Monday, April 14, 2014        Edition: #5201

Here’s More Bull Roar!

Many of you were unable to connect to Friday’s edition of “BS”. Though we managed to forward a later-than-usual plain text version to some, all of you are receiving an account credit for missed service. We owe you an explanation: An illegal Bitcoin mining operation breached our private server at DreamHost in California and spread around a lot of malicious scat before tiptoeing out the backdoor. DreamHost (as they should) shut down our server to contain the damage. It has since been scanned, scrubbed, and sterilized and is again fully operational. Credit card users, fear not! Your info is secured at PayPal, a totally separate entity; we keep no record of it. All of this serves as a reminder that we all need to be extra-vigilant with security scans and regular password changes in these post-‘Heartbleed’ days. Thanks for your patience and understanding. Now, on with the show ….

★ Wed over the weekend: Backstreet Boys’ Nick Carter to fitness instructor Lauren Kitt at a ceremony in Santa Barbara, California on Saturday. Carter proposed in February 2013 after more than 4 years of dating. Fans will be able to get a behind-the-scenes look at the run-up to their big day in an upcoming, as yet-untitled reality TV show due to air on VH1.
– “In Touch Magazine”
★ A regulatory filing on Friday reveals that CBS stock rose 69% in 2013, one reason its CEO and president, Les Moonves, earned himself a 1-year total of – whoa! – $66.9 million. That means he made even more than his boss: CBS/Viacom executive chairman Sumner Redstone, a multi-billionaire and one of the richest in the world, who only earned a paltry $57.2 million.
★ “The Colbert Report” will finish out 2014, at which point Comedy Central is looking at all options for the 11:30 pm half-hour slot after “The Daily Show”. And another talk show is not a sure thing, insiders say. Colbert is taking over for David Letterman on CBS-TV’s “The Late Show” in 2015.
★ President Barack Obama & First Lady Michelle Obama enjoyed an evening at the theater Friday night, taking in “A Raisin In the Sun”, starring Denzel Washington. It’s the 1st Broadway show the couple has attended together since 2009. The play by Lorraine Hansberry first opened on Broadway in 1959, at the same Barrymore Theatre to where it returned this Spring.

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Slam poet Black Ice. Rerun.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – MGMT (“MGMT”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Guest judge Donny Osmond; the 9 remaining couples perform to songs from Disney films.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – John Legend (“Love In the Future”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Flaming Lips (“The Terror”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Kanye West (“Yeezus”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – The Strypes (“Snapshot”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – U2 (“No Line On the Horizon”). Rerun.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 20 artists perform.

• Capital Cities – The electro-pop group are headlining the 13th annual “Campus Consciousness Tour”, whose main goal is to promote campus environmental groups and outdoor clubs with the intent to protect natural spaces. The trek visits a total of 14 campuses.
• Dan + Shay – They’ve hit the top of the charts right out of the chute. Their debut effort, “Where It All Began”, is #1 on the ‘Billboard Country Albums’ chart for this week.
• Demi Lovato – Tonight Yahoo Screen is streaming her in concert as part of the iHeartRadio Live series. Lovato performs songs from her 4th studio album, “Demi”, which was released last month. She’s currently in the midst of her “Neon Lights” world tour.
• Florida Georgia Line – They remain atop the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart this week with “This is How We Roll”, which features Luke Bryan.
• Madonna – She’s revealed via Instagram that she’s been working on new material with pop singer-songwriter Natalia Kills. She previously posted a picture of herself with Avicii, saying she had also been writing songs with the EDM artist.

Looking for a jet-lag cure? A new mathematical model may help you overcome jet lag faster than anyone thought possible. And scientists need your help to test it out. A joint research team from the University of Michigan and Yale University has released a free iPhone app called ‘Entrain’ that loads a complex, jet-lag conquering model right into your smartphone. You type in your current location, your destination, as well as what kind of light you will have access to, and the app gives you a schedule of light exposure that should reset your internal clock in the most efficient way. The new technique is touted to cut jet-lagged time in half. (What’s your top tip?)

