Friday, April 10, 2015        Edition: #5427

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ ‘James Bond’ should be dead. He may have survived 23 films but a new report by a panel of medical professionals concludes he would have died after just 7 minutes of “Skyfall”. At that point he’s shot with a uranium shell normally used to destroy tanks. That alone would have – quote – “turned his lungs inside out and killed him”. Later in the film, he digs a bullet from his shoulder, which the medics say would run the risk of blood loss, lost consciousness, nerve & muscle damage, and serious infection. Daniel Craig is currently shooting “Spectre”, the 24th ‘Bond’ film, and it seems he’s running into a few real-life difficulties. He underwent a ‘minor procedure’ during the Easter production break, apparently for a sprained knee. (The key to filmmaking is called ‘suspension of disbelief’. Lose that and you lose the audience.)
★ This week Kim Kardashian & Kanye West were mobbed by fans as they touched down in Armenia. The couple, their daughter North, and Kim’s sister Khloe were treated like royalty as they dashed through crowds of fans upon landing in the Kardashians’ ancestral homeland. TV news networks interrupted shows to broadcast the family’s arrival in the capital Yerevan live. Kim and company are in the country to pay tribute to the Armenian genocide. The nation will mark the 100th anniversary of the tragedy on April 24th. Footage from the visit will appear in an upcoming episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”. (Thereby cheapening what is meant to be a solemn observance.)
★ And producer Neal Moritz has suggested that “Furious 7” could be the last film in the franchise. The record-setting blockbuster opened in theaters worldwide last weekend. There’s a lot of uncertainty at the moment, with no director or writer lined up for the upcoming 8th film. There are also doubts over casting, with many key players not yet signed for any future films. That means fresh negotiations will be required, while Dwayne Johnson signs on a film-by-film basis. What will it take to pull it all together? According to Moritz: “The story is going to have to be something enticing for all of us. It has to be as good as or better than ‘Furious 7’.” (The $490 million earned on “7” so far guarantees they’re gonna work things out.)
– “Hollywood Reporter”

• Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival (Indio CA) – Today the 16th annual begins with the 1st of 2 consecutive 3-day weekends. Headliners are AC/DC, Drake, and Jack White. Other acts in the lineup: Alabama Shakes, David Guetta, Florence & The Machine, Hozier, Interpol, St Vincent, Steely Dan, and The Weeknd. The identical lineup plays again next weekend. Some camping & pass combinations cost as much as $5,200.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Miyavi (“Miyavi”). Rerun.
• “Game of Thrones” (HBO) – Sunday the Season 5 debut of the epic fantasy series based on George RR Martin’s “A Song of Ice & Fire” novels.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight For King & Country (“Run Wild. Live Free. Love Strong.”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight James Williamson (“The Re-Licked Project”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/Omni 1) – Tonight Olly Murs (“Never Been Better”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight Børns (“Candy”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Tonight Alabama Shakes (“Sound & Color”). Rerun.
• “MTV Movie Awards” (MTV) – Sunday the annual film awards take place at LA’s Nokia Theatre, hosted by Amy Schumer. Odd categories include: ‘Best Kiss’; ‘Best Hero’; ‘Best Shirtless Performance’; ‘Best Scared as S— Performance’; and ‘Best WTF Moment’. Shailene Woodley receives the ‘Trailblazer Award’. Fall Out Boy performs. Jessie J hosts the pre-show.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Taraji P Henson (“Empire”); musical guest Mumford & Sons (“Wilder Mind”, out May 4th).
• “Silicon Valley” (HBO) – Sunday the 2nd season debut.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight R&B veteran Bill Withers (“Lean On Me”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Dan White (“Hideaway”).
• “Veep” (HBO) – Sunday the 4th season premiere.

• Barry Manilow – His rep is refusing comment on a report saying the 71-year-old wed his longtime manager Garry Kief last year. A source tells “People” they exchanged vows in a surprise ceremony at Manilow’s Palm Springs CA home. He’s never talked about his sexuality.
• Bob Dylan – Tonight the next chapter of his seemingly endless tour kicks off a new leg in Atlantic City NJ that runs through May 7th in San Antonio TX. The trek supports his recent album of covers, “Shadows In the Night”.
• Darius Rucker – He leads the new ‘Billboard Top Country Albums’ chart with “Southern Style” for the week ending April 18th.
• Eminem – Producer Brian Grazer wants him to make a guest appearance on the hit TV show “Empire” (FOX) and says he’s willing to beg. The two worked together on the 2002 movie “8 Mile”.
• Mariah Carey – reports that New Line Cinema has purchased an as-yet-untitled pitch for a Carey Christmas movie. She will reportedly play a major role in the film, which would include a soundtrack featuring contributions from Carey and a number of other artists.
• Meghan Trainor – She’s launched a new beachwear collection as part of her venture with fashion website Quote: “I used to wear tankinis, but I want something that really fits you nice … and shows everything.”
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger tells “Rolling Stone” magazine it would be “very nice” to record another album with the band. Quote: “I’ve got a lot of new songs … which I would love to record. So, let’s hope so.”
• Wale – His seemingly “Seinfeld”-inspired “Album About Nothing” has debuted at #1 on the new ‘Billboard 200’ all-genre chart.

