Monday, April 16, 2012        Edition: #4728


Sheet Happens!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• The Beastie Boys were forced to scrap a planned performance at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony in Cleveland on Saturday night after rapper Adam ‘MCA’ Yauch pulled out of the event. No reason was given, but he has been battling cancer in a salivary gland since Summer 2009. Also a no-show: Rod Stewart, who was sick with the flu. He’d been scheduled to perform with former bandmates The Faces for the first time in 19 years. (It’s rapidly becoming the Rock & Roll Infirmary of Fame.)
– WENN.com
• Movie actor Ryan O’Neal has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The one-time heartthrob star of “Love Story” (1970), who lost long-time girlfriend Farrah Fawcett to cancer in 2009, has revealed he too is now battling the disease. The 70-year-old is not new to health battles; he suffered through leukemia in the late 1990s. Meantime, ailing Bee Gees singer Robin Gibb has fallen into a coma and is fighting for his life in hospital, according to UK reports. The 62-year-old is believed to have been diagnosed with a secondary tumor just weeks after he confirmed his colon and liver cancer had gone into remission. (Alright already, enough doom and gloom!)
– People.com / TheSun.co.uk
• Despite a recent DUI charge resulting in a night in jail for driving into a police car, 26-year-old sometime actress Amanda Bynes seems unwilling to stop her partying ways. Although her own father claims she scored ‘0’ on the breathalyzer and doesn’t drink, a new video shows her stumbling out of an LA nightclub, propped up by 2 friends. Fortunately this time she chose to get a taxi rather than drive. (You gotta keep your nose clean in Hollywood these days or your makeup-smeared face will be online within 5 minutes.)
– TMZ.com
• A new sitcom from “Frasier” producer Michael B Kaplan about a dog with a blog has been picked up as a series for the Disney Channel. The show, aptly titled “Dog With a Blog”, will revolve around an adopted dog named ‘Stan’ who helps quell a step-sibling rivalry by revealing that he can talk and blog. Hilarity undoubtedly ensues. The multi-camera comedy, which will be told from the dog’s point of view, is set to premiere this Fall. (This will no doubt be followed by “Cat Who Tweets”.)
– HuffingtonPost.com
• And the planned reboot of the Stone-Age animated comedy “The Flintstones” by “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane has been put on hold for now. The animated revamp was set to debut next year but FOX-TV has shelved that plan and not confirmed when or if production will resume. MacFarlane will remain busy in the meantime with his TV shows “American Dad!” and “The Cleveland Show”, as well as his feature-length directorial debut “Ted”, due to hit theaters this Summer. (This guy has single-handedly dumbed down TV by 37 IQ points.)
– HollywoodReporter.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Bonnie Raitt (“Slipstream”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – First Aid Kit (“The Lion’s Roar”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Neon Trees (“Picture Show”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Deadmau5 (“Meowingtons Hax Tour Trax”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – White Rabbits (“Milk Famous”). Rerun.
• “Oprah’s Lifeclass: The Tour” (OWN) – The self-help program airs live from Toronto, where Winfrey talks to viewers in person and online. She’s joined by ‘inspirational figures’ Bishop TD Jakes, Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins and others.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The top vocalists compete; Adam Levine performs w/Wiz Khalifa (“Overexposed”, out June 26th).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – He’s announced a new leg of his North American “Wrecking Ball” tour, a series of 10 stadium dates in late Summer and early Fall beginning in Boston and Toronto.
• Christina Aguilera – Cee Lo Green has confirmed to Billboard.com that they’re recording another duet, but refuses to give away much about the song. Quote: “It’s a song for her album. I won’t disclose the title, because it could possibly be a working title.”
• Justin Bieber – He tells London’s Capital FM that one of the many people he worked with while preparing his upcoming album, “Believe”, is country sensation Taylor Swift. While he contends they wrote a song together, he does not reveal the title nor whether they sing together.
• Leonard Cohen – His ex-manager has been found guilty in LA Superior Court of harassing the veteran singer in phone calls & emails and breaching restraining orders against contacting him. Cohen fired her in 2004, accusing her stealing some $5 million from him.
• Lil Wayne – In a new interview with MTV, he says he’s working on a new album titled “Devol” (‘loved’ backwards). It consists mainly of material he put together while locked up in prison.
• Lionel Richie – According to E! Online, he owes the IRS around $1.1 million in leftover taxes from 2010. This might explain the decision to put out a country album?
• Prince – He’s been ordered by a NY Supreme Court judge to pay close to $4 million to Revelations Perfume & Cosmetics for pulling out of a deal to endorse products. The company claims he refused to give media interviews and attend in-store events that it had set up for him.
• Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – He’s offering a ‘no questions asked’ $7,500-reward for information leading to the return of 5 guitars stolen from a soundstage in Culver City, California while his band was rehearsing for its upcoming world tour. They’re scheduled to hit the road Wednesday in suburban Denver, Colorado.

