Thursday, April 10, 2014        Edition: #5199

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Just days after the Season 4 premiere broke “Game of Thrones” rating records, HBO has renewed the fantasy drama for 2 more seasons. Sunday’s “Game of Thrones” season debut brought in 6.6 million viewers, making it HBO’s most-watched program since the series finalé of “The Sopranos” in 2007. The series extension makes for an interesting predicament for author George RR Martin, on whose books the show is based. Unless he steps up his output, the show is likely to catch up with the books. The 6th volume, “The Winds of Winter”, is not expected to be published until 2015 at the earliest.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ Don’t call her ‘ScarJo’ because 29-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson really doesn’t like it, as she explains in one of the dueling magazine cover interviews she has out this month. Quote: “I associate that name with, like, pop stars. It sounds tacky. It’s lazy and flippant”, she tells “Glamour” in the May issue (out next Tuesday). And she’s not crazy about social media, either, she tells the new “Vanity Fair” (out today). We also find out she’s totally in love (with French journalist Romaine Dauriac), engaged, living in Paris, and apparently pregnant, making her famous curves even more … curvy. All the attention is due to ScarJo (oops!) promoting 2 movies: “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, and the art-house alien film “Under the Skin”.
★ Is sexy still sexy 60 years later? “Playboy” thinks so. As part of the magazine’s 60th anniversary celebration, it has reprinted copies of its inaugural issue, December 1953. This collector’s edition is an exact replica of that issue, right down to the staples that bind it and Marilyn Monroe gracing its cover. The star is also featured inside as the ‘Sweetheart Of the Month’, along with a ‘Sherlock Holmes’ story by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, a feature on ‘desk designs for the modern office’, and the usual cartoons and party jokes. The reprinted mag is available this week at retailers and online for $9.99. The original price of this inaugural issue personally assembled by a then-27-year-old Hugh Hefner … 50¢.
★ Since 1941, comic book fans have followed the exploits of teenager ‘Archie Andrews’ and his friends. But this July, they’ll find out how he dies. “Life With Archie” #36 hits stores on July 16th, and it tells the story of how ‘Archie’ sacrifices himself to save a friend. Few details are known, but it seems fitting that ‘Archie’ goes out a hero. The #37 issue a week later will end the “Life With Archie” series, which has been telling the stories of adult ‘Archie’ for the past few years. By the way, the long-time quandary of whether ‘Archie’ would end up with ‘Betty’ or ‘Veronica’ was never really resolved as a series of 2009-10 issues projected scenarios of both outcomes.
★ It was the tweet heard ‘round-the-world, that group selfie that Ellen DeGeneres had Bradley Cooper take at the Oscars (@TheEllenShow/Twitter), which also included Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep and others. The tweet has now been seen by 37 million people, according to Twitter numbers, on top of the 43 million worldwide TV viewers who watched it live. And now Maurice Levy, CEO of Publicis Groupe, the Paris-based global ad company that handles marketing for Samsung, is estimating the photo’s value at somewhere between $800 million-and-$1 billion, because of the massive sharing on social media. Obviously tech-savvy Levy says, “There is an infinite number of possibilities with interactive.”

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The finalists face elimination.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – SoMo (“SoMo”).
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Sting (“The Last Ship”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Pharrell Williams (“G I R L”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Sam Smith (“In the Lonely Hour”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Crystal Method (“The Crystal Method”).
• Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony – The 29th annual, this time at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn NY. Michael Stipe (REM) inducts Nirvana; Coldplay’s Chris Martin pays tribute to Peter Gabriel; KISS is inducted by Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine); Bruce Springsteen welcomes in his own E Street Band; and Linda Ronstadt is inducted by Glenn Frey. Hall & Oates and The Beatles’ late manager Brian Epstein are also among 9 honorees. An edited version of the ceremony will air on HBO May 31st.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Philip Bailey (“Soul on Jazz”).

