Monday, April 3, 2006        Edition: #3252
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• TV actor Matt LeBlanc & his 3-year wife Melissa are divorcing, but insist that they will remain “Friends”. It seems even she’s cancelled “Joey”.
– “National Enquirer”
• A movie version of the animated TV series “The Simpsons” will hit cinema screens in 2007. A 25-second trailer is already running in theaters in which ‘Homer’ is introduced, in his underwear, as ‘The Greatest Hero in American History’.
– “Teen Hollywood”
• A salmon-colored toilet belonging to late Grateful Dead leader Jerry Garcia has been stolen from a Sonoma CA driveway along with 3 other bowls & a bidet. Garcia’s throne was awaiting shipment to Canadian casino Goldenpalace.com, which bought it LAST MONTH for $2,550 and planned to use it as part of a traveling marketing exhibit. The casino’s offering a $250 reward for its return.
– “NY Daily News”
• For the first time fans of NBC-TV’s “The Apprentice” will be able to vote online & via phone for who they want to win during the second-to-last week of the season. The results will be presented to Donald Trump during the live finalé before he makes his final decision. In other TV news, CBS-TV is moving “The Amazing Race” to WEDNESDAYS at 8 pm, bumping off the low-rated “Out of Practice” and the Jenna Elfman sitcom “Courting Alex”.
– “Star Magazine”
• “American Idol” contestants are living in the Hancock Park area of Los Angeles. We’re told a neighbor called FOX-TV to complain about contestant Chris Daughtry’s loud music. The woman alleges that he cranks it up so loud that it stressed out and killed her cute little pet bird, ‘Sweet Pea’.
– TMZ.com
• You may have heard that short-fused stupormodel Naomi Campbell was arraigned THURSDAY night on 2nd-degree assault charges for allegedly hitting her housekeeper with a phone (aka ‘pulling a Russell Crowe’), but that’s just the most recent example of the cranky catwalker’s notoriously bad behavior. She was sued in 2003 by a former assistant who also alleged she threw a phone in a Beverly Hills hotel; she pleaded guilty in Toronto in 2000 to an assault charge for beating an assistant; and at a U2 concert at Madison Square Garden last OCTOBER, she hurled abuse at a security guard and actually spat in his face after being asked not to sit on a security barrier.
– “People Magazine”
• Director Robert Luketic has abruptly quit the bigscreen version of the hit 1980s TV show “Dallas” because he was unhappy with some of the casting choices. The “Legally Blonde” filmmaker was set to start shooting in OCTOBER. Among the actors onboard are John Travolta as ‘JR’, Jennifer Lopez as ‘Sue Ellen’, Luke Wilson as ‘Bobby’, and Shirley MacLaine as ‘Miss Ellie’. No details were given regarding which stars he objected to. Maybe it was all of them?
– “Us Magazine”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Daniel Powter – “Bad Day” is the Vancouver-born singer’s first #1 hit in the US. The self-titled album that it’s taken from is due for release APRIL 11th.
• Fall Out Boy – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Jennifer Lopez – Rumor has it she may adopt a Puerto Rican baby. She & hubby Marc Anthony have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years but, so far, no luck.
• Nirvana – Courtney Love has sold off a 25% share in the band’s catalogue for an estimated $50 million, but she & new partner Larry Mestel promise to ‘stay true’ to Kurt Cobain’s spirit and not over-commercialize the music.
• Poison – Former frontman Bret Michaels’ vehicle has been hit by a bullet … again, this time as he was driving his Mercedes into the parking lot to do an interview on an LA radio show. Just 5 months ago, the back window of his tour bus was shot out in Springfield MA.
• Prince – The notoriously shy singer apparently hates “American Idol” but word has it his record company has convinced him to make a guest appearance to further boost sales of his new album “3121″.
• Sara Evans – THIS AFTERNOON the Missouri native will sing the national anthem to open the Kansas City Royals’ baseball season as they host the Detroit Tigers at Kauffman Stadium.
• Shakira – TODAY she guests with Wyclef Jean on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Three 6 Mafia – The Oscar-winning rappers will produce & record tracks for Paris Hilton’s upcoming debut album, which has been in the works … seemingly for about 10 years.

