Monday, April 17, 2006        Edition: #3262
Sheet Happens!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• Buzz has it that Fergie of Black Eyed Peas is pregnant. She and boyfriend, Josh Duhamel of TV show “Las Vegas” may be hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in about 7 months. A source says she’s been pregnant for about 8 weeks but they’ve only recently started telling friends and family. Fergie’s rep, however, says the pregnancy claim is mere rumor.
– “Star Magazine”
• Joey Fatale, 4-foot singer with the all-dwarf KISS tribute band “MiniKiss” apparently snuck into the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas to confront rival ‘Little Tim’ Loomisc of “Tiny Kiss”, the former drummer in MiniKiss, for ripping off his band idea. Wow, was this for some bizarre “CSI” episode  or what?
– PopBitch.com
• Actress Renée Zellweger has dyed and altered the Carolina Herrera wedding gown she wore when she married Kenny Chesney so that she can continue to use it. A friend says she didn’t want to throw it away but knew she’d never wear it again as a wedding dress. The frock has apparently been shortened and dyed sapphire blue. She wore the dress during the entire marriage … about 5 minutes.
– “In Touch Weekly”
• There have been leaks before … is it happening again? Internet gambling site Bodog.com has closed down all betting on “Survivor: Panama – Exile Island” after having an unusually large amount of money placed on one particular contestant. Would it happen to rhyme with ‘Terry’?
– “E!”
• Acclaimed Chinese film-maker Zhang Yimou will direct the opening and closing ceremonies for the “2008 Beijing Olympic Games”. The “Raise the Red Lantern” and “House of Flying Daggers” director will work alongside Hollywood mogul Steven Spielberg, who will be an artistic adviser. So we’re going to see enormous dinosaurs doing elaborate stunts on wires?
– “Contact Music”
• 43-year-old Tom Cruise has taken another strange measure in advance of the birth of his child with fiancée Katie Holmes. He says in a new interview that they’ve been conducting seminars with both of their families ‘just to educate them’. He also confirms the soon-to-arrive baby will not have a Catholic baptism even though Holmes was raised a Catholic. They could tape this entire event and title it “Rosemary’s Baby 2″.
– “GQ Magazine”
• Meantime, it seems a battle is heating up between Cruise and ex-wife Nicole Kidman. Seems he wants their adopted kids Conor & Isabella present at the birth of his baby with Katie Holmes, but Nicole won’t hear of it.
– “National Enquirer”
• In other cultish news, actress Lindsay Lohan has reportedly turned to Kabbalah in an effort to break away from her reputation as a ‘wild-child’. And in an attempt to show her need to perform good deeds, she’s planning an ‘awareness trip’ to Kenya later THIS YEAR for the One Foundation charity. This all sounds like a plan developed by some PR firm.
– “Daily Star”
• TONIGHT Patti LaBelle, Big & Rich’s Big Kenny & Tom Arnold are among the celebrities teaming up with famous chefs on the week-long reality series “Celebrity Cooking Showdown”. Viewers help decide who can whip up the meanest meal. Wow, semi-famous people actually preparing food … when will the NBC-TV excitement end?
– “People Magazine”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – She’ll play the best friend of Scarlett Johansson’s character in the upcoming movie “The Nanny Diaries”. It will be her 2nd film role, already having completed “Smokin’ Aces” with Ben Affleck, Andy Garcia & Ray Liotta.
• Counting Crows – Frontman Adam Duritz is said to be seeing “Real World: Las Vegas” cast-mate & former “Playboy” ‘Playmate’ Trishelle Cannatella, who’s reportedly already cooked for him to show off her domestic skills.
• Franz Ferdinand – They’ve turned down a $50-million deal to appear in an unnamed American TV ad. Frontman Alex Kapranos says, “We’d have been surrendering our integrity it we’d done it.” Another reason to like these guys.
• Jamie Foxx – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Little Big Town – TONIGHT they perform “Bring It On Home” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Madonna – She’s reportedly fed up with the fact hubby Guy Ritchie seemingly spends every spare moment at a martial arts center. Seems Guy tried yoga for 6 months but found that judo and Brazilian jiu-jitsu are the only things that seem to de-stress him.
• Shakira – She’s planning to join forces with a group of Latin American artists to put on a “Live-Aid”-style concert sometime in 2007 that will benefit the poor of South America.
• Toby Keith – He, along with more than 100 other artists are donating concert tickets to “Music Rising”, an online auction through Ticketmaster to benefit Hurricane Katrina and Rita victims.

