Monday, April 1, 2013        Edition: #4953

Happy “Bull Day”, We’re 20-Years-Old Today!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ Not only did Phil Ramone work with some of music’s greats, he influenced them. Since his death on Saturday at age 79, tributes to the late producer have been trending on Twitter from the likes of Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, John Legend, Josh Groban, and Moby. Ramone, who was born in South Africa but grew up in the Big Apple, won 14 Grammys, including ‘Album Of the Year’ for Paul Simon’s “Still Crazy After All These Years”, Billy Joel’s “52nd Street” and, most recently, Tony Bennett’s 2012 album “Duets 2”. (His name may have been the inspiration for the legendary punk band, The Ramones, though that’s not verified.)
– Contactmusic.com
✳ “America’s Most Wanted” is no longer wanted. Since its creation in 1988, the TV show has helped in the arrest of more than 1,200 criminals in the US and 30 other countries. It aired on FOX until that network dropped it in 2011 due to dwindling interest. Lifetime then aired 44 more episodes before announcing its final cancellation. (It has always been personal for host John Walsh, whose 6-year-old son was kidnapped and murdered in 1981.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”
✳ It’s a baby girl for actress Kristen Bell & fiancé Dax Shepard! Their first child together has oddly been named ‘Lincoln’. Shepard tweets: “She has mom’s beauty and dad’s obsession with breasts.” Bell tweets: “My new roommate poops her pants and doesn’t pay rent … basically Dax Shepard pre-sobriety.” (At least they didn’t name her ‘Argo’ …. or ‘Django’.)
– UsMagazine.com
✳ Jeremy Renner’s rep has confirmed reports that the actor (“Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”; “The Bourne Legacy”; “The Avengers”) has become a father, insisting he is ‘beyond thrilled’. Renner dated Sonni Pacheco last year and she allegedly discovered she was pregnant after they split. Seems they’ve now reunited and are proud parents to a new baby daughter named ‘Ava Berlin Renner’. (Not exactly planned parenthood.)
– People.com
✳ And Angelina Jolie has just made it crystal clear: She & Brad Pitt did NOT secretly get married. You’ll recall Angelina swapped out her $500,000 diamond engagement ring for a simple gold band during a recent humanitarian trip to the Congo, probably so it wouldn’t get lost or stolen. But that didn’t stop everyone from speculating that she & Brad had wed on the QT. Nevertheless, Angelina has now put those rumors to rest. (For about a day.)
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The remaining celebrities perform dances that include Viennese waltz and paso doble.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Special guest Brad Paisley previews his 8th studio album, “Wheelhouse” (out April 9th), and the “Building a Wheelhouse Interactive Book”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Demi Lovato (“Heart Attack”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Toby Keith (“Hope On the Rocks”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Janelle Monáe (“The ArchAndroid”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – The Band Perry (“Pioneer”, out tomorrow).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Goo Goo Dolls (“Magnetic”, out May 7th).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – More vocalists audition in front of the panel of coaches.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Chris Brown – He’s been collaborating with Jennifer Lopez, writing for her next album. He’s also trying to get her to guest on his new album, “X”, due in August. So far, that’s just a wish.
• Emeli Sande – The 26-year-old Brit singer-songwriter’s interest in music began at an early age and she’s considering putting a track about an alien coming from space and spreading love around-the-world on her upcoming 2nd album. She wrote it when she was 7.
• Justin Bieber – LA Sheriff’s Department may recommend battery charges when the investigation into his March 26th altercation is complete. He’s accused of spitting in his neighbor’s face and threatening to kill him after he complained about the Bieb’s driving speed.
• Justin Timberlake – He tells MySpace the musicians he’s recruited as a backing band for “The 20/20 Experience” are ‘killer’. Quote: “They make me sound way better than I am.” Indeed.
• Queen – According to the new book “The Power of Positive Drinking” by UK comedian Cleo Rocos, Freddie Mercury once disguised Princess Diana as a male model and smuggled her into a gay bar in the late 1980s. Dressed in army jacket, cap, and sunglasses, the princess went undetected.

