Friday, April 12, 2013        Edition: #4962

Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

✳ You know you’ve absolutely made it when you get to walk down your very own red carpet, accompanied by your very own security guard, who’s carrying a portable heater aimed your way to keep you warm, as Tom Cruise did at the “Oblivion” premiere in Dublin, Ireland this week. (The sci-fi adventure debuts April 19th in North America after already opening in much of Europe and Asia.)
✳ Quentin Tarantino’s “Django Unchained” has been pulled from Chinese cinemas on its first day of release. The director toned down the film’s violence to meet the country’s strict censure rules but all screenings of the movie, which opened Thursday, have now been cancelled due to ‘technical reasons’. (It’s actually his first film to get onto Chinese screens at all. “Pulp Fiction” and “Inglourious Basterds” were banned in advance due to their gory content.)
✳ Director Julie Taymor, who was unceremoniously fired from the Broadway production “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” in March 2011, has finally reached a settlement with the show’s producers. She was seeking unpaid royalties and damages of over $1 million but details of the settlement are not being made public. Taymore was let go after numerous delays in opening the show, in part due to injuries sustained by actors rehearsing wire stunts. (The snakebit production is the most expensive in Broadway history but also holds the box office record for single-week sales, taking in $2.9 million over 9 performances in late 2011.)
✳ 46-year-old Halle Berry insists that her latest pregnancy won’t disrupt the filming schedule for “X-Men: Days Of Future Past”. With cameras set to roll shortly there have been concerns that the arrival of Berry’s latest child (this one via Olivier Martinez) could alter the schedule, or perhaps require changes to the script. Berry says no way, quote: “‘Storm’ probably won’t be as badass as she was going to be but I still think she’ll be an integral part of this new ‘X-Men’ movie.” (BS translation: She’ll do a couple of cameos from the neck up, then go lie down.)
✳ And in yesterday’s new edition of “Star Magazine”, there’s a listing of the ‘Most Hated Celebs In Hollywood’. The loathsome lineup is composed of surly singers, shamelessly self-promoting reality TV stars, and faded film stars often the last to realize that no one cares. Among those making the wretched roll call: Anne Hathaway, Chris Brown, Gwyneth Paltrow, Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian, LeAnn Rimes, Lindsay Lohan, and Taylor Swift. (Did they miss anyone?)

• Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival (Indio CA) – Today the 1st weekend of the 2013 edition gets underway. The identical lineup plays both weekends: Day 1: How to Destroy Angels, plus Blur, Tegan & Sara and more. Day 2: Phoenix, plus Grizzly Bear, The Postal Service and others. Day 3: Red Hot Chili Peppers, plus The Lumineers, Vampire Weekend and lots more.
• Crossroads Guitar Festival (NYC) – Tonight & tomorrow, Eric Clapton’s North American tour culminates at NYC’s Madison Square Garden with the annual fundraiser for his rehab center in Antigua. Performers include Allman Bros, BB King, Brad Paisley, Gary Clark Jr, Jeff Beck, and John Mayer.
• Fort Rock Music Festival (Fort Myers FL) – Sunday this new 2-stage music festival at JetBlue Park includes The Offspring, Papa Roach, Stone Sour, 3 Doors Down, and many more.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Today Brad Paisley (“Wheelhouse”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Seth Sentry (“This Was Tomorrow”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Titus Andronicus (“Local Business”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Keke Palmer (“So Uncool”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Shuggie Otis (“Wings Of Love”, out April 16th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Wavves (“Afraid of Heights”). Rerun.
• “Live From Lincoln Center” (PBS) – Tonight Josh Groban performs hits from his 12-year career and new songs from “All That Echoes”.
• “MTV Movie Awards” (MTV) – Sunday actress-comedian Rebel Wilson (“Pitch Perfect”) hosts as the annual Golden Popcorn trophies are awarded in 12 categories, including ‘Best Kiss’, ‘Best Villain’, ‘Best Fight’, ‘Best Shirtless Performance’, and ‘Best WTF Moment’. “Django Unchained” and “Ted” lead nominations with 7 apiece; Oscar-winner Jennifer Lawrence leads individual nominations with 5. Brad Pitt presents ‘Movie Of the Year’.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Vince Vaughan (“The Internship”, opening June 7th); musical guest Miguel (“Kaleidoscope Dream”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight  Airborne Toxic Event (“Such Hot Blood”, out April 30th); Cyndi Lauper (“Memphis Blues”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Saturday & Sunday, reruns of this week’s continuing auditions.