• Eminem / Rihanna – Their collaborations are always hot, as evidenced by their performance of “Love the Way You Lie” at the 2011 Grammys. They’re slated to team up at Sunday’s “MTV Movie Awards” on their latest hit, “The Monster”.
• MIA – Last week she was headlining a show in NYC while Janelle Monáe was playing in LA. But the singers still managed to appear together onstage. A hologram of Monáe joined MIA to deliver a verse on “Bad Girls”, while a virtual MIA joined Monáe to rap on “Queen”.
• Pitbull – He’s released his World Cup song, “We Are One (Olé, Ola)”. The official song, which teams Pitbull with Jennifer Lopez and Brazilian singer Claudia Leitte, is out in advance of the “FIFA 2014 World Cup Brazil” album (to be released May 12th).
• TI – He has a new gig as executive producer of the upcoming Oxygen channel show “Sisterhood of Hip Hop”. The series follows the next generation of female hip-hop artists as they work toward their dream of becoming the next big star.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Associate” – Zac Efron is set to replace ‘retired’ actor Shia LaBeouf in this bigscreen adaptation of the John Grisham novel. LaBeouf was originally attached to star in the film when it was first planned in 2009, shortly after the book was released, but has since dropped out. Efron will play a Yale Law School student who finds himself the target of blackmail.
• “The Current War” – Ben Stiller has entered negotiations with The Weinstein Co to direct a fact-based drama about inventors Thomas Edison’s and George Westinghouse’s fierce competition to market the electric light bulb in the late 19th century. The project is still in development, so there’s no projected shooting schedule or release date as yet.
• “Karate Kid 2” – Filmmaker Breck Eisnery (“Sahara”) is set to direct this upcoming sequel to the 2010 film “The Karate Kid”, which starred Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan. The two actors will reprise their roles as ‘Dre Parker’ and ‘Mr Han’. The new series of films serve as a reboot of the original franchise starring Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita (1984, 1989).
• “The Pink Panther” – A reboot of this well-worn premise is coming back to the bigscreen, directed by David Silverman (“The Simpsons”). The new project will not feature the bumbling Inspector ‘Jacques Clouseau’ from the previous films, but rather the colorful cool cat who appeared on TV and in the opening credits of the classic 1960s and 1970s movies.

One of the most striking trends when analyzing current baby names is the rise in popularity of boys’ names ending with the letter ‘n’ over the past few decades. Other letters of the alphabet have had their day. A trend toward names ending in ‘d’ (David, Donald, etc), for instance, started to tail out in the mid-1930s. It was in the mid-70s that ‘n’ began its surge as a name-ender, and since 2011 as many as 4-of-the-top-10 boys’ names have ended in ‘n’. In the top 10 favorite baby names for boys so far in 2014 … Aidan, Bryson, Braxton, Caden. (What are some ‘dead’ names that never get picked anymore? Bruce, Bud, Douglas, Frank, Gerald, Henry, Walter … it’s a list of all your dad’s schoolmates!)

✓ Fastest Bird – Also the fastest animal in the world bar none, the Peregrine Falcon, can exceed speeds of 200 mph (322 km/hr).
✓ Fastest Helicopter – In July 2010, the Sikorsky X2 broke the record with a speed of 258 mph (415 km/hr) over West Palm Beach FL.
✓ Fastest Boat – The officially recognized fastest speed achieved by any water-borne vehicle in the world currently belongs to ‘Spirit of Australia’, clocked at 318 mph (512 km/hr).
✓ Fastest Racket Sport – In badminton, the shuttlecock (birdie) can easily travel at speeds of over 200 mph (322 km/hr).
✓ Fastest Eater – Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut is officially recognized by International Federation of Competitive Eating as ‘World Champion’, after consuming 66 hotdogs in 12 minutes.
✓ Fastest Guitar Player – John Taylor set the current world record by perfectly playing Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Flight Of the Bumblebee” at 600 beats-per-minute.
✓ Fastest Rapper – No Clue holds the title of ‘fastest rap MC’ in “Guinness Book of World Records” with 723 syllables in 51.27 seconds, about 14.1 syllables per second.

This company will send you a giant dick! If there’s someone in your life who is, for lack of a better term, a total dick, you’ve probably struggled deciding how to confront them. You could talk to them in person. You could write a sharply worded email outlining your grievances against them. Or you could send them a package that lets them know, in no uncertain terms, exactly how you feel. And by package, we literally mean ‘package’. Enter, which is exactly what it sounds like … a website that allows you to ship a 2-and-a-half-foot cardboard penis to anyone in the world for $9.99. For 5 bucks more you can add a customized message, ie: “You’re a dick”. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the company often ships to NYC’s Financial District. (We’d rather they picked up the dick in the next cubicle and shipped HIM to Antarctica.)
– “The Kernel”

• Most ‘Muppets’ are left-handed. That’s because most muppeteers are right-handed, so they operate the head with their favored hand.
• The first Hollywood film to show a toilet being flushed on screen was Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho” in 1960.
• There’s an opera house on the US/Canada border where the stage is in one country and half the audience is in another.
– Sourced from


1969 [45] Mike Mushok, Manhasset NY, rock guitarist (Staind-“Believe”, “Right Here”)

1980 [34] Bryce Soderberg, Victoria BC, rock bassist (Lifehouse-“Broken”, “Hanging By a Moment”)

1983 [31] Andrew Dost, Cass City MI, indie bassist/keyboardist (fun.-“Some Nights”, “We Are Young”)

