Friday, April 13, 2007        Edition: #3509
Have Another Sheetload!

TODAY yet another court hearing is scheduled in the Bahamas at which a judge is expected to discuss who should raise Anna Nicole Smith’s 7-month-old, Dannielynn, this round likely pitting newly-named dad Larry Birkhead against the kid’s trashy granny, Virgie Arthur (it’s a 2-out-of-3-falls winner-take-all match) . . . SUNDAY eBay bidding closes on that reclining nude said to be an original self-portrait painted by Anna Nicole Smith (will anyone jump on the incredible starting bid of $1.7 million?) . . . 26-year-old former “Playboy” model/wannabe pop singer Willa Ford (“Dancing with the Stars” 2006) will portray Anna Nicole Smith in a new bio-film about her life entitled simply, “Anna Nicole”, 1 of 2 projects currently in the works about Smith, with Courtney Love lined up to play her in a separate film (how appropriate, Smith was all about pairs) . . . TODAY-Monday is “Fashion Week Miami”, highlighted by the debut of Jennifer Lopez’s new fashion label Justsweet and a new clothing line from Nicky Hilton (the less obnoxious Hilton sister) . . . TONIGHT is the special 2-hour premiere of “Drive” (CTV), a 13-episode serialized thriller co-starring Canadian actors Kristin Lehman (Toronto) and Nathan Fillion (Edmonton), in which a group of drivers participate in ‘The Race’ across America with a $32-million prize at the end – but they don’t know where the end is (“Lost” meets ”Amazing Race”) . . . SATURDAY-Sunday auditions for the 5th season of “Canadian Idol” invade Toronto’s Yonge-Dundas Square (SATURDAY’s round features a free concert by reigning champ Eva Avila, Vancouver power-punkers Faber Drive, and “American Idol” runner-up, Katharine McPhee) . . . Warner Bros has ordered director David Yates to cut the running time of the upcoming “Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix” (opening JULY 13th), worrying that excessive length might turn moviegoers off (in the biz, this is now known as the “Grindhouse” effect) . . . Actress Drew Barrymore has signed on to become the latest celebrity spokesmodel for CoverGirl, which already boasts a stable of celebs that includes Queen Latifah, Christie Brinkley & Rihanna . . . And 36-year-old model Naomi Campbell has pulled out of her new MTV reality show about her search for a new personal assistant at the last minute – it was due to start filming THIS WEEK (she found out she had to foot the bill for all cellphones thrown during taping).

• Avril Lavigne – TOMORROW she’s the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by actor Shia LaBeouf (“Disturbia”).
• Bon Jovi – Guitarist Richie Sambora’s marriage to actress Heather Locklear is now officially over, leaving him free to make his relationship with actress Denise Richards legal … if he likes.
• Joss Stone – The just-turned-20-year-old admits she’s been drinking since age 13, blaming her booze habit on ‘being British’. But she doesn’t go on binges, she claims, because she doesn’t want to ruin her voice. A little late, no?
• Modest Mouse – SUNDAY they kick off the first leg of a world tour in support of the album “We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank” in Seattle WA, then move on to Vancouver BC MONDAY.
• Paul Wall – TONIGHT the rapper (“Grillz”) appears on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Sara Evans – She’s being sued for defamation by her former nanny Alison Clinton Lee, who’s seeking $3 million in damages. During Evans’ recent divorce from Craig Schelske, her lawyers claimed Lee & he had an affair, something Lee vehemently denies.
• Snoop Dogg – Even though he’s pleaded ‘no contest’ to felony gun & marijuana violations, he gets to keep his California ‘Medical Marijuana Certificate’, in order to treat his … migraines.

• “Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters” ( R-Rated Adult Animation ): Junk food trio ‘Frylock’, ‘Meatwad’ & ‘Master Shake’ use their superpowers to battle an exercise machine called the ‘Insanoflex’ that’s threatening the universe. Based on Cartoon Network’s “Adult Swim TV”. This is the movie promoted with the infamous ‘guerrilla marketing campaign’ involving blinking light devices that led to a major security scare about bomb threats in Boston. The result – Cartoon Network’s chief resigned and a $2-million settlement was paid.
• “Disturbia” ( PG-13 Horror ): Shia LaBeouf plays a teen living under house arrest who, after passing the time spying on his neighbors, becomes convinced that one of them (David Morse) is a serial killer. Sort of a teened-down version of Alfred Hitchcock’s 1954 thriller, “Rear Window”. Co-stars Vancouver actress Carrie-Anne Moss (“The Matrix”).
• “Pathfinder” ( R-Rated War Drama ): A Viking boy is left behind after his clan battles a Native American tribe. Raised within the tribe, he ultimately becomes their savior in a fight against the Norsemen. Stars Karl Urban (“Lord of the Rings”) & Clancy Brown (“The Guardian”). A remake of an Oscar-nominated Norwegian film, shot in Vancouver.
• “Perfect Stranger” ( R-Rated Crime Drama ): Halle Berry plays an undercover reporter who creates several online aliases in an attempt to solve the bizarre murder of a friend by lulling the killer out of hiding. Her snooping leads her straight to the CEO of a major ad agency (Bruce Willis). The first feature that has filmed at NYC’s ‘Ground Zero’ since 9/11. To help keep the outcome hushed up, 3 different endings were filmed, each with a different character as the killer.

