Thursday, April 12, 2007        Edition: #3508
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

TONIGHT Tina Fey’s just-renewed behind-the-scenes comedy “30 Rock” (NBC) moves to its new time slot, Thursdays at 9 pm . . . Part of the reason Johnny Cash’s former lakeside Tennessee home burned completely to the ground is thought to be a recent application of a flammable wood preservative at the request of the property’s present owner, Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees . . . “Dancing With the Stars” co-host Samantha Harris is expecting her first child with her 3-year husband Michael THIS FALL . . . “Dancing With the Stars” competitor Heather Mills is in talks to become the subject of a documentary on her controversial life, beginning from her early days as a model through her ongoing bitter divorce battle with Paul McCartney . . . Geffen Records is looking for music for the soundtrack of “Bratz: The Movie” (opening AUGUST 10th), a live-action adventure based on the popular line of dolls on which Paula Abdul is an executive producer (deadline for musical submissions is MAY 15th, not that they’re throwing this thing together quickly or anything) . . . A painting of a reclining nude, purportedly a self-portrait by Anna Nicole Smith similar to one she gave TV host Larry King, is up for bid on eBay with a starting bid of $1.7 million (seems she’s worth more dead than alive) . . . CNN’s Anderson Cooper (“Anderson Cooper 360”) is in line for a big new contract that will reportedly pay him a whopping $50 million over 5 years (proving you can get really big bucks if you’re willing to cry on camera) . . . And moviemaker Quentin Tarantino admits that when it comes to writing, he foregoes modern technology and prefers to write all his film scripts in longhand, preferably in red or black ink (uh so far Quenty, the “Grindhouse” figures seem to be in the red).

• k-os – TONIGHT the Canadian rap/funk artist is on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (CBS).
• Ray Charles – The producers of the bio-pic “Ray” have developed his life story into a stage musical that will premiere in Pasadena CA at the end of the year and then go on tour.
• Relient K – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• REM –  Irish police are investigating the theft of tickets for the band’s sold-out Dublin concert JUNE 30th when they’ll preview material from their upcoming album. The 10 dozen duckets, which disappeared while in transit, have been deemed invalid so scalpers can’t profit from them.
• Of Montreal – TONIGHT the indie rockers from Athens GA (named for frontman Kevin Barnes’ failed romance with a Montréal femme) guest on “Late Night With Conan O’ Brien” (NBC).
• Toby Keith – He’ll release his 2nd album for his own Show Dog label on JUNE 12th. In a first, he’s also produced “Big Dog Daddy” himself.

A selection of movies in the making …
• “Bedtime Stories” – In this Adam Sandler fantasy/comedy, the life of a busy real estate developer takes a crazy turn when the  elaborate bedtime stories he tells his niece & nephew begin to come true. Sandler could use a hot comedy to overcome the lukewarm response to his serious role in “Reign Over Me”.
• “Crossing Over” – This ensemble drama with a cast that includes Sean Penn, Harrison Ford & Ray Liotta began shooting THIS WEEK. It’s described as ‘a multi-character canvas’ about immigrants of different nationalities struggling to achieve legal status in Los Angeles. Sounds a bit like “Crash: The Sequel”, no?
• “The Happening” – Fresh off his Oscar nomination for “The Departed”, Mark Wahlberg has received a flood of offers. Among them is M Night Shyamalan’s next picture in which he’ll play a science teacher fleeing an apocalyptic threat with his family. It’s targeted for a Friday the 13th release date NEXT JUNE.
• “John Rambo” – After bulking up for the last “Rocky” film and then being charged with importing illegal hormones in Australia, 60-year-old Sylvester Stallone has finally given up trying to look 30 and hired a body double half his age to help finish off his other movie franchise. He last played  the troubled Vietnam war vet in 1988. Stallone will also direct this 4th film in the series that’s now shooting in Thailand and Mexico. The flick will be in theaters NEXT MAY.
• “Pathology” – TV actor Milo Ventimiglia (‘Peter Petrelli’ on “Heroes”) will play a young medical intern who encounters a twisted group of colleagues trying to devise the perfect murder in this  now-shooting crime thriller. Alyssa Milano co-stars as his fiancée. The film is due in OCTOBER.

