Wednesday, April 12, 2017        Edition: #5952

You Sound Like Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★Ryan Phillippe denies he is dating Katy Perry.  They were rumored to have been ‘totally flirting’ when they bumped into each other at Elton John’s 70th birthday bash last month. But on Sunday a clearly frustrated Ryan Philippe took to Twitter to deny there is anything going on between him and Katy Perry.  ‘I AM NOT DATING KATY PERRY. BARELY KNOW HER,’ he tweeted in all caps. (Could you be a little more absolute, please?)
– dailymail.co.uk
★The famous ‘Shawshank Redemption’ tree is no more.  The giant oak tree featured in the 1994 movie  was cut down on the weekend… and will probably be made into a table. The 200 year-old tree was featured near the end of the 1994 movie where Morgan Freeman’s character finds a note and a bus ticket from Andy, played by Tim Robbins.  It has been called one of the most iconic trees in Hollywood history, and had been damaged by lightning in 2010.
(As Red might put it … ‘That tree just got busy dying.’)
-TMZ.com
★Kylie Jenner crashed a lucky young man’s prom in California on the weekend.  In interviews over the years, Jenner has mentioned that having been home-schooled, she never had a prom to attend.  Well, her  wish, and no doubt the wish of Chayse Rothchild-Bruno was granted.  When the boy was unable to find a prom date, signs went up around the school seeking a date for him. Someone on Jenner’s staff saw the fliers on social media and reached out to Ochoa’s family. On prom night, the boy was surprised with the news that he was going to prom with Kylie Jenner.
(Hope he had a corsage set to go!)
-sacbee.com
★Carrie Fisher will be in Star Wars: Episode VIII-The Last Jedi.  We all knew that she had been working on the film before her untimely death in December.  But her brother Todd says that he and Carrie’s daughter Billie Lourd have given Disney permission to use the footage for the Star Wars finale with the understanding that no CGI would be used to recreate her character, Princess Leia
-The Guardian

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
•Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC/City) – Judd Apatow, John Mayer
•The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC/CTV2)- Anthony Anderson (Black-ish), Rhett & Link (YouTube talk show Good Mythical Morning)  R
•Late Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS/Global)- Ryan Reynolds, Green Day  R
•Late Night With Seth Meyers (NBC/CTV)- Jennifer Lopez, Tim Robinson, Sam Richardson R
•The Late Late Show with James Cordon (CBS/M3)- Jordan Peele, Nick Kroll, Ryan Adams R
•Conan (TBS/CTV)-Ludacris, Ariel WinterThe View (ABC)- Susan Sarandon, Jack Hanna
•Live with Kelly (ABC/CTV)- Hank Azaria
•The Ellen Degeneres Show (NBC/CTV2)- Charlize Theron, Jeff Garlin (The Goldbergs)
•At Midnight (Comedy Central)- Kevin Smith

•NHL Hockey Playoffs begin…5 games on the schedule

BS MUSIC NOTES:
•Mariah Carey – has called it quits on her rebound relationship with Bryan Tanaka.  In case you forgot, the songstress was romantically linked to the 33-year-old not long after her messy split with Australian billionaire James Packer. While many thought the twosome played up their relationship for the Mariah’s World cameras, Mariah and Bryan did pack on some serious PDA in Hawaii at the end of 2016.  She has also announced a new record deal and plans to release a new album ‘this year’.
•Adele -has made chart history after her blockbuster “21” album broke a record that was set by Carole King’s classic 1971 album “Tapestry” for the most weeks on the Billboard 200 charts by a woman. While 319 is impressive, Adele still has quite a way to go to beat the overall record which is held by the Pink Floyd classic “Dark Side Of The Moon” with 927 weeks.  Other albums will longer records include “Journey’s Greatest Hits”  with 454, Metallica’s “Black” album with 424, “Guns N’ Roses’ Greatest Hits” with 393 and Nirvana’s “Nevermind” with 355.
•Def Leppard, Poison and Tesla –  have started their 2017 summer tour, which marked its first date April 8 at the SNHU Arena in Manchester, N.H.  The trek is scheduled to continue through late June, with Def Leppard appearing at all 38 tour stops, including four festival shows and four solo dates.  Poison is set to join them at the other 30 dates, marking the first time the band’s four original members have played onstage together in over five years.
•Kenny Chesney – has announced his last four shows for 2017.  The four new shows are the Tuscaloosa Amphitheater on Aug. 4 in Alabama and The Wharf Amphitheatre in Orange Beach, Ala. on Aug. 5, followed by two nights at the Mohegan Sun in Uncasville, Conn. on Aug. 10 and 11.
•High Valley – Curtis Rempel became a dad again.  Rempel, one-half of High Valley with his brother, Brad, welcomed baby girl Millie June to the family on Friday, April 7, joining big brother Ben, 3.
•Music – Songs are getting shorter, according to a study.  Streaming is making it quicker not only to play music, but pop songs themselves are getting faster and shorter as listeners’ attention spans diminish.  Instrumental openings to songs have also shrunk dramatically over the past three decades and, to a lesser extent, the average tempo of hit singles has been speeding up, the research found.
(At least that gives the radio guy less time to blather on over the start of your favourite song! Wait. What?)

