Thursday, April 13, 2006        Edition: #3260
We Give a Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT, after a 4-month hiatus, ABC-TV’s White House drama “Commander In Chief” starring Geena Davis returns in its new THURSDAY 10 pm timeslot (how long do you give it this time?) . . . TONIGHT, 22 years after his death, legendary actor Richard Burton returns to the stage in a new UK tour of “War of the Worlds”, thanks to digital technology that will allow a 10-ft holographic image of his face suspended above the stage to ‘speak’ in his voice (creepy!) . . . “American Idol 5″ finalist Bucky Covington was once arrested for pretending to be his twin-brother to help him avoid criminal prosecution for speeding, drinking while driving, and driving with a revoked license (the tradition of “AI” law-breaking continues) . . . 64-year-old former heavyweight champ Muhammad Ali has sold 80% of the marketing rights to his name & likeness to CKX Inc for $50 million (the company recently bought “American Idol” and already owns Elvis Presley marketing rights) . . . On the other end of the coolness scale, 39-year-old former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson has stormed out of the Meadows Clinic in Arizona after just 5 days of his scheduled 30-day rehab therapy for cocaine addiction . . . At his own request, original “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch has been put in protective custody in Plymouth MA until his sentencing for tax evasion APRIL 25th . . . Paramount Pictures has announced that Xbox 360 owners will be able to download trailers of upcoming movies “Mission: Impossible III” and “Nacho Libre” and watch them on hi-def home theater systems . . . And a few more details on Britney Spears’ bouncing baby boy – 6-month-old Sean Preston Federline suffered a suspected minor skull fracture when he fell from his high chair on April Fool’s Day (it’s hereditary – someone likely dropped his daddy on his head too).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Death Cab For Cutie – TONIGHT they guest on the “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Bon Jovi – ‘The Rock Star Baby Stroller’ designed by Jon Bon Jovi & Tico Torres is said to be the latest must-have transportation for celeb babies in Hollywood. It’s priced circa $500.
• Mariah Carey – She says she’s onboard for producer Jermaine Dupri’s idea of recording a duet with Janet Jackson. So far, it’s just an idea.
• Pussycat Dolls – After performing with them for 2 years in LA and Vegas, actress Carmen Electra says she ditched the band because they couldn’t afford to meet her financial needs. Of course, that was before they hit #1 with “Don’t Cha”.
• Sam Roberts – TODAY he performs on MuchMusic’s “MuchOnDemand” @ 5 pm ET.
• U2 – Bono is said to be Angelina Jolie’s choice for godfather of her expected baby. Daddy Brad Pitt, however, is said to be stuck on pal George Clooney. Seems another fight’s a-brewin’.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn have re-shot scenes for “The Break Up” (out JUNE 2nd) after test audiences strongly disapproved of their on-screen split, perhaps because they still feel sorry for Aniston’s real-life woes . . . California guv Arnold Schwarzenegger will be invited to take a cameo role in a 4th “Terminator” movie, scheduled to begin filming NEXT YEAR on Australia’s Gold Coast . . . Director Josh Whedon may offer TV’s original “Wonder Woman”, Lynda Carter, a cameo in his upcoming bigscreen version of the 1970s show . . . “Brokeback Mountain” actress Michelle Williams will star in a new as-yet-untitled Woody Allen movie to be set in Paris . . . Renée Zellweger has joined the ‘Beatrix Potter Society’ for $35, as research for her upcoming movie role as the legendary ‘Peter Rabbit’ writer in “Miss Potter” (due 2007) . . . And shooting is set to begin THIS MONTH in Veracruz, Mexico on “Guerrillero” (‘gay-ree-AIR-oh’) , starring Benicio del Toro as Che Guevara, the revolutionary who helped Fidel Castro take over Cuba (knew if I saved that ‘Che’ T-shirt long enough, it would come back into vogue!).

THINNING SEED:
New research in the Netherlands has revealed that nature may have provided us with an appetite suppressant that doesn’t come as a chemical-laced pill – the pine nut. In recent experiments, oil from the pine nut (which is actually a seed) caused a 29% reduction in the desire to eat and a 36% drop in food intake by randomized samplers. The trials were conducted by Lipid Nutrition, which is marketing pine nut oil in the form of PinnoThin capsules. (Aha! So it IS a pill.)
– Netscape News

ANOTHER STEP TOWARD ELIMINATION OF ALL HUMAN INTERACTION:
An iPod for infants called the iTod will be launched by Fisher-Price THIS SUMMER. The junior version of the MP3 player has tiny volume-restricted headphones, 6 pre-loaded songs, and 2 spoken-word stories. Of course, consumer-lemming parents will be able to buy more approved downloads from an iTunes-style online store. Toddlers unable to read will rely on icons, such as a star, to symbolize each song. The device will retail for circa $75. (Is this not the stupidest idea you’ve heard in ages?)
– “GQ”

DID YOU KNOW?
• Over 90 million chocolate Easter bunnies are produced each year.
• 74% of kids surveyed eat the ears off their chocolate bunny first. 13% eat the feet first, and 10% eat the tail first.
• 118 million Easter cards will be exchanged THIS YEAR.

