Tuesday, April 12, 2011        Edition: #4482
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today “Judge Judy” returns to work in an LA TV studio to shoot new cases after suffering a bout of illness involving ‘intestinal discomfort’ a couple weeks back (stay away from the clams, your honor!) . . . Actor Dennis Quaid (“Soul Surfer”) has just moved to a new home in Austin TX with wife Kimberly and their twins, meaning their fabulous LA-area estate is now on the market – for $16.9 million (while it’s empty, his squatter brother Randy will likely move in) . . . Paris Hilton is suing the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, claiming it failed to pay her $100,000-per-appearance fee for 2 of her 3 dates there in 2009 (100 grand to party – nice gig!) . . . Pia Toscano may have shocked fans when she was booted off “American Idol”, but the good news is she’s close to signing a recording deal with Interscope and reportedly dating” Dancing With the Stars” pro Mark Ballas (maybe there’s hope for some sort of combo reality spin-off?) . . . Actress Reese Witherspoon is taking a break from promoting her new film “Water for Elephants” (out April 22nd) to enjoy a quick honeymoon in Belize with new hubby Jim Toth (hope you brought bug spray!) . . . And everyone’s favorite 89-year-old actress, Betty White, has unloaded on Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, telling UK’s “Daily Mail” that ‘they party too much, don’t learn their lines, are unprofessional, and they grumble about everything’ (whew, you go girl!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Jennifer Hudson (“I Remember Me”) performs; another couple is eliminated.
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Josh Groban (“Illuminations”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Victoria BC-based singer/songwriter Hannah Georgas (“This Is Good”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Jenny & Johnny (“I’m Having Fun Now”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Matt & Kim (“Sidewalks”); Screaming Females (“Castle Talk”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Wynonna Judd (“Love Heals”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Kenny Rogers (“The Love of God”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Foo Fighters (today their 7th studio album “Wasting Light” is out, famously recorded in Dave Grohl’s garage in California’s San Fernando Valley, using only analogue equipment).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Bret Michaels (“Custom Built”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – The Grascals (“Dance Til Your Stockings Are Hot and Ravelin’”); Naomi & Wynonna Judd (“I Will Stand by You: The Essential Collection”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Sara Evans (“Stronger”).
• “The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide” – Author Stephenie Meyer’s companion book to the popular vampire series is published today. It includes fleshed-out character bios,  genealogical charts, and nearly 100 illustrations & photos.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alison Krauss & Union Station – Today they release “Paper Airplane”, their first studio album together since 2004’s triple-Grammy-winning “Lonely Runs Both Ways” .
• Gloria Estefan – She’s recording a new album with none other than super producer Pharrell Williams.
• James Taylor – Tonight he hosts a gala celebrating the 120th anniversary of NYC’s Carnegie Hall. Guests include Bette Midler, Steve Martin, Sting and others.
• kd lang – Today she releases “Sing It Loud”, her first studio album since 2008’s “Watershed”.
• Madonna – Brit composer Andrew Lloyd Webber wants her to star in a bigscreen adaptation of “Sunset Boulevard”, the classic 1950 film noir he turned into a musical in the 1990s. He admits he’s yet to convince the 52-year-old to play the role of aging movie star ‘Norma Desmond’.
• Thompson Square – Keifer & Shawna Thompson have been in Nashville TN for years, waiting tables and bartending in order to support themselves while they waited for a break.
• 3 Doors Down – Today their 5th studio album, “Time Of My Life”, is released.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Country Strong” ( PG-13 Drama ): Garrett Hedlund (“TRON: Legacy”) plays a rising country-music songwriter who collaborates with a fallen star (Gwyneth Paltrow) to plan her comeback. Co-stars Tim McGraw, Leighton Meester (“Gossip Girl”). Shot in Nashville TN.
• “Plastic Planet” ( NR Documentary ): German director Werner Boote traveled to 14 countries to ask manufacturers, scientists, government officials, and consumers why we make so much plastic and then dispose of it.
• Also released today: “Car 54, Where Are You?: The 1st Season” (Vintage TV); “Dallas: The Movie Collection” (Vintage TV); “Go, Diego, Go!: Diego Saves the World” (Animation); “Max & Ruby: Rainy Day Play” (Animation); “The Third Reich” (Documentary); “Tracy & Hepburn: The Definitive Collection” (Compilation); and “Whitney Cummings: Money Shot” (Comedy). (The week’s biggest DVD release, “Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows – Part 1”, is out this Friday.)