5. ‘Harold Abrahams’ completing the race before the clock strikes 12. (“Chariots of Fire”, 1981)
4. Jake La Motta’s final bout with Sugar Ray Robinson. (“Raging Bull”, 1980)
3. ‘Happy Gilmore’s’ winning shot against ‘Shooter McGavin’. (“Happy Gilmore”, 1996)
2. ‘Daniel LaRusso’ assuming the ‘crane technique’ stance. (“The Karate Kid”, 1984)
1. ‘Rocky Balboa’ knocking out ‘Apollo Creed’ (“Rocky II”, 1979)
– “Contact Music”

• According to “Parenting” magazine, the average elementary school student generates 40 pounds of garbage per year from school lunches. (Not counting the garbage they just ate.)
• The earliest life on Earth might have been as purple then as it is green today, a scientist claims. Shil DasSarma, a microbial geneticist at the University of Maryland, says ancient microbes may have used a molecule other than chlorophyll to harness the Sun’s rays, one that gave organisms a lovely violet color. (“It ain’t easy being mauve …”)
• Gauthier Hulot, a geologist at the Physics of the Globe Institute of Paris, claims changes in the way molten iron is flowing in the Earth’s core could trigger a magnetic reversal, flipping the North and South Poles. (That would make Australia the land ‘Up Over’.)
• Researchers at the Liggins Institute in Auckland, New Zealand claim ‘couch potatoes’ may learn the lifestyle while still in the womb. They say slacking-and-snacking expectant mothers force fetuses to adjust to limited nutrition and movement. (New excuse for sofa slugs … it’s my mom’s fault!)

Here’s a ‘sexiest actress’ poll with a twist; it was voted on by 5,000 women …
5. Angelina Jolie
4. Jennifer Aniston
3. Gisele Bundchen
2. Jessica Alba
1. Scarlett Johansson
– “Glamour Magazine”

So-called ‘Echo Boomers’ (aka ‘Gen Y’ or ‘Millennials) – young people aged 13 to the late 20s – are the 2nd-largest generation in North American history, lagging behind only the trendsetting Baby Boomers. A few traits of this influential generation …
• Thanks to technology, they are geared to instant results.
• They’ve grown up being socially interconnected by the Internet.
• Personality testing suggests they are less self-reliant than their predecessors in ‘Gen X’, but more emotionally stable and open to change.
• They have been forced to focus on career-driven choices at a much younger age, causing what one observer calls a ‘mid-pubescent crisis’.
• And most importantly for radio: They have no unifying, generational music. (Likely because they are used to downloading whatever they want, whenever they want it.)
– “Seattle Post-Intelligencer”

About 1 million people drink cola … for breakfast.


1947 [60] David Letterman, Indianapolis IN, TV host (“Late Show with David Letterman” since
1993, “Late Night with David Letterman” 1982-93)/TV producer (Worldwide Pants)

1947 [60] Tom Clancy, Baltimore MD, top-selling author (“Sum of All Fears”, “Clear & Present Danger”) who’s reportedly worth circa $200 million/co-owner of Baltimore Orioles MLB team

1956 [51] Andy Garcia (Andrés Arturo García Menéndez), Havana, Cuba, movie actor (“Ocean’s Eleven/Twelve”, “The Untouchables”)  UP NEXT: “Ocean’s Thirteen”, opening JUNE 8th.

1957 [50] Vince Gill, Norman OK, country singer (Grammy Awards–“When Love Finds You”, “I Still Believe in You”, “When I Call Your Name”)/married to singer Amy Grant since 2000

1978 [29] Guy Berryman, Kirkcaldy, Scotland, rock bassist (Coldplay-“Speed of Sound”, “Clocks”)

1979 [28] Claire Danes, NYC, movie actress (“The Family Stone”, “The Hours”)

1979 [28] Jennifer Morrison, Chicago IL, TV actress (‘Dr Allison Cameron’ on “House” since 2004)

1987 [20] Brendon Urie, Las Vegas NV, rock singer/musician (Panic! At The Disco-“I Write Sins Not Tragedies”)

• “Licorice Day”. The best kind?  We say ‘zout’ (salt) from The Netherlands. A recent UK study says licorice is good for dental health. (If you like black teeth, presumably.)

• “Look Up At The Sky Day”, because cloudscapes are the greatest free show on Earth! (Except for this show.)

• “Teens Against Zits Day”. Wouldn’t that mean logically that someone, somewhere is actually FOR them?

• “Thank You, School Librarian Day”, a day for students to express gratitude to the person they’ve grown to know and love through a thousand detentions.

• “Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day”, a day of commitment to never vote for a shyster … er, an attorney.