Hard to believe, but the flash-in-the-pan pop-culture phenom that is wispy-voiced “American Idol” contestant Sanjaya Malakar is being painstakingly dissected by several research firms to discover what it is that’s making him a household name. A sampling of the detailed analysis compiled by Nielsen BuzzMetrics so far …
• He is significantly influencing the volume and tone of conversation about “American Idol”.
• He’s becoming increasingly identified by the single name ‘Sanjaya’. Sorta like Elvis, without the talent.
• Blog references to him have jumped 338% over the past 8 weeks.
• Many bloggers agree that he lacks talent and does not belong among the top contestants.
• Many fans think he’s making a ‘mockery’ of the contest and believe it would be downright ‘wrong’ if he won.
• Both Howard Stern and the website Vote for the Worst are now as closely associated to Sanjaya as “American Idol”, suggesting those 2 voting campaigns are supporting his notoriety.
• Beauty care companies are receiving an unsolicited, free dividend in viewer awareness about ‘hair’ as Sanjaya’s hairdo has become one of the show’s most discussed topics. (BTW, in Sanskrit the word ‘Sanjaya’ literally means ‘victory’. Oh no!)
– “Chicago Tribune”

TODAY publishing industry trade magazine “The Bookseller” unveils the winner of its 29th annual ‘Diagram Prize’, awarded to the ‘Oddest Book Title of the Year’. Among THIS YEAR’s nominees …
• “How Green Were the Nazis?”
• “Proceedings of the 18th International Seaweed Symposium”
• “The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification”
– CBC Arts

Sony Corp plans to begin selling an 11-inch TV that features an ‘Organic Electro-Luminescent’ screen by the end of THIS YEAR. ‘OEL’ screens are already used in smaller applications such as cellphones, PDAs, and camcorders. The screens make use of the self-luminescent properties of organic materials, so they use less power and are much thinner than comparable ‘LCD’ (‘Liquid Crystal Display’) screens. In fact, the first OEL TV screen will be just 3 mm or 0.12 inches thick. Larger models are also being developed. (If it’s organic, couldn’t you just water your 11-incher and have it grow to 54 inches?)
– AP

• How’s this for a random hook-up? A 24-year-old British man woke up the morning after a night out with a phone number he’d been dreaming about stuck in his head. So he decided to contact it, texting a message asking, “Did I meet you last night?” The random recipient turned out to be a 22-year-old woman who was wary at first but decided to reply. The two began exchanging messages, eventually met, fell in love, and now David Brown & Michelle Kitson have married.
– “Daily Mail”
• Talk about spilling your guts! A 31-year-old mother from Trondheim, Norway was shell-shocked after she saw her own stomach tearing apart following Cesarean surgery. Tone Lise Johannessen says she was horrified at the sight of her stomach contents, including intestines, falling out after the stitches were cut. Authorities at St Olav’s Hospital blame a new replacement thread that was used to stitch the woman up.
• This animal exhibit is causing an uproar! An exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery called “Theater of the World” features live snakes, lizards, scorpions & a number of dangerous insects placed together in confined spaces so they can fight each other. Paris-based artist, Huang Yong Ping, calls it a mirror of society’s conflicts, but the SPCA says the exhibit is causing distress to the animals. They’ve asked a veterinarian to recommend ways to allay the cruelty concerns.
– CP

You use about 200 muscles every time you take a step.


1950 [57] Ron Perlman, NYC, movie actor (“Hellboy”, “Beauty & the Beast”)

1951 [56] Max Weinberg, South Orange NJ, TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien” since 1993)/rock drummer (ex-Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)

1970 [37] Ricky Schroder, Staten Island NY, TV actor (‘Mike Doyle’ on “24” in 2007, “Strong Medicine” 2005-06, “NYPD Blue” 1998-2001)

1975 [32] Lou Bega, Monaco di Baviera, Germany, one-hit-wonder singer (“Mambo #5”)

TV actor Brad Garrett (“’Til Death”) is 47; Movie actor Adrien Brody (“The Pianist”) is 34; Pop singer David Miller (Il Divo) is 34; Movie actress Sarah Michelle Gellar (“The Grudge”) is 30; Movie actress Abigail Breslin (“Little Miss Sunshine”) is 11.

Movie actress Emma Thompson (“Nanny McPhee”) is 48; Rock guitarist Ed O’Brien (Radiohead) is 39; TV actor Danny Pino (“Cold Case”) is 33; Movie actress Emma Watson (“Harry Potter”) is 17.