‘CELL’ PHONE CENTER:
The next time you reach an offshore call center on your customer service call, it may be someone talking to you from jail! A high-security prison near Hyderabad, India is launching an innovative project that it hopes will turn convicts into ‘outsourcing providers’ for international clients. The program is still in early stages, with prisoners being trained in basic data entry skills. (Talk about being chained to your desk!)
– “The Guardian”

WEAR WOOLLIES & GO WILD:
According to results of a brain-scan study at a university in the Netherlands, women who wear socks during monkey business achieve the ‘Big O’ more often. That’s right, women wearing socks ‘got there’ 80% of the time vs barefoot ladies who only managed to ‘achieve’ 50% of the time. Scientists say that’s because when a woman feels physically warm, the area of the brain that processes anxiety starts to relax, and that feeling is crucial. (No Copper Sole Thermal Socks, please!)
– “Marie Claire Magazine”

RICHEST DROPOUTS:
For these multi-billionaires, dropping out of university did little to damage their wealth generation abilities …
5. Casino tycoon Sheldon Adelson, briefly attended City College of New York ($23.3 billion).
4. Reliance Industries head Mukesh Ambani, dropped out of Stanford University ($27 billion).
3. Brazilian magnate Eike Batista, quit Germany’s Aachen University ($30 billion).
2. Oracle founder Larry Ellison, dropped out of the University of Chicago ($39.5 billion).
1. Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates, never finished Harvard pre-law ($56 billion).
– Forbes.com

CONSUMER THERAPY:
According to new research, shopping prolongs life … at least for those over-65 in Taiwan. Even after adjusting for factors like physical and mental infirmity, the researchers say that both men & women who shop daily seem to live longer than those who shun ‘retail therapy’. Why? The scientists suggest that shopping involves physical activity, social interaction, and keeping mentally active. (But what about the stress of owning a bunch of crap you can’t afford?)
– BBC News

FELINE FIX:
Love cats but have cat allergy? Well, hang in there, scientists are closing in on a cat allergy vaccine that will let you have your cat fix without any sniffles. It’s a mix of 7 synthetic ‘peptides’, which fit into immune cells like a key in a lock, an action that stops the sniffling, sneezing, and   inflammatory response in its tracks. An early clinical trial on 88 patients resulted in no serious side effects, researchers report. A single injection successfully reduced the skin’s inflammatory reaction to cat allergens by 40%. (Great, but it’s the litter box that gives us hives.)
– LiveScience.com

FOR THE RECORD:
Saudi Arabia’s proposed ‘Kingdom Tower’ will rise to 5,280 ft (1609 m) … a full mile. If completed, this super-skyscraper in Jeddah will cost $30 billion to build and will contain apartments, hotel rooms, and offices in its 12 million cu ft of space. Currently, the tallest building in the world is the Burj Khalifa in Dubai UAE, which is 2,700 ft tall (823 m).
– TheDaily.com

DID YOU KNOW?
75 million users spend 200 million minutes every day playing the game app “Angry Birds”. That’s a total of 16 years of avian revenge taking place every hour.
– AskMen.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.12.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [64] David Letterman, Indianapolis IN, TV host (“Late Show with David Letterman” since 1993, “Late Night with David Letterman” 1982-93)/TV producer (Worldwide Pants)

1956 [55] Andy Garcia (Andrés Arturo García Menéndez), Havana, Cuba, movie actor (“Ocean’s Eleven” movies, “The Untouchables”)

1957 [54] Vince Gill, Norman OK, country singer (Grammy Awards-“When Love Finds You”, “I Still Believe in You”, “When I Call Your Name”)/married to singer Amy Grant since 2000

1978 [33] Guy Berryman, Kirkcaldy, Scotland, rock bassist (Coldplay-“Viva La Vida”, “Clocks”)

1979 [32] Claire Danes, NYC, movie actress (“The Family Stone”, “The Hours”)

1987 [24] Brendon Urie, Las Vegas NV, rock singer/musician (Panic At the Disco-“Nine In the Afternoon”, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”)

1987 [24] Brooklyn Decker, Kettering OH, 5 ft-9 in fashion model (“Sports Illustrated” ‘2010 Swimsuit Issue’ cover model, Victoria’s Secret)/”Esquire” magazine’s ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ (2010)/wed to tennis player Andy Roddick since 2009

