Tuesday, April 17, 2012       Edition: #4729

Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

Today Wikileaks founder Julian Assange launches his new TV talk show “The World Tomorrow” on Russia Today, even though it’s shot in Britain where he’s under house arrest (the station is beamed to some 430 million subscribers worldwide and also streams online) . . . Just days after Brangelina announced their engagement, “Daily Star” claims to have details of the upcoming wedding, which will reportedly be held in a chapel on their sprawling estate near Correns, France this Summer before they move to England for 2 years (French locals are said to be referring to the event as ‘le mariage de Monsieur et Madame Smith’) . . . “The Hunger Games” numbers: $531 million worldwide after 4 weeks (not a bad payoff for a $78-million film – and it’s far from done yet) . . . An upcoming book by British journalist Tom Bower reveals that Simon Cowell was having an affair with former “X Factor UK” judge Dannii Minogue while she was still a regular on the show (she left after 4 seasons in 2011) . . . At the world premiere of his new film “To Rome With Love” (opens July 6th), 76-year-old director Woody Allen has confirmed he intends to leave Europe and shoot his next movie mainly in San Francisco (his first US-shot film in almost a decade) . . . “NY Daily News” reports movie director Darren Aronofsky (“Black Swan”, “The Wrestler”) has moved on from his split with actress Rachel Weisz and is dating Winnipeg-born Canadian producer Brandi-Ann Milbradt (spotted at the Muscat International Film Festival) . . . In other new-couple news, “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson has been spotted kissing a new boyfriend in public, one Will Adamovicz, who she’s been dating since they met at Oxford University (he’s now majoring in – spending her money) . . . And yet one further spotting: Ashton Kutcher & actress Mila Kunis, furniture shopping and enjoying a sushi dinner in LA before heading back to his Hollywood Hills home (she used to date Macaulay Culkin – sure can pick ‘em!) . . . Penn & Teller magician Raymond Teller is suing Dutch entertainer Gerard Bakardy for stealing a magic trick and offering to sell off the secret behind it, the lawsuit claiming the performance piece “Shadows” was copyrighted in 1983 (makes you wonder – who owns the rights to sawing a lady in half?).


• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – Train performs (“California 37”, out today); Selena Gomez & The Scene (“When the Sun Goes Down”) perform; the couples face elimination.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Jason Mraz (“Love Is a Four Letter Word”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – F***ed Up (“David Comes to Life”).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – The troupe performs disco-inspired dance numbers in honor of the movie “Saturday Night Fever” (just as the Bee Gees’ Robin Gibb is near death in a coma).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Ashanti (“Braveheart”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Fool’s Gold (“Fool’s Gold”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Andrew Bird (“Break It Yourself”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Esperanza Spalding (“Radio Music Society”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Melanie Fiona f/J Cole (“The MF Life”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Bush (“Sea of Memories”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The vocalists face elimination in a results show.

✓ “Raising Hope” (FOX)
✓ “Ringer” (CW)


• Foster The People – Mark Foster tells “Metro” he never feels pressure when writing new material. Quote: “I’d rather be a poor singer/songwriter doing what I love than get rich from selling my soul.” (You gotta love that!)
• Jack Johnson – Today he releases the live album, “Jack Johnson & Friends: Best Of Kokua Festival”, a compilation of performances from his annual benefit concerts for the Kokua Hawaii Foundation. Performers includes Ben Harper, Dave Matthews, Eddie Vedder and others.
• Kanye West – “Chicago Sun Times” reports he seems to be ‘truly smitten’ with reality TV star Kim Kardashian but the rest of her clan (‘klan’?) are advising she take things slowly, considering the recent debacle surrounding her 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries. (Can she only date guys that start with ‘K’?)
• Madonna – She tells “Women’s Wear Daily” that she may follow up her new women’s fragrance ‘Truth or Dare’ with a version for men … so her 15-year-old daughter Lourdes will wear it. Quote: “She likes to wear men’s cologne … don’t ask me why.” (Let the rumors begin.)
• Nicki Minaj – Word has it she’s deleted her Twitter account after getting angry about her music being leaked online. If true, she has 30 days to reinstate her username should she change her mind.
• Nirvana – Hole musician Eric Erlandson, who earlier this month released the memoir “Letters to Kurt”, tells Fuse channel that Kurt Cobain had completed a collection of solo demos at the time of his 1994 suicide that would have been the best album of his career. Now, Erlandson fears, no one will ever hear it.


