Tuesday, April 17, 2007        Edition: #3511
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

TODAY & tomorrow “Canadian Idol” auditions move to Oshawa ON’s Oshawa Centre, the final stop on the 11-city tour that began in Vancouver in FEBRUARY . . . TODAY “Children of Hurin”, an unfinished book by “Lord of the Rings” author JRR Tolkien completed by his son, is being published (apparently Christopher Tolkien still hasn’t milked his father’s good name for enough cash) . . . The court-ordered auction for the rights to OJ Simpson’s scrapped book “If I Did It” that was scheduled for TODAY looks to be postponed after the company holding the rights, Lorraine Brooke Associates (said to be owned by Simpson’s kids), filed for bankruptcy FRIDAY. . . Fashion designer Bobby Trendy has confirmed he will star alongside Willa Ford in the upcoming “Anna Nicole Smith” bio-movie, playing – what else? – an outlandishly peculiar designer (in other words, himself) . . . Clothing from Anna Nicole Smith’s aborted 2004 fashion line, ‘Tex Sex’, is being auctioned on eBay, including a hot pink tank top & 3 other trashy items – for $10,000 . . . Former “Frasier” stars (NBC) Kelsey Grammar, David Hyde Pierce & John Mahoney are looking to reunite in a Broadway stage production and are currently searching for a play that might fit the bill . . . Movie acting couple Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, who co-starred in “The Notebook”, are denying reports that they’ve planned a secret wedding, saying they aren’t even planning to get engaged anytime soon (they were both born in St Joseph’s Hospital in London ON) . . . And just in case you really care, a Hollywood publicist-turned-blogger claims that actress Lindsay Lohan is now dating popular party DJ/wannabe rock singer Samantha Ronson, who up to now was just her BFF (oh be still our collective hearts!).

• Avril Lavigne – TODAY her 3rd album, “The Best Damn Thing”, is released. Her rocker hubby Deryck Whibley (Sum 41) snapped the photos for the cover art. She’ll be stumping to promote it on both “Good Morning America” (ABC) & “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Dave Stewart – TODAY a track the producer/musician composed for “Earth Day” on behalf of Green Peace called “Go Green” is released via iTunes. The recording features former Eurythmics bandmate Annie Lennox, as well as Sarah McLachlan and Bonnie Raitt.
• DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince  – Will Smith is planning to put his acting career on hold to reunite with his old hip-hop partner Jeffrey Townes for a tour and possibly a new album at the end of THIS YEAR.
• Gwen Stefani – She’s the cover girl for the “Harper’s Bazaar” ‘Summer Fashion Issue’, with a photo spread inspired by the movie classic “My Fair Lady”.
• Gym Class Heroes – TONIGHT the “Cupid’s Chokehold” band does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Lil’ Romeo – The 17-year-old has reportedly become the first rap star to receive a full athletic scholarship. He’s put both his music (“Game Time”) and movies (“Crush On U”) on hold after being signed to play basketball for the USC Trojans.
• Paul McCartney – He’s calling a new song “Pizza and Fairy Tales”, an insult John Lennon once used to describe the lack of depth in Paul’s songs.
• Ricky Martin – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Silversun Pickups – TONIGHT the LA indie rockers (“Lazy Eye”) are on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Three Days Grace – TONIGHT they perform “Never Too Late” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).

• “Freedom Writers” ( Drama ): 2-time Oscar-winner Hilary Swank plays a new teacher in a tough high school who uses creative writing to inspire a class of hardened kids to learn tolerance, apply themselves, and pursue higher education. Co-stars British actress Imelda Staunton (“Harry Potter”) & Patrick Dempsey ( ‘Dr McDreamy’ on “Grey’s Anatomy”).
• “The Last King of Scotland” ( Historical Drama ): Based on the events of the brutal Ugandan dictator Idi Amin’s regime during the 1970s as seen by his personal physician. Forest Whitaker’s performance won him the ‘Best Actor’ Oscar. Co-stars James McAvoy & Gillian Anderson.
• “Notes on a Scandal” ( Drama ): Cate Blanchett stars as a pottery teacher who enters into an affair with one of her students, causing upheaval in her personal and professional lives. The twists and turns of the story are noted in the acerbic diary of another teacher (Judi Dench), a domineering and lonely individual who threatens to expose the scandal.
• “Smokin’ Aces” ( Crime Comedy ): Jeremy Piven (“Entourage”) plays a magician-turned-snitch who decides to turn state’s evidence and testify against the mob. That leads a wack of hitmen to look for ways to whack him and claim the million-dollar bounty on his head. Co-stars Ben Affleck, Vancouver actor Ryan Reynolds (“Van Wilder”), Ray Liotta (“Goodfellas”), Andy Garcia (“Ocean’s 11-12”), rapper Common, and – in her bigscreen debut – singer Alicia Keys.
• Also released TODAY: “Larry King Live: Greatest Interviews Collection”; “The Larry Sanders Show: The Complete 1st Season”; “Mork & Mindy: The Complete 2nd Season”; National Lampoon’s hockey comedy “Pucked”; and “Spider-Man 2.1 Widescreen Extended Cut Version”.

