Tuesday, April 11, 2006        Edition: #3258
Bully For You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the  first ‘Green Issue’ of “Vanity Fair” magazine hits newsstands, featuring George Clooney & Julia Roberts on the cover alongside environmentalists Al Gore & Robert F Kennedy Jr . . . Director Peter Jackson has revealed his “King Kong” remake was originally planned as a tongue-in-cheek adventure comedy, but studio bosses snubbed the idea and shelved the project for 9 years . . . “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest has purchased actor Kevin Costner’s 10,000-sq-ft Spanish-style gated residence in Hollywood Hills for $11.5 million . . . Like everyone else seemingly, movie actor Robert De Niro is moving into the world of reality TV, executive producing an as-yet-untitled NBC-TV program, described as ‘a very simple idea’ that, amazingly, nobody’s done before (‘Taxi Driver TV’?) . . . 39-year-old Kiefer Sutherland has quashed rumors he plans to leave his hit TV drama “24″ by signing a reported $40 million-plus deal tying him to the show for 3 more seasons . . . 75-year-old acting legend Sean Connery (the best ‘Bond’?) is expected to officially announce he’s quitting the biz when he collects his ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’ from the American Film Institute at a Hollywood gala JUNE 8th . . . Actress Teri Hatcher is expected to earn some $6 million extra this year from “Desperate Housewives” spin-offs that include a computer game, online fashion store, cookbook, music DVD, and a fragrance (her cut of the profits is designed to make up for her relatively low salary on the show) . . . And to celebrate the publication of its 100th issue, men’s mag “Maxim” has created a massive 75-by-110 foot replica of the January 2005 cover featuring “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria in the desert outside Las Vegas, so large it’s viewable on Google Earth (NET: http://earth.google.com/images/maxim.jpg).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ciara – She & rapper boyfriend Bow Wow, who collaborated on the single “Like You”, have ended their 1-year relationship. A rep says it actually happened ‘months ago’.
• 50 Cent – He’s said to be among those sniffing around the assets of Suge Knight’s bankrupt Death Row Records, which may include its extensive back catalogue.
• Juvenile – TONIGHT he guests on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly”.
• Pink – TODAY she does both “Live With Regis & Kelly” and “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Prince – His planned guest appearance on “American Idol” now appears unlikely because he was unwilling to talk to the show’s contestants and offer advice as previous celeb guests have.
• Rod Stewart – He’s currently on vacation in Hawaii with 6 of his 7 kids, spawned in 4 different relationships. They range in age from newborn through 26.
• Toby Keith – TODAY he releases “White Trash With Money”, the first album on his new Show Dog Nashville record label. It includes 3 bonus songs he usually only performs for friends aboard his tour bus. TONIGHT he guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “An Unfinished Life” ( Drama – DVD ): Big names, including director Lasse Hallstrom (“The Cider House Rules”) and actors Robert Redford, Jennifer Lopez, & Morgan Freeman, fail to bring much zip to this story of reconciliation between a young widowed mother and her father-in-law at his Wyoming ranch.
• “Fun With Dick & Jane” ( Comedy – DVD ): Jim Carrey & Tea Leoni recreate the 1977 George Segal-Jane Fonda comedy about a couple who take up armed robbery to make ends meet after the husband loses his high-paying job. Co-stars Alec Baldwin.
• “The Greatest Game Ever Played” (Sports Drama – DVD ): The real life underdog tale of 20-year-old Francis Ouimet, a working-class caddy-turned-amateur golfer who beat the odds and made it to the 1913 “US Open”, accompanied by his 10-year-old caddie. Stars Shia LaBeouf.
• “Wolf Creek” ( Horror – DVD ): A grisly Australian thriller based on the true tale of an Outback loner gone psychotic killer, creepily played by actor John Jarratt. The prey is a group of backpackers stuck in Wolf Creek National Park after dusk when their vehicle fails to start.
• Also on DVD TODAY: The 10th anniversary “Mission: Impossible Collector’s Set” (“Mission Impossible”/”MI-2″), which includes a free ticket to the “MI-3″ sequel opening MAY 5th; “Planet of the Apes: The Ultimate DVD Collection” (1968-73); and the 3-disc box set “The Merv Griffin Show: 40 of the Most Interesting People” (1962-86).

