Wednesday, April 17, 2013          Edition: #4965

Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ “How I Met Your Mother” star Jason Segel has joined Alcoholic Anonymous in a bid to win his battle with booze. The 33-year-old actor’s drinking was reportedly so out of control in the wake of his heartbreaking split from actress Michelle Williams that he decided to attend AA meetings in Hollywood CA beginning in March. Segal and Williams began dating in 2012 and were photographed as recently as January, vacationing in Cancun. (Is there anyone famous left who’s clean and sober?)
– RadarOnline.com
✳ Billy Ray Cyrus says even he doesn’t know if his wild-child daughter Miley will actually take a walk down the aisle with her fiancé, Aussie actor Liam Hemsworth. The “Achy Breaky Heart” singer, who’s on the road promoting his new memoir “Hillbilly Heart”, says the twosome are really good friends and if they end up getting married, that’s their business. Miley and Liam met in 2009 and became engaged in May 2012. Last week, reports surfaced that their planned June wedding in Palm Springs CA had been put on ice. (Maybe someone’s talked some sense into him?)
– ABC News
✳ Kim Kardashian’s husband of 72 days, Kris Humphries, thinks his estranged wife is doing a tell-all interview with Ryan Seacrest in an attempt to limit the damage their divorce trial will cause. “Ryan Seacrest With The Kardashians: An E! News Presentation” will air this Sunday, 2 months before the 8th season of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” premieres on June 2nd. (Not so much about PR … more to do with greed.)
– HollywoodReporter.com
✳ Former “Friends” co-stars Lisa Kudrow and Matt LeBlanc are set to team up on the small-screen again for the first time in almost a decade. LeBlanc will play a gambler seeking help from Kudrow’s therapist character during the upcoming 3rd season of Kudrow’s “Web Therapy”. LeBlanc is the 3rd former “Friends” star to make an appearance on the online show, after Courteney Cox and David Schwimmer. (Clearly this show’s a must for has-beens!)
– E! Online
✳ And a never-been-seen topless photo of Angelina Jolie has surfaced and will be auctioned next month during “The Wild Side of Photography” sale at Christie’s Fine Art Auction House in London. Angelina’s snap is expected to go for between $30,000-and-$46,000. The picture is 12-years-old and was taken by famed celebrity photographer David LaChapelle in 2001 when Angelina was just 25-years-old. She’s seen posing with a white horse. (Which is also naked.)
– Celebuzz.com


TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 5 remaining finalists, all of them girls, perform in a 2-hour show.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Fall Out Boy (“Save Rock & Roll”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Cee Lo Green (“Cee Lo’s Magic Moment”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Paul Anka (memoir “My Way”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – M83 (“Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Walk the Moon (“Tightrope”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Justin Timberlake (“The 20/20 Experience”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Killer Mike (“RAP Music”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Nick Lachey (“A Father’s Lullaby”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Django Django (“Django Django”); Keith Urban (“American Idol”). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Olly Murs (“Right Place, Right Time”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Sabbath – Ozzy Osbourne has admitted that he fell off the wagon 18 months ago, but says he’s now been sober for more than a month-and-a-half. The admission comes just days before Black Sabbath is set to begin a world tour in Auckland, New Zealand on Saturday.
• Faith Hill – She’s announced via Facebook that she’ll no longer be singing the introductory theme song for NBC-TV’s “Sunday Night Football” after doing the duty for 6 seasons. There’s no word on a replacement as yet. Who should get the gig?
• Justin Bieber – His upcoming May 6th show in Muscat, Oman has now been ditched in favor of a 2nd show in Dubai UAE. Disappointed fans can either apply for refunds or swap their stub for a seat at the additional Dubai show. Is he taking another breather from bad press?
• Kid Rock – He admits to “Piers Morgan Tonight” that part of the impetus for his upcoming budget-friendly Summer tour is that his team has resold tickets to past concerts on exchange website StubHub.com for more than their retail value. He says many others artists are making money the same way. Scalping ducats to your own show … classy!
• My Morning Jacket – Frontman Jim James begins a new run of dates in support of his debut solo album “Regions Of Light & Sound Of God” tonight in Louisville KY. The trek runs through May 15th in Seattle WA.
• Psy – “Gentleman”, his follow-up to “Gangnam Style”, has already been viewed over 82 million times on YouTube. It had 20 million views in the first 24 hours after Saturday’s release, dwarfing the previous record of 8 million in a single day, held by Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend”.
• Rihanna – “Hollywood Life” reports that, for the 2nd time on her “Diamonds” tour, she’s come down with laryngitis. That’s forced at least one cancellation this week, Monday’s show in Houston TX.