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
-A South Dakota man was fined $190 for not having his pet on a leash.  His pet snake. Jerry Kimball was fined for allowing his pet snake to slither freely in a South Dakota park.  He says said an animal control officer suggested he use a leash to restrain the reptile.  At first he thought it was a joke, but found the $190 fine for ‘animals running at large’ to be anything but.  He plans to fight the ticket.
(Snakes can ‘run’ at large?)
-ABC.com
-Police in Pennsylvania say they arrested a man wearing a ‘Drunk Lives Matter’ shirt for drunken driving.  Police say 44-year-old Elwood Gutshall III’s blood-alcohol content was .217% — about two and a half times the state’s legal limit for drivers — when he was pulled over early on March 19 in Newville. He was wearing a green St. Patrick’s Day shirt with the saying on it.
-Canoe.com
-Manitoba Police are asking the public to be on the lookout for an unusually large stolen item, a 20 metre (68 foot) cell tower.  The tower was stolen on April 2 from Egg Lake, Manitoba.
It was apparently disassembled (duh) and loaded on to a trailer, according to reports.
(What are they going to do with it?  Cell it!)
-Globalnews.ca

THAT WAS WEIRD:
Here are some normal things about the present-day that will seem weird in 100 years:

✓Tanning Beds-we all know the health risks.  Think about it.  They are literally human toasters.

✓Keeping the Elderly Alive As Long as Possible – It’s only natural to want to keep the people you love around as long as humanly possible. But the problem comes in when we try to do this even to people who are sick and in pain — and may even have expressed that they want to pass on. Will the legal systems be different 100 years from now, allowing people to pass when their bodies determine it’s time?

✓The Fact That Humans Drive Cars – Self-driving cars are already a thing now.  In 100 years, the fact that people used to actually work the steering wheel and the gas pedal will be nothing but a distant memory that Grandpa tells his grandkids about.  (And what will we call a gas pedal when cars no longer use gas?)

✓Spending Hours at a Desk – Sitting all day can have serious consequences for your health, even if you remain active outside of work. Regardless, many of us spend eight hours or more sitting at our desk, hunched over and typing on the computer. (Yeah and in the 50s they said that we would only need to work a few hours a week!)

✓Cyber-Bullies – Cyber bullying is very real and very scary. Unfortunately, our answer is often to encourage parents to raise children with thicker skin, as opposed to urging them to raise children who know that bullying is unacceptable. You would think that with all the technology available, we’d be able to find a way in the next 100 years to put a stop to it.  (Or at least a stop to all those stupid comments posted on every news story that you read online!!)
-Bustle.com

POKEMON GONE?
Last year, Pokemon Go was everywhere.  Any time you were out, you had to watch out that some dude walking around searching for fictional characters didn’t  walk into you.  Or worse, DRIVE into you.  At one point, the game had 28.5 million daily players.  Well, it seems that Pokeman has gone…back to earth.  The latest figures show that currently, the game averages about 5 million players daily.  But don’t shed a tear for the game’s creators.  Last year, they made about $950 million U.S.
-Uber Gizmo

THEY’RE COMING:
When thinking about summer and the beautiful things that come with it, we have to keep in mind the not-so-nice things.  Cleaning windows.  Sunburns.  Mosquitos.  So just spray on some repellant?  Maybe not.  Many are concerned about the use of traditional repellants.  They may contain DEET, which might have health ramifications.  Others might harm the environment.  Or just plain stink.  The latest intel says that the best way to make the critters lay off while you are enjoying the summer weather may have been on the drug store shelf all along.  Vitamin B1.  B1 has been shown to effectively repel insects and is also found naturally in many foods, such as brown rice, eggs, oatmeal, liver, yeast, asparagus, and kale.  (Eeeesh.  I’ll take the pill, thanks.)
-Besthealthyguide.com

