Thursday, April 27, 2006        Edition: #3270
Deja Moo!

TONIGHT through May 24th is “May Sweeps Month” for US TV, when a handful of quality programming and a tube-load of stunts are dragged out for a brief airing . . . For instance, TONIGHT former “American Idol” contestant Lisa Tucker guest-stars on “The OC” as – who else? – herself . . . TODAY “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher is scheduled to go back to work after suffering a scratched cornea when glass lodged in her eye from a light bulb that exploded on the set (think they’ll work the eyepatch into the storyline?) . . . 24-year-old actress Jessica Alba has made TOMORROW’s ‘Most Beautiful’ issue of “People” magazine, “People en Espanol’s” ‘Mas Bellos’ issue (on sale MONDAY), and “Teen People” magazine’s ‘25 Hottest Stars Under 25′, out MAY 5th (the first time anyone’s appeared on all 3 lists in the same year) . . . Britain’s BBC has become the latest to announce on-demand programming in MP3 format for handheld devices, computers and cellphones, but the Beeb will be offering something extra – both TV and radio content . . . Pseudo-singer Nick Lachey is reportedly furious with publisher Jann Wenner whom he says promised his recent whiney interview about his failed marriage to Jessica Simpson would put him on the cover of the “Rolling Stone” – but instead his mug was relegated to the cover of trashy sister publication “Us Weekly” . . . Britney Spears has finally taken some action over son Sean Preston Federline’s head-banging accidents – she’s fired her nanny (someone should fire the parents instead) . . . This comes just as it’s being reported that Spears is expecting a 2nd child circa NOVEMBER . . . A musical version of Reese Witherspoon’s hit comedy film, “Legally Blonde”, is being developed to open on Broadway a year from now . . . And “Lost” actress Michelle Rodriguez has opted to pay a $500 fine & spend 5 days in the slammer rather than do 240 hours of community service as penalty for her recent DUI charge (apparently it’s beneath a TV star to commune with the great unwashed masses).

• Daniel Powter – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Dolly Parton – Thanks to digital video technology, a new TV ad for Tennessee Tourism features present-day Dolly riding in a convertible with Elvis Presley in a digitally-recreated scene from his 1967 film, “Clambake”.
• Emmylou Harris/Mark Knopfler – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Show With David Letterman” to perform material from their just-released album of duets, “All the Roadrunning”.
• Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – TONIGHT they kick off a tour  in London ON to celebrate their 40th anniversary of performing. This summer they’ll tour with Willie Nelson.
• Rihanna – TONIGHT she does ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.

Former “Desperate Housewives” hottie James Denton & “Saturday Night Live” alumnus Chris Kattan have signed on to star as cowboys in the indie film “Wanted: Undead or Alive”, described as a ‘zombie comedy’ . . . “Lost” creator & “Mission: Impossible 3“ director JJ Abrams is onboard to helm the first “Star Trek” feature since 2002, the 11th film in the series which will focus on the early days of ‘Kirk’ and ‘Spock’ . . . Former “Friends” star Matthew Perry has signed for the indie black comedy “Numb”, about a screenwriter who falls for a girl while suffering from a disorder that makes his chronically depressed self always appear chipper . . . Jon Heder (“The Benchwarmers”) will next star as a slacker in his 30s who still lives at home with his mommy (Diane Keaton) . . . Oscar-winning Aussie actor Russell Crowe will next play a cop who helps unravel a teen runaway’s mysterious past in the indie thriller “Tenderness” . . . And actress Keira Knightley has enlisted the aid of fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi for her new film “Silk”, to help her learn to walk gracefully in her character’s stiletto heels (without getting a nosebleed).