• Adele – She’ll be #1 on the “Sunday Times” annual listing of Britain’s richest people under-30 for the 2nd year running. The “Rolling In the Deep” hitmaker, who turns 25 next month, now has an estimated $48-million fortune.
• Backstreet Boys – Nick Carter says they’re 90% done with a new album, which is due out later this year.
• Dwight Yoakam – Tonight & tomorrow night he headlines shows at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium for the first time since 2005. He released his “3 Pears” album last Fall.
• Jason Aldean – Saturday he stages the 1st-ever concert at the University of Georgia’s Sanford Stadium in Athens. That’s quite appropriate as the Macon GA native is a lifelong Georgia Bulldogs fan.
• Jay-Z – He’s said to be considering buying a $3-million private island in North Abaco, part of the Bahamas, so he can vacation in peace with Beyoncé and 15-month-old daughter Blue Ivy.
• Katy Perry – She’s put the 7-bedroom Hollywood Hills CA mansion she once shared with ex-husband Russell Brand on the market for a cool $7 million. But why not go in at $6 mill? Perry wants a quick sale.
• Psy – Today his follow-up to “Gangnam Style”, a new single called “Gentleman”, hits online music stores. Tomorrow the 35-year-old rapper performs it (and a new signature dance) for the first time at a promotional concert in Seoul for 50,000 fans. It’s unclear when a video of the song will debut as shooting only wrapped this Tuesday.

• “42” ( PG-13 Sports Biography ): Little-known actor Chadwick Boseman stars in the life story of baseball legend Jackie Robinson and his history-making signing with the Brooklyn Dodgers under the guidance of team executive Branch Rickey (played by Harrison Ford). Co-stars Christopher Meloni, Nicole Beharie, TR Knight.
• “Scary Movie 5” ( PG-13 Comedy ): It’s been 6 years since the last installment. This time a couple (Ashley Tisdale & Simon Rex) learns they’re being stalked by a nefarious demon with the help of home-surveillance cameras. The horror spoof is highlighted by Charlie Sheen & Lindsay Lohan in bed together; Mike Tyson in fetish gear; and Snoop Lion smoking joints.
• Opening in limited release: “The Angels’ Share” (Comedy); “Antiviral” (Sci-Fi Thriller); “Cross of Honour” (War Drama); “Disconnect” (Thriller); “It’s a Disaster” (Comedy); “Not Today” (Drama); and “To the Wonder (Romance).

Which age group is most stressed? So-called ‘Millennials’ have it the worst when it comes to stress. New research shows that people aged 18-to-34 on average experience a 5.4 on the 10-point stress scale. The overall average for all ages is 4.9. The biggest causes of Millennial stress? Job stability and work issues. (Work? What work? Why do you think they’re stressed?)
– American Psychological Association

By linking the brains of a human and a rat, neuroscientists at Harvard Medical School have now enabled a man to wiggle the rodent’s tail using only his thoughts. It’s the first case of a brain-to-brain interface between species. Scientists think similar inter-species link-ups could be useful … tapping into a dog’s acute sense of smell, for instance. (Um, considering the things dogs are obsessed with sniffing … no thanks!)

Riding a motorcycle can cause erectile dysfunction, say Japanese researchers. They’ve studied more than 200 bikers and found that an alarming number of them – nearly 70% – have erectile dysfunction, and there seems to be a correlation between its prevalence and the number of years they’ve been riding. It’s thought the compression and vibration of the bike saddle may be causing the ‘equipment failure’. (No wonder Hells Angels look so mean!)
– “International Journal of Impotence Research”

All the gold in the world could fit into a cube with sides of just 20 m (67 ft).
– BBC News


1946 [67] Ed O’Neill, Youngstown OH, TV actor (‘Jay Pritchett’ on “Modern Family” since 2009, “Married With Children” 1987-97)

1947 [66] David Letterman, Indianapolis IN, TV host (“Late Show with David Letterman” since
1993, “Late Night with David Letterman” 1982-93)/TV producer (Worldwide Pants)

1957 [56] Vince Gill, Norman OK, country singer (Grammy Awards-“When Love Finds You”, “I Still Believe in You”, “When I Call Your Name”)/married to singer Amy Grant since 2000