HOW TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND:
Need to make a decision but you just can’t do it? Here’s a tip, courtesy of University of Texas psychology professor Art Markman. He says the simplest way to make up your mind is to narrow your choices down to 2 options, then flip a coin. If you’re disappointed with the outcome … go with the other one. (And if you’re still disappointed, play ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ with both hands.)
– “Smart Thinking”

ALL-TIME BEST APRIL FOOLS JOKES:
Some (sorta) harmless gags that still work virtually every time …
✓ Plastic Wrap the Toilet – Stretch a piece of plastic wrap across the seat. Hijinks ensue.
✓ Spare Change – Super-glue some coins to the sidewalk or any busy pedestrian spot. Watch.
✓ Baby Powder In the Hairblower – Just a little in the nozzle. Warning: This prank is a messy!
✓ Talking Pet – Put a walky-talky near the area where your pet is lying. Speak!
✓ ‘Pull’ and ‘Push’ – Switch the signs on a set of doors. Watch people get confused.
✓ Do the Splits – Place money on the floor. When the victim bends down to pick up … rip a rag.
✓ Salty Brush – Simply put salt on the victim’s toothbrush. Standby for their surprised look.
✓ Office Phone Prank – If the victim has a phone with a hook that presses down when the handset is in the cradle, tape it down. When he/she answers a call, it will keep ringing.

SMELL THE COFFEE & WAKE UP:
Feeling a little groggy this morning? Simply pause to breathe in the rich aroma of your morning cup of coffee before taking a sip. A recent Korean study reveals that just inhaling aromatic substances in coffee beans actually alters the activity of the genes that reduce the stress and irritability that comes from feeling groggy. (It’s also much cheaper than Starbucks.)
– “Journal of Agricultural & Food Chemistry”

DATING DOGS:
According to a recent survey, men are especially attracted to women who own certain canines. The top 5 pooches that men like women to have …
5. Beagle.
4. Poodle.
3. Chihuahua.
2. Labrador Retriever.
1. Golden Retriever.
– Cosmopolitan.com

WEEKLY WASH:
A new study suggests that people who shower every day are more prone to sickness. It’s actually recommended that we shower just … once a week. Why? By over-washing we are placing our systems under great strain, researchers contend. In experiments, those who washed only once a week had a lower incidence of viral infections and also a lower rate of skin infections. However, most also reported having the distinct impression their friends were avoiding them. (Dey-stinct for sure.)
– SodaHead.com

FLIRTING INSTRUCTIONS:
A review of how women typically flirt has determined that the majority tend to use at least some of the following techniques …
✓ Wearing red lipstick.
✓ Showing off the neck area.
✓ Smiling and acting happy.
✓ Mimicking the other person’s body language.
✓ Locking eyes for several seconds, then looking away.
– “Psychology Today”

DID YOU KNOW?
• Detroit Tiger Justin Verlander’s new 7-year, $180-million deal is the richest-ever for an MLB pitcher.
• Almost half the people in France – 43% – drink mineral water with meals.
– BBC.co.uk
• At a Swedish dinner party you should never fold your napkin and put it on the table before the hostess has done so.
– “The Local”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.01.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1961 [52] Susan Boyle, Blackburn, Scotland, pop singer (“Wild Horses”, “I Dreamed A Dream”)/TV talent show contestant (“Britain’s Got Talent”)

1973 [40] Joe Francis, Laguna Beach CA, adult video producer (“Girls Gone Wild”)/ex-con/tax cheat (in 2009 the IRS seized over $100 million from his various bank accounts)

1986 [27] Hillary Scott, Nashville TN, country singer (Lady Antebellum-“Need You Now”, “I Run to You”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “April Fool’s Day”. Many say the custom of playing practical jokes on this day originated with the reform of the calendar when “New Year’s Day” was moved from April 1 to January 1. Those who clung to the old “New Year’s Day” were scoffed at as ‘fools’ and sent fake party invitations and prank gifts. That tradition began in France around 1564, where an ‘April Fool’ is called a ‘poisson d’avril’ (April fish). Other related celebrations …
– In India, the final day of the “Feast of Huli” is March 31, and is traditionally celebrated by acts of mischief.
– In Scotland, “April Fools Day” runs 48 hours. The 2nd day is called “Taily Day”, dedicated to pranks involving the buttocks. “Taily Day’s” gift to posterity is the ‘Kick Me’ sign. A Scottish fool is called an ‘April Gowk’ or ‘April Cuckoo’.

