller have reportedly split. They apparently still talk but they don’t see each other. A source close to the Mueller family says “Charlie has returned to old habits.” That must be hard to do since he’s said to still be in rehab.
– E! News
• That million-dollar sexual harassment lawsuit against has-been actor Steven Seagal has been put on hold after his lawyer has filed a motion requesting the matter go to arbitration. Former executive assistant Kayden Nguyen launched the suit, alleging he used her ‘like a sex toy’.
One of Seagal’s other alleged victims who’s come forward is said to be a granddaughter of late soul legend Ray Charles.
• Famous person Lindsay Lohan has had a tough week. She’s just been dropped from the new comedy film, “The Other Side”, which will star Woody Harrelson & Giovanni Ribisi. Director David Michaels doesn’t say why but confirms a replacement will be announced soon. This comes after Lohan’s wacky father Michael led a raid on her apartment in a bid to convince her to seek help for alleged substance abuse. And – if that’s not enough – she’s also been named a suspect in the theft of a luxury watch.
• 36-year-old sorta actress Tori Spelling is in discussions with ABC-TV to front her own daytime talk show which would feature a male co-host. The network is said to be looking for a “Will & Grace” vibe …. whatever the heck that means.
• Meantime, Tori’s estranged mom, socialite Candy Spelling, has put her massive Holmby Hills CA mega-mansion on the market for $150 million, making it the most expensive home for sale anywhere in the world. The widow of TV mogul Aaron Spelling says she’s off-loading ‘The Manor’, built in 1991, because it’s ‘too big’ for her to get around at age 64. The 56,500 sq-ft mansion (5,249 square meters) is thought to have about 100 rooms. In a major understatement Ms Spelling says, “It’s a lot to walk.”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“I Learned the Hard Way”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – The remaining celebrities and their partners perform.
• “Gossip Girl” (CW) – William Baldwin guests as the estranged father of NYC princess ‘Serena van der Woodsen’ (Blake Lively).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Paolo Nutini (“Sunny Side Up”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Veteran rocker Melissa Etheridge.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alice Cooper/Rob Zombie – Tonight they begin the co-headlining “Gruesome Twosome” tour in Winnipeg.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s set to appear on the season finalé of “American Idol”, performing “Not Myself Tonight” from her new album “Bionic”, which is due in June.
• Faith Hill – After appearing as a judge on “Project Runway” she says she would love to design her own clothing line for busy moms if the right opportunity presented itself.
• Lady Antebellum – They’re #1 on both the “Billboard” country songs and album chart for the week ending May 1st with “American Honey” and “Need You Now” respectively.
• Paramore – Tonight they kick off a Spring tour in Knoxville TN. Relient K opens all shows.
• Shania Twain – She’s this week’s mentor on “American Idol”.
• Taylor Swift – She’s getting a comic book bio this Summer. “Fame: Taylor Swift” hits comics shops this July.
FORGET ABOUT THE MONEY:
A few reasons a guy with less cash is a better catch …
• He’s More Likely to Be Faithful: Not only does research show that lower-income guys are less likely to stray, but scientists have also found that wealthy men are hypocrites about cheating.
• He’ll Charm Your Friends: Low- and middle-income men are more polite than wealthy guys when they meet new people, reports the journal “Psychological Science”.
• He’ll Champion Your Ambitions: Research published in the “Journal of Applied Psychology” says that successful men can be more sexist. Conversely, poorer men are often more supportive of their partners’ careers.
• Sex Will Sizzle: A guy with lighter pockets will try to wow you in bed, says Bethany Marshall’s book “Deal Breakers”. A man will use all of his resources to win a woman’s heart so she won’t leave. If he can’t afford fancy dates, he’ll often aim to excel in the sack.
– “ Women’s Health”
LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 50% of guys say they’ve been thrown out of a bar at least once in their adult life.
• 50% of guys say they have gotten into a bar fight at least once. Same guys as above?
• 40% of us are unable to bend over and touch our toes.
• 26% of guys say they’d punch their boss in the face if they knew they could get away with it.
• 12% of guys who work from home during the day have worked in the nude.
• 11% of us have switched beer brands due to an advertising campaign.
In experiments at John Hopkins Medical School, researchers have found that giving psilocybin to people dealing with depression and terminal illness allows them to step outside themselves and their own problems into a higher level of consciousness, understanding, and appreciation. 79% of subjects reported ‘moderately’ or ‘greatly increased well-being’ compared with those given a placebo. (The results are shockingly similar to parking lot research conducted after an Allman Brothers concert.)
THE MANY WAYS TO TEXT:
• Brexting: Breaking up with someone via text message.
• Chexting: Cheating on one’s spouse or partner through text messages.
• Confexting: Confessing something via text message.
• Drexting: Sending text messages while drunk.
• Fexting: Pretending to send a text message to avoid talking to someone or just to look busy.
• Sexting: Taking nude or semi-nude pictures with a camera phone, then sending them as texts.
– “Boston Globe”
TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A Springfield OR man with colon cancer who has been told he has just months to live is selling advertising space on his funeral urn. Aaron Jamison hopes to raise $800 to help his wife pay for the cost of cremation.