1960 [53] Ron MacLean, Zweibrucken, Germany (air force brat), TV sportscaster (“Hockey Night in Canada” and “Coach’s Corner with Don Cherry” co-host since 1986, CBC Olympics coverage since 1988)

1978 [35] Guy Berryman, Kirkcaldy, Scotland, rock bassist (Coldplay-“Paradise”, “Clocks”)

1979 [34] Claire Danes, NYC, TV actress (“Homeland” since 2011)/movie actress (“The Family Stone”, “The Hours”)

1987 [26] Brendon Urie, Las Vegas NV, rock singer-musician (Panic At the Disco-“Nine In the Afternoon”, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”)

1987 [26] Brooklyn Decker, Kettering OH, 5’-9” fashion model (“Sports Illustrated”, Victoria’s Secret)/wannabe movie actress (“Battleship”)/wed to tennis player Andy Roddick since 2009

Movie actor Ron Perlman (“Hellboy”) is 63; Rock drummer Max Weinberg (E Street Band) is 62; Rock guitarist Marc Ford (Black Crowes) is 47; Rock singer Aaron Lewis (Staind) is 41; Pop singer Lou Bega (“Mambo #5”) is 38.

Country singer Loretta Lynn (“Coal Miner’s Daughter”) is 78; Movie actor Adrien Brody (“The Pianist”) is 40; TV actress Sarah Michelle Gellar (“Ringer”) is 36; Indie rock singer Win Butler (Arcade Fire) is 33; Movie actress Abigail Breslin (“Little Miss Sunshine”) is 17.

• “Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day”. Almost anyone can make one, but almost everyone does it a bit differently. What’s your secret trick?
• “Licorice Day”. The best kind?  We say ‘zout’ (salt) from The Netherlands. A recent UK study says licorice is good for dental health. (It’s the anise that does it.)
• “Walk on Your Wild Side Day”, a day to do something unpredictable. Go to work dressed like a gorilla, get a Master’s degree, something ‘they’ said you’d never do.

• “Baby Massage Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Saturday in April to salute the growing practice that is said to soothe, relax, and stimulate babies.
• “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the anniversary of the 1899 birth date of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Great Depression of the 1930s.

• “International Moment of Laughter Day”, a day to take the time to experience the power of laughter. Ha!
• “Titanic Disaster Anniversary”. Shortly before midnight on April 14, 1912 the ship collided with an iceberg causing it to sink at 2:20 am on April 15th. (Thereby making Leo DiCaprio a star.)

1992 [21] Euro Disney opens in Marne-la-Vallee, France (now called Disneyland Paris)

1972 [41] “Fan Fair” debuts in Nashville TN but almost no country music fans show up to see Loretta Lynn, Porter Wagoner, Roy Acuff, Minnie Pearl, Ernest Tubb, and Bill Monroe (now called “CMA Music Festival”)

1988 [25] Harvard University is issued a patent for a genetically-engineered mouse, the 1st time a patent is granted for an animal life form

2008 [05] With her latest single, “4 Minutes”, Madonna beats Elvis as the artist with the most all-time top 10 hits on “Billboard” charts (37)

[Mon] 117th Boston Marathon
[Mon] That Sucks Day
[Tues] All For the Hall Concert (Nashville TN)
[Tues] Healthcare Decisions Day
[Tues] Library Workers Day
[Tues] Stress Awareness Day
This Week Is … Environmental Week
This Month Is … Couple Appreciation Month


✗ Underwear swap with grounds crew.
✗ Shave a player’s legs night.
✗ Your wife’s nude photo on Jumbotron night.
✗ Oldtimers’ widows vs Triple-A All-Stars.
✗ Players adjust your cup night.

Among the many things that money can’t buy is what it used to.

An acronym is a word formed by the initials or first letters of a group of words in a name or phrase. So what do the initials stand for in the following words?
● A-T-M … Automated Teller Machine.
● AIDS … Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.
● INTERPOL … International Criminal Police Organization.
● NABISCO … National Biscuit Company.
● LASER … Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
● SONAR … SOund Navigation And Ranging.

☎ When you go to a party, are you generally overdressed or underdressed? Why?

Question: 1-in-8 boxes of breakfast cereal has THIS in common.
Answer: It’s a box of Cheerios.

If you stand still there is only one way to go … backwards.

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