HAVE A NICE DAY:
TODAY, the first Monday in April, along with the 2nd Monday in August and the last Monday in December are traditionally considered to be the most unlucky days of the year. English historian Richard Grafton says the idea that certain dates were unlucky can be traced back at least as far as a book called “The Manual”, published in 1565. Its claims were given support by astronomers of the day.
– “Daily Express”

FOR THE RECORD:
• 87-year-old Helen Wagner, an original cast member of CBS-TV’s daytime drama “As the World Turns” since its inception in 1956, has earned a listing in the “Guinness Book of World Records” for ‘Longest Continuous Appearance in a TV Program’. She’s celebrating her 50th year on the show in the role of ‘Nancy Hughes McClosky’.
– “E!”
• Austrian ski champ Harry Egger will attempt to become the ‘World’s Fastest Man on Skis’ using a $70,000 hi-tech carbon suit developed using computer technology and a wind tunnel. He hopes to set a new world speed skiing record in excess of 155 mph sometime THIS WEEK in Vars, France. He’ll use a parachute operated by emergency button in order to stop at the bottom of the hill.
– Agence France-Presse

TOO MUCH DIETING?
For a new study at East Carolina University, researchers polled university-age women about their weight perception, dieting practices, and physical activity. The surprising findings – fully 83% of college girls go on diets to control their weight, regardless of whether they are obese, overweight or normal weight.
– ANI Health & Science

TOO MUCH EXERCISE?
NYC psychologist Dr Ellen Haimoff calls addiction to workouts ‘exercise bulimia’, an affliction she says many women are suffering. Instead of vomiting or using laxatives to rid their bodies of calories, fitness fanatics are driving themselves through excessive workouts with unrealistic expectations of weight loss. Haimoff says it can be as addictive and dangerous as an eating disorder.
– Reuters

DRIVING YOU TO DISTRACTION:
• Drivers who use SatNav for directions could be putting themselves at risk. UK researchers have found that the reaction times of volunteers receiving audio and/or visual GPS instructions were far slower. Bottom line – if a pedestrian is crossing at the same time as a driver is concentrating on GPS directions, it could be enough distraction to cause an accident.
• According to a recent poll, a crying child in the backseat of a car is as distracting to the driver as talking on a cellphone. Nearly 95% of 2,000 surveyed parents admit that a child having a tantrum takes their attention off the road. More than two-thirds consider it as dangerous as talking on the phone while driving.

BS AMAZING FACT:
Each time you move to another home, things are lost, broken or discarded. For the average family, the impact of 6 moves is equivalent to the damage from 1 house fire.

CONTACT COMING:
Dr Seth Shostak of the California-based Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence group believes aliens will be talking to us within the next 20 years. They may already be listening to Earth, he says, and may already have landed – in clumps of bacteria cells. SETI is building some 350 telescopes to listen for E-Ts, and predicts we’ll know for certain that we are not alone sometime between the years 2020 and 2025. That they say, will be one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, story of all time. (Bigger than the wedding of Angelina Jolie & Jennifer Aniston in 2008?)
– “The Sun”

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• 55-year-old Rab Wood from Fife, Scotland has been sleepwalking since he was age 14. These days he says that worries about burning down his house are making his life a misery. How so? The former chef regularly wanders around at night, cooking omelettes & fries … in his sleep. He’s petrified that he’ll accidently set his home afire. (Until then … we’ll have a Swiss cheese & ham with portobello mushrooms, mate. No salt on the fries.)
• The Philippsburg Nuclear Plant in Germany is now under investigation after operator EnBW admitted that employees have been searching for keys to vital areas around the reactors. In fact, they’ve been desperately trying to turn up the ol’ key ring since it was first noticed to be lost … back on MARCH 10th. (No wonder this company’s been receiving ‘glowing’ safety reports!)
• A would-be thief sure had second thoughts after breaking into a building in Osaka, Japan. While rummaging around for loot he was confronted by a massive man weighing over 300 lbs. Then when the lights went on, he could see that he was in fact surrounded by more than a dozen of the building’s bulky occupants – all of them sumo wrestlers. (Konoshin Kawabata says he’s now in need of new underpants.)

THE BULL SHEET 04.03.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [64] Wayne Newton, Roanoke VA, aging pop singer who’s a Las Vegas institution (“Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast”, “Danke Schoen”)  FACTOID: THIS WEEK he’s wrapping a 13-week stand at the Flamingo Las Vegas before touring Australia.

1955 [50] Mick Mars (Robert Deal), Huntington IN, rock guitarist (Motley Crue-“Without You”) NOTE: This is a best guess based on cross-references, but some sources list other dates & years.

1958 [48] Alec Baldwin, Massapequa NY, movie actor (“Elizabethtown”, “The Aviator”)

1961 [45] Eddie Murphy, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Daddy Day Care”, “Shrek”)  UP NEXT: Now filming the musical “Dreamgirls”, co-starring Jamie Foxx & Beyoncé Knowles.