ANOTHER HALLMARK MOMENT:
TODAY Hallmark Cards is releasing a “Mothers Day” CD called “Always There” by country singer/songwriter Sara Evans. It includes songs from past albums plus 2 new tracks. On MAY 15th, Hallmark will debut the Beach Boys’ “Songs From Here and Back” as a “Fathers Day” collection, featuring previously unreleased live versions of Beach Boys classics. Each title will be sold exclusively at Hallmark stores. The company scored gold and platinum status on previous holiday-theme CDs. (Soon, buying music in a ‘record store’ will only be a vague memory.)
– “Billboard”

FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY:
Italian inventor Daniela Mannu has created a board game in which players take on the role of penniless immigrant prostitutes enslaved by the Italian mafia. “Puttanopoly” is being launched as an educational game by the Committee for Prostitute’s Civil Rights. Each player begins the game under a ‘slavery contract’ which forces them to pay about 90% of their earnings to pimps. The players then try to dig their way out of misery (usually through a fortunate twist of luck), but usually end up in jail, in hospital … or dead. (Some get an ‘Anna Nicole’ card, allowing them to marry geezers then sue for their estate after they kick.)
– “The Guardian”

REAL CIRCUS CATS:
It advertises itself as the ‘World’s Only Cats Theater’ … and who’s to argue? The “Moscow Cats Theatre” is now making its North American debut in NYC, featuring 20 performing cats, 2 dogs, and 8 clowns. These talented Russian felines jump, dance, do acrobatics, walk tightropes, and perform death-defying balancing acts. They even do ‘paw-stands’! But they don’t work for tuna … tickets run $45-$65. How do you teach a cat to do anything other than ‘stay’?
PHONER: 718-284-7574 (Mark Gelfman-Producer) / 212-799-3753 (Stephen Sunderlin-PR)
NET: http://www.moscowcatstheatre.com

WHO’S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED?
A study by the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences estimates that 84% of homes have detectable levels of house dust mites in their beds. The house dust mite is a microscopic member of the arachnid family that triggers allergies. In fact, it’s second only to pollen in causing allergic reactions. There is not a house without them, but older homes and those with high humidity and musty odors are most likely to have high concentrations. So how to get rid of the little critters? Use impermeable mattress covers, wash bedding every week in hot water and remove all non-washable items from beds, such as stuffed animals. (Did you just get itchy all over?)
– “Nature”

LET’S GET BUSY:
Researchers at Italy’s Policinico of Modena say APRIL is the best month for couples who are trying to conceive a baby girl. Their study of more than 14,000 births finds that north of the equator, THIS MONTH offers the best odds of conceiving girls and OCTOBER is statistically better for the conception of boys. The exact opposite is true south of the equator. Why? The seasonal influence may be nature’s way of compensating for boys’ weaker constitutions. (Yes, you heard right.)
– “The Week”

COCK-A-DOODLE NEWS:
A 2-year-old rooster in Kyrgyzstan that was mere moments away from having its head lopped off has saved itself with loud aggressive crowing which the owner claims sounded like the bird screaming, ‘Allah! Allah!’. So rather than prepping the bird for dinner he spared its life, recorded the scream on his cellphone, and is now making the media rounds in Central Asia. (Next it’ll be a ringtone for $2.95.)
– “Curious Times”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Your child’s adult height will be approximately twice their height at the age of 22 months.

THE BULL SHEET 04.17.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [47] Sean Bean, Sheffield UK, movie actor (“Flightplan”, “Lord of the Rings”)

1967 [39] Liz Phair, New Haven CT, pop singer (“Why Can’t I?”, “Extraordinary”)

1970 [36] Redman (Reggie Noble), Newark NJ, rapper (w/ Christina Aguilera-“Dirrty”, w/Method Man-“How High”)

1972 [34] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, TV actress (“Alias” 2001-06)/movie actress (“Elektra”, “Catch Me If You Can”)/Mrs Ben Affleck since 2005

1974 [32] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Goff’s Oak UK, former pop singer (ex-‘Posh Spice’ of Spice Girls-“Wannabe”) who wed English soccer star David Beckham (1999)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, or working on home projects.

• “Boston Marathon”, the 110th running of what’s become one of the sport’s most prestigious races. It’s always scheduled on the 3rd Monday in April, the “Patriot’s Day” holiday in New England that commemorates the Battle of Lexington & Concord in 1775.

• “Cheeseball Day”, so who would you like to nominate?

• “Dyngus Day”, a thousand-year-old Polish tradition always celebrated the Monday after Easter, when young men attempt to drench young women with water, using squirt-guns, buckets, or whatever else is at hand. Traditionally, women then get revenge on Tuesday, by throwing dishes or crockery back at the lads.

• “Easter Monday”, a statutory holiday in most parts of Canada, except for British Columbia.