• “Ex Machina” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi ): A young programmer is selected to participate in a breakthrough experiment in artificial intelligence by evaluating the human qualities of a breathtaking female ‘A-I’ (Alicia Vikander). Co-stars Domhnall Gleeson, Oscar Isaac, Sonoya Mizuno. Critics say this is an early contender for one of the best movies of the year.
• “Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck” ( NR Musical Bio ): Beginning today in the UK and elsewhere, the story of the late Nirvana frontman gets a limited theatrical release rolling out in 72 countries around-the-world. Directed by Brett Morgen, with appearances by Courtney Love, Dave Grohl, and Krist Novoselic. The doc debuts on HBO May 4th.
• “The Longest Ride” ( PG-13 Romantic Drama ): The latest Nicholas Sparks adaption centers on a young couple whose lives intertwine with a much older man as he reflects back on a lost love while he’s trapped in an automobile crash. Stars Scott Eastwood, Britt Robertson, Alan Alda, Jack Huston.
• Also opening in limited release: “Clouds of Sils Maria” (Drama); “Desert Dancer” (Dance Bio); “Kill Me Three Times” (Action Thriller); and “Lost River” (Fantasy Thriller).

▪ “I tried to call, but I couldn’t find my phone, and then I thought is was too late and I didn’t want to wake you.”
▪ “I’d love to go shoe shopping with you.”
▪ “Yes, I noticed your new haircut, and yes, it looks wonderful.”
▪ “I’ll be home in half-an-hour.”
▪ “I’m listening.”
▪ “One more beer and then we can leave.”
▪ “I would never tell my girlfriends your secrets.”
▪ “My mother and I have a really good, healthy relationship.”
▪ “I would never go through your personal stuff.”
▪ “Those models look ill. I would never want to be that thin.”
▪ “Yes, of course I read all the directions!”
▪ “I’ll be ready in 10 minutes.”
– Excerpted from “Cosmopolitan”

Some men reach for the ‘little blue pill’ to deal with erectile dysfunction. However, Viagra only intensifies and prolongs erection; it cannot trigger it. Researchers at ETH Zurich in Basel, Switzerland have developed a new solution. A ‘gene construct’ that reacts to blue light is used in an injection. As soon as it is exposed to the light, a reaction occurs that increases blood flow to erectile tissue. Thanks to the new injection, stimulation occurs not from sexual arousal but from exposure to blue light. In tests with lab rats, the blue light acted like a switch that turns arousal on and off. (“No honey, let’s leave the lights on … off … on … off”)

A BS look at where some common sayings come from …
✓ “Cool” – Originally slang for ‘fashionable’ in jazz circles, tenor saxophonist Lester Young (1909-59) is said to have first popularized it in the 1930s.
✓ “Cut to the chase” – Most films in the 1920s set up romantic storylines before getting to the exciting end … the chase sequence. That’s what many moviegoers considered the good part.
✓ “Dope” – ‘Doop’ is Dutch for “sauce” but by the early 1800s, any thick or viscous liquid was being called dope. Eventually that included the brown gunk that is opium.
✓ “Gay” – No one’s entirely sure where the gay/homosexual link came in but it’s dated to 1922. The teenage twisting of gay to mean something stupid or lame didn’t come about till the 1970s.
✓ “Geek” – First showed up in northern Britain in 1876 to refer to a fool. Americans tweaked the meaning and by 1957 it meant “an unsociable and over-diligent student”.
✓ “Haywire” – As the wire used to bind bales of hay together was springy and somewhat uncontrollable, it came to symbolize something or someone going out of control.
✓ “Jumping on the bandwagon” – Dates back to circus impresario PT Barnum (1810-91), the bandwagon being the vehicle that carried the circus troupe into town.
✓ “Nitty gritty” – Referring to the basics of something, nitty-gritty may have originally referred to ‘nits’ (a parasitic insect’s egg) and ‘grits’ (finely ground corn) as tiny, fine things.
– Adapted from

• As they age, women’s memories stay sharper than men’s. (As any husband will confirm.)
• Women outnumber men 10-to-1 in the nursing profession, but men are generally better paid. (However, they’re often labeled with the mildly offensive term ‘Male Nurse’.)
• An average woman eats about 2-to-3 kgs (4-7 lbs) of lipstick in her lifetime. (How come no one has come up with ‘Lo-Cal’? And OMG … is it gluten-free?)


1969 [46] Mike Mushok, Manhasset NY, rock guitarist (Staind-“Believe”, “Right Here”)

1980 [35] Bryce Soderberg, Victoria BC, rock bassist (Lifehouse-“Broken”, “Hanging By a Moment”)

1983 [32] Andrew Dost, Cass City MI, indie bassist-keyboardist (fun.-“Some Nights”, “We Are Young”)

1984 [31] Mandy Moore, Nashua NH, movie actress (“A Walk to Remember”)/pop singer (“Candy”)

1987 [28] Shay Mitchell, Mississauga ON, TV actress (‘Emily Fields’ on “Pretty Little Liars” since

1990 [25] Alex Pettyfer, Stevenage UK, movie actor (“The Butler”, “Magic Mike”)

Rock drummer Chris Gaylor (All-American Rejects)is 36; Singer/actress Joss Stone (“Fell In Love With a Boy”) is 28.