Here are the hot looks for warm weather this year …
✓ The floral trend is everywhere – dresses, tops, bottoms. Even for guys!
✓ Mules rule. No longer a tired fashion, open-toe mules freshen up a Summer look.
✓ Metallics are major. Think iridescent if you dare.
✓ Go team! Athletic-inspired chic fashions and footwear are making a run for it.
✓ Go sideways. Luckily for the ladies, horizontal stripes are meant for the guys this season.
✓ Crop tops are more fashionable than ever. Better think twice about that 2nd cupcake.
✓ Clothes do all the talking this Summer, with wordy graphics. Say it like you mean it.
✓ The colored suit for men is in – and no, we don’t mean navy or grey.
✓ Fringe finishes. Purses are a great way to sport the fringe trend.
✓ When in doubt, think pink. The #1 color of the new season is ‘radiant orchid’.

Here’s a new job title to consider: ‘Social Media Concierge’. For the past few years, social media buff-and-shine services have become a growing part of what wedding planners and online dating coaches offer. But now NYC’s W Hotels have launched a professional social media wedding concierge service that promises to live-document a couple’s entire knot-tying experience, from cake-tasting to the increasingly popular altar-selfie-taking, via a plethora of platforms: Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Pinterest, etc. They’ll even help brides & grooms hatch their own hashtag for guests to use as they post. And the resulting digital dump gets edited into a Shutterfly book. All this for just …. $3,000. That may seem like a lot, but new stats show the average Manhattan wedding costs close to $87,000. (Now you can round it off to 90.)

• In the Netherlands, there’s a prison crowding crisis of a different kind … there are now more prison guards and staff than there are prisoners. (We need this problem here!)
– AP
• In Sweden, consumers are paying a whopping 175 kronor ($27) for 250 grams (a half-pound) of the year’s 1st batch of Swedish-grown strawberries. (A good supply this year means prices are actually … lower.)
• In France, IT workers have won the right to unplug. A new agreement guarantees workers 11 consecutive hours per day when they cannot be contacted by their employer via smartphone. (Once again France takes the lead in deciding what’s important in life.)

Why does airline food taste bad? Turns out, it’s all your fault. At 35,000 ft, your sense of taste goes awry. So it’s not the quality of the food and its ingredients that’s to blame, it’s the way you experience it. It’s even been tested: German research group The Fraunhofer Institute did a study on how a dish that would be delicious in a fine-dining restaurant can be so bland on an airplane. Tests reveal that a plane’s cabin pressure combined with the cool, dry cabin air makes one’s taste buds go numb, almost as if you have a cold. In fact, your perception of saltiness and sweetness drops by around 30% at high altitude. (We aren’t buying it. A warmed over mystery meat sandwich is yucky whether you’re on the ground or 8 miles-high.)

‘Heartbleed’, that critical bug discovered in OpenSSL, is estimated to have left 17% of the Internet’s secure web servers vulnerable to data theft. (Yeah, tell us about it …)


1960 [54] Brad Garrett (Gerstenfeld), Woodland Hills CA, TV actor (‘Gordon Lewis’ on “The Crazy Ones” since 2013, “Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)/movie actor (“Planes”, “Night At the Museum” films)

1973 [41] Adrien Brody, NYC, movie actor (“Midnight in Paris”, 2003 Oscar-“The Pianist”)

1973 [41] David Miller, San Diego CA, operatic tenor (Il Divo-“I Believe in You”, “The Time of Our Lives”)

1977 [37] Sarah Michelle Gellar, NYC, TV actress (‘Sydney Roberts’ on “The Crazy Ones” since 2013, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“The Grudge” films, “Cruel Intentions”)

1980 [34] Win Butler (Edwin Farnham Butler III), Truckee CA, indie rock singer (Arcade Fire-“Reflektor”, “Keep the Car Running”)

1993 [21] Graham Phillips, Laguna Beach CA, TV actor (‘Zach Florrick’ on “The Good Wife” since 2009)

1996 [18] Abigail Breslin, NYC, movie actress (“August: Osage County”, “Little Miss Sunshine”)

• “Black Day”, an observance original to South Korea where those who have not found love dress in dark colors and commiserate over meals of black food, with the dish of choice being Chinese-style noodles topped with a thick sauce of black bean paste.

• “Global Day of Action on Military Spending”, with the aim of promoting awareness of the billions spent worldwide on military and advocating a shift in priorities to human development.