• “Equality Day” in Canada, marking the date when the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms came into force. It’s also the 24th anniversary of the Canadian Constitution, signed in 1982 by Queen Elizabeth II in Ottawa.

• “Ford Mustang Day”, a salute to the collectible car that debuted 42 years ago on this date. The base price of a 1964 ‘Stang – $2,368.

• “IRS Income Tax Payday” in the USA (like you needed a reminder). Need an extension or last-minute tips? Go here …
NET: http://www.irs.ustreas.gov

• “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day”, a day to salute with a laugh the prying nature of those who continually insist on peeking a boo to find out what’s cooking in the neighborhood.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [08] Linda McCartney dies of breast cancer at 56 (Santa Barbara CA)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1869 [137] 1st ‘Professional Baseball Game’ (Cincinnati Reds 24, Cincinnati Amateurs 15)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [27] ‘Smallest Crowd’ in MLB history – 653 fans show up for an Oakland A’s baseball game (that’s not a crowd, it’s a gathering!)

1997 [09] New Jersey Devil Martin Brodeur becomes 2nd goalie in NHL history to score a playoff goal (joining Philadelphia’s Ron Hextall)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Tues] Teach Children to Save Day
[Tues] International Jugglers Day
[Wed] Garlic Day
[Thurs] Astronomy Day
[Fri] Kindergarten Day
[Sat] Earth Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Bubblegum Week / Volunteer Week / Coin Week / Bike Safety Week / Boys & Girls Club Week / Crime Victims Week / Lefty Awareness Week / Library Forgiveness Week / Pan American Week

BULL’S BITS

BS ‘HERE OR HEREAFTER’?
Are the following hockey greats stiff or still kickin’?
• Jean Beliveau [Alive and 74]
• Bobby Hull [Alive at 67]
• Maurice Richard [Died 2000]
• Frank Mahovolich [Alive at 68]
• Gordie Howe [Alive at 78]
• Mario Lemieux [Alive @ 40]
• Bobby Orr [Alive and 58]
• Jacques Plante [Died 1986]
• Lanny McDonald [Alive & 53]
• Terry Sawchuk [Died 1970]
– “Legends of Hockey”

BS ‘HERE OR HEREAFTER’?
Are the following baseball greats still swinging or have they permanently struck out?
• Yogi Berra [Alive and 80.]
• Mickey Mantle [Died 1995]
• Willie Mays [Alive & 74]
• Hank Aaron [Alive @ 72]
• Kirby Puckett [Died 2006]
• George Brett [Alive at 52.]
• Joe DiMaggio [Died 1999]
• Johnny Bench [Alive and 58]
• Reggie Jackson [Alive @ 59]
• Stan Musial [Alive at 85]
• Don Drysdale [Died 1993]
• Ted Williams [Died 2002]
– “Who’s Alive & Who’s Dead?”

BS TAX DAY LINERS:
• Most problems are all in your mind … unfortunately paying taxes isn’t one of them.
• Paying taxes is a lot like golf … you drive hard to get to the green and then wind up in the hole.
• Making out your own income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.
• There is no child so bad that he or she can’t be used as an income tax deduction.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What would be the absolute worst song to play at a wedding?

BS ‘DOUBLE-J GAME’:
Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begins with the letter ‘J’ …
• These are gooey, chewy gelatin candies that come in various colors. [Ju-Jubes]
• It’s an exercise where you stand straight, then quickly spread your feet and arms at the same time. [Jumping Jacks]
• She’s the legendary rock & blues singer of the 1960s who died of a heroin overdose. [Janis Joplin]
• Her ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the 2004 Super Bowl led to tighter control of the airwaves. [Janet Jackson]
• He’s the Irish author whose most famous novel, “Ulysses”, was published in 1922. [James Joyce]
• It’s a franchise in the National Football League. [Jacksonville Jaguars]
• She runs the courtroom on a syndicated TV series. [Judge Judy]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Studies show that men drive more safely when they do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Have a female passenger in the vehicle.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you want to cheer up, cheer up someone.

ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Welcome to new subscriber Brian Stephenson @ CKLJ 97.7 FM Olds, Alberta; and samplers this week that include Andy Harvey @ The Edge UK Consultants, Cambridgeshire UK; Dave Gauthier @ 105.3 The Fox [CFXY] Fredericton, New Brunswick; Jim Florea @ 94.9 Thunder Country [KIOK] Kennewick WA; Berry Munsing @ Hot 97.7 [KAVS] Lancaster CA; and Clayton Robbertze @ Jacaranda 94.2 Johannesburg, South Africa. You can immediately subscribe or renew your “BS” subscription right here – http://thebullsheet.com/location.html

 


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