There’s an increasingly popular new trend for perfectly happy couples to head out on vacation … alone. In the travel biz, they’re being called ‘solo-marrieds’. While they still take vacations together and/or with their families, they also take solo trips that indulge their individual interests and preferences. Not only does it give them a chance to pick their own destination and itinerary, those who’ve tried it say the independence on the road helps build new bonds of togetherness when they return. (Unless they return with some bronzed hottie they met on a tropical beach.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

Think those Smart cars look funny? Check this out – a revolutionary new type of vehicle only 3-ft-wide and specially designed to drive in cities is being developed by a team of European scientists. The ‘Clever’ (Compact Low Emission Vehicle for Urban Transport) is part-car, part-motorcycle. It runs on compressed natural gas with a fuel efficiency of 100 mpg and emits a third less carbon than the average car. Top speed is 60 mph. It’s expected to be priced circa $12,000 once it goes into production late THIS YEAR.
– “GQ”

In his new book, “The Meaning of Tingo”, researcher Adam Jacot de Boinod scoured some 154 languages for unique and intriguing words and phrases. A few samples …
• Tingo: A Pascuense language word from Easter Island that means borrowing items from a pal’s house, one by one, until there is nothing left.
• Bakku-shan: Japanese for a woman who seems pretty when seen from behind but not from the front.
• Ulykkesbilen: Danish for an ‘ill-fated car’, what we’d call a ‘lemon’.
• Putzfimmel: German word that means a mania for cleaning.
• Nakkele: From India, this describes a man who licks whatever the food has been served on.
• Plimpplampplettere: Dutch for skipping stones.
• Backpfeifengesicht: German for a face that cries out for a fist in it.
– BBC News

The letter ‘W’ has finally made it into the Svedish language, giving Svedes a total of 29 letters to play with. Up until now in Svedish, ‘W’ has been ‘V’, pronounced identically and therefore considered interchangeable. But now the ‘W’ (Double-V) is a separate letter in its own right. The country’s language monitor, The Svedish Academy, recently announced the addition on its vebsite.

1,000 different chemicals can be found in a single cup of coffee.

Cat consultant Beth Adelman says you can develop a closer relationship with your feline by doing face time. Pick a time when your cat’s quiet and get down on its level, face-to-face, and blink slowly. That’s a cat’s way of saying, “I’m really relaxed and happy”. Don’t be surprised if your cat blinks back. In fact, you may get into a whole blink ‘conversation’. It may even reach out for a nose kiss, the ultimate gesture of feline affection.
– “New York Post”

New Liverpool University research reveals that men become extremely jealous of other ‘more masculine’ males when their female partners are ovulating. Previous studies have found that women’s preferences for male physical appearance vary according to their fertility status. During ovulation, women tend to find masculine-looking men more attractive and prefer their voices and odor. But this is the first study to show that ovulation also causes changes in their male partners.

• A couple in Wales have had a run of 3 lucky lottery wins, culminating in a $4.4-million jackpot … in a single week.
• 3 teenage students in Buenos Aires, Argentina have confessed to setting fire to their school … to get out of a math test.
• A former solider has opened a traditional German restaurant featuring schnitzel, sauerkraut and thigh-slapping music … in Iraq. Gunter Voelker claims parts of Berlin are more dangerous than war-torn Iraq.

A new Yankelovich survey of Catholics finds most don’t find “The Da Vinci Code” all that controversial and are willing to let it stand on its own as a work of fiction. A few highlights …
• 91% say it’s not wrong or a sin to read the book or see the film.
• 92% say they don’t know of anyone who left the church after reading the book.
• 73% say the book has had no effect on their faith.
• 43% plan to see the film (opening MAY 19th).
– “Catholic Digest”

Inventor Peter Yeadon of the Rhode Island School of Design has developed what he calls “Fido Luggage”, a robotic ‘smart suitcase’ that follows when its owner calls. Each bag responds only to its owner thanks to voice-recognition technology, and uses laser sensors to avoid collisions with furniture, people and … other stupid baggage that just sits there. Imagine the mayhem at the airport luggage carousel if this catches on!
– “Indianapolis Star”