1982 [24] Cobie Smulders, Vancouver BC, TV actress (‘Robin’ in “How I Met Your Mother”)

1986 [20] Amanda Bynes, Thousand Oaks CA, movie actress (“She’s the Man”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Armenian Appreciation Day”. Armenia is a small country bordering the Black Sea which most recently re-gained its independence in 1991. It’s history of invasion and genocide has led to Armenians fleeing and settling around-the-world. Famous folks with Armenian heritage include Canadian film director Atom Egoyan, Canadian children’s entertainer Raffi (Cavoukian), singer Gwen Sefani, tennis player Andre Agassi, singing diva Cher (Sarkissian), chess champ Gary Kasparov, and late “Chipmunks” creator Ross Baghdasarian. It’s easy to spot an Armenian – almost all names seem to end in ‘i-a-n’.

• “Don’t Go to Work Unless It’s Fun Day”, a day when we’re encouraged to enjoy work,  not just endure it … even though in one survey, fully 66% of us say we’re unhappy with our jobs.

• “Do Unto Others Day”, in recognition of “Golden Rule Week”. Do ‘em before they do you … isn’t that it?

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1953 [53] “TV Guide” is published for the first time (on the cover – Lucille Ball’s new baby, Desi Arnaz Jr)

1973 [33] Martin Cooper, an engineer with Motorola & inventor of the portable cellphone, places the first cellular phone call

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1981 [25] One-legged Arnie Boldt of Saskatoon jumps 6′-8 1/4″ (now in Canadian Sports Hall of Fame)

1984 [22] Opening of Lulu’s Roadhouse with ‘World’s Longest Bar’ at 340 feet (Kitchener ON)

1985 [20] Vic Elliot pockets 15,780 pool balls in 24 hours in London UK

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Toronto Blue Jays home opener
[Tues] Tell-A-Lie Day
[Tues] “Brokeback Mountain” released on DVD
[Wed] “2006 Gospel Music Awards” (Nashville TN)
[Wed] Road Map Day
[Thurs] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Thurs-Sun] The Masters Golf Tournament (Augusta GA)
[Fri] Walk to Work Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Library Week / Laugh at Work Week / Cherry Blossom Festival / Medic Alert Week / Bake Week / Birth Parents Week / Reading a Road Map Week / Publicity Stunt Week

BULL’S BITS

THIS WEEK is also “Week of the Young Child”, so here’s a review of some of the …
WISE WAYS OF WIDDLE KIDS:
• Keep asking ‘why?’ until you understand.
• Toads aren’t ugly, they’re just toads.
• Always save a place in line for your friends.
• If the horse you’re drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog.
• Chasing the cat is more fun than catching it.
• It’s more fun to color outside the lines.

BS WEB GOODIE:
An overweight, out-of-shape 33-year-old Brit is planning to compete in the “2012 Olympics” … for any country that will take him. Jonathan Phillips has set up a blog to record his progress. His biggest problem: the 200-lb, e-commerce worker admits he isn’t skilled in any particular sport. Even so, the country of Liechtenstein has already expressed some interest.
NET: http://2012olympiccompetitor.wordpress.com

BS BRAIN STRAIN:
Q: Which activity requires taking more steps – playing a round of golf or playing a game of soccer?
A: According to research by the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center, a game of soccer requires 8,000-to-10,000 steps, about the same as 9 holes of golf with no cart. So a full 18-hole round would be twice that … even more if you spend a lot of time searching for your ball.
– “Social Studies”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: You are average if you do THIS 3-and-half times per week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Go to the grocery store.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Too many couples marry for better or for worse … but not for good.

HAPPY BULLDAY!
“The Bull Sheet” is celebrating it’s 13th birthday. “BS” began April 1st, 1993 with the idea that quality, well-researched radio show prep would sell. Instead of just a bunch of corny jokes, we decided to offer up-to-the-minute lifestyle & entertainment info and usable discussion topics. We must be doing something right because “BS” is now used by radio stations worldwide, including Ed Bain & The Q! Morning Show @ 100.3 The Q [CKKQ] Victoria BC who’ve just re-upped for another full year; and samplers this week that include Matt Porteous @ 99.3 The Drive [CKDV] Prince George BC; Travis Kelly @ Froggy 102.7 [WLEG] Elkhart IN; Becky Thorson @ Colorado Country 94 KIX [KKXK] Montrose CO; Keith Andrews @ 94.1 The Fox [CFGW] Yorkton SK; and Chuck Santiago @ AM 1240 KNRY Monterey CA. Thanks for your support!

 


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