TV actor Ed O’Neill (“Modern Family”) is 69; TV host David Letterman (“Late Night”) is 68; Movie actor Andy Garcia (“Rio 2”) is 59; Country singer Vince Gill (“When Love Finds You”) is 58; TV personality Ron MacLean (“Hockey Night in Canada”) is 55; Pop-rock bassist Guy Berryman (Coldplay) is 37; TV actress Claire Danes (“Homeland”) is 36; Rock singer-guitarist Brendon Urie (Panic At the Disco) is 28; Actor Matt McGorry (“How to Get Away With Murder”) is 29; Fashion model Brooklyn Decker (“Sports Illustrated”) is 28.

• “APC National Pie Championships”, today & tomorrow in Orlando FL. Amateur pie-makers, professional bakers, and commercial pie companies from both the US & Canada have been competing at the event since 1995.
• “Encourage a Young Writer Day”, because it’s an investment in our future. Some of the most famous authors began writing as children.
• “Golfers Day”, honoring everyone who walks a mile chasing the little white ball, on the 99th anniversary of the 1916 founding of the Professional Golfers’ Association (PGA).
• “Siblings Day”, celebrating brothers and sisters who are living, those who aren’t … and perhaps those who shouldn’t be.
• “SPCA Day”, honoring the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, the organization that looks out for our furry little friends. It was chartered on this day in 1866.

• “Baby Massage Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Saturday in April to salute the growing practice that is said to soothe, relax, and stimulate babies.
• “Barbershop Quartet Day”, saluting the 1938 founding the Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barbershop Quartet Singing in America. (The membership cards are huge!)
• “International Table Top Day”, the 3rd annual encouraging participation in board games Which is the best? We say “The Settlers of Catan”.
• “Pet Day 2015”, sponsored by the Animal Miracle Network as a reason to ‘paws’ and consider the plight of the many animals in shelters awaiting a home.
• “Slow Art Day”, an annual global all-volunteer event designed to enable more people to appreciate art. Why ‘slow’? When we look slowly at an artwork we make discoveries, without need of any ‘expertise’.
• “World Parkinson’s Disease Day”, to boost awareness of the disorder and to spur new research and treatment innovations. The red tulip is the official flower of “World PD Day”.

• “Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day”. Almost anyone can make one, but almost everyone does it a bit differently. What’s your secret trick?
• “International Day for Street Children”, the 5th annual designed to give millions of street kids worldwide – and their champions – the chance to speak out so their rights cannot be ignored.
• “Licorice Day”. The best kind?  We say ‘zout’ (salt) from The Netherlands. A recent UK study says licorice is good for dental health. (It’s the anise that does it.)
• “Walk on Your Wild Side Day”, a day to do something unpredictable, ie: Going to work dressed like a gorilla, getting a Master’s degree, anything ‘they’ said you’d never do.

2009 [06] “Hannah Montana: The Movie” opens in theaters, starring Miley Cyrus (the last G-Rated thing she ever does)

1970 [45] Paul McCartney announces the breakup of The Beatles

2007 [08] Johnny Cash’s last residence, a 14,000-sq-ft house in Hendersonville TN, burns to the ground after being purchased after his death by Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees

2007 [08] Pink Floyd’s original members gather for the first time since 1980 to perform a concert at Barbican Centre in London, a tribute to recently deceased ex-frontman Syd Barrett

1953 [62] 1st color 3-D movie premieres, the horror film “The House of Wax”, starring Vincent Price

2001 [14] Michigan engineer Kevin Olmstead wins $2.18 million on ABC-TV’s “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”, then largest quiz show prize of all-time

2005 [10] Golfer Tiger Woods becomes the 1st to win 4 Masters titles under age 30, by sinking a 15-foot birdie putt on the 1st hole of a sudden-death playoff vs Chris DiMarco

[Mon] Scrabble Day
[Mon] International Plant Appreciation Day
[Mon] Look Up At the Sky Day
[Tues] Equal Pay Day
[Tues] Dolphin Day
[Tues] Library Workers Day
This Week Is … Guitar Week
This Month Is … Multicultural Communication Month


• “When you say ‘about average’, exactly how many other men are you comparing me to?”
• “Why is this chair wet?”
• “What’s inside this letter from the government?”
• “If that’s not chocolate, then what is it?”
• “What’s keeping that beltless vagrant’s pants up?”
• “Honey, why are you so sick each morning?”
• “No sir, I don’t have life insurance. Why do you ask?”
• “How contagious are you?”

☎ Who does your family dog love most?

What was Chandler’s last name on TV sitcom “Friends”, which is also a variety of cherries?
a. Black
b. Bing [CORRECT]
c. Sour

Vitamins are good for what ails you. Viagra is good for what fails you.

Question: On average, it takes us a total of 4½ hours to do THIS.
Answer: Plan a vacation.

Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.

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