TIPS ON HOW TO EAT LOCAL:
The so-called ‘100-Mile Diet’ is both healthier for you and greener for the planet, but being a ‘locavore’ isn’t always easy. A few ideas on how to add more homegrown food to your diet …
• Shop at farmers’ markets, or ask your grocer which food is locally produced.
• Consider joining a community-shared agriculture (CSA) network in your area.
• Load up on produce at the height of the season when it’s most available and cheapest.
• Local eggs and lentils will pack a protein punch for less money than locally-raised meat.
• Preserve seasonal produce in your own kitchen by freezing or canning it.
• Buying frozen or canned local foods may also be cheaper than fresh at times.
• If storage space is limited, cut away the parts you don’t plan to eat (ie: broccoli stems), and chop the rest into pieces to take up less freezer space.
• Keep in mind that some fruits & veggies can simply be stored in a cool area, such as a cellar.
• Any reduction in shipping distance helps the environment. If it isn’t local, find the next closest.
• It’s not realistic to exist completely on local food. Some things (ie: bananas) will likely always need to be imported.
– Excerpted from BestHealthMag.ca

THE BODY LANGUAGE DICTIONARY:

Experts offer the following clues as to whether someone feels comfortable with you or not.
Positive Body Language …
✓ Moving or leaning closer to you.
✓ Relaxed, uncrossed limbs.
✓ Long periods of eye contact.
✓ Looking down and away out of shyness.
✓ Genuine smiles.
Negative Body Language …
✗ Moving or leaning away from you.
✗ Crossed arms or legs.
✗ Looking away to the side.
✗ Feet pointed away from you, or towards an exit.
✗ Rubbing/scratching the nose, eyes, or back of the neck.
– Lifehacker.com

HERE’S HUD IN YOUR EYE:

The US Defense Department has placed an order for a prototype augmented reality display system that is based on dual-focus contact lenses. The system, called ‘iOptik’ and developed by Innovega Corp, allows the wearer to focus on a HUD (Heads-Up Display) at the same time as the surrounding environment by projecting an image onto different sections of the lens. A heads-up display is a transparent display that presents data without requiring users to look away from their usual viewpoints. HUD info goes through to the center of the pupil, and light from the wearer’s peripheral vision is filtered out to avoid interference. Eventual consumer applications could be 3-D movies and videogaming. (Gaming contact lenses were just mentioned in “BS” last week … as a joke.)
– TheVerge.com

REASONS WOMEN WILL RULE THE FUTURE:

• Women on low-calorie diets are more likely to give birth to girls than boys.
• There are already more women than men in many countries on Earth.
• Males have a lower life expectancy than females, by about 7 years.
• Men take high-risk jobs more often; over 90% of occupational fatalities are male.
• A young American woman is both more likely to hold a college degree and more likely to start her own business than a young man.
• 75% of jobs created in the EU since 2000 have gone to women.
• 83% of the money spent on consumer goods last year came from women.
• Women are – generally speaking – peacemakers and multitaskers, strengths that will help them face whatever challenges the future holds.
(Have at it, ladies. Can’t screw things up any worse than men have.)
– Condensed from Cracked.com

FREQUENT FLYER FUN:

Airline points can buy some truly weird stuff! A new study of 150 different air miles programs has revealed some of the strangest things you can do with your points. For instance, Aeroplan offers a leather vest signed by George Clooney for 177,000 points (the value of the points go to charity). American Airlines will give you a beer-tasting tour of Brussels for 14,700 points (you’re on your own for the flight, of course). And Lufthansa will give you a ‘sockscription’ of fresh socks … 3 shipments of 3 pair over 8 months. (If you’re gonna go to all the bother of saving up loyalty points for socks … please, just shoot yourself.)
– TheStar.com

