Monday, April 13, 2015        Edition: #5428

Here, Have Another Sheetload!

★ Grammy-award winning singer-songwriter-rapper Nelly (Cornell Haynes) was arrested on Saturday after a Tennessee State Trooper stopped the motor coach he was traveling in on Interstate 40 for not displaying legally required stickers. After the trooper smelled marijuana coming from the vehicle, a search turned up methamphetamine, marijuana, drug paraphernalia, and several handguns. Nelly has been charged with felony possession of drugs, simple possession of marijuana, and possession of drug paraphernalia.
★ Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel have become first-time parents after the actress gave birth to a baby boy. Reps for the couple have confirmed that both newborn ‘Silas Randall Timberlake’ and his mom are healthy and happy and the celeb couple is ecstatic with their new arrival. Timberlake gushed about impending fatherhood as he picked up the ‘Innovator Award’ at the recent “iHeartRadio Music Awards”, saying “I can’t wait to see our greatest creation yet.” Details of the baby’s birthplace and date have not yet been released.
★ And Vanessa Hudgens’ Broadway debut in the revived musical “Gigi” has been branded “emotionally vacant”, “one note”, and “empty” in a mauling by critics. The former “High School Musical” actress plays the title role in the show. Not only her acting but the production and plot changes from the original 1958 film are also being panned by critics, who accuse the producers of “dumbing down” the musical. The “Hollywood Reporter” says Hudgens has been so thoroughly Disneyfied that she’s about as natural (as a French woman) as an Eiffel Tower keychain. Meow.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Sturgill Simpson (“Metamodern Sounds in Country Music”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The couples perform to songs from films that include “Frozen” and “The Little Mermaid”’.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Jason Derulo (“Everything is 4”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The War on Drugs (“Lost In the Dream”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/Omni 1) – George Ezra (“Wanted on Voyage”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Asleep At the Wheel  (“Still the King: Celebrating the Music of Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Fifth Harmony (“Reflection”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Annie Lennox (“Nostalgia”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Christina Aguilera (“The Voice”); Kid Rock (“First Kiss”). Rerun.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 12 artists perform for the panel of judges.

• AC/DC – They’ve announced a stadium tour of their home country of Australia along with New Zealand. So far 7 dates have been announced in November and December of this year, with room to add more gigs if necessary.
• Jack White – He’s teaming with Robert Redford and T-Bone Burnett to develop “The American Epic Sessions”, a documentary series in which today’s artists like Beck, Elton John, and White himself record early blues, Americana, and gospel music. The idea is inspired by Bernard McMahon’s new film “American Epic”.
• Jennifer Lopez – A sheer, plunging Versace dress she wore to the 2000 Grammy Awards led to the creation of Google Images. It was the most popular search query Google had ever seen, but there was no technology to find pictures online. So Google Image Search was developed.
• Justin Bieber – He owns 0.2% of the world’s LaFerrari supercars. The LaFerrari is the most extreme road-going Ferrari ever made. Only 499 of them will ever exist … and the Biebs owns one and is expecting to take delivery sometime soon. Estimated cost: $1.4 million.
• Kanye West – How useful is this? An anagram of Kanye West is … Sweaty Ken. OK, not very.
• Madonna – She tells the 50th anniversary issue of “Cosmopolitan” magazine that working with Kanye West on her track “Illuminati” was a ‘bit of a bullfight’ because they both have strong personalities. Quote: “He’s a brilliant madman. He can’t help himself. Like, he doesn’t have the same filters other people have.”
• Mark Ronson f/Bruno Mars – “Uptown Funk” is now joint 2nd for the longest US chart #1 ever, notching up 14 weeks. All-time longest is Mariah Carey/Boyz II Men with “One Sweet Day” at 16 weeks.
• Taylor Swift – In an emotional Tumblr post, she’s revealed her mother is battling cancer. Taylor’s keeping the details of 57-year-old Andrea Swift’s condition and treatment private.