• “Born to Be Wild” ( G-Rated Documentary ): A nature documentary about orphaned orangutans and elephants and the people who rescue and raise them. Features Morgan Freeman, Birute Galdikas, Daphne Sheldrick. Originally screened in IMAX theaters.
• “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” (PG-13 Action Adventure ): Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, and Paula Patton star in this 4th instalment in the franchise in which the ‘IMF’ is shut down after being implicated in a bombing of the Kremlin.
• “Shame” ( NC-17 Drama ) – Michael Fassbender stars as a young man in NYC who has carefully cultivated a private life which allows him to indulge his sexual addiction … until his sister arrives unannounced for an indefinite stay. Co-stars Carey Mulligan.
• Also released today: “American Dad!: Volume 7” (TV); “Ben 10: Ultimate Alien Volume 5: The Ultimate Ending” (Animation); “Bob’s Burgers: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Conan the Adventurer: Season 2, Part 2” (TV); “Eight is Enough: The Complete 1st Season” (Vintage TV); “Ernie Kovacs: The ABC Specials” (Classic TV); “Frozen Planet: The Complete Series” (Documentary TV); and “Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns: Season 5” (TV).

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 93% of us eat pizza at least once every month. (“Oh it’s my turn to cook? How ‘bout a pie?”)
• 85% of women admit to wearing dirty clothes at times. (Pulling together a last-minute outfit?)
• 70% of office employees have a Facebook page. (No wonder nothing ever gets done!)
• 40% of adults say they’d gladly pay extra for a child-free zone at a restaurant. (Why not a phone-free zone?)
• 20% of us think the freezer is a great place to hide money. (Burglars say thanks for the input.)
• 9% of us say we feel older than we really are. (Especially at 6 am.)

For the first time, scientists have grown human eggs entirely in a lab, and they could be fertilized later this year. Researchers at Edinburgh University are working to become the first to produce mature human eggs from stem cells isolated from human ovarian tissue. If they’re successful, it could help infertile women to have babies, make it possible for much older women to give birth, and even do away with menopause. Before any of that can take place though, the scientists need permission from the Human Fertilization & Embryology Authority (HFEA) to fertilize the eggs they’ve already created. (Will they come in Small, Medium, Large … and Cracked?)
– “The Independent”


✗ ‘This is a must-win game.’ (We were under the impression every game was. Guess not.)
✗ ‘They know what it takes to win.’ (But only until they lose.)
✗ ‘That was a gutsy performance.’ (For which he was paid countless millions.)
✗ ‘You can feel the electricity!’ (Only if you’re watching the Tampa Bay Lightning.)
✗ ‘They’re a great team on paper.’ (They’ve been paper-trained?)
✗ ‘Take it to the next level.’ (We prefer to kick it up a notch, bam!)
✗ ‘At the end of the day …’ (… there’s another day, and another, and …)
✗ ‘They’ve got great team chemistry.’ (They’re planning to get a place together real soon.)
✗ ‘He’s taking care of the football.’ (The pigs would be proud.)
✗ ‘They’re the World Champions.’ (But only in the USA.)
– Extracted from BleacherReport.com

A team of University of Tokyo researchers has developed a new approach to dieting … controlling your appetite by viewing an enlarged image of the food item you are about to eat. While the image-processing system changes the apparent size of the food, the size of the user’s hand appears unchanged. The system utilizes a pair of eyeglasses equipped with video cameras connected to a computer that processes the images. In experiments, subjects shown cookies to be 50% larger than actual size ate about 10% less on average. (“Pass the dinosaur drumsticks, please.”)
– “Globe & Mail”

Students at the National University of Singapore have been queuing up at a vending machine which dispenses Coca-Cola when it is … hugged. It’s been installed at the School of Arts & Social Sciences as part of the company’s 125th celebrations.
– “The New Paper”


1959 [53] Sean Bean, Sheffield UK, movie actor (“National Treasure”, “Lord Of the Rings”)