REAL ODDBALL INVENTIONS:
April is “Worldwide Innovation Month”, so here’s a look at some preposterous products that have actually been patented. Whether they’ll ever make it to market is a different matter.
• ‘The Arm Mitten’ – A solar-proof mitten that extends from the fingers all the way up to the armpit, for people who drive with one arm leaning out the car window.
• ‘The Bumper Dumper’ – A port-o-potty that connects to the trailer hitch of your vehicle, said to be perfect for campers.
• ‘The Diaper Alarm’ – A sensor that straps onto diapers so that when baby wets, a mild electrical conduction along his/her skin activates blinking lights and an audible alarm.
• ‘Floating Shade’ – A helium-filled 3-foot disc that’s attached by strings to the shoulders, thus floating overhead to provide hands-free personal shade.
• ‘The Spoon Truss’ – Basically a spoon with an attached bracelet, so parents don’t have to be continuously picking up a utensil tossed from a toddler’s highchair.
– PA News

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Hedge Rage’ – Extreme anger or aggression exhibited by a homeowner in response to a neighbor’s massive or overgrown hedge. (As opposed to ‘Dog Doo Rage’, ‘Late Night Party Rage’ and ‘Do You Have to Mow the Lawn at 6am Sunday? Rage’.)
• ‘Hybrid Camera’ – A digital camera for which apps are available and which has many of the functions of a smartphone. The ‘Galaxy’ camera from Samsung and the ‘Coolpix S800C’ from Nikon are hybrid cameras that contain cellphone functions. (It’s gadget fusion, folks.)
• ‘Password Wallet’ – A piece of software which remembers all your passwords and automatically enters them for you. (Great idea … until someone ‘pickpockets’ your wallet.)

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 64% of women work on their ‘to do’ lists in the shower.
• 56% of tattoo artists have tattooed a butterfly on someone.
• 40% of us would give up a year of our lives in return for remaining at our ideal weight.
• 36% of women say they’re embarrassed when their partner kisses them in public.
• 33% of single women say the first thing they notice on a date is a guy’s fingernails.
• 25% of women talk to themselves in the mirror while getting ready to go out.

LOOK OUT, APPLE!
Google is reportedly planning to open retail stores in LA and San Francisco CA by the end of the year. A source says the company has already begun hiring staff, who are being trained in how to explain and market Google products – including the new ‘Glass’ – in the stores. The shops are also likely to be selling Android and Chromebook-related products. Google already has kiosks at Best Buy locations where Google-trained employees demonstrate Chromebooks. It’s likely that the company will eventually open stores in more locations. (After losing business to online shopping for years now, are physical stores set to make a comeback?)
– Buzzfeed.com

WHAT TOOK SO LONG?
Italian researchers have designed a robot that helps you … assemble IKEA furniture. After all, the frustrating thing about building the stuff isn’t just the little screws or the difficult instructions, it’s the inept person helping you. Through a process called ‘kinesthetic teaching’, the new robot learns the movements needed to complete each project. First, the robot assists the builder in flipping a tabletop over, for instance, then stiffens while still holding it so the builder can screw the legs on. (This could save some friendships!)
– Gizmodo.com

TOP COUNTRIES FOR BEAUTIFUL WOMEN:
Every country has its share of good looking and not-so-good-looking women and men. But here’s one opinion on the countries where there seem to be beautiful women at every turn …
10. Spain: Spanish ladies tend to have dark hair, brown eyes, olive skin.
9. South Africa: A bevy of tall, strong women of all colors who are strikingly beautiful and confident.
8. Czech Republic: There’s a reason top models seem to be coming from the Czech Republic by the boatload these days.
7. Italy: Italian women are among the most beautiful – and strongest willed – in the world.
6. Israel: The typically green eyes and olive skin give an amazing exotic, Mediterranean look that simply smolders.
5. India: Long silky dark hair, big beautiful eyes, lovely brown skin, and curvy feminine features.
4. Sweden: Tall, blond, and blue-eyed … the quintessential archetype for the beautiful woman.
3. Hungary: All the best traits of Eastern European women mix perfectly and find just the right balance in Hungary.
2. South Korea: Asia has no shortage of beautiful women, though they may get no cuter than in South Korea.
1. Brazil: One stroll down the beaches of Rio shows definitively that nobody fills a bikini as well as a Brazilian.
– ListsOPlenty.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
The most popular place to hide valuables is in a sock drawer.
– “Daily Telegraph”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.17.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1961 [52] Boomer (Norman) Esiason, West Islip NY, sports commentator (“The NFL Today on CBS” since 2002, “ABC Monday Night Football 1998-99)/former NFL QB (Cincinnati Bengals)