Today a previously unseen notebook of Alan Turing’s which dates back to his work breaking Germany’s WW2 Enigma code is expected to fetch at least $1 million at a Bonhams auction in NYC. The 56-page manuscript, held privately until now, sees the code-breaker working on the “foundations of mathematical notation and computer science”. According to an auction spokesperson, its mathematical content gives an extraordinary insight into the working mind of one of the greatest luminaries of the 20th century. It dates from Turing’s days at Britain’s Bletchley Park Government Code & Cypher School in 1942. The British cryptographer was portrayed by Benedict Cumberbatch in the 2014 movie “The Imitation Game”. It won him an Oscar nomination. (Had the notebook been auctioned before the movie came out … 98¢.)

If you’re middle-aged and a night owl, you’re at a much higher risk for health problems than early-risers … even if you’re getting the same amount of sleep. A new study at Seoul’s Korea University involves over 1,600 adults aged 47-to-59, who answered questionnaires about sleep habits and underwent tests to measure blood glucose levels and body scans to measure fat and lean muscle mass. It’s been found that those who stay up late face a higher risk of developing health problems like diabetes than those who are early risers. Researchers say the findings may relate to night owls’ tendency to have poorer sleep quality and to engage in unhealthy behaviors like smoking, late-night eating, and a sedentary lifestyle. (“Early to bed and early to rise” might not make you “wealthy and wise” … but you’re less likely to croak.)

When we snap a profile pic today, the goal is to look cool. But people didn’t think about their Facebook page in the early days of photography. For them, photos were a passage to immortality. That’s especially evident in the early tradition of ‘postmortem photography’. In that genre, a recently deceased person, child, or pet would be photographed … as if they were still alive. Begun in the mid-1800s, the fad largely petered out by 1900. But it reveals the mentality of the time – photos were intended as a way to preserve the living for future generations. That meant it was performed with a sense of seriousness. Even Mark Twain – a man who made his living as a humorist – once said of photos, “There is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever.” (The closest we have to postmortem photography today … Keith Richards.)

We will have definitive evidence of alien life in 20 years, NASA’s chief scientist Ellen Stofan predicts. Strong indications of life beyond Earth could be found within a decade, she claims, and almost certainly definitive evidence will be found within most of our lifetimes. NASA believes the discovery could happen so soon because it won’t likely take place in deep space but in our own solar system and others in the Milky Way. If life, in whatever form it takes, is found in orbit of the Sun, it could well be on Jupiter’s moons Europa and Ganymede or Saturn’s satellite Enceladus, which hold seas beneath their icy surfaces. These estimates don’t even take into account the fact that alien life may prosper in conditions different to those required by humans, ie: without need for water. (They don’t drink the water? So they’ve been to Mexico?)

A new report confirms that the Dutch are currently the tallest people on Earth due to natural selection as well as good environmental conditions in The Netherlands. The LifeLines study has been examining the health and behaviors of about 170,000 people living in The Netherlands for several generations. In the mid-18th century, the average height of Dutch men was only about 5′-4″, but now their average height over 6 feet. The average height of Dutch women is now 5′-8″. What’s more, the Dutch are continuing to get taller. So what are they doing right? As well as genetics, their height is attributed to a good healthcare system, regular checkups for children, and continued improvements in environmental quality. (Why don’t they have a basketball team?)

• Could this be the worst celebrity baby name yet? Actress Liv Tyler and entertainment manager Dave Gardner have dubbed their new son … Sailor.
• The White House in Washington DC now has a gender-neutral bathroom.
– “Pink News”
• North Korean textbooks say supreme leader Kim Jong Un learned to drive … when he was 3.
– BBC News


1950 [65] Ron Perlman, NYC, TV actor (“Sons of Anarchy” 2008-14)/movie actor (“Hellboy” movies, “Beauty & The Beast”)

1951 [64] Max Weinberg, South Orange NJ, rock drummer (Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band)/TV bandleader (“Late Night With Conan O’Brien” 1993-2009)

1972 [43] Aaron Lewis, Rutland VT, rock singer (Staind-“Believe”, “Right Here”)

1988 [27] Allison Williams, New Canaan CT, TV actress (‘Marnie Michaels’ on “Girls” since 2012)/daughter of suspended “NBC Nightly News” anchor Brian Williams

• “International Plant Appreciation Day”, encouraging us to take the time to actually look at the various plants around us instead of allowing them to blend into the background.