• “Easter Monday”, the occasion for several regional traditions, such as …
– Dyngus Day, a traditional Polish day of fun when guys chase after girls with squirt guns, buckets, and other water containers. The more gallant boys use cologne. Tradition has it the females get revenge on Tuesday when they throw dishes back at the boys. Ouch!
– Spraying of Women. A similar tradition in the Czech Republic, Hungary, and Slovakia has males throwing water at females and spanking them with willow whips decorated with ribbons. The spanking is light and supposed to help maintain health and beauty during the year.
– White House Easter Egg Roll, an annual event begun in 1814 by Dolly Madison, wife of president James Madison, on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington DC. The race involves kids pushing an egg through the grass with a long-handled club.

• “International Edible Book Festival” (today and/or any day through the 5th), the 13th annual event when edible books are exhibited, then tea or coffee is served … and the books are consumed. Books are made from all manner of foodstuffs – chocolate, beets, lettuce, bologna, toast, liver, etc.
NET: http://www.books2eat.com

• “One Cent Day”, celebrating the world’s most useless currency … the penny. It’s now said to cost twice as much to make one as it does to buy one. Countries that no longer use the penny (or its equivalent) include Australia, Canada, Finland, the Netherlands, New Zealand, and Sweden.

• “St Stupid’s Day”, an annual celebration on April 1st in San Francisco CA since 1980, when a wacky parade is held. The occasion’s dim-witted activities include the ‘high four’ handshake (hand up, palm towards partner, fold thumb across palm, slap high four, say “Ouch!”).
NET: http://saintstupid.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1993 [20] “The Bull Sheet” radio show prep is launched, first as a fax service, later as an email service, and eventually as a daily online update (hundreds of broadcasters worldwide have used the service since)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1991 [22] In an “April Fool’s Day” prank, Elton John surprises Rod Stewart onstage in London … dressed in drag

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2001 [12] The Netherlands becomes the 1st country to legalize same-sex marriages (a year later to the day, it becomes the first country to legalize euthanasia)

2004 [09] Google introduces its ‘gmail’ product to the public (at the time, many think it’s an April Fools joke)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] International Children’s Book Day
[Tues] Love Your Produce Manager Day
[Tues] Peanut Butter & Jelly Day
[Tues] World Autism Day
[Wed] Whole Grain Sampling Day
[Wed] Paraprofessional Appreciation Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Explore Your Career Options Week / Golden Rule Week / Laugh at Work Week / Medication Safety Week / Testicular Cancer Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS BASEBALL SLANG:
See if your crew or a contestant can come up with the meaning of the following slang terms …
✳ Bang-Bang Play … a very close play.
✳ Ducks Are on the Pond … the bases are loaded.
✳ Room Service Throw … a perfect throw to a base or home plate.
✳ Baseball Annie … a female who hangs around ball players; a groupie.
✳ Nubber … a cheap or accidental hit.
✳ Cuban Forkball … a spitball.
✳ Ball Hawk … a fielder who catches everything.
✳ Dial 8 … a home run, because you dial 8 on hotel phones for long distance.
✳ Pickle Play … a rundown between bases, as in a player caught ‘in a pickle’.
– First published in “BS” April 1, 1993.

BS PUNCH LINES:
Sometimes you don’t need the entire joke, just the punchline. Witness …
• If it had been invented anywhere else, it would’ve been called a ‘teethbrush’.
• All of a sudden, the tapeworm sticks its head out and says, “Hey, what about my lemon cookie?”
• So the guy says, “You can’t do that with a rutabaga!”
• So the woman says, “I saw your engagement ring while you were picking your nose.”
• I stopped shaving my legs so people would know I’m a natural blonde.
• Put ‘em in a big bowl and beat ‘em for 3 hours!
• Just then, the door slammed, the pig squealed, and the moon and the stars smiled at each other.
• “When I said ‘we’, officer, I was referring to myself, the 4 young ladies and, of course, the goat.”
– First published in “BS” April 1, 2003.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I got a sweater for my birthday. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Should overweight passengers pay more for air tickets?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Retail studies show that people who are born leaders are the biggest buyers of THIS.
Answer: Athletic shoes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A fool and his money are soon invited everywhere.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Matt Mabee @ K-Rock [CIJK] Kentville NS; Shirley Smith @ 1400 KADR Elkader IA; Craig Ellis @ Classic Rock [CFNR] Terrace BC; Arturo Valentino @ OneWorld Radio, St Michael, Barbados; Rick Everett @ NCI-FM [CINC] Winnipeg MB; Paul Dinger @ The Rock Station [WLER] Butler PA; and Mike Cowan @ 101.9 CFRC, Queen’s University, Kingston ON.


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