1984 [30] Mandy Moore, Nashua NH, movie actress (“A Walk to Remember”)/pop singer (“Candy”)/wed to singer-songwriter Ryan Adams since 2009

1985 [29] Barkhad Abdi, Mogadishu, Somalia, movie actor (2014 Oscar-“Captain Phillips”)

1985 [29] Dion Phaneuf, Edmonton AB, NHL hockey defenceman (Toronto Maple Leafs)

1987 [26] Shay Mitchell, Mississauga ON, TV actress (‘Emily Fields’ on “Pretty Little Liars” since 2010)

1990 [24] Alex Pettyfer, Stevenage UK, movie actor (“The Butler”, “Magic Mike”)

• “Encourage a Young Writer Day”, because it’s an investment in our future. Some of the most famous authors began writing as children.

• “Golfers Day”, honoring everyone who walks a mile chasing the little white ball, on the 98th anniversary of the 1916 founding of the Professional Golfers’ Association (PGA).
– You steadfastly refuse to use the big end of the club like everybody else.
– Tiger’s sponsored by Nike. You’re sponsored by Payless.
– You’re still annoyed at how all your golf stick thingies have different size metal end thingies.
– A garden hoe and a trip to the nursery are required to replace your divots.
– 2 weeks-worth of practice at your local course and that damn windmill is still beating you.

• “Siblings Day”, celebrating brothers and sisters who are living, those who aren’t … and perhaps those who shouldn’t be.

• “SPCA Day”, honoring the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, the organization that looks out for our furry little friends. It was chartered on this day in 1866.

2009 [05] “Hannah Montana: The Movie” opens in theaters, starring Miley Cyrus (the last G-Rated thing she ever does)

1970 [44] Paul McCartney announces the breakup of The Beatles

1999 [15] The all-star tribute concert “Here There & Everywhere: A Concert For Linda” is held at London’s Royal Albert Hall, where Paul McCartney and a slew of recording artists raise money for animal charities while remembering Paul’s late wife Linda

2007 [07] Johnny Cash’s last residence, a 14,000-sq-ft house in Hendersonville TN, burns to the ground after being purchased after his death by Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees

1953 [61] 1st color 3-D movie premieres, the horror film “The House of Wax”, starring Vincent Price

1999 [15] Miami Heat humiliate Chicago Bulls 82-49, holding the Bulls to the NBA’s lowest point total since the introduction of the shot clock

2005 [09] Golfer Tiger Woods becomes the 1st to win 4 Masters titles under age 30, by sinking a 15-foot birdie putt on the 1st hole of a sudden-death playoff vs Chris DiMarco

[Fri] “Draft Day”; “Oculus”; “Rio 2” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Coachella Festival begins (Indio CA)
[Fri] World Parkinson’s Disease Day
[Sat] Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day
[Sat] Walk on Your Wild Side Day
[Sun] “MTV Movie Awards” (MTV)
[Sun] “Mad Men” season debut (AMC)
This Week Is … Guitar Week
This Month Is … Multicultural Communication Month


• Does Kathy Cole know about changing toner?
• Does Sharon Mallon know about forwarding bogus virus warnings?
• Does Dave Collins know about displacing blame onto colleagues?
• Does Greg Smith know about mentioning marathon times?
• Does Ron Hunter know about skimming?
• Does Tara Holley know that vodka is not completely odorless after being metabolized?
• Does Guy McDonald know far too much about Galt’s Gulch?
• Does Paula Nantz know her supervisor’s lab results carry grave implications for both of them?
• Does Andy Wilson know about the tracking device his wife installed on his car?
• Does Moya Farrell know her friend is secretly sabotaging her when recommending certain outfits?
• Does Trevor Doyle know his purchase of status items will eventually be his sole source of pleasure?
• Does Hilary Welch know her perfect fiancé will have her crying herself to sleep in 3 years?
• Does Bill Malcolm know that bugs aren’t really crawling on him?
• Does Polly Gillespie know that despite her employee award she is ultimately alone in a pitiless universe?
– Thanks to Jim Stallard.

☎ What stupid rules does your condo corporation or local homeowners association impose on you? No shrubs over 3 feet/1 meter? No purple garage doors?

As you know, Easter is a ‘moveable feast’. How do you calculate when it will be celebrated?
a. It’s the 1st Sunday following the 1st Full Moon of Spring. [CORRECT]
b. Count 89 days past Christmas, divide by 2 and add 14.
c. It’s the closest Sunday to 21 days after the Vernal Equinox.
– “Fascinating Facts”

A true friend will always be by your side, doing the same stupid things till the very end.

Question: The average woman does THIS about 3 times a week, and each time it takes about 22 minutes.
Answer: Calls her mom. (“Women’s Health”)

A university degree is only a ticket to an interview.

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