NATURE MYTHS DEBUNKED:
Common misinformation about those lovely nature twins, flora & fauna …
• If you touch a toad, you’ll get warts. Simply not true.
• Bumblebees can’t sting. They seem like they’re too-busy little bees but if you bother them, watch out!
• A snake in the water can’t bite. Not true, especially if you’re also in the water.
• Moss only grows on the north side of trees and can be used as a compass. It grows on any side that provides a damp, shady habitat.
• Racoons wash their food before eating it. They also don’t wash their paws beforehand.
– Excerpted from “Mother Earth News”.

YOUR HOUSEPLANT LIKES BOOZE:
One of the biggest problems indoor green-thumbs face is the overgrowth of their houseplants. Stems and leaves grow too much, too quickly causing the plant to droop and tip over, leaving its blossoms in the dirt. According to the APRIL issue of “Hort Technology”, a new solution to this problem has been discovered – pour your plants a shot. Yep, it seems feeding plants diluted alcohol – whiskey, vodka, gin or tequila – will stunt the growth of leaves and stems but will not affect the flowers. (Only problem is, you end up having to take your plant to ‘PA’ meetings.)
– FailedSuccess.com

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 88% of Canadians have peanut butter in the house … right now.
• 80% of us do not wash our hands correctly.
• 70% of women and 40% of men are bothered when someone swears around them.
• 45% of men have tried on women’s clothes.
• 15% of us have been pulled over for speeding while on a date.
• 8% of us have asked a date to chip in for gas.

FOR THE RECORD:
Constance Peploe from Wellingborough UK has only been in a plane once in her life but has decided to try her hand at skydiving to raise money for ExtraCare, the charity which runs her retirement home. Constance, you see, is 91-years-old! If conditions are right THIS WEEK, she’ll jump from 13,000 ft, hitting the silk while strapped to an instructor. (Thank gawd for Depends!)
– BBC News

EXTREME MAKEOVER – KITCHEN EDITION:
Hottest trends in kitchen remodeling …
1. Glass is IN.
2. Stainless steel appliances are here to stay.
3. Showing off your cookware is way cool.
– “Social Studies”

NO NURSING MIRACLES ALLOWED:
A nurse named ‘Jesus’ working at a hospital in Sweden has been asked to change his name because hospital administrators are concerned that patients might freak out if they were told Jesus would be taking care of them. “If they thought that Jesus was coming they might believe that they were already dead,” admits Jesus, who has now agreed to begin using his middle name. (… Satan.)
– Yahoo! News

FEMALE FILM FAVORITES:
According to a new poll of women, here are the all-time top-rated chick-flicks …
5. “Top Gun”
4. “Pretty Woman”
3. “Dirty Dancing”
2. “Sound of Music”
1. “Grease” (watched an average of 9.8 times by femmes)
– Ananova News

CURIOUSER THAN A ONE-EYED CAT:
A one-eyed, noseless kitten that stirred debate last year over whether it was a hoax will be the centerpiece of a new museum intended to promote the theory of creationism. Owner John Adolfi plans to feature ‘Cy’s remains at “The Lost World Museum” in Phoenix NY when it opens later THIS YEAR. The museum also will feature such oddities as giant plants and eggs, deformed animal remains, and unique archaeological finds. (Sounds more like Ripley’s Believe It or Not.)
– “Fortean Times”

REAL-LIFE ‘Q’ BRANCH:
A group of 15 elite scientists has been enlisted by the UK’s Ministry of Defence to develop new hi-tech methods of fighting terrorism. The team will work out of the ministry’s apparently not-so-secret research center in Porton Down, where they’ll develop new methods of detecting and defusing explosives and ultra-sensitive equipment for detecting chemical or biological agents, as well as new weapons and gadgets. (‘Bond’ would be proud!)
– “GQ”

DID YOU KNOW?
26 calories are burned in a one-minute kiss.