1972 [41] Jennifer Garner, Houston TX, movie actress (“Juno”, “Elektra”)/former TV actress (“Alias” 2001-06)/Mrs Ben Affleck since 2005

1974 [39] Victoria Beckham (Adams), Harlow UK, former pop singer (Spice Girls-“Wannabe”)/wed to English soccer star David Beckham since 1999/fashion maven (VB)

1985 [28] Rooney Mara, Bedford NY, movie actress (“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”, “The Social Network”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bat Appreciation Day”, a day to bring positive awareness about bats before possible negative interactions with people occur after their Winter-long hibernation.
NET: http://www.batcon.org

• “Blah Blah Blah Day”, a day to do all the things that people have been nagging you to do. This might include quitting a habit, losing weight, or working on home projects.

• “Cheese Ball Day”, saluting the hors d’oeuvre made with cream cheese, seasonings, and chopped nuts. (Or perhaps a salute to this show?)

• “Haiku Poetry Day”, a celebration of the genre of poetry whose origins date back a millennium in Japan; and of English-language haiku, which has now been written for more than a century. To create one of these short poems, stick to a syllable pattern of 5-7-5. You need to include a ‘cut’ (either a word or punctuation) to create a comparison between the themes of your haiku.

• “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day”, a day to salute with a laugh the prying nature of those who continually insist on peeking-a-boo to find out what’s cooking in the neighborhood.

• “World Hemophilia Day”, a day of awareness of the genetic disorder that impairs the body’s ability to control bleeding through clotting or coagulation.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [15] Paul McCartney’s wife Linda dies of breast cancer at age 56 in Santa Barbara, California

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2008 [05] Danny Federici, long-time organist/accordionist with Bruce Springsteen’s E-Street Band, dies of melanoma at age 58 (Springsteen’s “Working on a Dream” album is dedicated to him)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1964 [49] Now collectible car, Ford Mustang, officially debuts at the World’s Fair in NYC (base price: $2,368)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1979 [34] ‘Smallest Crowd’ in Major League Baseball history as just 653 fans show up for an Oakland A’s baseball game (that’s not a crowd, it’s an intimate gathering!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2013 Induction (LA)
[Thurs] Pet Owners Independence Day
[Thurs] High Five Day
[Thurs] Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
[Sat] Record Store Day 2013
[Sat] Pot Smokers Day
[Sun] “2013 Juno Awards” (CTV)
This Week Is … Library Forgiveness Week
This Month Is … Welding Month

BULL’S BITS


REJECTED “SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK!” SONGS:
• “Two Hundred Thousand Dollars Later (An English Degree and I’m a Waiter)”
• “Zippity Zap, Do the Income Gap!”
• “Seventy-Seven Cents Per Dollar (Why Women’s Paychecks Are Often Smaller)”
• “Greece is Declining, Germany is Whining”
• “Don’t You Fret, We All Have Debt!”
• “Aren’t You Glad You Don’t Make iPads?”
– Thanks to Robin Higgins

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the worst abuse of an expense account you’ve ever heard of?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Whose first cartoon creation was called ‘Oswald the Rabbit’?
a. Matt Groening (“The Simpsons”).
b. Trey Parker & Matt Stone (“South Park”).
c. Walt Disney (Mickey Mouse). [CORRECT]
– “Trivia Quest”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have sex too.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a new survey, THIS is the #1 reason why a woman breaks up with a boyfriend.
Answer: The guy is boring.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The more you say, the less people remember.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” subscription rates are increasing to $50 per month/$500 per year effective May 1, 2013 (our first increase in more than a decade). If you order a month, several months, or a full year of service before the end of April you can take advantage of the old rate: Order Form


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