FOR THE RECORD:
41-year-old railroad engineer Steve King has set a new world record for ‘Longest Continuous Surf Ride’ – a total of 7.6 miles. The big ride up the tide of the Severn estuary in Britain lasted an incredible 1 hour, 16 minutes.
– “NY Post”

HOW TO PICK A PLANT:
Some expert tips for selecting healthy plants …
• Choose plants covered with buds, not blooms.
• Look for plants with sturdy stems and a compact shape.
• Be wary if more than a few leaves are brown, crispy, yellow or spotted.
• Avoid roots that circle round-and-round the soil. For a clear view of the roots, gently tip the plant out of its pot.
• Look out for loose, crumbling soil ; it indicates underdeveloped roots.
– “Real Simple Magazine”

TEENS ADD TONNAGE:
New University of Minnesota research reveals that adolescent dieters who develop unhealthy weight-control behaviors are more prone to suffer obesity or eating disorders in the future. The study, published in the APRIL issue of the “Journal of the American Dietetic Association”, finds that teens with unhealthy weight-control patterns are 3 times more likely to be overweight 5 years later. In addition, they also have an increased risk of binge-eating, anorexia, and the use of diet pills, laxatives, and diuretics. (Once again it all comes down to the simple basics – eat moderate amounts of healthy foods. But there’s no money in that, is there?)
– “Health News”

EGGSTRAVAGANT:
TODAY an Easter egg studded with 100 diamonds goes on sale in London UK for a whopping $85,000. The egg, which will be watched by security guards until someone buys it, was sculpted by Parisian chocolatiers La Masion du Chocolate and London jeweler Duttson Diamonds. It’s made of a blend of chocolate from different countries, filled with peach and apricot pralines. Without the diamonds, it’s value would only be about $85. (No one will buy it – who’d wanna swallow diamonds?)
– Reuters

THE GREAT WHITE LIGHT … ISN’T?
A team of University of Kentucky scientists claims to have a plausible explanation for so-called ‘near death’ events in which people experience out-of-body sensations and/or a vision of ‘intense white light’ and it has nothing to do with ascending toward the pearly gates. Rather, it’s all due to ‘REM intrusion’, an activation of the same parts of the brain as when we dream. (So how come we all end up having the same dream … huh? Explain that.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• 55-year-old Italian blue-movie star Cicciolina has offered herself to Osama bin Laden, saying, “He can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny.” (Yeah, offering up a wrinkled old skin-flick actress – that’ll solve everything!)
• 3 Russian anglers using dynamite on a lake in a bid to catch lots of fish ended up blowing up a passenger train instead. The blast stunned riders aboard the Vladivostok-to-Ussurisk line but, fortunately, nobody was hurt. (How do you get the worm on the dynamite?)
• A Brisbane, Australia woman came close to an unwanted taste of French cuisine when she opened a bag of pre-mixed salad from the supermarket and found – a dead frog. Julie Lumber says, “I’ll make my own salads from now on.” (With maggot-infested lettuce.)
• A Malaysian man says he nearly fainted when he received a phone bill from Telekom Malaysia for – $218 trillion. He was also ordered to pay up within 10 days or face prosecution. The phone company refuses to comment but says it’s looking into the matter. (Like it might be true. C’mon you could buy the entire company for that kinda money – about 2,000 times!)

BIG BLOWHARDS BACK:
Noted hurricane forecaster William Gray of Colorado State University predicts that this year’s Atlantic hurricane season will be twice as active as normal, with 17 named storms and nine hurricanes, 5 of them intense. By comparison, last year’s record season was 3 times as active as normal. 5 hurricane names, associated with devastating storms in 2005, have been retired: ‘Katrina’, ‘Dennis’, ‘Rita’, ‘Stan’ & ‘Wilma’. They are replaced in the alphabetical rotation with ‘Don’, ‘Katia’, ‘Rina’, ‘Sean’ & ‘Whitney’. Since 1953, 67 names have been retired, starting with ‘Carol’ and ‘Hazel’ in 1954. Last year’s 5 is the most ever retired in a single year.
– “Social Studies”