BS AMAZING FACT:

$1 billion: The value of the 551-day-old Instagram, as paid by Facebook for the social network photo-sharing app. $967 million: The value of the 166-year-old New York Times Company. (This is how business works in the 21st century.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.16.12


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1927 [85] Pope Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger), Marktl am Inn, Germany, 265th and reigning Pope/head of the Roman Catholic Church/Sovereign of the Vatican City State since 2005

1952 [59] Bill Belichick, Nashville TN, NFL head coach (New England Patriots since 2000, Cleveland Browns 1991-95)/3X NFL Coach Of the Year/5 career Super Bowl championships

1964 [48] David Pirner, Green Bay WI, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Soul Asylum-“Misery”, “Runaway Train”)

1965 [47] Jon Cryer, NYC, TV actor (‘Alan Harper’ on “Two-and-a-Half Men” since 2003)

1965 [47] Martin Lawrence, Frankfurt-am-Maim, Germany, movie actor (“Big Momma’s House” films”, “Bad Boys” films)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Boston Marathon”, the 116th running of the world’s oldest and most prestigious marathon, an annual event on the “Patriots’ Day” holiday in Massachusetts.
NET: http://www.baa.org

• “Eggs Benedict Day”, a day to enjoy heart-attack-on-a-plate – poached eggs topped with back bacon served on toasted English muffins and slathered in Hollandaise sauce … made of even more egg-yolks and butter.

• “Fast-Food Day”, honoring the grub you get while on-the-go. The concept of ready-cooked food for sale can be attributed to Ancient Romans. In many of their cities, street stands or ‘thermopoliums’ (small pub-like shops) offered hot sausages, bread, and wine.

• “Librarian Day”, honoring Dewey Decimal devotees everywhere … but not too loudly. Shhh!

• “Stress Awareness Day”, focusing on one of the world’s leading health problems. A highlight of “Stress Awareness Month”. Stressed out? Research shows housecleaning for 20 minutes should help. (See BULL’S BITS)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

2007 [05] Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” wins ‘Video Of the Year’, ‘Best Female Video’ and ‘Best Video Director’ at the fan-voted “CMT Music Awards”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .

1929 [83] 1st Major League Baseball team with uniform numbers (NY Yankees)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .

2002 [10] 6’-11” Jon Rauch of Chicago White Sox becomes ‘Tallest Player in MLB History’, pitching in a 10-5 win over Cleveland Indians

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] IRS Tax Payday (USA)
[Tues] Bat Appreciation Day
[Tues] Haiku Poetry Day
[Wed] Adult Autism Day
[Wed] Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Coin Week / Environmental Education Week / Fibroid Awareness Week / Karaoke Week / Paperboard Packaging Week / Park Week / Pet ID Week / Volunteer Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOU’RE TOO STRESSED OUT:
● You can achieve a ‘runners high’ by sitting up.
● Antacid tablets have become your sole source of nutrition.
● You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
● You keep yelling “Stop touching me!” … when you’re alone.
● You can hear mimes.
● All of a sudden, things become ‘very clear’.
● You just love espresso … through an IV.
● The Sun is too loud.
– First published in “BS” 1998.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:

I went shopping in an old fashioned general store … they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

BS PHONE STARTER:

☎ Your partner buys you a new outfit you can’t stand. What do you do?

BS WEB GOODIE:

First it was ‘cash for gold’ and now it’s ‘cash for cats’. Huh?
NET: http://www.webuyanycat.com

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:

According to an 8-year-study by the National Institute for Highway Safety in Canada, side and front 2-car accidents can be reduced by what simple act?
a. Driving with headlights on during the daytime. [CORRECT]
b. Driving with both hands on the steering wheel.
c. Playing the car radio really, really loud.
– Halife.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Question: The average family throws out over 40 lbs (18 kg) of THIS per year.
Answer: Junk mail.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Whenever you’re getting a little full of yourself, keep in mind every human once spent about half an hour as a single cell.


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