• “Blame Someone Else Day”, celebrated each Friday the 13th, when we’re encouraged to blame all misfortunes and woes on another person, thereby getting ourselves off the hook. This sounds like something invented by [co-host].
• “Friday the 13th”, considered unlucky by the superstitious. Every year has at least 1 Friday the 13th, but no year has more than 3. Weather permitting, tens-of-thousands of motorcyclists gather every Friday 13th in Port Dover ON, closing down Main Street to cars and attracting  tens-of-thousands more spectators to gawk at hogs. The tradition began in 1981.
• “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the birthday of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Depression. The game was just a fad with his friends until a Macy’s executive saw it being played at a resort  in 1952, and the world’s largest department store at the time soon began carrying it.
• “Tartan Day”, a day for celebration of Scottish roots and traditionally the beginning of Scotland’s tourist season. Moved back a week due to Easter weekend.
• “World Grits Festival”, through Sunday in St George SC, the 20th annual celebration in the little town that eats more grits per capita than any other place in the world.

• “International Moment of Laughter Day”, a day to take the time to experience the power of ha ha ha.
• “Pan-American Day”, commemorating the first “International Conference of American States” in 1890.
• “Titanic Disaster Anniversary”. Shortly before midnight on April 14, 1912 the ship collided with an iceberg causing it to sink at 2:20 am on April 15th.

• “Canadian Law Day”, an annual event recognizing the anniversary of the proclamation of the Canadian Charter of Rights & Freedoms 25 years ago in 1982.
• “Fast Food Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1955 opening of the 1st McDonald’s franchise in Des Plaines IL. At that time, hamburgers sold for a measly 15 cents.
• “Gripers’ Day”, a day to air your beefs about life’s little annoyances.
• “Husband Appreciation Day”, a nag-free observance when wives are encouraged to tell their hubbies how much they mean to them. Hey, it’ll only take a sec.
• “Leonardo Da Vinci Day”, marking the 555th anniversary (1452) of the birth of the Italian painter (“Mona Lisa”) and scientist credited with envisioning numerous inventions like the helicopter, optical lenses and, if you believe author Dan Brown, secret codes.
• “Rubber Eraser Day”, honoring English chemist Joseph Priestley’s 1770 discovery that a small cube of latex could be used to correct screw-ups. He actually coined the word ‘eraser’.
• “That Sucks Day”, the 3rd annual observance that celebrates failure, incompetence, dissatisfaction, disillusionment, mediocrity, frustration, vengeance, cynicism, futility, chaos, apathy, etc. Remember the day’s motto: ‘If the world didn’t suck … we’d all fall off’. Huh?
• “Yom Hashoah” or “Holocaust Remembrance Day”, observed annually on a date determined by the Jewish calendar.

1808 [199] William Henry Lane invents the ‘Tap Dance’ (his great-great-granddaughter later invents the ‘Lap Dance’)

2000 [07] Metallica becomes first major recording act to file a copyright infringement suit against online music-sharing service Napster, initiating a music industry backlash against free downloads

1989 [18] Tribunal of Canadian Human Rights Commission rules gay couples can constitute a family (kids begin getting a talk about the ‘birds and the birds’)

1997 [10] At age 21, Tiger Woods becomes the youngest player to ever to win The Masters golf tournament and also sets a record by finishing at 18-under-par

[Mon] 2007 CMT Music Awards (Nashville TN)
[Mon] Stress Awareness Day
[Mon] 111th Boston Marathon
[Mon] “Spider-Man 3” premiere (Tokyo, Japan)
[Tues] Canadian Equality Day
[Tues] International Ford Mustang Day
[Tues] IRS Tax Day (delayed because the 15th is SUNDAY, and MONDAY is the “Patriots’ Day” holiday in Massachusetts & Maine)
[Wed] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Wed] Teach Children To Save Day
[Wed] International Jugglers Day
[Thurs] Garlic Day
This Week Is … Building Safety Week
This Month Is … Thai Heritage Month


• “She Thinks My 12-HP John Deere Riding Mower is Sexy” – Lenny Wifebeater & the Chest-Waxers
• “There’s Another Dude’s Cheese Doodle Prints on My Universal Remote” – Uncle Gordy
• “Hickey on My Tattoo” – The Spanklin Brothers
• “There’s Skidmarks on the BVDs of My Heart” – Roddy Rogers
• “Ain’t Drunk, Just Pukin’” – Cooter
• “Wrangler Wedgie Shuffle” – Kid Skag & the Crackers
• “Painted Up & Puttin’ Out” – Wynonna Widebottom
• “Tonight I Expectorate My Love For You” – Copenhagen Henry & the Chaw Boys
• “Ten Gallon Toupee” – Tim McGrew
• “There’s a Queer in My Steer” – Roddy Roughneck

Given the ability to project yourself into the past but not return, would you? Where would you go?

Today’s Question: Guys can reduce their chances of heart disease by 19% if they do THIS after a divorce.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Get married again.

A guy can only chase a girl until she catches him.

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