• Three bisexual men from the San Francisco area have filed a lawsuit claiming they were discriminated against during the “Gay Softball World Series” 2 years ago. The North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance ruled they were ‘non-gay’ and took away their team’s 2nd-place finish.
– “Seattle Times”
• The outer road along Interstate 44 near the Six Flags St Louis amusement park is freshly paved with asphalt made from … recycled swine manure. It is believed to be the first time asphalt has been created from pig poop.
– “St Louis Post-Dispatch”
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The Gaza Strip has a surf club.
• ‘Migalki’ is a type of siren which allows some Russian officials and business people to bypass regulations so they can get through traffic jams.
• Barack Obama has played golf 32 times since taking office, beating George W Bush’s record.
• Babies born in Autumn or Winter are more likely to develop a food allergy than those born in Spring or Summer.
• The Chinese used covered sewage tanks to generate power … in the 13th Century.
• Children who address important issues with their fathers are less likely to smoke.
– “Magazine Monitor”
AND WE QUOTE:
“99% of the world’s lovers are not with their first choice. That’s what makes the jukebox play.”
– Willie Nelson
BS CHRONOMETER 04.26.10
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963  Jet Li, Beijing, China, movie actor (“The Forbidden Kingdom”, “Cradle 2 the Grave”)
1964  Jimmy Stafford, Morris IL, pop guitarist (Train-“Hey, Soul Sister”, “Drops of Jupiter”)
1965  Kevin James, Stony Brook NY, movie actor (“Paul Blart: Mall Cop”, “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry”)/TV sitcom actor (“The King of Queens” 1998-2007)
1970  Tionne ‘T-Boz’ Watkins, Des Moines IA, pop singer (TLC-“Scrubs”, “Waterfalls”)
1971  Jay DeMarcus, Columbus OH, country musician (Rascal Flatts-“Here Comes Goodbye”, “What Hurts the Most”)
1976  Jose Pasillas, Calabasas CA, alt-rock drummer (Incubus-“Anna-Molly”, “Love Hurts”)
1977  Tom Welling, NYC, TV actor (‘Clark Kent’ on “Smallville” since 2001)
1980  Channing Tatum, Cullman AL, movie actor (“Public Enemies”, “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Hug An Australian Day”, to show our great appreciation for all the love and support the Aussies have given us over the years.
• “Pretzel Day”, honoring the world’s oldest snack food. Pretzels were made as early as 610 AD by monks in France and Italy using scraps of dough formed into strips to represent a child’s arms folded in prayer.
• “Richter Scale Day”, saluting the open-ended earthquake scale invented by American seismologist Charles Richter, born 110 years ago today (1900). Technically an earthquake could be a ‘10′, though none has ever been measured. The strongest ever recorded occurred off the coast off Chile in 1960, measuring 9.5 on the scale.
• “St George’s Day Holiday”, celebrated annually in Newfoundland & Labrador on the Monday closest to “St George’s Day” (April 23), anniversary of the death of England’s patron saint.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1993  “The Simpsons” comedy writer Conan O’Brien is named David Letterman’s successor on NBC-TV’s “Late Night”
1999  “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” begins airing in HDTV (my god, that chin IS huge!)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1921  1st ‘Weather Reports’ on radio (WEW, St Louis MO)
1930  1st ‘Twin Popsicle’ marketed, so Depression-era kids could split a treat
1941  Chicago Cubs use 1st organ in a baseball park (duh duh duh duh da duuuuuh CHARGE!!)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Teach Your Children To Save Day
[Wed] Workers Memorial Day
[Wed] Full ‘Pink’ Moon
[Wed] Great Poetry Reading Day
[Thurs] “Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards” begin (Ottawa)
[Fri] CRA Income Tax Deadline
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Dance Week / Pie Week / Playground Safety Week / Pro-Life T-Shirt Week / Safe Kids Week / Scoop the Poop Week
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS REASONS DRIVING A COMPANY CAR IS BETTER THAN DRIVING YOUR OWN:
• Fuel consumption is unimportant.
• You don’t have to make up excuses about why you would be seen in a car like that.
• You can drive forever without changing the oil.
• You can take speed bumps 10-times faster than other cars.
• You can recreate chase scenes from your favorite movies.
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the all-time best country song title? We like …
• “If You’ve Got the Money (I’ve Got the Time)”
• “Thank God and Greyhound (She’s Gone)”
• “What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)”
• “She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)”
• “If the Drinking Don’t Kill Me (Her Memory Will)”
BS RANDOM JOKE:
You know you’re getting older when everything hurts … and what doesn’t don’t work.
ALL-TIME FAVORITE SUPERHEROES:
According to a LoveFilm poll, these titans in tights top the list …
4. ‘Wonder Woman’
And the worst all-time superhero? ‘Hellboy’. (Oh yeah? What about ‘Jellyfish Monkeyboy’?)
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Your breakfast cereal is stale. Which should you do?
a. Eat it with Gatorade instead of milk.
b. Zap it in the microwave for 15 minutes on low.
c. Spread some on a cookie sheet and bake for 5 minutes at 350 degrees. [CORRECT]
– “Woman’s Day”
Which did inventor George Smith name the ‘lollipop’ after?
a. A dairy cow.
b. A racehorse. [CORRECT]
c. His sister.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person will purchase 7 of THESE in a lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Washing machines.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The best defence is to stay out of range.