• Cincinnati OH police charge that a local mom made her 4 children – ages 5, 9, 15 & 16 – open library accounts under 70 different aliases … so they could steal hundreds of DVDs from the system. Maria Daniels, who used 22 separate IDs herself, then sold the DVDs to video-game stores. (She’ll likely get 5-to-10 in the slammer just for the ‘overdue’ fines.)
• Police in Chongqing, China, have now been equipped with … video hats. Lightweight flashlight-shaped cameras have been clipped to the side of patrol officers’ caps which link to a 1-gig digital video-recorder attached to their belts. The recordings can be used for gathering evidence, some of which may be edited for TV. (Soon the Chinese will also be singing along to “Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do …”)
• A Russian man was in the clear after beating a charge in Pyatigorsk City Court of trying to steal a cellphone from a woman at a health clinic. But his freedom was brief. As Alexander Kistko was leaving the courtroom, he snuck into a judge’s office and tried to steal another cellphone. He was busted and now faces up to 4 years in prison. (If at first you don’t succeed …)

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … girls outdo guys when it comes to ogling. Kinsey Institute researchers using eye-tracking technology to pinpoint what people looked at when shown a series of racy photos, found that men looked at faces more than women. Both ogled the exposed privates equally.
• Scientists say … the taste of chocolate gives a bigger thrill than kissing. In experiments, Middlesex University researchers who monitored the brain waves & heart rates of romantically-involved couples, found that consuming dark chocolate provided a long-lasting body and brain buzz which, in many cases, lasted 4 times as long as a passionate kiss.
• Scientists say … women with friends live longer. A 9-year study has found that the women who had the most friends cut their risk of death by more than 60%. That’s kind of amazing considering the amount of back-stabbing female ‘friends’ get involved in.
• Scientists say … cellphones may be killing off the bees. Studies at Germany’s University of Koblenz-Landau have found that bees refuse to return to their hives when cellphones are placed nearby. The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees’ navigation systems, preventing the famously fine navigators from finding their way home. One thing that is for certain … in both North America and Europe there’s been an outbreak of ‘Colony Collapse Disorder’ (CCD), an abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops and supply us with honey. (Albert Einstein once said that if bees disappeared, we’d only have 4 years left.)

Gardeners are normally really into the environment but there’s one thing every gardener buys that routinely gets tossed in the trash … those plastic flower pots used to grow seedlings. They’re on sale everywhere, especially in springtime, and they don’t decompose when they end up in landfills. Fortunately, researchers are looking to develop biodegradable pots to replace all that plastic. Experiments are currently underway using pots molded from corn, soybeans, rice, chicken feathers and … cow manure. (Cool, a plant and its fertilizer all in one package!)
– “Philadelphia Inquirer”

 In a test case in Austria, animal rights campaigners have gone to court seeking to break the ‘species barrier’ by having a 26-year-old chimpanzee by the name of Hiasl granted human status and the rights that go along with it. Their ‘evidence’: He recognizes himself in the mirror, plays hide-and-seek, and breaks into fits of giggles when tickled. (And I’m a monkey’s uncle.)
– “Social Studies”

Actual items on the market that can be plugged into a USB outlet on your computer …
• USB Warmer Slippers … Yup, just plug ‘em in and slip ‘em on. Ahhh!
• Human Thumb Flash Drive … No one will steal this replica, they’ll be too busy upchucking.
• Open-Fingered Heating Gloves … When your hands are cold but you still gotta keyboard.
• Hamster Wheel … The faster you type, the faster the rodent runs, the faster the wheel spins.
• Rechargeable Shaver … Zap that 5 o’clock shadow before the boss rolls in!
• USB Kitty … Just as you’ve finally trained your cat to stay off your keyboard they come up with a 4-inch-high plug-in kitty that bobs its head demanding attention, then meows when you pet it.
• Beverage Chiller … Everyone’s got a coffee cup warmer, but this is a ‘cold-plate’ that drops your beverage’s temp to 45 F (7 C). Perfect for brewskis!
• Laser-Guided Missile Launcher … Escalate your inter-desk warfare with this mini-missile launcher that allows for laser sighting. Sounds like something off an episode of “The Office”.
• StealthSwitch – Instantly hides whatever you were looking at that wasn’t SFW and displays an important-looking spreadsheet or any other application you want.
• ScreenSmasher … A foam ax with a sensor. Whack the screen and your Windows desktop displays an image of shattered glass along with crash SFX. Therapy was never so cheap!
– “PC World”