1992 [15] ‘Euro Disney’ opens in Marne-la-Vallee, France (now called ‘Disneyland Paris’)

1967 [40] “O Canada” officially becomes national anthem (bet you don’t know all the words)

1999 [08] Shania Twain becomes only female artist to sell 10 million units of back-to-back album releases

1980 [27] Terry Fox begins “Marathon of Hope” in St John’s NL (forced to stop at Thunder Bay ON)

2001 [06] Toronto Blue Jays postpone game against Kansas City Royals because … the sky is falling! (large pieces of metal & insulation fall from the roof of SkyDome onto the field as the retractable roof is being opened)

1985 [22] US Senator Jake Garn becomes 1st ‘Politician in Space’ (couldn’t we send them all?)

1988 [19] 1st ‘Animal Lifeform’ to be patented (Harvard University registers a genetically-engineered mouse)

1994 [13] 1st ‘E-mail Spam’ as Arizona law firm Canter & Siegel flood Internet addresses with their ad

1934 [73] New Hampshire’s Mount Washington Observatory records the ‘Highest Surface Wind’ ever measured … 231 mph!

[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Tartan Day
[Fri] Scrabble Day
[Fri] “Drive” debuts (CTV)
[Fri] “Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters”; “Disturbia”; “Pathfinder”; “Perfect Stranger” open in movie theaters
[Sun] Husband Appreciation Day
[Sun] “Drive” debuts (FOX)
[Mon] Stress Awareness Day
[Mon] 111th Boston Marathon
[Mon] “Spider-Man 3” premiere (Tokyo, Japan)
[Mon] 2007 CMT Music Awards (Nashville TN)
This Week is … Garden Week (most often celebrated by the neighbor’s dog)
This Month Is … STD Education & Awareness Month


• An Amish man who pimped out the buggy he used for business wanted to deduct the accoutrements, including a velvet interior and tinted windshield.
• A furniture-store owner ended up in jail after deducting a $10,000 ‘consulting fee’ which he had paid to an arsonist to burn down his store.
• A salesman attempted to claim a $250 write-off for the cost of shortening his pants, saying it was to avoid being zapped by static electric generated by the carpet in his office.
• A supermarket bag packer tried to knock $5,000 off his taxes for ‘job-related self-education’.
• An admin assistant wanted to write off the cost of hair coloring because her boss liked her better as a blonde.
• A radio personality deducted his dog ‘Red’ as a dependent for several years before finally asking a CPA to straighten out the back-taxes he had managed to escape.
• An elderly taxpayer once claimed an act-of-God casualty loss after he accidentally lost his dentures when they fell in the toilet.
• One anxious taxpayer tried to claim the cost of a stress management class, reasoning that he was disturbed by having to drive past a tax office each day.
• And in 1994, exotic dancer Chesty Love claimed her surgical breast implants as a ‘business expense’ … and that one was okayed!

Which is larger: Tim Horton’s Boston Cream doughnut OR a regulation hockey puck? [The doughnut at 3.5 inches in diameter, 1.75 inches thick. A hockey puck is 3 inches in diameter, 1 inch thick.]

How much do you know about the birds and the bees? Let’s find out …
• The parrot and the rabbit are said to be the only 2 animals that can do this. [See behind themselves without turning their heads. Oh yeah, what about your mother?]

• A pony is a horse that measures 14.2 hands or less in height. So how big is a ‘hand’?
a. 6 inches.
b. 4 inches. [CORRECT. Measure your own hand and you’ll come close.]
c. Depends on how big the stable boy is.

• These creatures maintain their home’s temperature at a consistent 94 F (34 C) year-round. [Honey bees in their hives.]
• True or false? To drink, a cat laps liquid from the underside of its tongue, rather than the top. [True!]

• Who can open their mouth wider, Simon Cowell or a largemouth bass? [A largemouth bass can open up it’s jaws by 4 inches. That’s more than Simon or any normal human can achieve.]

• Why is a farewell known as a ‘swan song’?
a. According to ancient legend, it was thought that the swan, silent throughout its life, sang aloud in its final minutes. [CORRECT]
b. It dates from the days of vaudeville, when popular entertainer Eddie Swan died onstage at NYC’s Paramount Theater while singing an encore.
c. It refers to the famous Tchaikovsky ballet “Swan Lake”, in which the princess ‘Odette’ is turned into a swan by an evil sorcerer’s curse.

• Is it time for your medication or mine?
• Dogs can’t actually smell fear … but they can smell wet pants.

Today’s Question: Studies show that, in the past few years, there’s been a significant increase in the number of people who do THIS in the morning.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Leave for work before 5 am.

Laughter … the no side-effect tranquilizer.

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