WORLD’S BEST CITIES 2006:
The Swiss cities Zurich and Geneva have taken 1st and 2nd place in a new ranking of the ‘Best Cities in the World’. According to a report published by Mercer Human Resource Consulting, the cities offer particularly good health services, banking services, low levels of crime and an efficient transportation system. Vancouver is ranked 3rd in the quality of living survey. Coming in last – Baghdad. (Other Canadian cities: Toronto [15], Ottawa [18], Montréal [22], Calgary [25].)
(Top US cities: Honolulu [27], San Francisco [28], Boston [36], Washington DC [41].)
– “Financial Times”

THE BULL SHEET 04.11.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1964 [42] Steve Azar, Greenville MS, country singer (“I Don’t Have To Be Me ['Til Monday]”)

1987 [19] Joss Stone (Joscelyn Stoker), Dover UK, pop/soul singer (“You Had Me”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Barbershop Quartet Day”, honoring the 1938 founding of SPEBSQSA (‘Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America’, in Tulsa OK. So altogether now … hummmm.

• “8-Track Tape Day”, a time for nostalgic memories of the old cartridge tape format of the 1970s. Get listeners to flip through their dusty tapes and call in some of the weirder titles.

• “Mawlid al-Nabi”, the Muslim celebration of the birthday of the Prophet Muhammad (570-632 AD), founder of Islam. It was first observed in the 13th century when it was preceded by a month-long celebration.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1989 [17] Cher wins ‘Best Actress’ Academy Award for “Moonstruck”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1961 [45] Bob Dylan makes his professional singing debut at Folk City in Greenwich Village, NYC

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1906 [100] Albert Einstein formulates the ‘Theory Of Relativity’ (E=mc^2)

1989 [17] 1st NHL playoff goal by a goaltender (Ron Hextall, Philadelphia Flyers)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996 [10] Greg Norman shoots 63 at Masters Golf Championship to tie lowest-ever round in a major tournament

1996 [10] While attempting to become the ‘Youngest to Fly Coast-to-Coast’, 7-year-old aviatrix Jessica Dubroff is killed with her father & flight instructor in a crash at Cheyenne WY airport

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day
[Wed] Teens Against Zits Day
[Wed] Thank You School Librarian Day
[Thurs] Scrabble Day
[Thurs-Apr 20] Passover (Jewish)
[Fri] Good Friday
[Fri] Ex-Spouse’s Day
[Sun] Easter Sunday
This Week Is … Folding Road Maps Week
This Month Is … Woodworking Month

BULL’S BITS

“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
• “Rabbits Sue to Keep Their Feet on the Ground!”
• “Talking Parrot Fingers Hit Man!”
• “Lawyer Sheds His Skin … Three Times a Year!”
• “Nunfight at the OK Chapel!”
• “Autopsy Proves It … Adolf Hitler Was a Woman!”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Would you accept a much less enjoyable job paying twice what you make now?
• Would you be content with a marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked any sex?
• Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1,000 years at any physical age you chose?

BS ‘FINISH LINES’:
Have your morning crew, a phone contestant or studio guest attempt to finish these famous lines of timely song lyrics …
• “Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin’ down the bunny trail … [ ... Hippity, hoppity, Easter's on its way.”]
• “In your Easter bonnet with all the frills upon it … [ ... You'll be the grandest lady in the Easter Parade.”]
• “Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd … [ ... Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back.”]
• “He’s got jelly beans for Tommy, colored eggs for sister Sue … [ ... There's an orchid for your Mommy and an Easter bonnet too.”]
• “Hava nagila, hava nagila … [ ... hava nagila venis'mecha.”]
• “Let me root, root, root for the home team, if they don’t win it’s a shame … [ ... For it's 1, 2, 3 strikes you're out at the old ball game.”]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Your brain is more active while sleeping than it is while doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Watching TV.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing exceeds like excess.

 


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