UK company Bladerunner is making stab-proof hoodies lined with Kevlar, the material used in body armor. The $130-tops are intended for use by the British military but may also be adapted to be used as protective wear for students at inner city schools. (Da hood for in da hood.)
– Reuters

Clothing retailers are increasingly being accused of ‘vanity sizing’ – tagging items as smaller sizes than they actually are. The trend, which began in the US and is now spreading elsewhere, is intended to flatter customers, making them feel they are thinner then the reality. Investigations show that one retailer is selling jeans in which the actual measurement exceeds the tagged size by 6 inches. Critics says a discrepancy of 1-or-2 inches can be excused, but anything beyond that is duping the customer. (No no, not at all. It’s the funhouse mirrors in the change rooms that are duping the customers.)
– “The Times of London

“I think it’s a cliché to say, ‘I’m going into rehab. I-bumped-my-foot-today rehab; I-hit-my-head-on-something rehab …” – Singer Lionel Richie, whose twig-of-a-daughter Nicole Richie ironically recently went into I-keep-forgetting-to-eat-anything rehab.


1959 [48] Sean Bean, Sheffield UK, movie actor (“National Treasure”, “Lord of the Rings”)

1961 [46] Boomer (Norman) Esiason, West Islip NY, sports commentator (“The NFL Today on CBS” since 2002, “ABC Monday Night Football 1998-99)/former NFL QB (Cincinnati Bengals-Super Bowl XXIII)

1964 [43] Maynard James Keenan, Ravenna OH, rock singer (Tool-“The Pot”, “Vicarious”)

1967 [40] Liz Phair, New Haven CT, pop singer (“Why Can’t I?”, “Extraordinary”)

1970 [37] Redman (Reggie Noble), Newark NJ, rapper (“Put It Down”, w/ Christina Aguilera-“Dirrty”)

1972 [35] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, movie actress (“Catch & Release”, “Elektra”)/former TV actress (“Alias” 2001-06)/Mrs Ben Affleck since 2005

1974 [33] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Goff’s Oak UK, former pop singer (ex-‘Posh Spice’ of Spice Girls-“Wannabe”) who wed English soccer star David Beckham (1999)/mother of Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz/soon-to-be California immigrant

• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, or working on home projects.

• “Cheeseball Day”, so who would you like to nominate?

• “Equality Day” in Canada, marking the date when the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into force. THIS MONTH is also the 25th anniversary of the Canadian Constitution, signed in 1982 by Queen Elizabeth II in Ottawa.

• “International Ford Mustang Day”, a salute to the collectible car that debuted 43 years ago on this date. The base price of a 1964 ‘Stang – $2,368.

• “IRS Income Tax Payday” in the USA (like you needed a reminder). Need an extension or last-minute tips? Go here …
NET: http://www.irs.ustreas.gov

• “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day”, a day to salute with a laugh the prying nature of those who continually insist on peeking a boo to find out what’s cooking in the neighborhood.

1998 [09] Linda McCartney dies of breast cancer at 56 (Santa Barbara CA)

1869 [138] 1st ‘Professional Baseball Game’ (Cincinnati Reds 24, Cincinnati Amateurs 15)

1979 [28] ‘Smallest Crowd’ in MLB history – 653 fans show up for an Oakland A’s baseball game (that’s not a crowd, it’s a gathering!)

1997 [10] New Jersey Devil Martin Brodeur becomes 2nd goalie in NHL history to score a playoff goal (joining Philadelphia’s Ron Hextall)

[Wed] CPAs Goof-Off Day
[Wed] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Wed] Teach Children to Save Day
[Wed] International Jugglers Day
[Wed] Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Thurs] High Five Day
[Thurs] Garlic Day
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
This Week Is … Library Forgiveness Week
This Month Is … Welding Month


• The Soup-Eater
• Kimono Boy
• The Cuddler
• The Incontinent Minstrel
• The Drooling Lamb
• The Pasty Accountant
• Smarty Pants
• Hospice Boy
• Tickles
• El Wusso

Mark, Genny & Dahmer @ Rock 105 [WFYV] Jacksonville FL managed to entice a mom & daughter to make out live on their morning show. The prize? Tickets to go backstage and meet … Larry the Cable Guy. Ew nasty! Straight from the trailer park.

If you could pick any age and stay there for the rest of your life, what age would you pick?

I hate graffiti. In fact, I hate all Italian food …

Today’s Question: Men dream about THIS twice as much as women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their best friend’s spouse.

He who dies with the most money is, nonetheless, still dead.

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