NOW THAT’S MARKETING!
Canadian golf club manufacturer Element 21 is hoping to stage a stunt that’s out-of-this-world in AUGUST – having Russian cosmonaut Pavel Vinogradov hit a gold-plated golf ball off the International Space Station during a spacewalk. The stunt has already been approved by the Russian space agency (who’ll do anything for a buck) but NASA has yet to make a decision. If it goes ahead, it could be the biggest golf drive in history due to zero gravity in space and the speed of the ISS – 17,000 mph. Astronaut Alan Shepard hit the first golf ball on the Moon February 6, 1971. Actually he hit a mulligan on 2 balls before driving his 3rd an estimated 1.9 km (1.18 mi). (Just slightly less than John Daly when he’s really liquored up.)
– AP

THE BULL SHEET 04.13.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [60] Al Green, Forrest City AR, oldies singer (“Let’s Stay Together”, “Tired of Being Alone”)/Songwriters Hall of Fame (2004)

1950 [56] Ron Perlman, NYC, movie actor (“Hellboy”, “Beauty & the Beast”)

1951 [55] Max Weinberg, South Orange NJ, TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien” since 1993)/rock drummer (ex-Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)

1975 [31] Lou Bega, Monaco di Baviera, Germany, one-hit-wonder singer (“Mambo #5″)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Full Moon”, the APRIL version known as the ‘Pink Moon’.

• “Montréal White Party Week” (“Bal en Blanc”), the 12th annual Easter weekend bash to celebrate the arrival of spring. Basically it’s a giant rave that culminates SUNDAY with an overnight bash at the Palais des Congrès where 2 giant theme rooms will be throbbing with tunes from international DJs. Last year’s finalé attracted some 15 thousand revellers.
NET: http://balenblanc.com

• “Passover”, the 8-day Jewish observance which begins at sunset on the 15th day of Nisan on the Hebrew calendar. During this time, Jews celebrate the flight of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery in the 1200′s BCE. A ceremonial Seder feast takes place on the first 2 nights.

• “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the birthday of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Depression. The game was just a fad with his friends until a Macy’s executive saw it being played at a resort  in 1952, and the world’s largest department store at the time soon began carrying it.

• “Songkran”, through SATURDAY, the traditional Thai New Year festival during which people reunite with their families and welcome the New Year in traditional style. (By eating burn-your-face-off food.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1808 [198] William Henry Lane invents the ‘Tap Dance’ (his great-great-granddaughter later invents the ‘Lap Dance’)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [06] Metallica becomes first major recording act to file a copyright infringement suit against online music-sharing service Napster, initiating a music industry backlash against free downloads

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1989 [17] Tribunal of Canadian Human Rights Commission rules gay couples can constitute a family (kids begin getting a talk about the ‘birds and the birds’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1997 [09] At age 21, Tiger Woods becomes youngest to ever to win The Masters and also sets a record by finishing at 18 under par

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Good Friday
[Fri] Audubon Day
[Fri] Ex-Spouse’s Day
[Sun] Easter Sunday
[Sun] Stress Awareness Day
[Mon] Easter Monday
[Mon] Canadian Equality Day
[Mon] US Income Tax deadline
[Mon] 110th Boston Marathon
[Mon] International Ford Mustang Day
This Week Is . . . Home Safety Week
This Month Is . . . Multicultural Communication Month

BULL’S BITS

This is “Worldwide Innovation Month”, so here’s a look at some of the …
WORLD’S DUMBEST BS INVENTIONS:
• Open-Toed Workboots
• Dehydrated Water
• Black Highlighter
• The iTod
• Revolving Basement Restaurant
• Helicopter Ejector Seats
• Super Glue Post-it Notes
• Helium Paperweight
• Inflatable Dart Board
• Second-Hand Fireworks
• Manual Chainsaw
• The Rock Star Baby Stroller

BS BLATANT JOKE:
If [co-host] were any more stupid, she’d have to be watered twice a week.

BS ‘GOOD OR BAD’?
You run down the list while a phone caller or studio guest rates each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Good or bad … Marshmallow Peeps?
• Supermarket tabloids.
• Podcasts. Good or bad?
• White chocolate Easter bunnies.
• Practical jokes in the workplace.
• The new version of “The 10 Commandments” on TV. Good or bad?
• Movie stars who attempt to prolong their careers by having cosmetic surgery.
• Ride ‘em lawnmowers.
• Naming children after celebrities. Good idea or bad?
• Guys with shaved heads.
• Lists of random stuff for people to rate good or bad.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: One of THESE can last up to 500 years before it needs to be replaced.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A Persian rug.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Don’t ever confuse motion with progress.

 


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