• “International Moment of Laughter Day”, a day to take the time to experience the power of laughter. Ha!

• “Passover” begins at sunset, the 8-day Jewish celebration of the flight of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery in the 1200s BCE. A ceremonial seder takes place on the first 2 nights, when symbolic foods such as unleavened bread are placed on the table.
✗ Plague of athlete’s foot.
✗ Plague of Band-Aids in everyone’s salad.
✗ Plague of leaky pens in shirt pockets.
✗ Plague of no good place to get a decent cup of coffee around here.
✗ Plague of Pharaoh sex scandal that everybody just can’t stop talking about.
✗ Plague of heartburn even after a light lunch.
✗ Plague of nobody can find their keys.
✗ Plague of sudden indifference towards cats.
✗ Plague of eye twitch that won’t seem to go away.
✗ Plague of in-laws coming to town and staying the whole weekend.
– Thanks to David Bailey.

• “Titanic Disaster Anniversary”. Shortly before midnight on April 14, 1912 the ship collided with an iceberg causing it to sink at 2:20 am on April 15th. (Thereby making Leo DiCaprio a star.)

1997 [17] TV star Ellen DeGeneres reveals she’s a lesbian in an interview with “TIME” magazine (Quote: “Yup, I’m gay.”)

2008 [06] Liverpool’s John Moore University names Queen’s Brian May its new chancellor

2009 [05] George Harrison (The Beatles) is posthumously awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, in front of Capitol Records West Coast headquarters

2003 [11] Human Genome Project is successfully completed with 99% of the human genome sequenced to 99.99% accuracy (in case you ever want to ‘DIY’ a baby from cells)

1924 [90] ‘World Record Snowfall in 24 hours’ (76 inches or about 2 m in Silver Lake, Colorado)

[Tues] Google Glass 1-day public sale
[Tues] Bicycle Day
[Tues] US Income Tax Pay Day
[Tues] That Sucks Day
[Tues] World Art Day
[Tues] Library Workers Day
[Tues] Full ‘Worm’ Moon

Animal Control Officer Appreciation Week / Crime Victims Rights Week / Environmental Education Week / Health Information Privacy & Security Week / International Wildlife Film Week / Pan American Week / Robotics Week / Student Employment Week / Undergraduate Research Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
(In case you got creeped out by “Oculus” over the weekend.)
• When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it’s really dead.
• Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
• If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
• If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice … more if you’re female.
• Beware of strangers bearing all tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, soldering irons, etc.
• If your car runs out of gas at night, do NOT go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
– First published in “BS” 1997.

Some of the following are real names of past or present musical acts; some are total BS. Which are which?
• The Smart Pumps [BS]
• Phlegm Fatale [real]
• Poultry in Motion [real]
• Women’s Work [BS]
• Results of Inbreeding [real]
• Rejected Sitcom [BS]
• Asia Haze [BS]
• Skeptic Tank [real]
• Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre [real]
• Rocket Tahiti [BS]
– First published in “BS” 2011.

☎ The new movie “Draft Day” is an interesting sports flick, with its NFL story and a likeable Kevin Costner for a change. But which is the best sports-related film of all-time?

What’s the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani elementary school? I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

Question: Women have 4 times as many problems with THESE than men.
Answer: Their feet.

By living, there’s a risk of dying.

Larry Ahrens @ “The Morning Brew with Larry Ahrens”, uABQ 26, Albuquerque NM; Aleem Manji @ East FM, Nairobi, Kenya; Rob Bennett @ 102.3 The Bug [WAUH] Wautoma WI; Jim Birtch @ CFRC-FM, Queen’s University, Kingston ON; Shaun Glazier @ Country 93.3 [CJOK] Fort McMurray AB; Martin @ OFM Bloemfontein, South Africa; Jon Butler @ 107.9 Radio 25 Live, Leeds UK; Sarah Stiffles @ Classic Rock 102.5 [KZOK] Seattle WA; Tiny Winey @ Supreme FM 99.8, London UK; KW Keene @ Mix 96.9 [WDJR] Dothan AL; WR @ PUKfm 93.6, Potchefstroom, South Africa; and Danny Oldani @ “The College Station of College Station” [KANM] College Station TX.

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