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Be Kind to Lawyers Day”, because they get a lot of grief … just for being lawyers.  Jokes are made about them and they consistently rank as one of the least respected professions on the planet. Is it too much to ask to be nice to lawyers for just one day? Well …
NET: http://www.bekindtolawyers.com

• “Licorice Day”. The best kind?  We say ‘zout’ (salt) from The Netherlands. A recent UK study says licorice is good for dental health. (If you like black teeth, presumably.)
NET: http://www.licoriceinternational.com

• “Look Up At the Sky Day”, because cloudscapes are the greatest free show on Earth! (Except for this show, of course.)
NET: http://www.cloudappreciationsociety.org

• “Teach Children to Save Day”, when some 12,000 bankers visit school classrooms to teach children the importance of saving. (At their bank.)

• “Teens Against Zits Day”. Wouldn’t that mean logically that someone, somewhere is actually FOR them?

• “Walk on Your Wild Side Day, a day to do something unpredictable. Go to work dressed like a gorilla, get a Master’s degree, something ‘they’ said you’d never do.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [16] On “Late Night” (CBS), actress Drew Barrymore jumps on David Letterman’s desk, does a bump & grind, then opens her blouse and flashes him

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1967 [44] “O Canada” officially becomes the Canadian national anthem (bet you don’t know all the words)

1972 [39] “Fan Fair” debuts in Nashville TN but almost no country fans show up to see Loretta Lynn, Porter Wagoner, Roy Acuff, Minnie Pearl, Ernest Tubb, and Bill Monroe (now called “CMA Music Festival”)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1980 [31] Terry Fox begins “Marathon of Hope” in St John’s NL (forced to stop at Thunder Bay ON due to health)

1985 [26] US Senator Jake Garn becomes 1st ‘Politician in Space’ (couldn’t we send them all?)

1988 [23] Harvard University receives the 1st patent for an animal life form, a genetically engineered mouse

1994 [17] 1st ‘Email Spam’ as Arizona law firm Canter & Siegel floods Internet addresses with their ad (and this is “Be Kind to Lawyers Day”?)

2001 [10] Toronto Blue Jays postpone game vs Kansas City Royals because … the sky is falling (large pieces of metal siding and insulation fall onto the field as the Skydome roof is being opened)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1934 [77] New Hampshire’s Mount Washington Observatory records the ‘Highest Surface Wind’ ever measured … 231 mph!

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Scrabble Day
[Thurs] International Plant Appreciation Day.
[Thurs] Environmental Protection Day
[Thurs] International Moment of Laughter Day
[Thurs] Pan American Day
This Week Is … Environmental Week
This Month Is … Couple Appreciation Month

BULL’S BITS

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – If it’s tasty, then lap it up. If not, don’t. This is the best course of action for this week.
• Taurus – Your ingenious breakfast innovation of ‘steamed toast’ will be a flop … literally.
• Gemini – People say you make your own luck, but carrying around a sign that says ‘I’m Needy and Helpless’ is probably not what they had in mind.
• Cancer – Soon you will gain experience with the miracle of birth. It will be somehow associated with the miracle of elevators … and probably also to the miracle of screaming.
• Leo – If you lose money today you can be assured that the nature of human kindness will mean … you’ll never, ever see it again.
• Virgo – A good time to develop multiple personalities! That way you won’t be laughing AT you, you’ll be laughing WITH you.
• Libra – Be warned! Some La-Z-Boy recliners can become dangerous if soaked in lime juice.
• Scorpio – Your emphasis on higher learning may give you cause to grieve today as you are unable to stop local flooding using trigonometry alone.
• Sagittarius – Romance is in the air today, just over the north of France. If you don’t happen to be near there, chances are you’re going to strike out again all this week.
• Capricorn – The randomness of the universe may affect you today as you search for meaning in a cornflake that looks like your nose.
• Aquarius – Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. So is crunching down on a paracetamol.
• Pisces – Your life may seem boring compared to others, however, you DO have a nice lawnmower.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Joe Biggins of the Inflatable Crowd Company has supplied blow-up plastic people to some of Hollywood’s biggest hits. Check out his extras that are full of hot air …
NET: http://www.inflatablecrowd.com/Main/Home.html

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Gardening is now the favorite activity of 6% of people. If I could only grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Doing THIS at least once a day makes you a happier person.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Giving a compliment.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Do it today! Tomorrow it will be bad for your health or illegal.