BS WEIRD-BUT-TRUE TAX WRITE-OFF ATTEMPTS:
• A radio personality deducted his dog ‘Red’ as a dependent for several years before finally asking a CPA to straighten out the back-taxes he had managed to escape.
• An elderly taxpayer once claimed an act-of-God casualty loss after he accidentally lost his dentures when they fell in the toilet.
• One anxious taxpayer tried to claim the cost of a stress management class, reasoning that he was disturbed by having to drive past a tax office each day.
• A furniture-store owner ended up in jail after deducting a $10,000 ‘consulting fee’ which he had paid to an arsonist … to burn down his store.
• An Amish man who pimped out the buggy he used for business wanted to deduct the accoutrements, including a velvet interior and tinted windshield.
• A salesman attempted to claim a $250 write-off for the cost of shortening his pants, saying it was to avoid being zapped by static electric generated by the carpet in his office.
• An admin assistant wanted to write off the cost of hair coloring because her boss liked her better as a blonde.
• And 23 years ago today (1994), exotic dancer Chesty Love claimed her surgical breast implants as a ‘business expense’ … and that one was okayed!
– Adapted from Cracked.com, first published in ‘BS’ in 2016)

DID YOU KNOW?
Pucks hit by hockey sticks have reached speeds of up to 150 miles per hour.
-Greatfacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 04.12.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [71] Ed O’Neill, Youngstown OH, TV actor (‘Jay Pritchett’ on “Modern Family” since 2009, “Married With Children” 1987-97)

1947 [70] David Letterman, Indianapolis IN, retired TV host (“Late Show with David Letterman” 1993-2015, “Late Night with David Letterman” 1982-93)/TV producer (Worldwide Pants), Inducted Pearl Jam into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Friday.

1950 [57] David Cassidy, actor, musician (The Partridge Family” 1970-1974)

1956 [61] Andy Garcia (Andrés Arturo García Menéndez), Havana, Cuba, movie actor (“Ocean’s Eleven” movies, “The Untouchables”)

1957 [60] Vince Gill, Norman OK, country singer (Grammy Awards-”When Love Finds You”, “I Still Believe in You”, “When I Call Your Name”)/married to singer Amy Grant since 2000

1960 [57] Ron MacLean, Zweibrucken, Germany, TV sportscaster (“Coach’s Corner with Don Cherry” host since 1986, “Hockey Night in Canada” host 1986-present, except for those regrettable 2 years…)

1971 [46] Shannon Doherty, Memphis TN, actress (“Beverly Hills 90210” 1990-1994, “Charmed” 1998-2001

1979 [38] Claire Danes, NYC, TV actress (“Homeland” since 2011)/movie actress (“The Family Stone”, “The Hours”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day”. Almost anyone can make one, but almost everyone does it a bit differently. What’s your secret trick?

• “Library Workers Day”, a day for library administrators and users to recognize the valuable contributions made by all library workers.

• “Licorice Day”. The best kind?  We say ‘zout’ (salt) from The Netherlands. A recent UK study says licorice is good for dental health. (It’s the anise that does it.)
NET: http://www.licoriceinternational.com

• “Walk on Your Wild Side Day”, a day to do something unpredictable. Go to work dressed like a gorilla, get a Master’s degree, something ‘they’ said you’d never do.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2013 [03] A Canadian study published in the journal “Science” finds that areas in the reward center of the brain become active when people hear a song for the first time.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1961 [56] The Soviet Union successfully launched the first man into space. Yuri Gagarin , a 27-year-old air force major orbited the Earth in 1 hr 40 minutes.

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2008 [09] With her latest single, “4 Minutes”, Madonna beats Elvis as the artist with the most all-time top 10 hits on “Billboard” charts (37) She now has 38.

2015 [02] Jordan Spieth wins The Masters golf tournament, tying Tiger Woods’ record-setting 72-hole score of 18 under par (1997)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Scrabble Day
[Fri] Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival begins (Indio CA)
This week is…National Library Week
This month is…National Grilled Cheese Month, National Frog Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
•Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don’t lay eggs.
•Why does grape flavor smell like that when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it?
•Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
•If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
•If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
•What’s the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
•Can a short person “talk down” to a taller person?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Which  word did Shakespeare NOT invent?
a. Assassination.
b. Bump.
c. Catfish. [CORRECT]

• You’re suffering from ephebiphobia [‘eh-FEE-bih-fobe-ee-uh’]. What is it that you’re afraid of?
a. Tulips.
b. Tarantulas.
c. Teenagers. [CORRECT]

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Research shows that 40% of us are guilty of this bad eating habit. What is it?
Answer: Adding salt to our food before we taste it.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
There will be no Bull Sheet on Friday April 14, Good Friday.  The Bull Sheet will return on Monday April 17.  All subscribers will receive an account credit for the missed service day.


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