1961 [51] Boomer (Norman) Esiason, West Islip NY, sports commentator (“The NFL Today on CBS” since 2002, “ABC Monday Night Football 1998-99)/former NFL QB (Cincinnati Bengals-Super Bowl XXIII)

1964 [48] Maynard James Keenan, Ravenna OH, rock singer (Tool-“The Pot”, “Vicarious”)

1967 [45] Liz Phair, New Haven CT, pop singer (“Why Can’t I?”, “Extraordinary”)

1972 [40] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, movie actress (“Juno”, “Elektra”)/former TV actress (“Alias” 2001-06)/Mrs Ben Affleck since 2005

1974 [38] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Harlow UK, former pop singer (Spice Girls-“Wannabe”)/wed to English soccer star David Beckham (1999)/fashion maven (VB)

1985 [27] Rooney Mara, Bedford NY, movie actress (“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”, “The Social Network”)  BS FACTOID: Her mother is part of the Pittsburgh Steelers-owning Rooney family; her father the NY Giants-owning Mara family … thus her name.

• “Bat Appreciation Day”, a day to bring awareness about bats before possible interactions with people occur after their Winter-long hibernation.
NET: http://www.batcon.org

• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, or working on home projects.

• “Cheese Ball Day”, saluting the hors d’oeuvre made with cream cheese, seasonings, and chopped nuts. (Or perhaps a salute to this show?)

• “Equal Pay Day”, marking the date that women finally catch up to what men earned in 2011.
NET: http://unitewomen.org/unite/equal-pay-day-april-17-2012

• “International Ford Mustang Day”, a salute to the collectible car that officially debuted 48 years ago on this date at the 1964 World’s Fair in NYC. The base price of the first ‘Stang … $2,368.

• “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day”, a day to salute with a laugh the prying nature of those who continually insist on peeking-a-boo to find out what’s cooking in the neighborhood.

• “World Hemophilia Day”, a day of awareness of the genetic disorder that impairs the body’s ability to control bleeding through clotting or coagulation.

2002 [10] ABC-TV airs the 10,000th episode of daytime drama “General Hospital”, the network’s longest-running soap opera that’s credited by “Guinness Book of World Records” as longest-running American soap opera currently in production, the 3rd-longest running drama in US TV history, and the longest-running program ever produced in Hollywood (it’s just been renewed for another season … its 50th)

1998 [14] Paul McCartney’s wife Linda dies of breast cancer at age 56 in Santa Barbara, California

2008 [04] Danny Federici, long-time organist/accordionist with Bruce Springsteen’s E-Street Band, dies of melanoma at age 58 (Springsteen’s “Working on a Dream” album is dedicated to him)

2002 [10] 1st Canadian deaths in a combat zone since the Korean War, as 4 are killed in Afghanistan by friendly fire from US Air Force F-16s (the total tally eventaully reaches 158)

1997 [15] New Jersey Devil Martin Brodeur becomes 2nd goalie in NHL history to score a playoff goal (joining Philadelphia’s Ron Hextall)

[Wed] Adult Autism Day
[Wed] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Wed] International Amateur Radio Day
[Wed] Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Thurs] High Five Day
This Week Is … Library Forgiveness Week
This Month Is … Welding Month


Having trouble composing your thoughts for your social network status update? A few ideas …
• If ducks could talk, they’d probably ask to be called something besides ‘ducks’.
• Today is “End All Your Messages With ‘Not Really’ Day!!!” Not really.
• Let’s all start pronouncing the ‘L’ in Salmon. You go first.
• My favorite nation is a Donation!
• Helmets are just thick hats, and never let the helmet sales associate tell you different.
• Describe the taste of a pear without using ‘sweet’ or ‘fruity’.
• Polar bears, but no polar horses. No grizzly horses either. Weird, right?
• Tap dancing is just regular dancing but more so.
• I did not type this.
– Adapted from Maxim.com

☎ Which modern technology angers you most often?

Which is the only cat that cannot retract its claws?
a. The Amur tiger.
b. The cheetah. [CORRECT]
c. ‘Garfield’.
– Halife.com

It’s sexy when a woman pulls her ponytail through the back of a baseball cap, less so when she pulls it through the ear holes of a football helmet.

Question: There were about 3,200 of THESE for sale over the last year, compared to about 2,900 the year before.
Answer: Cookbooks.

Most self-made men worship their creators.

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