According to the Fraser Institute think-tank, the total tax bill for Canadians has risen 1,600% over the past 45 years so that taxes now cost us more than food, shelter or clothing. In 2005, 46.7% of the average family’s income went to some form of tax.
– Globe & Mail


1948 [58] Katie Pierson, Athens GA, classic rock singer (B-52’s-“Love Shack”)

1951 [55] Paul (‘Ace’) Frehley, Bronx NY, classic rock singer/guitarist (KISS-“Rock ‘n Roll All Nite”)

“Canada-United States Goodwill Week”, sponsored by Kiwanis International to bring about a better understanding of the subtle differences in the Canadian and American ways of life. For instance …
• Canadians are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans, on the other hand, encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
• Americans believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves. Canadians believe that’s the government’s job.
• Americans are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians can’t agree on the words to their anthem … when they can be bothered to sing them.
• Americans jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball. Canadians jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey and hockey.
• Americans spell words differently but still call it ‘English’. Canadians spell like the English but pronounce like Americans.

“Child Care Professionals Day”, to help us understand and appreciate the role of child care providers in children’s development. That’s why those security cameras hidden in lamps were invented.

“Hairball Awareness Day”. Any cat owner who’s ever stepped on a fresh wet one is already well aware!

“Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day” in the USA, Britain and parts of Africa. The aim of this annual event, in which children ages 9 to 15 participate in the workday of their parents or other adult hosts, is to give kids a peek at what the working world is really like.

THIS WEEKEND is the 19th annual “National Dream Hotline”, sponsored by the non-profit School of Metaphysics. All weekend-long you can have your dreams interpreted for free, as long as you pay the long distance charges.
PHONER: 417.345.8411 (Windyville MO)
The most common dream symbols are teeth falling out, and being at school or work unprepared. You can analyze your own dreams right here …

1981 [25] Former Beatle drummer Ringo Starr weds movie actress Barbara Bach (“The Spy Who Loved Me”), which turns out to be one of the longer-lasting marriages in show biz

1965 [41] RC Duncan patents 1st ‘Pampers’ disposable diapers (now filling city dumps worldwide)

1981 [25] ‘Computer Mouse’ is introduced as part of a $16,000 Xerox computer system (Douglas Englebart had patented his ‘X-Y Position Indicator for a Display System’ way back in 1970)

1972 [34] Mayor of Scarborough UK gulps 500 oysters in record 48 minutes, 7 seconds

[Fri] “2006 Daytime Emmy Awards”
[Fri] Kiss Your Mate Day
[Fri] Great Poetry Reading Day
[Fri] Day of Remembrance for Persons Killed or Injured in the Workplace
[Sat] Zipper Day
[Sat] Puppetry Day
[Sat] Arbor Day
[Sat-Sun] NFL draft
[Sun] International Walk Day
This Week Is . . . Lingerie Week
This Month Is . . . Anxiety Month


• Is it okay for politicians to end a sentence with a proposition?
• If baseball isn’t boring then why do they have to stop and stretch in the middle of the game?
• Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
• How come we cheer Robin Hood when he steals from the rich and giving to the poor but detest the poor when they do it for themselves?
• Why get even when you can get odd?

Q: The #1-selling cookie is Oreo. #2 is Chips Ahoy. What’s 3rd?
A: Girls Guide Thin Mints.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

What’s the worst thing that ever happened in music? “Blender” magazine’s new list includes Kevin Federline, CDs, Neverland Ranch, Colonel Tom Parker, ecstacy, Madonna’s British accent, and Suge Knight. But their list is topped by ‘kids today’, who are spoiled with ‘fancy iPods, ringtones and downloads’.

Today’s Question: The average guy spends $54 a year on THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Underwear. (For this to be the ‘average’, there must be a lot of guys somewhere spending 100-grand on tightie-whities.)

Only one diet has ever worked … exercise.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Edition of “The Bull Sheet”!

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