• “Look Up At the Sky Day”, a fun day to look upward and check out what’s there. You never know what might be going on: Clouds forming in interesting patterns, a flock of birds … duck!

• “Scrabble Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular games on the anniversary of the 1899 birth date of its inventor, Alfred Butts, a jobless architect who came up with the idea during the Great Depression of the 1930s. A few facts …
– Among the proposed names for early versions of ‘Scrabble’ were ‘Lexiko’ and ‘Criss Cross Words’.
– After ‘Scrabble’ was trademarked in 1948, the game was manufactured by friends and family, who painstakingly stamped letters on wooden tiles one at a time. The rate of production: 12 games an hour.
– The game was just a fad with Butts’ friends until a Macy’s executive saw it being played at a resort in 1952 and the then-world’s largest department store soon began carrying it.

1985 [30] Originally a radio-only broadcast, the ‘Grand Ole Opry’ debuts on TV

2000 [15] Metallica files a copyright infringement suit against online music-sharing service Napster, initiating a music industry backlash against free downloads

1997 [18] At age 21, Tiger Woods wins his 1st Master golf tournament, becoming the youngest player to do so (also sets a record by finishing at 18-under-par)

2006 [09] In Lincoln NE, Kevin Holder is arrested – again – for the 226th time (this one, for burglary, is added to his 43-page rap sheet)

[Tues] Dictionary Day
[Tues] Equal Pay Day
[Tues] International Moment of Laughter Day
[Tues] Dolphin Day
[Tues] Library Workers Day
[Tues] Pecan Day
[Tues] Pan American Day

Animal Control Officer Appreciation Week / Health Information Privacy & Security Week / International Dark Sky Week / Library Week / 9-1-1 Operators Week / Pan American Week / Student Employment Week / Undergraduate Research Week / Volunteer Week / Week Of the Young Child


Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Q: How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
A: Only once, then you are subtracting it from 20.

Q: A woman was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the Summer. How could that be?
A: She lives in the Southern hemisphere.

Q: A NYC woman married 10 different men in a single day, yet she did not break any laws. How was this possible?
A: She was a Justice of the Peace.
– First published in “BS” 1998.

• ‘Water Dish vs Toilet Bowl: A Taste Test’
• ‘The Aerodynamics of Sticking Your Head Out a Car Window’
• ‘The Visible Dissected Cat’
• ‘Using a Particle Accelerator to Separate Kibbles from Bits’
• ‘Your Master’s Leg: A Study in Friction’
• ‘Because We Can: Why Dogs Lick Themselves’
• ‘Radar Bitch-Finder’
– First published in “BS” 2012.

• Who was the 1st woman to be Prime Minister of the UK?
a. Theresa Pudmucker.
b. Margaret Thatcher [CORRECT]
c. Winnie Churchill

What was Fidel Castro’s job while living in California in 1946?
a. Lettuce picker.
b. Movie extra. [CORRECT, in “Easy to Wed” and “Holiday in Mexico”.]
c. Wine taster.

☎ What’s your personal love story … in 6 words?

I’ve got an inferiority complex. But frankly, it’s not a very good one.

Question: According to a recent poll, THIS is the #1 snack that people take on road trips.
Answer: Beef jerky.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

Karli Morgan @ Mixx 104-5 [WYYU] Dalton GA; Sundeep @ Asian Star Radio 101.6 London UK; Jennifer Vandersanden @ FOX 32 [WFLD] Chicago IL; Digby Taylor @ Radio 2, Dubai UAE; Dave Illman @ Bell Media Kawarthas, Peterborough ON; John O’keeffe @ Shannonside Radio, Longford, Ireland; and Lavoyd Davis @ WSGD Dayton OH.

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